tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41401290247429509472024-03-08T03:33:43.823-08:00Kim's Journey to LifeThis is a 7 Year Process to Self-ChangeKim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.comBlogger335125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-84415782299196429252023-10-19T00:16:00.002-07:002023-10-19T00:16:24.597-07:00How to Tell a Child 'No'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4WaDL8VhkH71OTel5sDNetLsurq_KoaWri-yVe-VDW3nOcJqSXcDHg3K2l-bfn1To84d5W24gw6irAD3BW098KyU52NyiMAVLEwVU7m7y5ZMkBp69squo9QCcap36RYsULRHbNyK532uUePy3jxIhf5-FATYEYPs_vJFOCbhkVS2UhTcwfVPC1AkAlcM/s2325/1000033896-01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2242" data-original-width="2325" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4WaDL8VhkH71OTel5sDNetLsurq_KoaWri-yVe-VDW3nOcJqSXcDHg3K2l-bfn1To84d5W24gw6irAD3BW098KyU52NyiMAVLEwVU7m7y5ZMkBp69squo9QCcap36RYsULRHbNyK532uUePy3jxIhf5-FATYEYPs_vJFOCbhkVS2UhTcwfVPC1AkAlcM/s320/1000033896-01.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p>That outstretched hand! Grabbing, pointing, reaching, pulling, pushing - it is the main way Celest can communicate her wants and needs at the moment, and thus impose her will onto her reality and the people and things within it. With that, I have been thrust into the world of 'can' and 'can't', 'may' and 'may not', and into a phase where I have had to define and perfect my "Yes's" and 'No's" when I am communicating with her. </p><p>I learned the hard way that there are 'shades' to the word 'no' when I decided I was going to be very strict with certain things that are just dangerous (like electrical outlets) and give a 'hard no'. A 'hard no' means 'no', 'never', 'no compromise', 'absolutely not ever'... It is very absolute. </p><p>Celest's reaction to my approach was not great. Not only would she have a meltdown each time, but it was almost as if she was even MORE drawn to the thing I was saying 'no' to. I was creating a 'forbidden fruit' scenario, and Celest was starting to become sneaky about it (running away with little choking hazards, giving me big rebelious eyes). On top of that, with simply saying 'no' with no further explanation or understanding, it felt as if I was not only cutting her off from a part of her reality, but also from a part of me. It was as if a wedge were being driven between us each time, where there was once a close-ness, there would instead be a divide, a moving away.</p><p>I took a beat to process this - and a beat is really all you get - having to process large amounts of information and decide an approach, sometimes within seconds!</p><p>I recalled my redefining words process with SOUL (Redefining Words with SOUL), where I first learned to bring in defining more of a variation for the word 'no', where it is not so black and white, but rather like a gray scale, 'shades of 'no'.</p><p>For example, there is "no - not right now", "no - not like that", "no - not yet" and then more rarely "no - not ever", for certain things that are physically impossible, for example - but then again, there is always a reason. I found that throughout most of the day, the word 'no' is really a 'no - not yet'/ 'not right now'/'not like that', simply because Celest lacks the understanding or physical ability to do something safely, and so it is just a matter of time, patience, preparing, or first a learning that needs to take place, and then it will become a 'yes'. </p><p><br /></p><p>With all the variations of the word 'no' I was using, I saw that Celest still did not like to hear it! 😅 Her whole body would collapse at the sound of the word, as if her world is falling apart in that moment that she does not get to experience the thing she had her heart set on. With this, I decided that despite the fact that Celest won't necessarily understand my words, that she would pick up on Who I Am within them. I started to take a moment to not only explain to Celest which variation of the word 'no' I was using, but also the reason why. I would get down to meet her at her level, giving her a moment and holding within me that I understand the disappointment, the frustration, and the loss that she is experiencing. I am embracing what she is going through - not trying to stop or prevent it, but instead allowing it to flow through her so that she can also process it. Then, after a moment and with no reaction, I would calmly explain the reason why, and then direct us to the next activity or focus. </p><p>With this, Celest changed completely. Yes, she still does not like being told 'no', but when I do it this way, she let's go of her reaction very quickly and she pulls into me. There is understanding, empathy, closure, and moving on, and we become closer. </p><p>Since I began working this way, my bond with Celest has strengthened significantly. The sneakiness and hiding has disappeared completely. Instead of running away with things she knows she's not supposed to have or touch, she now brings them to me for me to show her what to do with them. It feels more like we are a team navigating this reality together, instead of rivals participating in a powerplay against one another. </p><p>From an adult perspective, these things the child is being denied and their reactions towards them may seem trivial, but to them, they are very big feelings to process, without first having any skills to do so. Babies are already dealing with so much just with growth, development and the physical changes they go through every day. Having to also take on the emotional reactions they experience for the first time can be very overwhelming! </p><p>When we take the time to choose our words, define our words, clarify and purify our words to create an understanding and communication that honors and respects the child's will and agency, we are already establishing the skills that are necessary for them to effectively navigate life's challenges with stability, confidence, certainty and trust. The point of being a parent is to teach, guide and prepare the child for their eventual empowerment, and the responsibility that goes along with it. Because it WILL come, and when it does, you'll want a child that can navigate their emotional body as they develop their autonomy, independence, empowerment and agency in the best way - for themselves and everyone else. That is a LOT of implications packaged into such a small word as 'no'!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-62614525009863133232023-08-06T00:15:00.002-07:002023-08-06T06:22:55.485-07:00Morality - Self-Forgiveness<p><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIh-LYVuoibh_XfGzNW0pwdFVd4eMeeWqt3oNc7WbJ4F5Y19nCUVAQLnTW90QkDdaomIiPu7-4cNOqL9qENJ4hsQeI5Zn4AHykrN7WG3nWTPmJp7q5PEcSe_DS4EvlLqo0D7LTCh6FrNMkqQ68sh8NHSki3H4_aK68B2s-R_6NU8vp2BYfZlJBbrIDHOM/s640/morality-g78f399bcb_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIh-LYVuoibh_XfGzNW0pwdFVd4eMeeWqt3oNc7WbJ4F5Y19nCUVAQLnTW90QkDdaomIiPu7-4cNOqL9qENJ4hsQeI5Zn4AHykrN7WG3nWTPmJp7q5PEcSe_DS4EvlLqo0D7LTCh6FrNMkqQ68sh8NHSki3H4_aK68B2s-R_6NU8vp2BYfZlJBbrIDHOM/s320/morality-g78f399bcb_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a world where others suffer without asking questions or challenging systems, simply accepting that this is 'the way things are' because I have accepted and allowed MORALITY to guide me, my actions and decisions, telling me what is apparently 'good' and 'bad', when in fact the system itself is BAD so long as it allows even one child to starve or be raped without doing everything possible to stop it, and yet with morality, I can justify and excuse myself as being a 'good' person that lives in, feeds off of and supports the very systems that allow for such evil to proliferate.</span></p><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world system of abuse, where there are lives being lived that I would never want to experience, yet I accept and allow that others live that kind of life, thinking and believing that I am a 'good person' because I pay my taxes and my debt and the interest, I say "please" and "thank you" and don't break any rules or shake up the morality that exists explicitly or implicitly within the social structures within which I exist. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live according to the morality of a system of abuse that protects only money and profit, power and control, and thus the absolute abuse of Life on every level. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in morality as a judgement system that defines and rewards the behaviour that protects the system and the status quo, and punishes that which challenges it. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into morality, where I reference not Who I Am and 'what points I need to walk' and 'how' in order to transcend those parts of me that are not Best/Best For All, but rather what is 'right' and 'wrong' in the eyes of society and the CULTure within which I live so that I can 'be a good person' and 'well liked' and 'fit in' to the accepted/expected mold for my specific age, gender, education level, socio-economic class and status and all the roles and criteria placed upon me by society and culture in order that I may be accepted and not cause friction. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suffocate myself on a beingness level because of and due to 'following the rules' of morality, acting as both prisoner and prison warden inside myself so that I do not cross any lines that may cause friction in my life or in the system of abuse within which I live.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within petrifictation, humiliation and shame at the thought of breaking points of morality, where I would rather diminish myself and live a life that is less than what is Best for me and others, than to break my self-imposed and socially-imposed morality points that keep me limited and small, instead of seeing and realizing that just beyond the petrification, humiliation and shame is expansion and self-empowerment with which I can create a Self and a Life that is in fact Best For All. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call myself a 'moral person' without questioning where those morality came from, and where and when I learned them. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abide by 'morality' of the system instead of trusting myself and abiding by the principles of Life on Earth that considers everyone and every living being.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within the confines of system morality instead of expanding myself by breaking the rules of morality wherever necessary to walk a process of self-realization. </span><br />
<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230806_031133_299.sdocx-->Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-46833356717860229872023-07-24T01:20:00.001-07:002023-07-24T01:20:27.511-07:00Day 343 - The Dark Mind<p style="text-align: left;"> I am going to be focusing on 'relationships' in this blog, but first having a general look at the dark mind and what it is. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq_Wy3_oLFofmlDgxYCfg5JAQQCwCXVIqS7627FvzXYEwJZQBsNC_LZ1G7Zf-sd3JiabljqH_vD9a9PimLLVYcJ16TmLfVd6l4JP6Kwp_A9qsZADhYHZ1kZr9Qk8AyxtkgXAoH3xOZR1SyGhoyoAVlAKhubw64OmzayX0OX9s-B5if8cZrP8UpmyrxP9M/s640/silhouette-gb26cd636a_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="427" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq_Wy3_oLFofmlDgxYCfg5JAQQCwCXVIqS7627FvzXYEwJZQBsNC_LZ1G7Zf-sd3JiabljqH_vD9a9PimLLVYcJ16TmLfVd6l4JP6Kwp_A9qsZADhYHZ1kZr9Qk8AyxtkgXAoH3xOZR1SyGhoyoAVlAKhubw64OmzayX0OX9s-B5if8cZrP8UpmyrxP9M/s320/silhouette-gb26cd636a_640.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: 17px;">The Dark Mind is the thinking that goes on in the dark, beneath the layers of conscious thought. It is not seen if you do not look, but if you do not look, you allow the dark mind, and in this, you allow your behaviour to be dictated by the functioning that is going on in the dark.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Do you ever have outbursts that seem 'out of character' to your normal behaviour and demeanor? Perhapse an uncontrollable moment of promiscuity, a violent outburst, a rage, a moment where you had lost control and became physical with another, or sexually forceful? These are the types of actions that can stem from the dark mind after it had accumulated too much. It reached a breaking point, a moment of weakness, a trigger, and you have now lived out your dark mind.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The secret mind is the dark mind exposed, and now you are participating in it in awareness. Your secret thinking that you hide, your fantasies, usually sexual, sometimes violent. Those little sneaky nasty thoughts you play out, like, what if that person were dead, how would my life be better? And then you fantasize about all the ways the person could die. Or maybe it's a rape fantasy, either as the perpetrator or the victim. Maybe it's a cheating fantasy, or a revengeful thought pattern. Things like murderers and rapists are the result of the dark mind. Or people that just 'snapped' in a moment, whereas they would normally not be violent or lascivious, for example.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">These are the extreme examples, of course, but everyone has a dark mind and dark mind thoughts. No one is 'better', and the worst among us usually have circumstances, environmental, genetic, upbringing, economic, what and where they were born into, which caused the relationship with their dark mind to be exteme. Had anyone else been born into the exact same circumstances, the chances are that they would not fare any better. So, be grateful if you experience some stability in this life - some consideration and care. If someone nurtured you or provided for you, if there was someone you could trust that stood by you. Some do not have any of that, and in fact their life experience gave them nothing but the opposite. So there can be no judgement, only forgiveness, tools, and creating a world where no one has to suffer and become an abuser.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The dark mind is like having files on your computer that are there and you are aware of them, but unless you click on them, they remain unseen. That is, until your computer starts to behave in strange ways, like a virus, seemingly unexpectedly. But when you trace it back, you see it was there all along, if only you had opened up those files and brought the information to 'light', you could have exposed the virus and corrected it as prevention before any damage had been done.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Some examples of the 'dark mind' and how it manifests can be from events that happen in one's life, like physical abuse. Without any tools or understanding, the person might begin to accumulate thoughts of retaliation and eventual revenge when he finds himself disempowered to change his experience. Feeling very much 'trapped', the person can have nasty thoughts pop up in his head that he immediately suppresses due to the dark nature of the thoughts, accessing his morality, shame, self-judgment or any form of victimization in order to bury the thoughts before becoming consciously aware of them. They are instead, instantly suppressed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">You don't need to have suffered physical abuse to have a 'dark mind' - any form of disempowerment or victimization for example, can activate the 'dark mind'. We all have it - each and every one of us, and it usually starts in childhood, and it is insidious. When you hear about things like murder and rape - as extreme examples - where the perpetrators describe feeling as if it wasn't them committed the act, or they felt as though they were 'taken over' in the moment and lost all control - that is a result of the accumulation in the dark mind. Maybe a parent losing control and hitting their child when such a behaviour is completely out of character: the dark mind suppressed frustration and rage is in action. A person losing control and having an affair on their spouse one night, when that is not all all who they have been their whole lives: the dark mind was acted upon and lived out in physocal reality.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">It is important to realize that the dark mind does not define you. YOU define you. So, while holding yourself and Who You Are and who you DECIDE to be, you can access your dark mind without judgment and shame, knowing you are only seeking to understand parts of yourself that you keep hidden in order that you may correct them. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The Dark Mind needs to be exposed, at the very least, to yourself. When you do, do not judge it. It is not Who You Really Are. It is but a program. Self-judgement keeps it locked away, like a firewall. Unprejudiced objectivity is the key to access the files and read all the information. Forgiveness and self-correction is like the anti-virus. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The Dark Mind is the worst-case scenario backup plan to deluded personal happiness, a twisted form of fulfillment, and personal gain. I repeat: everybody does it - thinks secretly in the dark. It is unprincipled - as it is based on survival at all costs. It is where we decide who the bodies will be that we would walk upon to secure ourselves. It is the escape plan. It is the relentless pursuit of personal satisfaction of the mind. It is how we wriggle out of self-responsibility, how we avoid facing the tough points in our lives.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The thing is, bringing in principle can mean that we can include everybody in our 'secret plans'. And if everybody is included and everybody benefits, then we can expose our 'secret plans' and actually work together to execute them. If we expose our dark mind to ourselves, we can then take self-responsibility, which is the only true freedom from the mental cage we all live in. We can realize that the pursuit of personal happiness is the most endless and unfulfilling pursuit with no limits, and that it is different from personal self-fulfillment and principled purpose. And we can realize that the biggest self-expansion lies just beyond the 'toughest points' in our lives that we don't want to face. In facing and overcoming them, we can stand up and see how big we really are. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my dark mind to run rampant in the background of my conscious awareness, plotting and scheming in absolute self-interest as my survival, personal happiness and the survival of my ego as the characters and personalities I have layered on top of Who I Really Am.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts to run like a 'backup program' in the dark corners of my mind, popping up in moments, immediately suppressed through self-judgement, where I coukd eventually end up acting them out in my life and reality without seeing and realizing that I had scripted and plotted my actions all along.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect to stop myself daily in order to slow down and take stock of what my mind is up to in the background like locked files where, if I would only take a moment to access n, I would actually see how I am not only scripting my reality, but in moments of unawareness and automation, actually living out that script, where it seems 'out of my control' and almost like 'fate', but in fact it was my doing all along.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my dark mind to run in the background in my relationships, where I see there is a point of myself that I feel I cannot transcend, I cannot overcome, and so I go into 'survival and 'escape' modes in order to play out a plan to get out of the relationship, usually in such a way where I look like the 'good guy' or the 'victim' or the 'mature and responsible one' who is making the obvious best decision for all involved - where I end up destroying lives and throwing away years of investment of time and resources into a partnership that could have been great, if only I had stood, broken through, expanded myself, developed myself into what I needed to be to make the relationship work as best for all involved.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my partner up in little ways, to test their loyalty to me and where, if I sense that loyalty is not there in every moment, I plan my own disloyalty in my dark mind in preparation for being abandoned, where I have backup plans of where I will go, who I will meet, and how I can create another life with a different partner where I imagine things will be better and different, and I will be different because that imaginary partner would give me the absolute security I desire, instead of facing, transcending and dropping the point of 'fear of abandonment' in my life, as well as the belief that 'if I do not have a partner in this life, I will not make it alone' - not seeing, realizing and understanding that facing and overcoming these points is what would give me the security I desire, as I Am secure in myself, allowing myself the ability to respond to any outcome of any relationship.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my partner, keeping an internal checklist to determine whether that partner is worthy of me, or me of them, where over time my partner is inevitably condemned to a lose-lose situation: either they are not good enough, or I am not good enough. Both cases in the dark mind require me to leave the relationship instead of bettering myself, and supporting my partner to become better, because I have judged myself as incapable, or of not holding the skillset required to do either, and instead of learning, practicing, persevering until I overcome or transcend or master the point, my dark mind becomes busy making a plan for the easier route, the quicker route to happiness - instead of self-change (hard), the dark mind will plan for a change of environment (easy).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict, and instead of walking the point of 'fear of conflict', I rather find reasons as flaws and judgments about my partner in order for me to justify leaving the relationship to apparently 'find something better'.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea in my dark mind and in the darkness of my mind that 'something better' and 'something more' is 'out there for me somewhere' and 'with someone', creating an underlying dissatisfaction in my current reality, with my life, my partner, my job or my children, and then in the darkness of my mind, blame these people and things outside of myself for not living up to these ideals I hold in the shadows of my mind, when I could instead identify the dissatisfactions and face the points within myself to bring the best of me forward in order to support the best of others, and co-create a satisfying life, not seeing and realizing that until I have done everything I can within myself, to face the points within myself, and then live the correction in my reality consistently, then I cannot say that I am not acting on the script of the dark mind as an escape, avoidance or abdication of self-responsibility.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict so extensively that it paralyzes me from expressing what I see and know must be directed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I hit a 'bump in the road' in a relationship, to instantly think that this relationship is not for me, there is nothing I can do to change this person and this bump, and I cannot live with this bump so I must activate the escape plan in the background just in case thre becomes an unbearable amount of bumps that I cannot handle - even if it is years down the road.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in disempowerment in relationships.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in victimization in relationships.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in suppression in relationships.</span><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230724_041354_752.sdocx--></div><br /><br /><p><br /></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-16801481953721754162023-07-10T23:40:00.003-07:002023-07-10T23:40:28.739-07:00Victimization <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ0MbLlknLVUmCGMsVoIznxCQ0x7vq4g0Ho2C_wsYuFrm05Bzg1ROiuny7zEgN2cBJ93cIcfSzGgeOxqAu-aC0l5StKAE6fgwmNf83edySTSpS6vQHfcpBYI3CyFRtkA5OhQiBW-UEc2sUNLPOKjXSY0tBVCP3ax9nZw4D-vYq-4S76ff_sYYLkXMEEUQ/s2391/20230704_212535-01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2391" data-original-width="1472" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ0MbLlknLVUmCGMsVoIznxCQ0x7vq4g0Ho2C_wsYuFrm05Bzg1ROiuny7zEgN2cBJ93cIcfSzGgeOxqAu-aC0l5StKAE6fgwmNf83edySTSpS6vQHfcpBYI3CyFRtkA5OhQiBW-UEc2sUNLPOKjXSY0tBVCP3ax9nZw4D-vYq-4S76ff_sYYLkXMEEUQ/s320/20230704_212535-01.jpeg" width="197" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a victim. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a person in my mind and feel powerless to change my self-experience in relation to them, making the statement in my living that I cannot change my self-experience, they must.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the responsibility for my self-experiemce onto others, knowing full well that no one has the power to change me but me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a victim to circumstance. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my circumstance and situation for how I feel or why things are not working. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in the face of my circumstances. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am powerless. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself when I hit obstacles in my path forward.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe obstacles exist by naming them 'obstacles', when in fact it is all simply living and responding to new situations in each breath.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek control through victimization.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to weaponize victimization by making it apparent when I feel victimized by another in order to try and attempt to change their behaviour so that I feel better inside myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to empower myself through trying and attempting to change the behaviour of others towards me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make another person or situation the 'aggressor' or 'abuser', when, if I had actually taken self-responsibility, I would notnhave ended up as the victim.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold others hostage through my victimization. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a victim of victimization. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be held hostage by the victimization of others, wherein I become blamed for creating a victim from my actions and words, where no self-responsibility is taken on behalf of the 'victim', though allowing themselves to remain under the label of 'victim' and I as 'aggressor' where we become stuck in that relationship until self-responsibility is taken on both sides. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the 'victim' becomes the 'abuser' as the 'abuser' was first a victim, and if victimization was stopped within self, no more abusers would exist. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-84455785295197314022023-07-08T22:27:00.005-07:002023-07-08T23:23:08.340-07:00Expectations and Blame<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDDhVSYA2V93DoYeF8ZsFKHIiUGl9N1FkMurdwSb_V1vqfNQhx4lefQtxbG6EXjM7I78k_iKdxigIXSm8xHQ7EpzEW0jG7rxFJNeZHKporF_T2UKmivHyMR2m8AR94KBOW1DWpf0qdEkq8KqYIw96qiOh88MWZKxbunSbe5965iHvn3Ljl0vphK7HqFY/s640/water-g62932c9ea_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDDhVSYA2V93DoYeF8ZsFKHIiUGl9N1FkMurdwSb_V1vqfNQhx4lefQtxbG6EXjM7I78k_iKdxigIXSm8xHQ7EpzEW0jG7rxFJNeZHKporF_T2UKmivHyMR2m8AR94KBOW1DWpf0qdEkq8KqYIw96qiOh88MWZKxbunSbe5965iHvn3Ljl0vphK7HqFY/s320/water-g62932c9ea_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is a perfect life awaiting me, so long as everyone meets my expectations, instead of working and communicating with those in my reality to create a reality that is best for all involved. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the imperfections and disappointments in my reality, for having not met my expectations and so not manifest the reality I imagine could possibly exist for me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship between expectations and blame. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations with people in my life, especially those closest to me, where I will 'protect' my emotional body by placing 'ground rules' as expectations, and expect my rules to be followed, or else my emotional body will become angry or hurt or disappointed, and blame someone outside myself for causing me pain. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprison and trap people into conforming to how I would like them to behave through placing expectations upon them, as well as a secret ultimatum where if they do not adhere to my expectations, I will blame them, either secretly inside myself or outwardly, for upsetting me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations in my mind, and to treat them as truth, fact and 'the way things should be' and 'how people should behave', without making my expectations known and defining them with anyone involved, where we could then turn expectations into a living agreement that serves both or all.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold secret expectations and place them upon others, where, if my expectations are not met I blame the other as if they 'should have known' that I would become upset at their actions that did not adhere to my expectations. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the expectations I create, using morality and my past, so that I think and believe my expectations are 'right' and 'just'. </p><p>I forgive myself thar I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become self-riggteous in my expectations. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the relationship between unmet expectations and blame, with accountability. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse expectations and blame with agreement and accountability. </p><p>I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the existence of 'expectations, and 'blame' between two people is absolute manipulation, disempowerment and control from either one side to another, or both sides upon each other, to protect and preserve self-interest and ego. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn another to my expectations, and if my expectations are not met, to blame them for my emotional state afterwards. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations for other people, where I decide, alone in my mind, how another or others should act, so that my emotional body is satisfied and I feel in control. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to control others through the mechanism of 'expectations and blame', where I am essentially telling another what to do, who and how to be within placing expectations upon them, and then punishing then with blame if they are to step out of the lines I had drawn.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that it is normal for one to be trapped and controlled by expectations and then blame, while the others feels 'happy'and 'satisfied at the state of the relationship, as their emotional body is apparently 'safe', even though I would not want to experience expectations and blame placed upon me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn myself to a form of slavery and servitude, as I seek to fulfill another's expectations and in that, take responsibility for their emotional state, and then accept the blame as if I had failed when I somehow fall short of the expectations. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on the expectations and blame of others. </p><p>I forgive myself that I jave accepted and allowed myself to find safety and security in constantly trying to meet the expectations of others, because at least then there are rules and guidelines for how I should live, without first investigating if the expectations are practical or beneficial for both, which would essentially become an AGREEMENT rather than expectations. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that 'if only all my expectations were met - then i would be happy', without considering the living experience of others when condemned to my expectations. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn myself to the expectations of another in order to try and attempt to 'make them happy', even if it makes me miserable. </p><p>I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that there exists 'another way' - a working together, a doing what's Best for All, a living agreement between people, and not only keeping each other 'in line'with expectations and blame. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the victim through blaming another when my expectations are not met, as a form of disempowerment due to feeling as though I do not have control over another, instead of empowering myself to communicate and direct and interaction or any form of relationship between myself and another in a way that is best for both. </p><p><br /></p><p>Please read <a href="https://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2023/07/expectations-and-blame-self-forgiveness.html?spref=fb&fbclid=IwAR2az7I04Z9H3ASW27JJM7o7Bwx-4BUMj6wrN5aMgZhYwAxvkGI1q68OTKw&m=1" target="_blank">this blog </a>for further context.</p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-90444528074830607572023-07-06T01:47:00.002-07:002023-07-06T01:52:05.717-07:00Be Nice<p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpnT2-gFr5LC_qzClCn10qCROuLOFOcYmam4PxZT94BzDNM6_5Cdk90S_0F2aqclfVFQIgkI-FAROsZwqZ38X1LtlRfwUdD7mSSOlazyE8fSHaPIt_XsQtWN3TGDXffo5gYqa_2F6pRioJTMZIXMYusJTDZjIfrTjyhsA3a5YzWgkcAq9LBpizo7vvw1o/s640/thumb-gcc115e661_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="640" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpnT2-gFr5LC_qzClCn10qCROuLOFOcYmam4PxZT94BzDNM6_5Cdk90S_0F2aqclfVFQIgkI-FAROsZwqZ38X1LtlRfwUdD7mSSOlazyE8fSHaPIt_XsQtWN3TGDXffo5gYqa_2F6pRioJTMZIXMYusJTDZjIfrTjyhsA3a5YzWgkcAq9LBpizo7vvw1o/s320/thumb-gcc115e661_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice as a form of fitting in, of maintaining the status quo, of satisfactorily meeting other people's expectations, and not rippling the water of peaceful platitudes between people.</span></p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the experience of 'niceness' where it is this sickly-sweet, exhausting sensation that I cannot sustain, so when I begin relationships from the starting point of 'being nice' and meeting all the expectations of 'niceness', I then cannot sustain the relationship for very long, and the relationship ends, and any chance for potential ends.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I hhavn't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that being 'nice' comes from a starting point of survival and lack. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'niceness' in order to get a 'nice' response from my environment, which then doses me and my body with a positive energy high of acceptance and validation, that I have acheived 'normalcy' and honouring the status quo, when the status quo in this world is actually in fact evil and nothing in this world is normal.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to honour 'niceness' instead of Real-ness.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Realness, and run to the comfort and security of 'niceness'. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to make all relationships and interactions between people 'nice', as in 'comfortable and 'secure', instead of being real within the realization that most people are nice, but they are not OK. Most people are not OK, and being nice gives no space to open up and become intimate about how and why we are not OK, which means that being 'nice'prohibits our access to solutions and forward movement. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'niceness' as a 'paving over' problematic foundations with a beautiful cover, covering up and hiding all the faults beneath it. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my Realness and rawness, to pass over a lifetime of experience, and smoothe it all out to appear as 'nice', when in fact, it is the bumps and crags as mistakes, failures and learning that give the most value, and smoothing them over with 'niceness'is like deleting Life Value that serves to support self and others through the lessons and solutions that can be shared. </span><br />
<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230706_032225_961.sdocx-->Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-8541365406899034202023-07-04T21:21:00.004-07:002023-07-05T09:28:12.647-07:00Sharing Self-Honesty<p>To understand what self-honesty is, if you are not clear, please read this <a href="https://wiki.desteni.org/index.php?title=Self-Honesty" target="_blank">desteni-wiki</a> article.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwTx8kzdMRrZ6ekF9urnBtlMDMc07EMdQtf-5LWvz4jc0yFcG7KuDSrmlixyKNFwzZ9oFqFzK8CFYun8ATfSViXY7ZRxeMZ-nTSnfShP9zmhjWmEThdOT35rw585OL7GpagHSCUEhfwC2XfMllqm83HqS6iWiLizLdoqyXhgsqWkX-PAXPsMmurXiQh0s/s640/woman-g9d23e50e3_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwTx8kzdMRrZ6ekF9urnBtlMDMc07EMdQtf-5LWvz4jc0yFcG7KuDSrmlixyKNFwzZ9oFqFzK8CFYun8ATfSViXY7ZRxeMZ-nTSnfShP9zmhjWmEThdOT35rw585OL7GpagHSCUEhfwC2XfMllqm83HqS6iWiLizLdoqyXhgsqWkX-PAXPsMmurXiQh0s/s320/woman-g9d23e50e3_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self-honesty.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, as who I really am deep down, before the corrections and adjustments and actions, but Who I really am, unfiltered and raw. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and judge my self-honesty, and so project that others will also fear and judge my self-honesty if I were to share it. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my self-honesty, even from myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that self-honesty can be 'hidden', instead of seeing and realizing that 'hiding' self-honesty is actually just being dishonest and manipulative - we are always aware of our self-honesty, if we only slow down and look. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed dishonesty and manupulation to become so natural that it 'seems' like my self-honesty is hidden, when it is in fact only being instantly suppressed.</p><p>I forgive myself for not seeing and realizing that if I don't expose my self-honesty to myself, then I can not work with the reality of me, which would render my self-forgiveness and my living process pointless, because I would be working with lies.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if I do not share my self-honesty with myself, then I am making the statement that I do not believe I can change. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when others expose my self-honesty to me when they see it in moments unexpectedly, which catches me off-guard and makes me feel out-of-control of the image I present.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and need to control how others perceive me, instead of acknowledging my self-honesty, taking self-responsibility for it, and changing it to what is best. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I deny my self-honesty, I cannot change. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have integrated survival and lack into Who I Am to such a degree that I feel I have to have complete control in order to survive. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn my child and children in my life to integrating fear and survival if I do not correct the point and face my own self-honesty as Who I Am currently, so that I can become the better version of me as a living example for them to integrate and become the best versions of themselves. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is only the survival of my ego as self-interest that I am protecting when I want to 'hide'/suppress or deny my self-honesty. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT live the confidence in my ability to change and to stand when I fear sharing my self-honesty with myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have the courage to be self-honest in every moment.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to filter my self-honesty when someone asks me a question, and to instead answer in a way that I would like the answer to be, and not what the answer actually is.</p><p>I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I share my self-honesty, I can immediately give myself a correction through seeing, realizing and understanding the truth of me, and in that, be able to also support others to correct themselves. </p><p>I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I don't share my self-honesty and am not aware of it, I am a fraud, a fiction and am living in pretense instead of living the reality of me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself real intimacy and connecting, to myself and others, when I do not share my self-honesty. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from sharing my self-honesty with everyone, including my self, because self-honesty cannot be shared with everyone - but instead of discerning those that I can share with and those that I cannot, I instead shut everyone, including myself, out of my self-honesty and hide it. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that of I share my self-honesty, it will be used against me. </p><p>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that if I believe my self-honesty can 'be used against me', then I am making the statement to myself that it is who I am completely and I cannot change, thus actually condemning myself to who I am and have become as the automated programs of the mind that were passed down to me, and which I will continue to pass down so long as I fear sharing my self-honesty. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself access to life as I deny myself access to myself through not exposing my self-honesty.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in creating a world where it is not safe to share self-honestly. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in creating a world of pretense where everyone can 'get away with' pretending to be something, while who I really am and what really directs me is left unseen beneath the surface to create destructive consequence in my life and the lives of everyone around me, where it could have instead been creating a life of best potential, for myself and everyone around me. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the ability to live my best potential, and to be my best self for others because I refuse to share my self-honesty. </p><p>I commit myself to develop the self-confidence to face my self-honesty, by sharing my self-honesty and walking it through to change. </p><p>I commit myself to change from fearing and judging my self-honesty, to instead objectively sharing my self-honesty so that I can support myself and recieve support from others to be able to change for real. </p><p>When and as I see myself hiding or denying my self-honesty, I stop and I breath. I bring myself back to self-confidence and self-realization by reminding myself that I am only condemned to the current version of myself if I do not admit and share what that current version actually is. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-47050704164932258122023-06-29T00:26:00.000-07:002023-06-29T00:26:58.866-07:00The Devouring Mother<p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I'm sharing this video and my perspectives on it for any mothers that are going through the point of pushing their child's independence/self-sufficiency and autonomy. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyFTOuNVOgzQZnA5hVj7IRiw-j0ZiUFvo8b8mSBX4YFQNy2YHGC8fUhOdpSViw19aE1E8tppIUbopFy9n8UrA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/50FbeazFkgs" width="320" youtube-src-id="50FbeazFkgs"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">In walking this point of mothering for myself for a while now, I have seen many points come up in me, points which I know are about me, and NOT the child. The primary context within which to confront this 'issue' is to take responsibility/self-responsibility in seeing that no matter what comes from the child, they are never to blame, and never to be on the receiving end of any emotional reaction the parent might go through. The child is coming from a point of absolute innocence, their out-put is a result of the input from their environment and the influences and forces within it. Their responsibility/self-responsibility will come later, once they've learned and once they know better. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">In terms of my experience, I am in a very cool position of first walking this point with a child that is not my biological son - this means, I do not have that history of bearing him and raising him from a newborn, which is where a lot of the programming that blinds us, the chemistry behind the bonds is released into our systems, almost addicting us to our newborn infants - those years where our parenting personalities, self-definitions, and all the mind-points sprout and take root. I am not immune to any of it, but I can see myself more clearly than if I had borne him, as the blind spots were not yet in place. I also have a partner that has been through it and can guide me, I can thus navigate the terrain a little more clearly and prevent a lot of the common pitfalls before blindly falling into them. For example, I can clearly SEE, when I take a step back from doing something for the child in my life, that I feel guilty as if I am causing him unnecessary suffering, I feel bad/sorry for him when he struggles, his pain feels like my pain, and have been trained to avoid pain, I feel good and fulfilled when I do things for him, as if I am fulfilling my purpose. It sometimes feels 'counter-intuitive' to have him do things on his own, and I have to literally restrain myself to NOT step in and do it for him - the programming is there and is being activated, but I have more 'wiggle room' to make a clearer decision about how to direct the points as the programming has not yet taken root into my behaviour.</span></p><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">However, now I have a child of my own, and will be walking the point first-hand. Even with all the lessons and understanding in place, living a point in reality will always present the same challenges with the same intensity as it is REAL, and you have to work in real-time. It's not just knowledge and information that you can slow down, fast-forward, rewind and isolate. </span><div><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 17px;">Looking at the point self-honestly, I first notice that all of the activated programming as the feelings and emotions are all about how *I* feel, they form MY internal experience. This means that if I blindly follow them as the ultimate 'truth', that I am not looking practically at what is best for the child in the long-term. Sometimes the child will ask me to do something for him that he can do himself, and he'll even give me reasons why I should do it, or go into a self-defeat just to get me to do the thing for him. In these cases I have to push even harder to remain patient and encourage/support him to take over, I have to push through my own internal emotional reactions and 'instincts' at the same time as walking him through breaking down his own walls and self/limitations, to 'fight' for him and show him what he is really capable of. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">When the child does find success on his own, and when he does things for himself, we BOTH see his confidence grow. I get to see him become proud of himself, valuing himself and beaming with that look of self-satisfaction and contentment - that reminds me that it is so worth it to let go of myself and support the child to develop himself fully. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The "Devouring Mother" is the mother that goes a step beyond falling into her programming - she does it intentionally. She'll do everything for her child as they get older, devouring the child's autonomy and ability to become independent. The Devouring Mother is essentially setting herself and her child up to </span><span style="font-size: 17px;">create an 'adult infant' to fulfill the mother's wants and needs as long as she lives, as she is </span><span style="font-size: 17px;">creating a child that will and can never leave her</span><span style="font-size: 17px;">. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I would like to add to what Jordan Peterson shares in this video by suggesting that the Devouring Mother is directly related to the mother's relationship with herself. I will explain why and how, and the benefits of sorting her self-relationship out so that she does not destroy and devour her child, creating that Freudian nightmare</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Now that I have a newborn in my life, it has become so much easier when Cesar ('step-son') does things for himself. I can see how when I was completely available to him, I may give in more easily, or move more slowly on the point of him developing his abilities to do things on his own. I learned very quickly first-hand the dedication, commitment and repetition it takes to teach a child what may seem like simple things to do, maintain and remember. It is a LOT, and it feels as though everything is against you when you push for it - your programming, the child's will, not having the adequate developed vocabulary and understanding within self or the child, time and life in the system, practicality etc... Nowadays it helps a lot when Cesar is not only more self-sufficient, but can actually help me by fetching things or giving me an extra hand, and he seems to like it. It gives him purpose, value in the group, equality and empowerment, and he sees he is helpful and useful instead of feeling in constant need of others. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I was the younger sibling in my childhood, and I remember how it felt to take that leap from looking for help versus doing things on my own. I only cut the final ties in my mid-twenties! There was a resistance and a laziness present, which I could feel but did not have the words for. It stemmed from a belief that I could not do things on my own, feelings of disempowerment, from trying and failing and not seeing things through to the end in not pushing myself until I succeeded. I could sense, even as a child, that when I fought for 'help', I was fighting for dependency and fighting for my own limitations. There is a sense of 'ugliness' to it, I felt like a burden, and even at that young age I could see deep down that it was not serving me nor anyone else in my environment. Yet at the same time, I felt like I was getting away with something, getting 'off the hook', having it easy, and this also fed the laziness and resistance, unfortunately making it stronger in me. </span><div><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 17px;">Children are quite perceptive like this, they are aware of what they are feeling, but they do not yet have the vocabulary to define it for themselves - this is why they cannot work with the point and cannot direct it. The parent's role moves from doing everything for their infant, to then teaching and directing the growing child to become capable, able and self-sufficient. For me in my childhood, having not really pushed the point, it led to things becoming more difficult for me in my life in later years. It is the responsibility of the parent to educate the child and give the child the words and understanding to describe what is going on within themselves. Oftentimes, the parent themselves has not developed the insight to do this, because it is how they were taught (or not taught), and it was how they experienced themselves and did not correct themselves in their growing up years. When we do this we end up learning through life lessons and consequences, leading more burdened and complicated life circumstances than was necessary. Rather put in the effort to support the child while they are young, before the resistance, procrastination and laziness have really taken root, when there is more plasticity - this is when it is ideal for the parent to really push themselves and give it their all. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Now that I'm in the position of having a baby, I can see more clearly where I've catered to Cesar too much (this is where physical feedback shows you where to focus and correct). In most cases, it is a case of a mother's good intentions gone 'bad' (as in, not what's best for everyone involved). I can easily justify why I did things the way I did, how it was necessary given the circumstances, how I saw it as best at the time, and it may have been - but none of this negates when there are points to be corrected in the present moment and situation, regardless of how or why they are there. This is where self-forgiveness plays a big role. We can forgive, release, let go and correct from where we are NOW, and not bring in the past as justifications and excuses. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I believe this point does not get the attention it deserves, because if left unchecked, over-protectiveness and excess compassion can become very big detriments to the child. It gets overlooked because when you observe it happening, it looks very 'nice', even 'heartwarming', like a caring and helpful mother tending to her child's every need. It can also be experienced this way by both the mother and the child, so it is difficult to identify it in the moment, and oftentimes you'll only see the detriment later in down the road, in hindsight. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Pushing a child's self-sufficiency is often hard to do, like a mother bird pushing the baby out of the nest, it seems 'harsh'. Within this, we have to remember that Real Care often hurts. It is, at the same time, encouraging, gentle and embracing - but there is a quality of 'growing pains' to it. It has to feel 'bad' for a moment in order to serve as a reminder as to why the thing needs to change. It also involves pushing beyond comfort zones and perceived limitations, and a child will not always do this willingly of for himself. It doesn't feel 'good'.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">In the video above, Peterson explains very well the dangers of "excess compassion" coming from mothers towards their children. There is so much talk in social media about "masculine toxicity", but you rarely hear about "feminine toxicity" and how this overprotective nature can fatally undermine a child. This creates a society not of REAL men and women, but of emotionally dependant, reactive, easily offended 'adult infants'. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">As women, we are nurturers naturally, but we are also adult human beings. Having been through child rearing before, my partner has talked at length with me about 'life after Celest' (my newborn) - because right now, the role of caring for a newborn is so fulfilling, so purposeful and so rewarding, that I can see the temptation to want to make it last forever. But as soon as Celest can crawl, this role is going to slowly change from her complete and utter dependency, to beginning that process of boundary-setting, developing independence and autonomy and everything that comes with that. After that, childhood, and then a teen... And within this, even though it seems so far away, I will still have a life after Celest's infanthood. What would I like to be doing then? How do I want to support myself? How would I like my body to be? I have to look at these questions now so that I set myself up as best as I can for a successful transition when the time comes. If I do not focus on myself in these ways, Celest will become my whole world, and this is too much responsibility for a child - it is not their job to be this, and they I'll be flooded and suffocated in the most 'beautiful' and 'nice' ways if the mother neglects to maintain herself and her self-relationship. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">So many women let go of their bodies and/or their sexuality for example, when they become mothers. I experienced this immediately after Celest's birth while I was in recovery and had this tiny little newborn in my care: my body was only a life-giving machine and nothing else. I saw this whole new expression coming from me and I loved it! But as time passed, I had to ask myself if I truly wanted to give up the other aspects of my expression, my body, my self, my individuality and my 'personhood', and my answer was that I did not. Fitness, my ability to do things, my sexual expression (and this goes way beyond the act of sex, which is just one small aspect of sexuality), and all the non-child-rearing aspects of my woman-ness I endeavoured to hold as equally important parts of me as my ability to be a mother. I decided I would embrace the new expression, AND maintain what I already had developed as a woman without a child. This is something I can't forget or lose sight of, even at this early stage. It's not to act on it all at once, no, but rather to keep it in my awareness and bring it in (in moments) when the time comes. This is how I tend to my relationship with myself so that it does not fall on Celest to be anything FOR me, but to rather become her OWN woman, where, when she is older, her and I will be equals, and she may even surpass me in many ways. This is the main reason why Celest will know me as Kim, and not 'mom'. I do not want to impose roles or a hierarchy onto our relationship. I do not want her to be bound to me or feel she needs to do or be something she is not because of me or our relationship.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">In the video, Peterson explains that if we immerse ourselves too completely into the nurturing nature of the mother, where that becomes our ONLY role, that we can end up essentially destroying our children. I posit that we would destroy ourselves in the process as well. For the child,</span><span style="font-size: 17px;"> the mother has condensed all of herself into this one role and one purpose of protecting and nurturing an infant, when the child displays signs of autonomy and independence, it becomes a threat to the mother, as it threatens her role, purpose and self-definition. In order to protect this, she will do everything for her child.</span><span style="font-size: 17px;"> She is keeping her child as an 'infant', which Peterson describes as raising 'old infants', and how that is an 'ugly' thing (both for the parents and the child). For example, think of an adult temper tantrum, an emotionally unstable adult lashing out: this is an adult infant - he cannot function in the real world, cannot create functional relationships, cannot support himself through the challenges of life, and can actually be dangerous. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Within this, the mother has also undermined herself - with all the 'best intentions' in the world, the mother becomes the epitomy of self-interest, which becomes a subtle and undetectable toxicity - the child is used to her benefit to fulfill her role, her purpose, her fulfillment and sense of herself, mostly emotionally. She may even replace having a man in her life with having her child remain with her - instead of having kept the relationship with her child practical, as physical actions, and kept her emotional well-being as her own responsibility. In this, the woman can feel purposeless without her child. She can miss out on developing new partnerships, or neglect her current partnership and allow it to deteriorate and fall apart. She can lose parts of her expression she once had, becoming a less dynamic version of herself, and so much more.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">In the end, we have to remember that our children do not belong to us, they are their own beings. Our job is to guide and teach them so that they do not need us anymore. Our job is to render ourselves obsolete, so that what is left is an actual equal relationship between two beings. There is no 'need' or dependency, but rather two complete beings together in this life.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The good news that I have learned from my own experience is that there is a lot of 'wiggle room' in terms of too-lateness. It's never really too late to learn, it just becomes more difficult as habits and expectations take root. There is then also more emotional reactions to manage and work through and it takes more time to integrate. But it's ok, there is no such thing as a 'perfect' parent, but there is a perfecting parent, so the point is to never give up. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_221221_083053_189.sdocx--></div></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-61294763291324616432023-06-29T00:25:00.003-07:002023-06-29T00:30:40.167-07:00Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night<p>This is the story of my pregnancy experience. It is continued from:</p><p><a href="https://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2022/11/giving-birth-to-my-daughter-giving.html?m=1" target="_blank">Giving Birth to My Daughter - Giving Birth to Myself</a></p><p><a href="https://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2023/06/the-irony-of-life.html?m=1" target="_blank">The Irony of Life </a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhECwKByXKuk7ieonsKqAS71HfZTq6go0zOGKrGfqWAtz623DBDSAssVRrcCEa7LtPprS3DMSZLeFyjGHAkegv8QvMlzJrfvV4IdCSyJY4q1HnJhGwRcQy6N-c7qCeijF8zS9BJ_fKFxE4DpRfTDljOrOoVGdOVj7OBgjrIovvMhQ7fJc3TszCF7oCZnKw/s640/love-g91d00e1db_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="640" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhECwKByXKuk7ieonsKqAS71HfZTq6go0zOGKrGfqWAtz623DBDSAssVRrcCEa7LtPprS3DMSZLeFyjGHAkegv8QvMlzJrfvV4IdCSyJY4q1HnJhGwRcQy6N-c7qCeijF8zS9BJ_fKFxE4DpRfTDljOrOoVGdOVj7OBgjrIovvMhQ7fJc3TszCF7oCZnKw/s320/love-g91d00e1db_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">Unlike what it may appear to be in my previous two parts, this is not a sad story. What I showed myself is the fact that I am a fool in the end, and that this is not a bad thing. As much as my mind wanted me to close myself off from the pain, I knew I would recover, and like a fool, risk it all again. I simply could not be satisfied with the alternative. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I saw that no matter how hardened and closed off I could become, I have a softness and a vulnerability inside of me that I will never give up on - a part of me that, given the right conditions, would come alive again - and I wanted to live and experience that part of me again. It is not the coldness, the hardness or the closing off that gives me strength - that is actually my weakness showing through. The Real strength; that 'Iron Will' that perseveres through the most difficult of storms... that stuff comes from the soft and vulnerable parts. The forgiving parts.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;"> I would risk emotional pain for that, and I would make some foolish 'mistakes' just to give myself that chance - because I know emotions, no matter how big and powerful they seem, they are not reality, and they pass. I am not a feeling or an emotion, I am Real, and therefor I have the Real power. And even if there are parts of me that are not real and that I have not lived yet, I can still make them Real in my lifetime, more than an emotion can ever be. I would have to move through the pain, the fear, the doubt and uncertainty first. </span><span style="font-size: 17px;">Because regardless of all that determination, I still did not know if I could conceive again, or see a pregnancy through to full term. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I decided to not allow the situation, or any situation going on in my life for that matter, to define me in the way my emotional body wanted to. 'Cold', 'detached', 'conditional', 'guarded', 'fearful', 'doubting' - these words were not Me, not something I could stand by or accept and allow myself to live. I knew that if I ever stop allowing myself to love myself enough to dive head first into my endeavours unconditionally, giving my all, learning from them, becoming better for them and from them, then I will always live in regret.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">The truth is, I have left a trail of consequence. But I swear to you, the Best of Each One of us lies on the other side of everything we put ourselves through in Daring to Live, to Care, to Love For Real. And that version of You is Better for YourSelf, Everyone in your Life, and the World as a Whole. And you Free Yourself from the FEARS and the Doubts and everything else, because you've been through it now, you see its power and its pain, but you realize YOU are greater than all of that. I Am Greater than All of That.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">And these are the moments when I truly decided to Give Birth again. Only this time it was not just to a baby, but to myself as well.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">And so, after what seemed like an eternity, I decided to dive in head first to trying to conceive again. My agreement partner played a large, kind of 'out of this world' yet very real role in this endeavour - working with the reality of the entirety of me, especially those parts of me that were were very hard to look at. There were parts of me, we discovered, that were still saying 'no' to a pregnancy, and because I had so harshly judged and suppressed these parts so deeply, I couldn't necessarily see that this was the case. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Sometimes you need to expose yourself in order to see what you are working with, but that is a very difficult thing to do alone. Sometimes you need someone else to expose your 'shadow self', because otherwise you would keep it hidden from yourself forever. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">To be continued...</span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_230629_025114_236.sdocx--></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-73951586192016203642023-06-27T15:27:00.004-07:002023-06-27T15:27:35.801-07:00Every Way But Through<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAYwbr1lP0MSygNjRUP91zFdFBNm-lMWhsJuFiwzUWlBngQ_-OVRl6SM5z6jvcXtv9S8aLeig0nPzwHLdFfJ7URNMh5FLw2Lzi8YklkCPrPPtcMgXJV2C9bGEDu3YvdQg-ifCmY0dYfjtk1wrqQPJoZxi-aPahSDi2AzY6W4YrIsRga58QWsXL17xwdo/s640/forest-g6f7cdb615_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAYwbr1lP0MSygNjRUP91zFdFBNm-lMWhsJuFiwzUWlBngQ_-OVRl6SM5z6jvcXtv9S8aLeig0nPzwHLdFfJ7URNMh5FLw2Lzi8YklkCPrPPtcMgXJV2C9bGEDu3YvdQg-ifCmY0dYfjtk1wrqQPJoZxi-aPahSDi2AzY6W4YrIsRga58QWsXL17xwdo/s320/forest-g6f7cdb615_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate and indulge in positive experiences that are outside of Who I Am, and have very little to do with what and how I've directed myself or what I have created of and as myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in positive energy while my world requires direction and I know I am not being my Best in all ways. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in response to what I have judged and defined as 'diminishing', and instead of empowering myself, I ease the discomfort through indulging in positive energy in participating in unrelated things and activities. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear empowering myself, because I fear it will cause conflict, and even though I know nothing 'bad' will happen, I fear conflict so extensively that it paralyzes me from expressing what I see and know must be directed. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a slave to others through playing to their emotional states, instead of freeing myself AND them by not accepting and allowing anything less than the best of who we both/all are. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel responsible for the emotional state of others/another, not seeing and realizing that I am participating in my own emotional self-manipulation in order to keep others 'happy', and not seeing and realizing that I can never make anyone sustainably happy forever - it will be a constant failure and a constant self-sacrifice. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have created a trap, where I feel fearful, trapped and heavy by trying and attempting to be responsible for another's emotional state, and then also fearful, trapped, heavy AND guilty at the thought and idea of not tending to their emotional state. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by trying and attempting to attain the request put upon me to do certain things and be certain ways in order to 'cheer up' someone outside of myself, where I then take on the impossible task of trying to keep another in a constant state of cheeriness. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stop tending to the emotions of others, they will become depressed and it will be my fault.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken responsibility for the emotional state of others for so long, that I think and believe that I lost myself in that role, and have forgotten how to do and be any other way.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that who I am can be lost.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself have automated saying the 'nice' thing instead of the REAL thing, thus suppressing that of me that is REAL, and defining that suppression as 'being lost'.</p><p>I forgive myself thst I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and my voice and what I see. </p><p>I forgive myself thst I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, my voice and what I see.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-honesty.</p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-15116334013096652422023-06-27T14:25:00.012-07:002023-06-27T15:29:31.535-07:00The Irony of Life<p>This blog is continued from my pregnancy story. The first blog can be found here: <a href="https://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2022/11/giving-birth-to-my-daughter-giving.html?m=1" target="_blank">Giving Birth to my Daughter - Giving Birth to Myself.</a></p><p>I was 19 when I started dating boys. Admittedly, I wasn't making the best choices; I was rebelling and had chosen a partner based on that rebelliousness. He was not the type of guy you would bring home to meet your parents, nor was he the type to stick around and provide a stable life. At that time, I did not have a great appreciation for consequences, and when I accidentally became pregnant with my boyfriend, it was just another addition to the pile of very real-life consequences I was experiencing for the first time. </p><p>At that time, my response to the pregnancy was an absolute and resounding "NO". I felt as though I was still just a child, and there was no way that I could be responsible for a baby. It was as if every cell in my body had unanimously decided that this pregnancy was NOT going to happen. It was so absolute in fact, that not even the slightest whisper or the faintest thought of entertaining the possibility of moving forward with this pregnancy emerged in my mind. It is actually possible that with the sheer will of my "NO", at 19 years old, I miscarried. </p><p>I continued on with this 'NO' for years. I knew I wanted to have a baby at some point, but I wanted my circumstances to be ideal. As it turns out, life rarely gives the ideal circimstances, and years turned into decades. Almost 20 years later (and so 20 years of telling my body 'NO'), I made an agreement to move ahead with trying for a baby. </p><p>At that point, I wasn't even sure if I could conceive because of my age, 40, my history of miscarriage, and having been saying 'no' for so long. But after several months of trying, some of the signs of pregnancy were there, so I took a test.</p><p>There is an experience that takes place when a woman is waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. She exists in two realities at the same time, like Schrödinger's paradox. It's like walking the fine edge of a razor blade, with each side being a drastically different outcome; 2 potential plots to her life story. </p><p>I tried very hard to embrace both outcomes, but it was nearly impossible not to have a bias. For me, one plot included words like 'abundance', 'fertility', 'richness', 'purpose' and 'fulfillment', while the other looked more like 'desolate', 'barren', 'loss', 'failure' and 'hopeless'. </p><p>When I got the positive test result, I was elated! In one moment it changed me and a whole new lifepath emerged. In one moment, parts of me came alive, parts of me dropped away, and this entire new life played out in front of me. However, that moment of elation did not last long. I had to confront the sobering reality that this was just the first step, the first hurdle with a long way to go ahead, and that I would have to walk that fine line between the two realities daily, not knowing if it will be viable, or if it will fail. </p><p>It is very difficult to remain Here, present, and not go into hopes and dreams in one moment, fears and doubts in the next when you are a 'high - risk', 'geriatric' pregnancy. I would over-analyze every bodily sensation, movement and pain. I had to bring myself back to breathing so many times daily, remembering that discipline of being Here, in breath. The mind clings so much more easily to the safety and security of fear and doubt - that place where nothing is gained, so nothing is lost. Quelling the doubt was the hardest part of my daily life.</p><p>At about 6 weeks in to my pregnancy, I took a trip to the ocean. Over the years, the ocean has become one of my favourite places to be - like a safe haven, a calm place in the storms of life. Even when the ocean is rough and storming itself, there is still a serenity to it just beneath the surface. It's where I've gone to ground myself so many times, to be with myself in the womb-like embrace of mother nature. It is a place of maternal nurturing that gives and accepts unconditionally. </p><p>I walked into the water alone, and in that moment - in that acceptance and embrace of the ocean, with the salt water and ocean air - I finally found the courage and fortitude to let go of the doubt and fear. I was finally able to plunge into an unconditional love and acceptance for the baby inside of me. As the fear, doubt and uncertainty dropped away, it revealed an instant and intense bonding that I had never experienced before. Suddenly, I was no longer just one being, but two. Suddenly I wasn't alone, I was WITH her. </p><p>With a mixture of courage and profound vulnerability, I decided to start showing her the world through my eyes. I was in the perfect place for it, my favourite place, and I said to her, "this is the ocean". And I was with my baby in the ocean. I held my stomach, embracing not only myself, but her now, too. I cried tears of release. I no longer have to hold myself in that stiff and rigid position of safety, constantly protecting myself from pain. I can breathe now, I can let go... </p><p>And then it happened. The irony of Life? In that very moment and within seconds of allowing myself that absolute vulnerability of accepting myself, the child and the situation, I fell to my hands and knees in the shallow water, in pain. My uterus contracted so suddenly and so tightly it took my breath away. The pain gripped me from the inside, feeling like tearing from my lower back and knotting into my abdomen. I could do nothing. I couldn't think - I could only endure it. I could only focus on breathing, and they were heavy, strained breaths. </p><p>I remember finally becoming aware of the rocking of the ocean again, as the pain subsided and my breathing slowly became easier. I allowed it to soothe me and allowed myself to melt into it. The warmth at the surface and the coolness underneath. It had only lasted for about a minute even though the experience felt like an eternity.</p><p>In a way I didn't want it to stop, because I didn't want to come back and face reality. I already knew deep down that I had lost her. </p><p>A grief counselor once told me that the moment you bond with your baby, even if it is still a fetus, that is the moment you become a mother. </p><p>It only occurred to me months later that the very moment I became a mother, I lost the baby. I felt barren, alone and empty. I didn't cry again, instead I hardened. I closed off that part of myself once again and returned to the safety and familiarity of being closed and hard.</p><p>Everything in me vowed to never be so foolish to ever let my guard down again. To never let go of fear and doubt, to never again allow for that vulnerability and so the pain of loss. I should always protect myself, remain detached, cold, conditional and closed. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrhTIHbM9L4VgWDLGBxqIShG8DQBeM761SZR20p1XCeAtxYRTl42GqsLxVwYwXaKLvzVTi2HZB8fEe85ozjFb69leeOKblZP3NYvQv86ehIEweqZSW9EvbLBMXdTSQCf9jgUuJwp6bW49MdiCcCnBOLlp8eu8jrP8-QYVWsjeykTP5Z7GFd_XpyNQ1Vr8/s640/pregnant-gd172422e8_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="640" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrhTIHbM9L4VgWDLGBxqIShG8DQBeM761SZR20p1XCeAtxYRTl42GqsLxVwYwXaKLvzVTi2HZB8fEe85ozjFb69leeOKblZP3NYvQv86ehIEweqZSW9EvbLBMXdTSQCf9jgUuJwp6bW49MdiCcCnBOLlp8eu8jrP8-QYVWsjeykTP5Z7GFd_XpyNQ1Vr8/w400-h183/pregnant-gd172422e8_640.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>To be continued...</p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-79956281454845852942023-05-29T22:24:00.006-07:002023-05-29T22:39:59.636-07:00This is My Breastmilk.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFLq5v92U6ggwARMBOGudH0l9GHH_aG9Is7KmXSkTr5iZcb24cfybzZGnYTZfNXR5j9TQZe4mClYDj_KOrsiNM0jVaCVTWb_8Z_ocFYXlwkFp0ewQ7aSvqSGwKCXtaOk-ULRA9XAm5e0IWVMaEVNO1oVBPZlSllt3hUMXydBDFmv4m1NiVYBr6ZSN/s4000/20230529_231324.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="4000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFLq5v92U6ggwARMBOGudH0l9GHH_aG9Is7KmXSkTr5iZcb24cfybzZGnYTZfNXR5j9TQZe4mClYDj_KOrsiNM0jVaCVTWb_8Z_ocFYXlwkFp0ewQ7aSvqSGwKCXtaOk-ULRA9XAm5e0IWVMaEVNO1oVBPZlSllt3hUMXydBDFmv4m1NiVYBr6ZSN/s320/20230529_231324.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<p dir="ltr"><br /></p><p dir="ltr">To my breastfeeding mother friends, did you know that what you produce is literally liquid gold. It is healing magic. It is a carrier of information, and it is so much more?</p>
<p dir="ltr">It is crazy to think that only a generation ago, our grandparents were convinced that breastfeeding was inadequate, animalistic, perceived as dirty, and shunned by society. A mother breastfeeding in public was a vulgar sight, and people would be quite disgusted to see this natural act taking place. </p>
<p dir="ltr">That generation, in all their innocence, were victim to the all pervasive power of the advertising machine which can literally, and still to this day, invent and script our cultural norms and forays. New mothers were convinced that their breast milk, which was created by the same body that produced another human, which is designed to feed that human within a physical communication of the chemical and nutritional needs of that tiny little human - was inadequate! This breastmilk will change on command. If the baby is sick, the milk will change colour as it modifies itself to suit the needs of the child to fight the illness. It transforms itself over time, from the beginning of the feeding to the end, and over years as the child develops and its needs change to grow different bones and organs, hormones and immunities. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Needless to say - the technology of breastmilk far surpasses anything the human mind could possibly comprehend or reproduce. Not in our wildest dreams could we match the magic of breastmilk. Yet, one generation ago, mothers were convinced that man-made formula from pasturized and disinfected (ie: dead) cows milk, could do a better job at nourishing an infant human, with all its synthetic vitamin and mineral additives. A few corporations made a lot of money on that one. We were duped, and our children suffered for it. </p>
<p dir="ltr">All this to say that: I will not be breastfeeding forever, so I will take full advantage of this magical elixir my body has been creating. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I express my milk to use on myself as a topical application on skin rashes and irritations. I will also, from time to time, do a facial with it, and I've used it on Celest's diaper rash when she was teething. It has never failed me. It clears up, soothes or heals everything I put it on. It has become my go-to for any and all healing needs, which are few thankfully. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But I don't just use it willy-nilly. I have been reading a series called "The Ringing Cedars of Russia" - Also known as the Anastasia books. I will no doubt be writing more on what I have been learning on the subject of parenting from these books.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In book 2 of the series, Anastasia explains that when you breastfeed your child, you need to focus only on the child. Do not have random thoughts running through your mind. This is because the substance of breastmilk is extremely sensitive. It carries information into the child, and influences the child's development on an informational and physical level, which later on can be activated and manifest in the child. </p>
<p dir="ltr">When the portal explained breastfeeding on a separate occasion, she said to breastfeed with 'nothingness'. As Gian puts it: with nothingness, "...you are not transferring anything to the child except training and showing them to be here as nothingness". As Anastasia explains, if you do it this way, you then teach the child to 'communicate with the universe and have access to everything'. Funny how being "here as nothingness" gives you "access to everything", but that is for another post.</p>
<p dir="ltr">When I am nursing with Celest and I find my mind begin to wander, I will bring my focused awareness back on to her, onto her physical, the mundane things, which are things that wont activate entire thought processes!. And I will speak them to myself. So when my mind begins to wander, I will look at her and simply say things like, you have two eyes, your hair is blond, your shirt is blue, it has five buttons... and so on until I am just breathing. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Back to the breastmilk. My tip for breastmilk application is to use these fine-mist spray bottles as shown in the photo. They are very small, so the contents will always be fresh. It dries quickly because it is sprayed in such a fine mist, and you can keep it in the fridge for a few days. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I also hold within me my intention for the milk, kind of like how tou can set and intention for the water tou drink - things like what I want to heal and why. I then commit to uprooting and dealing with the mind-made cause of the ailment whenever possible, because if we just heal ourselves and remain comfortable, we'll probably recreate the same issue again until it's dealt with. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I don't use breastmilk on Celest very much because her body is learning how to exist in this environment and heal itself, it does not need a crutch. But when she is in discomfort like with a diaper rash, because diapers are so unnatural and unfortunate, I give the extra support for her comfort. I have applied a bit to her cradle cap, but that seems to be clearing up on its own quite well; its a "don't fix what ain't broken kind of thing". Or maybe it was the breastmilk? 😉 Jk! 😆</p>
<p dir="ltr">So, if you are a breastfeeding mother, express some of your milk and use it (also good in baths and for hair treatment 😃)! Why not? </p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-85402734825356915582023-02-06T07:32:00.000-08:002023-02-06T07:32:34.263-08:00Blind Spots and Empowerment<div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{161}" paraid="738692707" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmflB2VSiSRZUrzo0yC4Zpnzk1eJZJj0Df5hDSpwV54gEGO9RjWTJe8wNHNGMIsohoYpdiUrSV8X8DJAFY7VeW1a3iOOW3nKwC8LzU1q2rrUMtFBrZ76TYLF8fVcVr8rXosUt5MZ8aryBwyXQA9cqGnKok2F0m2tplb5lS7PRd00geam_d2RYJsnSI/s640/oops-g613530d59_640.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmflB2VSiSRZUrzo0yC4Zpnzk1eJZJj0Df5hDSpwV54gEGO9RjWTJe8wNHNGMIsohoYpdiUrSV8X8DJAFY7VeW1a3iOOW3nKwC8LzU1q2rrUMtFBrZ76TYLF8fVcVr8rXosUt5MZ8aryBwyXQA9cqGnKok2F0m2tplb5lS7PRd00geam_d2RYJsnSI/w441-h276/oops-g613530d59_640.png" width="441" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{161}" paraid="738692707" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{161}" paraid="738692707" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I (as my consciousness) forgive (as understanding, releasing, letting go, learning) my- (as my personalities and characters) self (as my beingness) that I (as all three levels of me) have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot possibly bear any responsibility for certain points that happen in my life, within the justification and excuse that I had considered every decision and word and chose actions that I saw as best at the time, without seeing, realizing and understanding that even if I did this, I can still make mistakes, I can still cause consequences and impact others in consequential ways, and that there will usually be blind spots that are only seen in retrospect, which must be confronted, taken self-responsibility for and corrected in the present moment. </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{161}" paraid="738692707" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{167}" paraid="486652011" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist confronting my mistakes in the past for fear that it will diminish me in the present, without seeing, realizing and understanding that not taking self-responsibility for, understanding and defining my mistakes ends up only hurting myself and others more, blocking me from moving forward, and setting myself up to make the very same mistakes once again until I do take self-responsibility for </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">them and learn, instead of waiting for the cycle to repeat, I can ‘bite the bullet’ and do it now, freeing myself from my own blockages, and potentially creating the opportunity of releasing others so that they can also move on, so that everyone can move forward.</span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{167}" paraid="486652011" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{175}" paraid="1226095303" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately deceptive in my actions, where I on the one hand participate in fear and survival, and on the other I ‘deal’ with that through manipulation to apparently ‘protect myself’ to ‘survive’ in the world by whatever means necessary, within this, </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{181}" paraid="359745224" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have so deeply ingrained ‘survival manipulation’ into and as myself, that it had become so thoroughly a part of me that I do not even recognize it as manipulation, but rather see it as the ‘only way’, instead of seeing and realizing that to be direct is the only way I can empower myself and move forward and to clarify and live self-honesty. </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{181}" paraid="359745224" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{187}" paraid="100744769" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such a disempowered version of myself that I had relied upon manipulation, hoping and waiting instead of directness, confidence and certainty.</span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{187}" paraid="100744769" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{193}" paraid="1646381777" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, think and believe that I have no voice, no say, no means to improve my situation or achieve my goals except on the whim of others, where I essentially ‘gave up’, and stopped asking and pushing, which only served to reconfirm my beliefs as the people in my environment then had no clue what to do for me, with me or about me, where I instead sank deeper into myself and moved to an ‘inside world’ where I had some control and power, or where became secretive and did things secretively to avoid rules and opinions and the ‘say-so’ of others. </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{193}" paraid="1646381777" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{199}" paraid="2001554982" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can only achieve the things I want or to accomplish the goals I have if I do it alone and with no one else’s input, resistances, permission required or contrary opinions, because then I feel I again have no power to move another person, and within this, I try and attempt to achieve goals or get things I want ‘sneakily’, ‘beneath the radar’, which destroys relationships with the existence of an ‘ulterior motive’ instead of being upfront about who I am and what I want/what my goals are. </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{205}" paraid="207523210" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{209}" paraid="1539015940" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately undermine people that stand in my way, thus creating in others my experience of ‘disempowered’, turning from ‘abused’ to ‘abuser’ instead of from disempowered to empowered, and finding ways to empower all involved.</span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{215}" paraid="203235262" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{219}" paraid="1369195684" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a wall of fear that prevents me from being honest and direct, where I place everything of me into one point where, if it is rejected, I feel as though all of me is rejected, if it fails, all of me fails, as I think/believe/perceive that I am completely dependent on the point as if there is no other way forward, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am looking at forward movement only through my mind’s eye and not leaving any space for life movement, flow, plot twists, unpredictability and moving with what is Here in each moment.</span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{219}" paraid="1369195684" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{225}" paraid="1969875082" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">When and </span><span class="NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">as</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> I see I am in a moment where I know what I want to say or do, but feel prevented due to an emotional experience, fear or disempowerment, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to my Self, my standing and my creativity by reminding myself that even if I do not receive agreement/approval/cooperation - that does not mean I have not moved forward, as something has been spoken/done/acted upon, and that is still a step, even if it is only to find out that it is not the right direction.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{225}" paraid="1969875082" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW75286767 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW75286767 BCX8" paraeid="{858698f4-7c8d-44a6-9e48-275994687cb2}{231}" paraid="952190503" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I commit myself to move forward, to move my life and process of self-realization forward, knowing I will consider what is best for all involved. </span><span class="EOP SCXW75286767 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":6,"335551620":6,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-2401680317064612122022-12-25T13:21:00.001-08:002022-12-25T13:21:42.664-08:00Establishing My 'Who I Am'<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdHMiGiBBlWQnEM1ZrLxoJQsn8vBiPoGIsi1ns3KzlAbpj2ywYfVGGt82vyk8dXVcMpEnxA5iZzWsSXgFb6ucq7adH7vJVcIqtGDdcahAYOZrSWNfOJF9xZQ846agcz8MA5TySpL6s8b1qhBmOByJVyQYD1NzgaxjlVSwa9bqw9vVb2Lmvye2uFLI/s640/lamp-g83892c06a_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdHMiGiBBlWQnEM1ZrLxoJQsn8vBiPoGIsi1ns3KzlAbpj2ywYfVGGt82vyk8dXVcMpEnxA5iZzWsSXgFb6ucq7adH7vJVcIqtGDdcahAYOZrSWNfOJF9xZQ846agcz8MA5TySpL6s8b1qhBmOByJVyQYD1NzgaxjlVSwa9bqw9vVb2Lmvye2uFLI/s320/lamp-g83892c06a_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet develop the will to diffuse and delete the mind characters and personalities I have become, through stopping my participation as myself within them, and within this,</span></p><p><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my starting point within interactions with others sits subtly in manipulation and competition, as I have hardwired and programmed myself as characters and personalities of manipulation and competition to win at all costs from a starting point of survival, and have not lived as an expression of myself as Who I Really Am. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop all of my expression for fear that the starting point or the participation may be tainted with manipulation, competition and deception, where instead of 'putting myself out there' to see me and be seen, to see or be shown where I am dishonest, I instead hide within myself where it is safe and where I am always right and righteous. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong or have made a mistake, where I fear and behave as though it invalidates ALL of me, and within this, </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-emptively invalidate all of myself as soon as I am challenged in order to 'face the fear', showing me that the real fear is standing up for myself, standing by the words I speak and share, and trusting myself that when I share and speak it is because I saw some value, truth, self-honesty or realization in the point of my sharing/speaking where, when and as I am challenged, I give myself that grace period of a moment, even up to 24 hours to work through any reactions and to check for and/realign the point of value I was speaking/sharing. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by the capability of self-intimacy and intimacy in others outside myself, because I have not been courageous enough yet to allow that intimacy/self-intimacy with myself, therefore I judge it as a weakness and a point where I am lacking, it is something I have not yet given myself and so something I will regret, yet instead of daring to be self-honest in order to develop the self-intimacy, I remain frozen in fear, stuck between not wanting to see myself for real, but later on deeply regretting having never actually looked. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain frozen in fear of self-honesty as self-in-to-me-I-see, because I fear seeing my self-rejection and neglect reflected back to me through others.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain frozen between fear and regret. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_221225_160909_230.sdocx--></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-39702674875010180072022-12-23T14:07:00.000-08:002022-12-23T14:07:50.066-08:00My Christmas Message<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVAIa6cITRl-QaC02ZlAhryqq8ZlJ5tSR3RwirYgnKiYBaQONtja1VoeUoEqijoRg1Vu9dOycQmA6TXzsCOM5-tMlsqOpyElmDFJB6XUl4XeKeNNo099ikqII_Mvledjgqu50kQpZwcfRCZi1bwNRqMAjou_jlMqGFFLjlRHj2Ajsk3BcF88RvrMBu/s640/christmas-gf9242f6db_640.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="640" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVAIa6cITRl-QaC02ZlAhryqq8ZlJ5tSR3RwirYgnKiYBaQONtja1VoeUoEqijoRg1Vu9dOycQmA6TXzsCOM5-tMlsqOpyElmDFJB6XUl4XeKeNNo099ikqII_Mvledjgqu50kQpZwcfRCZi1bwNRqMAjou_jlMqGFFLjlRHj2Ajsk3BcF88RvrMBu/w390-h260/christmas-gf9242f6db_640.jpg" width="390" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 17px;"><p><span style="font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></p>Cesar asked me the other day why 'Santa Claus' is two words, and not 'Santaclaus' like how it is pronounced. I explained that it is a name, and that 'Santa' means 'saint', and from there we went into the history of the whole story. An unavoidable part of this story is how children in the West, or developed countries, are told that Santa Claus travels all over the world in one day, giving gifts to all the 'deserving', 'good' children. They do not yet at that age know about the half of the world's children that are hungry, starving or food insecure. Parents seem to leave that part out, and allow their children to exist in the beautiful illusion, while their brothers and sisters 'out there, somewhere' live in absolute disregard. What develops from this, in the minds of children, is that the reason you do not get nice things in life or the 'reward' of consumerism is because you were 'bad', and somehow deserve it.</span><p></p><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">This is the subtle underlying message children will integrate, and just one part of the reason why so many people can so easily ignore or justify starving children and the suffering of others . 'It is karma' or 'they have to learn a lesson', "they were bad children this year" - this is the result of religious thinking, existent even within non-religious people, simply because they have been impulsed the message as well since their childhoods. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Cesar pointed out the obvious fact that Jesus, who's birthday we are supposedly celebrating, would not be happy with how we are going about celebrating his life and death. He would be incredibly angry in fact, and we may see the Jesus that is full of wrath, the one that flips the tables of the money changers and wreaks havoc on those living words that cause massive suffering, if he were to come back to this.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Gian interpreted the words 'Santa Claus' a little differently, perhaps a little more accurately, as 'Satan's Claws'. Cesar painted an image for me, of 'satan' standing over humanity with strings tied to his claws, with the ends of the strings tied to all the children as he controls them like puppets. And he is right, because as the story goes, only good little children get gifts on christmas day. Parents will use this as a threat, instead of understanding the child's behaviour, they will threaten them with a lump of coal and no gifts, creating compliant little robots that do not seek to understand themselves and direct their behaviour from a starting point of doing what's best for themselves and others - they instead learn to act for rewards - no principle, no understanding how reality and how relationships function, no questioning 'the way things are'. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">It's no wonder society is disfunctional and uncaring - we are celebrating evil, normalizing rewarding those who have the most in the world by giving them even more. Cutting down millions of trees - the life giving beings that have been known by man to have their own 'intelligence' and a dynamic interconnected role in the ecosystem, as has been proven by science in modern times - which require TIME to create that dynamic interconnectedness - where you can't simply plant them every year and expect them to reestablish their balance in one year's time. Or we buy plastic trees, creating more waste to use for one day, mining the earth of its resources, only to throw them back to the earth in a form that nature cannot re-use. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I watched a video recently, it was made by a mother who was explaining how her son told her that Christmas felt "different" this year, like something was 'off'. She wanted to defend the 'Christmas spirit' by saying that they had done all the 'right' things; they got the tree, strung the lights, decorated the house, sang the songs and ate the food... yet she couldn't bring herself to speak, because she agreed, Christmas felt wrong. Wisdom comes "out of the mouths of babes" (Psalms 8:2).</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">It felt to me like someone else was finally seeing! Yes, Christmas is wrong! It is not good! Besides the points I mentioned above, it is also a time where people spend money they don't have buying things they don't need, buying things for children that will lose interest in them within months or weeks or even days. It is a time of heightened stress, loneliness and suicide for those living outside the 'bubble' we so enjoy. Go watch 'A Bad Mom' s Christmas' and you'll see an underlying truth, kids just want their parents to be present with them not stressed out, distracted, busy, and focusing on material presents - that is the wrong kind of present.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Kids LEARN to want material things. Cesar is the living proof that you can raise a kid to not focus on excess materialism. He becomes ANGRY if you get him a gift he doesn't need. He finds it wasteful. He demands that you KNOW HIM, and if you are to buy him something, it better be relevant to what he is interested in at that time and built to last. We bring him into the shops and tell him to buy anything he wants, and he will buy one lollipop to enjoy in the car on the way home, because he does not know lack, he doesn't know greed. He doesn't stuff our cart full of candies, sweets and toys, even though we have given him full permission to. He knows he will get what he needs when he needs it, because that is how we focus our resources. This is to show that you don't need to create an entire experience around Christmas, and try to get your kids to like you and love you and smile by buying gifts, playing music and putting up decorations. This should be a full-time living PRESENCE and tending to the children's needs every day. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I would suggest this to be everyone's last Christmas. To stop celebrating consumerism, to stop mining the earth, to simplify your life immediately, ridding yourself of everything that causes you to cope with life instead of living life, because we are all coping really. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">So yes, Christmas should feel 'off' this year. It should have felt 'off' for a very long time now, but the brainwashing goes deep and we still want to hang on and believe there is still some value in it. Soon it will be the new year and we will feel as though there is newness, when there is in fact only sameness. FEEL that sameness so that you can see what actually needs to change. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">Stop celebrating in this way, start starving corporations instead of starving your fellow man. Start dancing with your family randomly on a Tuesday instead of dancing on the graves of the slaves that made your Christmas sweater that you wear as a joke, where you express merriment once a year while you cover up the stress, the conflict between family, the suppression you live with daily.</span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">I know my words are not nice, because IT is not nice. I have stopped celebrating, I refuse to participate, yet you see in my posts everyday that I am not a miserable Grinch. I strive every day to express me and make the best life for my children. I enjoy what I have and am content with it. A smile on Cesar's face because he built his confidence after his father spent weeks with him pushing, is worth a million times more than a smile from a gift we spent weeks worth of money on. </span>
<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 17px;">At this point, we can no longer just redefine Christmas or pick and choose some part that we justify as 'ok to do'. Doing that still impulses the entire construct that is Christmas, so that those that are completely lost and deliberately blind themselves to the bigger picture can continue business as usual. It's time to become a little more disruptive than that. Don't buy a tree, don't decorate, don't buy gifts. If you want to spend time with your family because this happens to be the time of year where you get time off work, then celebrate with your family sober - sober from the intoxication of false festiveness. Sit down together and have a real conversation about what you would really like from each other, for each other, and for the rest of the world. </span><!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_221223_165826_308.sdocx-->Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-54371648340666276692022-12-17T07:31:00.002-08:002022-12-17T07:31:13.826-08:00Selling my Soul for Money<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9BEIItcC997y3V7w6WvaP5STCJpzFjZ6JOESo8JoAjfrVX41ab1BJjaI9mA-wQcJncZUsS8wDfUpjsKt-vHxPnpKgiHD3tqaBd2BL0e-pXpuSihy8Y1fWYkyt3RuFQ1OFDthV474Vl3tSQB4vUbHBbUAWPaSCeuR39sJebigwuq814hWnqbi7C3wM/s640/poverty-g44cfa44ca_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9BEIItcC997y3V7w6WvaP5STCJpzFjZ6JOESo8JoAjfrVX41ab1BJjaI9mA-wQcJncZUsS8wDfUpjsKt-vHxPnpKgiHD3tqaBd2BL0e-pXpuSihy8Y1fWYkyt3RuFQ1OFDthV474Vl3tSQB4vUbHBbUAWPaSCeuR39sJebigwuq814hWnqbi7C3wM/w445-h298/poverty-g44cfa44ca_640.jpg" width="445" /></a></div><br /><p></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{f7531c6e-ec13-4381-9015-e75b5ff211b9}{157}" paraid="1537435845" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sell myself out to for money. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{6eb42c1a-355b-48d2-8563-6f90bcfc7881}{39}" paraid="973568049" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{6eb42c1a-355b-48d2-8563-6f90bcfc7881}{39}" paraid="973568049" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become different characters and to portray myself as something in order to make money and secure a job.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9f1226b5-31fe-465a-b763-6f64c5e1cc58}{162}" paraid="1202509600" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9f1226b5-31fe-465a-b763-6f64c5e1cc58}{162}" paraid="1202509600" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and develop my self-expression, but rather spent my time and effort on developing myself as a character to make money. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9988c66d-239c-48d3-ac4e-d38c55859773}{20}" paraid="1884659024" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{9988c66d-239c-48d3-ac4e-d38c55859773}{20}" paraid="1884659024" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that no one would hire me or pay me in a job if I remain Who I Am.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{1eeb0fd9-5975-4183-8ef7-3c720039e8ff}{180}" paraid="759313960" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{1eeb0fd9-5975-4183-8ef7-3c720039e8ff}{180}" paraid="759313960" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself for not accepting myself as Who I Am. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{bf5b863e-fe1c-4172-b0ef-d48b5d8fc569}{14}" paraid="323278051" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{bf5b863e-fe1c-4172-b0ef-d48b5d8fc569}{14}" paraid="323278051" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Trust myself.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c5579c00-1f6d-49ee-bdb4-26628ab52ecd}{140}" paraid="1399584754" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c5579c00-1f6d-49ee-bdb4-26628ab52ecd}{140}" paraid="1399584754" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contort myself into whatever the boss or company wanted me to be in order to secure my job above others, wherein I lose myself into that contorted version of me, instead of stepping into a character in awareness </span><span class="NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">only</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> when necessary, wherein I can then step out of it as soon as I no longer need to be in the position and role of </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">making</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> money at a job. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{272effd9-21eb-4a2b-8bc2-522606beca8f}{244}" paraid="1068168933" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{272effd9-21eb-4a2b-8bc2-522606beca8f}{244}" paraid="1068168933" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire a sense of control over my ability to make money, and to use manipulation by selling myself as Life in order to invest into myself as a character to make money.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{e27c51b8-e587-44b7-bc51-783a83bf7a22}{1}" paraid="396512051" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{e27c51b8-e587-44b7-bc51-783a83bf7a22}{1}" paraid="396512051" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into morality about going into characters in order to make money, wherein I think and believe that I have to actually be and become that character within the belief that it is then ‘real’, and so I can tell myself I am not actually manipulating for money. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{d01261a4-cfde-4cd9-b285-8893995290b6}{228}" paraid="1785533654" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{d01261a4-cfde-4cd9-b285-8893995290b6}{228}" paraid="1785533654" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jaded for money.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{eae51df7-e202-4584-93d1-bffa3df241e0}{76}" paraid="1946188971" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{eae51df7-e202-4584-93d1-bffa3df241e0}{76}" paraid="1946188971" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others that remained Who They Are as ‘weak’ for not being able to go into a character for money, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weak as Who I Am, and to judge myself as ‘strong’ when I am playing a role or character.</span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{09f2c216-3f82-4ebb-9640-7a8e625aceae}{128}" paraid="1475338932" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{09f2c216-3f82-4ebb-9640-7a8e625aceae}{128}" paraid="1475338932" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my fellow man while pursuing my own survival and self-interest. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW29177488 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{b3fb11ab-bee4-4b45-a314-ff492f71efbc}{176}" paraid="1000308485" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW29177488 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{b3fb11ab-bee4-4b45-a314-ff492f71efbc}{176}" paraid="1000308485" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted ad allowed myself to fake confidence for money, instead of developing REAL self-confidence which is built slowly over time through doing REAL things. </span><span class="EOP SCXW29177488 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-35712978225488901562022-12-16T05:36:00.000-08:002022-12-16T05:36:03.348-08:00I am not All that Matters<p> <span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US">I (as consciousness) FORGIVE (as gifting myself release, understanding, letting go of the belief that this is who I am) MY- (as my personalities and characters) SELF (as my beingness innocence).</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p><p><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnfxXmBQZaXW1SSDhB_qUk-A6D6_l1iC0UBNV6YBxoscIpe04CfFSv_wA7E28dOViEZOvBg22XyJ2vrmfXux12Hpaouj_CWqpWY1AooBd0itZqhssDk7c0foRISd-VxRWqQC4wU9JZyHonuhPRD2TJzT81sjBPUuVTyy98T48tQDBEkvv0WQlmKgdi/s1280/woman-gd65657058_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnfxXmBQZaXW1SSDhB_qUk-A6D6_l1iC0UBNV6YBxoscIpe04CfFSv_wA7E28dOViEZOvBg22XyJ2vrmfXux12Hpaouj_CWqpWY1AooBd0itZqhssDk7c0foRISd-VxRWqQC4wU9JZyHonuhPRD2TJzT81sjBPUuVTyy98T48tQDBEkvv0WQlmKgdi/w447-h298/woman-gd65657058_1280.jpg" width="447" /></a></div><p></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{12ba06e5-e61e-4388-9068-46255611aaf7}{18}" paraid="1277252413" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{12ba06e5-e61e-4388-9068-46255611aaf7}{18}" paraid="1277252413" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on my own points before fully considering the position and location of another, taking as many moments as is necessary to place myself in their shoes, to consider their life, their understanding, to see the best in them and then to walk my point in consideration of them, as I would like to be considered.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c124b56d-73c3-420c-b354-cc62b95d438e}{238}" paraid="477962260" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c124b56d-73c3-420c-b354-cc62b95d438e}{238}" paraid="477962260" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on a point without taking full self-responsibility , relying on others to do certain things or be certain ways or to be more prepared to ‘receive’ me and my points, as if everyone should understand me first in order that I may walk a point, within the justification and belief that I will be better, more able and more capable ‘only then’ to be able to give in return, thus receiving before giving, when in fact it is about giving first.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{194}" paraid="663465015" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{194}" paraid="663465015" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fixate on that which I want, that which I need, that which I desire, wherein I develop ‘tunnel vision’ and see only what want/need/desire as if I can only live, only be complete and fulfilled ‘then’/’when I have it’, not allowing myself to take a step back, to remember myself and Who I Am as complete and fulfilled as I am already, to really take a moment to assess if </span><span class="NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2Themed SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">the</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> want/need/desire is real, is practical, is best for myself and all involved.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{200}" paraid="105630826" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{200}" paraid="105630826" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop, breathe, check and make sure my self-interest is considering all involved, and within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to drop, let go of, release myself from my self-interested points that consider only me, myself and I when I can see it is not best for all involved.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{206}" paraid="2017824018" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{206}" paraid="2017824018" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse that I ‘need’ something/certain conditions/certain considerations/etc... in order to ‘be ok’ when I am in an energetic point, without applying self-honesty as to whether that something/certain conditions/certain considerations are best for me in the long term, best for others in my environment, or absolutely necessary – checking first to see if I can SUPPORT MYSELF FIRST within the principle of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{212}" paraid="99229889" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{212}" paraid="99229889" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">that I</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> have accepted and allowed myself to be and become blinded by self-interest.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{226}" paraid="1807519105" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{226}" paraid="1807519105" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above the group.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{232}" paraid="1857624165" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{232}" paraid="1857624165" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do what is best for me at the expense of others.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{238}" paraid="1285965280" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{238}" paraid="1285965280" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself for the sake of others – abandoning myself within the belief that I am a ‘lost cause’ anyways, I cannot change but THEY can, THEY still have a chance, destroying myself as an ‘easy way out’ of self-responsibility and the tough work of self-change, thinking and believing that I am ‘doing good’ and ‘walking my process’ as a point of self-sacrifice, within and as self-righteousness, not seeing and realizing the abdication of self-responsibility, the self-defeat and the giving up inherent in such an action as self-sacrifice, like martyrdom, as Jesus has done, ‘hoping’ people/situations/problems and issues will ‘sort themselves out’, without first self-perfecting and then sticking around to see it all through, to walk with, to guide, to support as I have been supported, to be my BEST Self in order to walk with others as me.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{244}" paraid="1715591438" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><br /></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" paraeid="{4956aa11-0281-40bb-90be-6918c929c6bb}{244}" paraid="1715591438" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a situation is ‘too much’ for me to handle, instead of seeing and realizing that it is only a lack of self-honesty and self-responsibility in establishing a strong ‘Who I Am’ that can cut through the emotional bodies to see a path forward in support of myself and others in my world.</span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{0edc482b-75aa-49b6-8ba0-1a8251e40cbf}{54}" paraid="873352112" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{0edc482b-75aa-49b6-8ba0-1a8251e40cbf}{54}" paraid="873352112" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing, to fear missing out, and to have that fear intoxicate me to not be able to see not </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">only</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> that which I am depriving others of, but also the consequences of my actions, which when born from fear, are not best for myself nor all involved.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{92e97640-405f-4254-9def-64e444f63a81}{101}" paraid="90423488" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{92e97640-405f-4254-9def-64e444f63a81}{101}" paraid="90423488" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see my value, to not recognize my needs and express them, </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">to put</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> them on the table along with everyone else's needs in order that all needs may be addressed, which then creates purpose and direction as ‘the meeting of needs’ so that needs can be sorted so that all individuals involved can move forwards to the next ‘higher’ purpose and direction, rather than remaining stuck in the base most step of meeting basic needs.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{436098a4-c933-4d7d-ae55-401ef67c37aa}{112}" paraid="1579706086" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW57109315 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{436098a4-c933-4d7d-ae55-401ef67c37aa}{123}" paraid="1912141260" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘shut down’ and ‘draw blanks’ when I am confronted with a new point in someone else, where I think and believe I need to first understand everything of the point in all dimensions and have it explained to me with how it functions and examples- to where I experience it as though someone is speaking an </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">altogether</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW57109315 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> different language</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW57109315 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-13699044642157593552022-11-25T08:01:00.004-08:002023-10-19T00:19:17.993-07:00Giving Birth to my Daughter - Giving Birth to Myself - My Pregnancy Story pt 1<p> As I have been joined on this Journey to Life by a New Life, which is my daughter Celest, I have decided to start focusing again on my journey to life blog. I have allowed myself to wander off-course, focusing on other things, like the end of a rope frayed in many different directions. I've been trying to tend to all the ends instead of weaving them back together into one main line, One Focus and stronger for it: Who I Am - where everything flows from this point and focus. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtlQPLsBlurVN_2-andJ5cY5J-NT11Uuh2WGLctFw86RkA6ap5ptlQpkFv2-4ObY2D-sBAnkne6m3mspxpZPg8thVOIUW3F85-PGK8ifK3y2J3lbSKCnU3fFj3LBs3Hi7Vw2HrNbNvBHs7whBL8ZivvZYbX277YlXptMgxnHNOShJ6DLVwzZCFRYUS/s1601/birth%20of%20daughter%20birth%20of%20self%20blog%20pic.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1601" data-original-width="863" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtlQPLsBlurVN_2-andJ5cY5J-NT11Uuh2WGLctFw86RkA6ap5ptlQpkFv2-4ObY2D-sBAnkne6m3mspxpZPg8thVOIUW3F85-PGK8ifK3y2J3lbSKCnU3fFj3LBs3Hi7Vw2HrNbNvBHs7whBL8ZivvZYbX277YlXptMgxnHNOShJ6DLVwzZCFRYUS/s320/birth%20of%20daughter%20birth%20of%20self%20blog%20pic.jpg" width="172" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>Having given birth to Celest has been the catalyst to giving myself a second chance and a fresh start. After I gave birth, I got many congratulations and people telling me they are proud of me and how well I've done. This felt really good to hear, but getting pregnant and giving birth is not exactly an accomplishment - it's not necessarily something to be proud of. It actually involves very little on behalf of the parents - it is the physical body takes on the task and does all the work. So if anything, I am proud of my body for what it accomplished, now THAT is quite an amazing feat. What <i>I</i> did was to support my body, and I can be proud of <i>that</i>, while my partner created an environment within which to place my body, he relieved the stress in my life and so in my body, and he prepared a home within which we could bring a new life, and <i>he</i> should be proud of <i>that</i>. Come back to me in about 18 years if you want to know if I am proud of myself as a mother. Only then will I really be able to look at that! </p><p>I use the word 'catalyst' to describe the pregnancy/birth process, and now having a little one in my care, because I do not place the responsibility of 'how I feel about myself', 'what is my value' and 'my worth' onto this child that is now in my life. It is not 'because of her' that I have felt worthy of my own forgiveness again, but the pregnancy, and birth and now having her has shown me and reminded me of certain parts of myself that I had forgotten about or had been denying myself. </p><p>I had, over the years, gotten to a point of feeling 'unforgiveable' and 'unchangeable'. This is after years of having nothing really work out in my life and according to my assessment. The experience of giving certain jobs, projects or commitments my All, and then falling apart and/or having the thing fall apart as well, failing over and over again at times where I should have known better, feeling betrayed and believing I deserved it, and other such examples of the things that bring us down in life (things we ACCEPT and ALLOW to 'bring us down'). </p><p>Within and towards the end of all of this, I had several miscarriages. I was fighting feelings of shame and feeling undeserving of such a gift as a child. There had been events in my life occurring at and around the same time which part of me was digging myself int a deep dark pit about, and the miscarriages were like the kick while I was already down. I began to access a certain morality about it, thinking things like 'only those deserving of it will be gifted a child by life '- which apparently meant that I was obviously undeserving, as I was only experiencing miscarriage after miscarriage. All to say, I was at a pretty low point.</p><p>I say that only "part of me" was digging myself into a hole, it's because there was always that part of me that stood (or sometimes barely held on) - that part of me that trusts myself, that believes in myself, that holds myself dear. It's like this understanding that, as low and dark as you can go in your mind, you know that that is not all of you, and when those parts of you are brought to the surface, you have the opportunity to forgive and change them. However, when I stopped writing for myself, I went into a point of 'too much-ness' - as if too much had accumulated and it is 'too much' and 'too late', and there is no way I can now catch up and get my bearings within it all. It felt as though I just went blank and started to live day by day with this giant boulder on my shoulders, and that all I could really focus on was getting through the day. </p><p>However, the events that took place in the months before, during and after my pregnancy and birthing process allowed for a point of opening up and remembering, slowing down within myself, like my feet touching down on the ground and within myself again. You do not have to go through the actual birth of a child to give yourself a fresh start. For me, the birth was simply a catalyst. with the pregnancy and then the birth, and now having a daughter where the element of 'choice' is taken away in so many ways. </p><p>I will share about this experience more, but for now I herein recommit myself to my Journey to Life.</p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-6633921405197686702022-08-04T23:51:00.003-07:002022-08-04T23:51:55.100-07:00Back to Some Basics <p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame anyone outside myself for what I am experiencing inside myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to dare to take absolute self-responsibility.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj6YMIO-vAmA7hGr2wpYiKaIDhoimiWTBkFrctR9lBX9ceqOMHZ6UMwrZ0gy0NOpPu9k46H8NMVxFTuIIAiNXYP5oKsDcWw3E8KYLAPhtTV7wBkx1qfvODqmBIkHpEY2ma27Ybtb9BSQoP1V2A9Lj0NnUNSxp79_PlQgEGH4VRQ-1Q_gZPq6FCaevq2" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="419" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj6YMIO-vAmA7hGr2wpYiKaIDhoimiWTBkFrctR9lBX9ceqOMHZ6UMwrZ0gy0NOpPu9k46H8NMVxFTuIIAiNXYP5oKsDcWw3E8KYLAPhtTV7wBkx1qfvODqmBIkHpEY2ma27Ybtb9BSQoP1V2A9Lj0NnUNSxp79_PlQgEGH4VRQ-1Q_gZPq6FCaevq2=w451-h252" width="451" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe fear is real.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of Life. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am missing something</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something more, something outside of myself to show me what I need to trust myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money,</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear survival and surviving. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgement. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel petrified. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into petrification. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freeze as a reaction to fear. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe within freezing up. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire validation from outside myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is a 'right' and a 'wrong' way to be and behave, instead of being myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the best, without putting the work in to better myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my ego as my 'sense of self', and to fear losing that image of myself, and to fear what is beyond that image.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which is real. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear realness.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling for real. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving for real.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear panicking and losing control. </p><p>I forgive myself tha tI have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up control. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-36656441792820275602022-05-04T03:41:00.002-07:002022-05-04T03:54:39.082-07:00Day 325 – The Promise of Justice<p><br /></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBnk6HeJ62ibBENd7b1bL41UzxRbTtB_XvCNRUbW8Q5gVxFOOWOiqQLdvTjLiBnAeAoqBeykeErT80jyG208sKzmDmCu2ATKUxCVL1Mu4JLW2rQKgnlBNR4nh6jEqTCGgRhlrIqHX8ulrKF-1KGUyQDFQy3QF2QqPuyrq9k2jh81Js_BDHMjviHzz/s1280/dog-g84852fb4a_1280.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="912" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBnk6HeJ62ibBENd7b1bL41UzxRbTtB_XvCNRUbW8Q5gVxFOOWOiqQLdvTjLiBnAeAoqBeykeErT80jyG208sKzmDmCu2ATKUxCVL1Mu4JLW2rQKgnlBNR4nh6jEqTCGgRhlrIqHX8ulrKF-1KGUyQDFQy3QF2QqPuyrq9k2jh81Js_BDHMjviHzz/s320/dog-g84852fb4a_1280.png" width="228" /></a></div><br /><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><br />
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;"></p><p lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
world is not fair, life is not fair, there is no such thing as
fairness nor a just reward. There is only equality, input and output,
you get what you deserve, equal to what you have given, whether you
know and understand it or not. You may only understand when you
finally receive as you have given, whether it’s good or bad. Don’t
lie to yourself, be honest with yourself, and see how you have
created your life exactly as it is right now.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat
others as I would never want to be treated, in terms of my backchat,
the thoughts I have, the judgments I make, and even if I don’t act
on it, I see it and realize it is going on inside of me and accept
and allow it through my participation in it without fully
understanding how I created it through willful ignorance before fully
understanding the other.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of
directing or being direct, go into backchat and judgment about
another’s points they are facing as it comes through in their
behaviour, not seeing and realizing that I don’t fully understand
their behaviour when I am not completely self- honest with myself and
so cannot direct it, support it or direct myself within it.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a
bitch to energy, instead of being a bitch that stands for Life.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know what I
am capable of, yet refuse to live it, because I always want to</span> <span lang="en-US">be
learning, learning instead of doing and being, choosing instead to be
the perpetual student learning lessons for fear of stepping up and
stepping out and being real, being me as I know I can be.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ,Kim, refuse
to take responsibility for what I see, out of fear of how others will
react to me.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need
and desire to be the perfect system person
that accommodates everyone, instead of acting on what I see
is common sense instantly, and to be the motherfucker I know I can
be.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that
motherfucker in me. I see and realize that it took a dog to attack my
partner and pierce her leg, for me to see the motherfucker in me, the
beast in me in how I can scream at someone, yell at and destroy them,
yet I fear to be the same in basic daily points, and therefore I have
accepted and allowed absolute consequence for me to stand up from,
instead of seeing and realizing the point of prevention.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have</span> <span lang="en-US">accepted
and allowed myself to to manipulate my reality, to care for me to the
point where my reality shows no care and I become the only point that
has to stand up to care, real care, and</span> <span lang="en-US">because
of my manipulation to care I have caused the problem only to be cared
for when I know I have had enough care, and I should instead LIVE
REAL care for others.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and
resist open self forgiveness with another, because I fear it exposing
me and where I have hidden myself.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself
within self-forgiveness as being a personal point and not an open
point, and therefore I have resisted seeing myself with
another/others openly through hiding myself within self forgiveness
as being a personal ‘private’ point.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and
realize that I have hidden my absolute power as seeing and
understanding from others, and the gift I have to give openly without
fear, through hiding and justifying why I cannot do self forgiveness
openly, and expose myself to all Life. and within that have
diminished myself to hide and always feel hidden to never have a
voice, yet I see and realize the moment I can speak my self
forgiveness openly for all to see, my voice becomes equal and one,
open and for all to see, with no fear, because I know who I am.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being
a motherfucker.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-US">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being
a bitch and a</span> <span lang="en-US">motherfucker.</span></span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" lang="en-US" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be a
bitch and a motherfucker for what the fuck is best for all, seeing
each individual point that will flourish within speaking and exposing
what is here as who I am because I know myself, and I want to honour
myself.</span></span></span></p>
<p lang="en-US" style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
<br />
</p><br /><p></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-51128646824202155972022-05-01T05:34:00.007-07:002022-05-01T05:57:23.092-07:00Your Secrets Keep You Sick (Your Lies Keep You Alive)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><p style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgURzi2g1eDuwCYSXXklRgMYo-eNnx0mx6nSBN_Xd5IRuJl6njwTglbqphJV_Bwa8mLsGKlD5T359ZKWuUgFcpfO0W2H8qhsdUGO8RMPmMAsVQu7_zvHmpzPC8KXTZWIYf9F2W7VQiRBZxvo9t8vySLUjI_R3CFBKXyW4kApbH_Y6ROhh_dtpYDGt4K/s1280/angel-gf42b155ae_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="1280" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgURzi2g1eDuwCYSXXklRgMYo-eNnx0mx6nSBN_Xd5IRuJl6njwTglbqphJV_Bwa8mLsGKlD5T359ZKWuUgFcpfO0W2H8qhsdUGO8RMPmMAsVQu7_zvHmpzPC8KXTZWIYf9F2W7VQiRBZxvo9t8vySLUjI_R3CFBKXyW4kApbH_Y6ROhh_dtpYDGt4K/s320/angel-gf42b155ae_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0.5cm;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span></p>
<p style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">"No
one gets through Life unscathed" - this was a line
channelled through me from my former business coach. Once he revealed
to me he was a channel I insisted he channel for me in one of our
coaching sessions. He agreed, and started typing, writing me out
better than I had ever written myself out before. This line has
always stuck with me, because I realized, if you are alive, you will
experience abuse. You will experience betrayal, you will be scarred,
wounded and hurt in some way. It reminds me of a passage in
Shakespeare's soliloquy from Hamlet, describing how a great many
would choose death over enduring the wrath that Life can deal, within
the belief that anything is better than this earthly experience:</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">"Whether
'tis nobler in the mind to suffer</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The
slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Or
to take arms against a sea of troubles,</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">And
by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">No
more; and by a sleep to say we end</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The
heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">That
flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Devoutly
to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">To
sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">For
in that sleep of death what dreams may come"</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">If
I am honest with myself I can see that ever since I was a child I
have been a victim to life. By simply absorbing the "slings and
arrows" and the "thousand natural shocks" that all
flesh is heir to. By burying the hurts that happened 'to me' deep
down, and holding the belief that I simply can not make it in this
world. I am a victim. I am disempowered. I cannot do it. And in this
way, it is like choosing death. Death without actually dying. Death
as Not Living, as merely surviving until actual death comes. And
along the way, with bits and spurts of empowerment, where I believed
I could achieve something through my actions, when it did not turn
out as I had planned, it would validate the apparent inadequacy and
reconfirm the limiting self-beliefs. And it's still there. I can feel
it in the fiber of my being, like a stubborn stoppage that needs to
be proved wrong thousands upon thousands of times before I'd consider
letting it go. It's like a safety net as a hesitation before each
action, which becomes manipulation as a way to get what one wants and
needs in Life, within the belief that this is the only way.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Although
with Desteni, the tools and support from others, along with embracing
the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" as Life's way
of teaching, the "thousand natural shocks" as Life's way of
shocking us out of our programming, so long as we are willing to
accept it - I have learned that I do not need this anymore. That I
can be direct and up front about what I want and need. I can go for
it even if it means disrupting my reality and others within it, so
long as there exists the agreement that they can also be direct and
upfront about what they want and need. It takes some courage and
balls, especially when you start exploring the outer boundaries of
wants and needs, and finding that the quest for satisfaction can be
insatiable, unquenchable, and you have to come to the realization
that satisfaction comes as a decision of when enough is enough.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate
myself and others within a perception and belief that it is necessary
to do so in order to survive.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my
actions manipulatively within what I hold as a secret formula for
survival, where each action must have some kind of future pay off
that will come back to and benefit me, but instead of being open and
honest with myself about the starting point of my actions, I delude
myself with that false perception that the actions are altruistic and
benevolent, knowing deep down that this is a lie I beLIEve is keeping
me aLIEve, while I keep the reality of me a secret which is held
within the self-delusion that nobody can know if I do not admit it,
not even myself.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the
transactional nature of the reality within which I exist, where I
think and believe I have to live up to some form of absolute and
unconditional altruism, judging anything transactional as ‘bad’
and ‘wrong’, ‘greedy’, ‘selfish’, ‘self-interested’
and ‘not best for all’, without seeing and realizing that such
transactions can benefit everyone involved, and the transactional
nature of this reality can be purified if it is done openly,
honestly, in agreement and understanding.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself
into my own lies by thinking and believing only unconditional
altruism is acceptable, while at the same time seeing and realizing
that this is an impossible standard, but instead of getting real
about truth and reality, I move into deception and lies, putting up
an ‘altruistic front’, while in the background/secret mind
knowing there is self-interest, there is expectation, there is
payment due.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate
my actions and behaviours in order to try and attempt to manipulate
my reality into ‘getting something in return for my efforts’,
thus creating within me an expectation of a certain outcome from my
world and reality where – if that outcome is not achieved, I feel
abused by life, the world, reality and others within it, within the
justification and excuse of ‘look at all and everything that I’ve
done – now give me what’s mine, what I deserve” - all based on
an idea or fantasy I had created of what my actions would bring or
create in return.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame
others, myself, life, existence and reality when I do not get what I believe
is my ‘just reward’ for ‘what I have done’ to ‘deserve’
it when in fact the entire formula had been created in my mind alone,
with an exact desired result, without considering others, who they
are, the nature of existence, reality and life, and without
considering Who I Am within those actions, but only looking at the
actions themselves and the payback reward I hold as an expectation.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame
myself and others or life for what happens ‘to me’ in life.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into
resentment and anger about the things that happen in my life, thus
accepting and allowing myself to become smaller and weaker, instead
of learning from the things that happen in my life, and using them to
become stronger, wiser, more understanding and thus – able to
understand and support others as me – from victim to empowered.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take
full self-responsibility for what happens to me in life, in my life.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be
self-honest with myself about how I create my life, my reality and
how what happens ‘to me’ is a direct result of who and how I have
been and have lived, equal and one as input/output.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be
honest about my input as me into my life/Life, so that I can then
apply self-honesty and purify my input, thus purifying my output and
the life I create for myself and others in awareness.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge
myself instead of being honest with myself.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge
myself and then hide from my own self-judgment by creating a false
perception of myself according to what I define as ‘good’,
‘acceptable’, ‘worthy’, acting only in ways I deem as ‘good’,
‘acceptable’ and ‘worthy’ as actions of self-manipulation.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exhaust
myself and kill myself in a try and attempt to be ‘perfect’,
living the lie that I am ‘perfect’ as every action is judged and
assessed as ‘perfect’ which should bring ‘perfection’ into my
life as what I fantasize as what perfection and life ‘should be’
according to my desires, thinking and believing that this is what is
holding in place my survival, “keeping me alive” as obtaining my
desires, desired outcome as if energetic desires was life, and
without them “I die”, not seeing and realizing that only myself
as my ego fears ‘not obtaining my desires’ as energy to feed
myself as my mind/ego to continue. Within this,</span></span></span></p>
<p align="left" style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny
reality, simplicity, and the physicality of Life and what one
actually needs to live here and to Live Here, placing myself into
‘survival’ as my ego trying to survive, instead of living,
simply, Here as physical needs, which includes living words of
‘trust’ – lived physically, ‘love’ – lived physically,
‘support’ - lived physically, ‘care’ - lived physically, and
so on, identifying physical needs and finding ways to live them
physically as acts of true care, for others as myself, as giving as I
would like to receive.</span></span></span></p>
<p align="center"><br />
<br />
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%;"><br />
<br />
</p></div><p></p></div><p></p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-10075358601645934372022-02-20T06:17:00.004-08:002022-02-20T07:07:07.104-08:00The FEAR of Being ALONE<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqjDHc5kRAavU4tZqZC7I4J1FtX2G243Ue21uAtouP61HxqiVLDT2hdmgXcDqsDjuK3Dzhhk9GkAAZ40zoSbhzdnsuVOfF_2aTyJMpaGINwBlPmHbdMqM8Z1u5qGqVJtscU1BPh29dP_bk-OxssqtnqLqMvVvZ_aKT1Co003ehxXyJpJsXSXOQuXDJ=s1920" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1173" data-original-width="1920" height="347" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqjDHc5kRAavU4tZqZC7I4J1FtX2G243Ue21uAtouP61HxqiVLDT2hdmgXcDqsDjuK3Dzhhk9GkAAZ40zoSbhzdnsuVOfF_2aTyJMpaGINwBlPmHbdMqM8Z1u5qGqVJtscU1BPh29dP_bk-OxssqtnqLqMvVvZ_aKT1Co003ehxXyJpJsXSXOQuXDJ=w565-h347" width="565" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the words </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I Am Alone.</span></p><p><b id="docs-internal-guid-dd4fbaa1-7fff-1881-09ad-52b6a5a8e238" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">nobody sees me,</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">nobody cares for me. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am alone, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">nobody can </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">feel </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">me. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">nobody understands me. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">nobody knows what I am going through. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire for </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">people </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to just </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">leave me alone. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be left </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">alone, for </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">no one to come near me.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">by myself, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">be alone.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I want to </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">be left </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">or to be alone.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a deep-seated, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">all-encompassing </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">‘volcanic’-eruptive fear to build within me in relation to the word ‘alone’.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I really</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> in fact </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">want </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to be alone. </span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">behind the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">want, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">need and desire to be left alone, to not want to be around people, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to not like people, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to not like the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">world, the belief that everything is fucked up, is actually </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">a cry for help, a cry for </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">someone to care, for </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">someone to listen, for someone to understand </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and for someone to see.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a physical, addictive </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">desire to </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">have </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">someone come and embrace the entirety of who I am inside myself, for</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> someone to almost </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">fit inside </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">all that I am and make sense </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for me </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of who I am, what I am </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">experiencing, why I am </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">experiencing it.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> with/within </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">myself.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and others within</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">apparent ‘want’ to be alone, as a manipulation tactic as a way to seek attention to </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">not </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">be alone, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to get energy and experience.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as this cry for </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">attention, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for someone </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to see me, for someone to understand me, for someone to </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">LOVE me, for </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">someone </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to be with me </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> REST of my life </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, instead of seeing, </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">realizing and understanding </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that it is all in an attempt to fill the void, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to not have to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">face </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the fact that I have not developed </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that relationship with myself completely yet.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the responsibility onto </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">another </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">being </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to see me, to understand me, to love me, to embrace all of me, to explain </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">me to me, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">instead of being </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that and giving that to myself.</span></p><p><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I forgive myself that I have used and abused ‘wanting to be left alone’/not wanting </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">support/help/not </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">wanting to be comforted and consoled as a manipulation tactic/reverse </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">psychology to attract people to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">me, to make people want to do and be that for me, instead</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> of being self-honest about what I actually </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">want and need, which is not to be alone, and also </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to have a better relationship with myself.</span></p><p> </p><div><br /></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-32520070698370187272021-01-21T09:43:00.002-08:002021-01-21T13:50:24.941-08:00Qanon and Global Change<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIOBVNsP6JCLvObPD9U8VGqT-oxZFr8I3LdRoGYbmemxoGoWy5fyeGMYFRh9WJi7SgOsvWrJv8psyY5Nuywb6H7Gdk4SEx3YZfiXoa_5BP7MBb3vFCSsRhbjima3sSMGNkVtBV_l28GwY/s720/Qanon.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="395" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIOBVNsP6JCLvObPD9U8VGqT-oxZFr8I3LdRoGYbmemxoGoWy5fyeGMYFRh9WJi7SgOsvWrJv8psyY5Nuywb6H7Gdk4SEx3YZfiXoa_5BP7MBb3vFCSsRhbjima3sSMGNkVtBV_l28GwY/w395-h395/Qanon.png" width="395" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I was following the Q anon movement for about a year, up
until about 2 years ago – this was NOT a very acceptable or popular thing to be
interested in within my liberal/democratic social circles. I got to Q through
being a Bernie Sanders supporter. I followed the 2016 primaries closely, and for
anyone looking even just beneath the narrative, you will see that a LOT was
exposed about the blatant corruption in US politics and the media during that
time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is interesting because Q anon
is highly associated with Republicans, but if you take a little time to
investigate, you will see that it is not about Democrats and Republicans, but
rather about the entire establishment containing a corrupt mafia-like structure
(with international ties) present on both sides, with a group of otherwise
well-intentioned people trying to represent the masses in government.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I got into Q anon by initially looking into wikileaks, and
eventually got invited to a Q anon group on facebook by a Ramster. I saw the same
information repeating itself, information I had been hearing about for years. I
dug in and I learned about Q+, kek, pepe, Qproofs, decoding tweets with
gematria, BOOM, 4chan, 8chan, alice in wonderland, Q drops, white hats, 5:25, trust the plan, the political
moves, people and positions being filled, etc… so for anons, that will give you
an idea of how far or how not far I got into it. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Q anon’s goals include bringing the power of the government
back to the people, stopping corruption and abuse in politics, religion and the
entertainment industry, creating a fair capitalism that is not tainted by
monopolies, harmonization and globalization, exposing and stopping funding
global elites that have all the power and control in banking, the food industry,
media, politics, international relations through driving the war machine and
arms industry, medicine and pharmaceuticals, and basically owning everything we
depend on to survive in this physical reality. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">The Q anon movement was quite a phenomenon, and although it
did have its highly publicized radical fringes, from what I saw, it had its
fair share of very level-headed people. These people were mostly concerned with
accountability, transparency and essentially making the world a better place in
ways they understood this could actually happen in our current system of
corruption and control. There was also a focus on ending human-trafficking and pedophilia,
and the misuse of public funds globally. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">So, I followed this movement and I
thought YES, the people at the top may finally be exposed and lose their power,
and new, better, ‘good’ people are going to take their place and make the world
a better place for all of us. I really thought that one group was going to
penetrate the political sphere, and shake the corrupt foundations that had been
so firmly set in place since the very beginning. And to this day, based on what
I saw and read, I still think this movement could have been very real, and very
well-intentioned.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Meantime, I have for over 10 years promoted another,
different solution – one based more in common sense. A grass-roots movement that takes place from the ground up. This solution posits that
every human being should be valued, and that the money system should be a
reflection of this value, where money is created based on human life. Financial
support for basic needs (food, education, health care, housing, transportation
and communication) from birth till death – no fear of not having money, no
survival of the fittest, but rather money equally for everyone, in other words,
Equal Money, or an Equal Money System. (Yes, you can still work and make a lot more money and be rich,
and yes, at this point we do know there is more than enough money to go around
the globe several times). </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">There were a few realizations I had regarding the Q movement
that I simply couldn’t deny, and which the Equal Money System solution actually
addresses directly. This touches on the human trafficking and pedophilia points,
within which an important reality was ignored within the Q anon movement. This
is the fact that, when you only look at the elite and the abuses they commit,
you are actually wearing blinders to a huge part of reality. I had spoken to a
man that had spent years in South African townships, and he recounted to me the
child rape and abuse at all levels that was able to take place unnoticed in
these conditions of poverty. He saw people (not the elite) offering their children for rape to landlords
when they were not able to pay the rent, and inter-familial molestation taking
place regularly. People in these conditions all over the world end up prostituting
their children for food money, and selling some of their children into sex
slavery in order make money to save the rest of the family. These atrocities
are not isolated to South African townships though, they take place all over
the world, including countries such as the USA. And then you can consider
child-sex tourism in almost every impoverished country, where middle-class
people (not the elite), travel to experience sex with a child against the child’s
will. So, pedophilia is a global accepted occurrence, and only a fraction of
child rape takes place by the elite. When we focus on the elite, who are
essentially untouchable, we are ignoring the bigger part of the problem, which
is pedophilia committed by ‘normal’ people all over the world every day.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">The elite are said to use pedophilia in satanic rituals and
in order to use as blackmail to control the entertainment industry, and the
other entertainment industry called politics. This is some serious mental depravity.
However, the other, every day pedophilia has the common thread of poverty –
needing money to survive, and being stuck in sex slavery due to lack of money,
and pedophilia as a result of lack of education. I mention lack of education because of the use of child-rape
within the belief that it will cure one of AIDS and other conditions. So,
every-day pedophilia and MANY other forms of abuse can be directly addressed by
valuing human life, and backing that value with money (enough for food, water, housing, education, transportation and communication). In all of these
conditions, if either the child or the family had money, the rape would not
have occurred, or the child could have walked away (many do, and end up on the streets).</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">With the elites, we are talking about a whole other level of
madness – one that cannot be directed with money, because they already have that.
These people need to be committed into mental institutions and perhaps even
studied to learn how the human mind can sink to such depths of perversion and degradation, in order that we may prevent such mind-control or brainwashing
from ever occurring again. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Now look at the numbers: billions of people live in poverty
or extreme poverty, half the global population – how many millions of children
are abused in these conditions, stuck there with no way out because they do not
have money. Now think about how many elite exist in the world? Every
well-versed conspiracy theorist can tell you that there is not that many, especially
the higher up you go. So, the number of children being raped by these ‘untouchable’
people is but a mere fraction of the problem, and is the part of the problem
that is farthest from our reach to prove and so prevent. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I had to ask myself, why is my focus being diverted to a very
small fraction of a global problem, and the fraction that I am least empowered
to do something about? It started to feel like I was living in a conspiracy theory within and conspiracy theory! Using conspiracies to distract from real solutions. I mean, yes, I can expose the elite and their use of
pedophilia, but when I started looking, I saw that this has been exposed for
years with absolutely no effect, and that if I were to jump on this bandwagon, I would be sucked down so many rabbit holes, and would most likely become labelled as a conspiracy theorist and lose my voice
and credibility. Whereas if I were to use my time, energy, resources and voice
to expose the bigger global phenomenon, and to empower people financially (like
with voting for Yang for example, or starting grassroots movement which I am currently busy doing with a growing group of people, check out <a href="https://www.facebook.com/EarthHavenMission">Earth Haven</a>), then I would be doing what the elite really
fear – empowering the masses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Why do you think conspiracy theories are allowed to run
rampant on the elite-controlled internet? It is but one of the devices of the
elite to consume people, discredit them whether the conspiracy is true or not,
and get them sucked down endless rabbit holes where human time, ingenuity,
resources and power is lost. I have spoken to many people, and I am one myself,
that had spent a lot of time following lines of information and conspiracy
theories – many of which I do believe are true. But the one thing we all had in
common was that we spent a LOT of time on it, and had no effect whatsoever. Not
only that, but in our actual day-to-day lives, we were becoming withdrawn, creating
friction with no solution, and not building up our own lives or empowering
ourselves to actually do something in our very own communities. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">We were spending hundreds of hours online, and it is kind of
fun and exciting, entertaining ourselves, joining a special global group of
people ‘in the know’ – with absolutely no physical evidence of having done
anything of value or worth. In fact, in one moment, parts of the internet can
be shut down, or the entire internet can be controlled, and we will lose all of
our work and be forced to face the realities in our own backyards.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Ask yourself, what is the last thing the elite want from the
masses? The answer is empowerment. What is the quickest way to empower someone?
Give them money. But the elite want slaves and they are very cunning about it.
They want people stuck in survival, working to the bone, fearing losing a paycheck.
They are so cunning they will even hide in plain sight, expose their lesser and
more expendable ranks to keep the slaves distracted, consumed, busy, focused on
things they cannot do anything about. Meanwhile, empowering people in the most direct
and important way, which is financially, has been demonized, labelled, laughed
at, called evil like socialism or communism - seems like another elite tactic, doesn't it? When you talk to most people about
giving others money, they will suddenly separate and divide themselves from
their fellow man. But is that not yet ANOTHER tactic of the elite? To divide and conquer?
Now we turn against each other and call each other lazy, undeserving, leeches, where did these ideas come from? Who started them? Why aren't we looking at the obvious: looking at how much stress EVERYONE is under due to money, having to make
money, where it is becoming harder and harder to secure a life in this world. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">But
we do not want to give everyone access to money, because we are spiteful. We
are angry. I am angry. We are tired. I am tired. We never got anything for
free, we had to ‘suffer’, so everyone should suffer. We would rather live in a
suffering world than secure everyone with a guaranteed income, without looking
at how much suffering would end, in case a handful of people abuse it and we
get our feelings hurt (because it would not actually harm us physically). I think, in reality, we all fear something a little deeper... it is in fact SO easy to give everyone money, that we would feel incredibly ashamed once we had done it - because we would realize how quickly it would end so much suffering, especially the suffering of the innocent, yet we were unwilling to even consider it because of our own self-interest. How shameful.<br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">This is where I come to the notion of forgiveness. The notion
of offering a blank slate. To each other and to ALL, with no more retribution,
no more paying for sins, no more punishment – because our sins are so much,
that if we were to each one pay for our sins and the sins of our fathers, we
would be paying for sins forevermore, and the world would not change. Q anons can
be vicious, hungry for revenge, hungry for a witch hunt, hungry for people to
be hung, tortured, abused as they have abused. Then maybe they will learn a
lesson, right? Q anons want suffering to take place, to end suffering. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">But what about those elite that have had enough? What about
the ones that have had a change and <i>want </i>to change? The ones forced into
it against their will? What happens to the elite that want to speak out, who
are actually in a position where they could finally expose and prove for real
what is going on in the upper circles? What they face is death from both
directions. If they are not killed by the elite themselves, then they will be killed
by the masses of people hungry for their blood. What if Hillary Clinton
actually did eat the face of a child and participate in torture and ritualistic
abuse, and has now seen that she can’t get away with it for much longer, that
it is not working… her health is failing and her corruption exposed, and now
she just wants to speak about it and end it all. Will she speak out if she
knows she will be received by a one-way trip to Guantanamo? Probably not. If we
have to force it out of each one, with the positions they are in and the power
they have, it will take a very, very long time. During this time, more children
will suffer. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">If we were to instead forgive the elite, and employ them to use
their resources to turn the entire system around – with the knowledge and
understanding they have of the system and the human mind, and how to effect
change effectively on a large scale, then we could actually end the problem
faster. So, the question here is: do we want to end the problem faster and
change more effectively, or do we more want punishment and revenge (even if
that desire for punishment and revenge will prolong the suffering of the
innocent)? If even the most high-up, notorious elite whistleblowers were met with
forgiveness, more would be willing to do the same. They can either help, or
disappear, and never again repeat the same behaviour they have been living for
so long. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">About 2000 years ago, a group of people were in the very same
position that we stand in today – they were asked to forgive those who killed
him. And they had to, because it is what Jesus himself preached. They had to
overcome their anger, their resent, their suffering, their spite, and forgive
the very ones that killed their messiah. They had to, because if they did not,
those that killed him could not have been converted, could not have changed. This
is the position we stand in today, on a much larger and more consequential
scale, but the same position nonetheless. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Within all of this, all of the information and theories that
may or may not be true – I know that I stand for a change in the economic
system where life is valued over profit. I realize that we cannot hope and wait for the elite to change or to bring a change, but thankfully there has been a proposal made called
an Equal Money System. A bunch of crazy kids went to study economics, politics,
law and psychology and drew up a new economic model that addresses every major
problem in the world. They wrote books, hosted hangouts, made websites and took
on much direct attacks, trolls and haters. Why? Because they wanted to empower
everyone with money. Strange, isn’t it?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">You can check out the books here: https://eqafe.com/series/13-equal-money-books</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;"> </span></p>
<p> </p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-49860590183068804262021-01-17T10:24:00.001-08:002021-01-17T10:55:16.471-08:00Everything is in Reverse<p> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOZv1G77-8f-uw7MdQeUuI6wTYPrhOGfjRUceK9WzQH267OnT8aI-Mhz42irzldussVSkfHQS78OrE6TAz4DGepDNoLus-Gu1kaADf27C45nNY1I1bGeiiUC6iGnFs37xcKgknlDuhxA/s960/Everything+is+in+reverse.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFOZv1G77-8f-uw7MdQeUuI6wTYPrhOGfjRUceK9WzQH267OnT8aI-Mhz42irzldussVSkfHQS78OrE6TAz4DGepDNoLus-Gu1kaADf27C45nNY1I1bGeiiUC6iGnFs37xcKgknlDuhxA/w559-h314/Everything+is+in+reverse.webp" width="559" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;"></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">If you are walking the Desteni process, you may hear the
phrase “Everything is in Reverse” spoken in certain situations. It took me some
time before I could actually grasp the implications of what this actually meant.
From what I have learned and experienced so far, seeing how everything works in
reverse when walking your process, you will see that when you understand how
things work in reverse, you get a far more dynamic, thorough and complex
understanding of how reality functions, how individual self-creation happens,
and how to undo the self-creational process that does not benefit self, the one
that was walked as if on ‘autopilot’, in unawareness, like bad habits,
detrimental self-definitions and reactional patterns for example. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">For me, seeing and realizing how ‘everything is in reverse’
usually happens in hindsight, where the outcomes I was expecting played out in
ways I could have never imagined. Where the outcome, in terms of the result,
the realizations, that which manifested in the physical – was exactly what I
was aiming for, but the process to get there was specific to realize many points
in a way that is Best for All. Yet the process to get there seemed to be ‘destroying’/’moving
away from’ the very thing I set out to do.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Many times, I have set out to achieve an objective, only to
have the experience where the entire time, the entire process feels like it is
falling apart and moving farther and farther away from the objective. It has
been, in many instances, the reverse of the process I was expecting. Only once
I had seen it through, despite the experience I was having, did I realize the
process had to happen in reverse for me to be able to see all the points I
would have missed if I were to have walked a straight line from ‘A’ to ‘B’ as I
had planned. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">It has also been explained to me that the saying “Everything
is in Reverse” does not mean everything is ‘opposite’, or that the solution to
be walked should be the ‘opposite’ of the ‘problem’/’issue’. For example, if
you are experiencing a point of ‘laziness’ that you are struggling with, where
you are finding it difficult to get up and move, to motivate yourself and to
get tasks done, we may be tempted to simply ‘do the opposite’ and all of a
sudden become ‘more productive’. But you may find that doesn’t work necessarily,
that you continue struggling and then burn out. So you instead walk it ‘in
reverse’: you learn how to relax <i>properly</i>, which could be seen or judged
as being EVEN MORE LAZY and the REVERSE of what you ‘should’ be doing. But, in
fact, you needed to learn how to let go of your work entirely in those moments
where you decide to rest, so that your rest is in fact real rest, where you get
up and feel rejuvenated, relaxed, ready to take on the next thing. Here, the
process was in reverse, and not doing ‘the opposite’ of a point. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">A simple example to illustrate the difference: Black is the <i>opposite</i>
of white in terms of colour, whereas you can then look at the process in <i>reverse</i>
and say that white comprises all hues on the visible light spectrum, and black
is the absence of light. Or you can say that black and white are not colours at
all, and are actually shades. In seeing the process in reverse is very
different from doing the opposite. In seeing the process in reverse, you are
considering the creational process of colours, you are opening yourself up to
the different perspectives and definitions of what colour even is. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">If you move immediately from ‘laziness’ to ‘extremely productive’
(doing the opposite), you miss your SELF within the point (and you will
probably burn out quite quickly). You may miss the fact that you were lazy
because you were over-burdening yourself in your mind with responsibilities that
were not yours, with unattainable expectations which made you feel deflated and
defeated, or with stress, worries and anxieties that were unnecessary. You then
walk a process of learning how to relax a LOT, really pushing the point, where
you are now doing less than you were ever doing before, but you learn how to really
let go and truly give your body a real break. You then slowly bring your work
back in, remembering not to recreate the same mental burden you had created
before, so that in the end, you can turn out to be even more productive because
your body is more balanced, your mind is clearer and more focused, and you are not
carrying around a bunch of unnecessary emotional weight. The latter is an example
of ‘everything is in reverse’.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Another example is the old tale about the hen that was baking
pies for all the young chicks in her village. It was quite a laboursome process
to bake these pies, and none but one of the chicks was willing to help her when
she asked. When the pies were ready and it came time for eating them, of course
all the chicks came around to get some delicious pie. But the hen refused to
give them any, because they did not help at all in the cooking process, except
for the one chick that did help – he got all the pie he could eat. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">This life lesson from the hen seems entirely practical. You
didn’t help, now you don’t get any – and this is how we teach each other
lessons most of the time. Threats, punishments, rewards. Very mechanical… where
is the complexity of Life considered in there? How can we be more considerate
where the lessons learned will result in the chicks becoming being more
considerate, more responsible, more understanding? All they have learned from
this is input-output/stimulus-reward. And besides, what is the hen going to do
with all that pie for just herself and one chick. It seems a little spiteful,
doesn’t it? </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But let’s look at how
taking ‘everything in reverse’ opens up many more points of consideration and
regard for everyone involved. Why did the hen in the story make the pies? She
was making it for others. If the task were too big and laboursome for her, why
did she not ask for help before starting to bake, and assess from the amount of
help that was volunteered if she was willing to still make the pies. Instead,
she started making the pies and asking for help along the way, once she had
already begun. This seems like she was setting herself up for disappointment
and difficulty. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Because, not everybody likes to make pie, right? But some
people really enjoy it, and they enjoy making it for others. Why not get those
people that enjoy making pie together, where everyone would actually enjoy the
process and it would not seem like labour at all, but simply something they all
like doing. Now you have a group together that is expressing themselves in ways
that is aligned with who they are, instead of forcing some into doing something
they are not really interested in, only because they want a reward. Personally,
I think the pies made from enjoyment and self-expression will taste better anyways.
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">In doing it this way, she is teaching these chicks to do what
they enjoy, and to do it as a ‘giving’ to others, where the ‘giving’ part is
equally enjoyed. I mean, what are all the other chicks busy with? It does not
make sense that every single chick should be there making pies, there are other
things that need to be done in a village, or maybe they are busy developing
themselves through play? </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Now we can also look at it a different way, looking only at
the hen, asking again, why did the hen want to make the pies? Did she set out
to teach a spiteful lesson? Or does she just enjoy making and sharing pies? What
if the hen simply enjoyed making pies, and so she made them unconditionally as
an expression of herself which she lived out physically through making pies?
What if she chose a day where she has the time and the energy to really put her
all into making pies for all the chicks in the village, where she leads by
example in expressing herself and giving unconditionally. Wouldn’t that be a
better lesson for the chicks? Do what you love doing and share it
unconditionally? This is why people specialize into certain skills and
abilities, because not everyone finds passion and purpose in doing the same
things. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">If you look at it, by doing it all herself, this learning
lesson would seem to be ‘in reverse’ of what the hen was intending to teach,
which was ‘taking responsibility’,’ putting effort in if you want to create
something and enjoy it’. But in ‘teaching a lesson’ through denying the chicks
pie because they did not want to help, without first explaining to them that
there would be this consequence, she was actually moving only from point ‘A’ to
point ‘B’ linearly, missing Who She Is and who each individual chick is in the
process. The chicks had no clue they would be denied pie if they did not help
out – and this was done intentionally and so with some deceit on the part of
the hen. This will more likely breed resent, guilt, disappointment, spite,
lack, anger and frustration in the chicks, which is actually what we often do
with children in the world today. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Why not teach responsibility and ‘putting effort in’ by ‘doing
it in reverse’ – through giving as you would like to receive, through standing
as an example, through unconditionality? –These are the qualities of real
leadership. And yes, not all the chicks will take the lesson. Some will love
being lazy and reaping the benefits of another’s labour. Those chicks will
create consequences in their own lives over time which they will either have to
decide to live with, or change and take responsibility and the put effort in. This
is simply the longer process, and hopefully they will have a hen in their lives
that will walk this process with them, standing as an example over and over
until they either ‘get it’, or they don’t. The outcome should not affect how
the standing and leadership of the hen. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Now, of course there are practical examples of where children
need to chip in and help out. Where they may need to contribute to the functioning
of the household and start chipping in with daily responsibilities – but here
there is always a practical reason behind it: If you keep your room clean you
won’t get bugs or lose your toys. You must set the table because parents are
busy working and cooking and it needs to be set in order to be able to
eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things like this that have understandable
reasons behind the task. But with something like making pies spontaneously
because you wanted to, where you don’t need more than a few people, and where a
few people can easily make an abundance of pie, enough for everyone – why should
there be a necessity for everyone to chip in to make pies?? It doesn’t make
sense. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">In this fable, you could say to the hen that is trying to
teach the lesson: “everything is in reverse”. Where, walking this teaching
process in reverse (giving the pie unconditionally and looking more at Self and
who Self is in that process) actually covers so many more points than the
mechanical and linear way of ‘doing the opposite’ where you simply deny instead
of give the pie. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">In my life, personally, I have had many lessons taught to me ‘in
reverse’. Especially as the people around me stand as their own points of self-responsibility,
this seems to happen quite naturally. It has been, for me, the more reactive
process, the more thorough process, the more eye-opening process which has
taught me to truly consider others as myself. To truly check my self-interest
and challenge my ego, to truly challenge Who I Am and who I decide to be in my
living actions.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">So, in the end, how I have seen everything being in reverse,
is where you take your point/the point you see/the point you are walking, and
stand within and as it despite any <i>experience</i> you are having, or how it
seems to be playing out. You embrace reality and let Life unfold, knowing that <i>you</i>
are taking self-responsibility, and not binding that to anyone outside of you.
You live self-trust, and walk your point despite it feeling like you are moving
away from it. If you stick with your principles and common-sense, and of course
“look inside to Self for guidance”, you will inevitably walk a process that is about
so much more than just you, one that contributes to all Life in so many ways.</span></p>
Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4140129024742950947.post-12235393286829501512021-01-09T12:41:00.005-08:002021-01-09T12:53:53.460-08:00Relationships as Religion<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZLl1gHmS6FfA9LpgySyOzudMCZQ4ckmRqRVKTRq8WHXUO4yOxmvUDWRRgn7MpdU425ql6Sb4biQ8bapMCiBo4rHhDrzpOEuxIfpACypnXPRsN346NiNvla7rOWwiHCn0pqRTYhW1H1o4/s960/sunset-698501_960_720.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="960" height="342" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZLl1gHmS6FfA9LpgySyOzudMCZQ4ckmRqRVKTRq8WHXUO4yOxmvUDWRRgn7MpdU425ql6Sb4biQ8bapMCiBo4rHhDrzpOEuxIfpACypnXPRsN346NiNvla7rOWwiHCn0pqRTYhW1H1o4/w513-h342/sunset-698501_960_720.webp" width="513" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p> </p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">In Osho’s book ‘<i>The Magic of Self-Respect’</i>, he
explains how birth is the first death we experience, where we cross a great
divide into the unknown. How we have to leave a world we have become comfortable
in, safe, taken care of – and this leaving is forced, it is not by choice or by
volition. We then spend our lives creating (or trying to create) a new life
where we experience again a little comfort, a little security, we “carve out a
little corner of the world” for ourselves and call it home. And then after
having spent a lifetime creating it, we are met again with another great divide
– another forced leap into the unknown.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Within all of this, according to Osho there is one ingredient
that makes the difference between a believer in God and a non-believer, and
that ingredient is FEAR. Osho had an atheist as a grandfather and a theist as a
father, and so he always had the two to observe, to compare and contrast what
they believed in, what they spoke and what they actually lived in fact. His
grandfather claimed an absence of fear and thus no need for a god. Until his
dying breath, he never called upon a god to save him - from what? He had lived
fully, done nothing wrong, had nothing to pay for in the end, and was simply
ready to pass on to whatever came next with no concern as to what that could
be. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">The religious men around Osho, on the other hand, prayed and
chanted for hours a day, asking for protection – protection from what? Osho
observed only many instances of fear. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fear was always at the root, at the core and
the starting point of religious beliefs and actions. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I am not however, here to write a book report. I am here to
share my own, personal realization I had from reading the first parts of this
book, and how even though I have never defined myself as religious, I have used
ideas and beliefs in the same ways the devoutly religious do in the book in
terms of comforting self with a belief in a god - I saw how we are capable of
creating a ‘religion’ out of <i>other </i>ideas - repressing fear with beliefs
not necessarily related to the idea of God or divinity, but rather exalting ordinary
things not normally deified, creating a personalized religion inside of self to
cling to, adhere to, to abandon self for. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><i><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">“the moment you think of dropping the idea of God, fear comes
up. It is a simple indication that with the rock of the idea of God, you are
repressing fear; so the moment you remove the rock, the fear springs up.”</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">What ideas serve as these rocks for me? For you? These ideas
which, if removed from your life, will uncover a hidden (or not-so-hidden) well
of fear? </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">There is one paragraph in particular which helped me to
identify what I have ben living as a ‘god’ or ‘religion’ in my life, it is as
follows: </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">“<i>You asked for God to be invented because you could not
live alone.</i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><i><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">You were incapable of facing life, its beauties, its joys,
its sufferings, its anguishes. You were not ready to experience them on your
own without anybody protecting you, without somebody being an umbrella to you.
You asked for God out of fear.”</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">This hit me like that rock, I felt it hard, as if it were
speaking to the depths of me when it comes to how I have lived within my
definition and belief of RELATIONSHIPS in my life. And it was not until I
deliberately and painstakingly began removing this construct from my life that
I began to see the fear it was repressing. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">And it has to be deliberate, because relationships, as they
currently exist in our society, are omnipresent. It is a construct that exists
that is taught to us from our birth, as we are born into them much like one
would be born into a religion and know nothing else. The construct is fed and impulsed
to us from every direction, including religion. Every media outlet will sell to
us ‘relationships’, it even has its own market share, and it is weaved into the
fabric or our society through marriage, laws and legal contracts. I would say,
the religion of ‘relationships’ is more pervasive than the godly or spiritual
religions that exist today, because even atheist and non-believers are still susceptible
to hiding from their fear in relationships.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I made a decision one and a half years ago to no longer
participate in the construct of ‘relationship’, and decided instead to enter
into an Agreement. In an agreement, there is no hiding. There is no game
playing, no hierarchy, no manipulation, no control, no room for feelings and
emotions, and there is no morality. This essentially has turned everything I have
lived and understood upside-down. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">It may sound like chaos, with nothing giving direction or
holding the partnership in place, because we automatically assume that taking
away one thing means replacing it with it’s opposite: without the game-playing
there is boredom, without hiding there is only shame and judgment for who we
really are in our minds towards each other, without hierarchy there is only
conflict, without manipulation there is no fidelity. Without control there is
no fulfillment, without feelings and emotions there is nothing but a void,
without morality there is no consideration, and so on… but this is not the case
at all, because it is only looking at what an Agreement isn’t, or how it is NOT
a relationship, instead of looking at what it IS, how it is something that
stands independent of the construct of relationship. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">An Agreement stands upon principles – doing what is best for all
involved. It stands upon commitment, regardless of feelings and emotions. It
stands upon holding the best of someone and not letting go of that, even while
they walk through their worst. Within this, it stands upon patience, trust, and
integrity. An Agreement stands upon accountability and taking self-responsibility
– which leaves no space for hiding, for victimization or for blame. It embraces
the fact that each individual is a Whole, not requiring to be fulfilled by
another. An Agreement stands as ‘two or more’ in the name of the principles
agreed upon.And most of all, an Agreement stands upon FORGIVENESS - Forgiveness of Self and the Other as Self. And here I am talking about REAL forgiveness; the kind where you can in one moment drop the past and give each other a blank slate. Start fresh. Start over. Not even one trace of the past or an emotional reaction to it must exist in the minds of everyone involved. <br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Importantly – an Agreement is created in awareness, and not
something blindly fallen into like love, falling in love, blind love. This is
because we are in fact broken people coming from a broken system, beaten down
by survival, dominated by authority, brainwashed by school, media and culture,
emotionally underdeveloped and reactive, and our personalities are deeply rooted
in so much fear. This is why you cannot ‘fall’ into an agreement. It is deliberate,
it is worked on, it is seen through to the end, despite the discomforts or
unbearable points we may face when stripping away the ideas that have kept us
safe (from ourselves!) for as long as we can remember. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">And it is this ‘stripping away’ of the idea of relationship
that exposed to me the hidden fear I had – and not only the hidden fear, but
what had become of me over time because of and due to living with this fear.
And it is important to note that the truths of me that I exposed to myself were
never visible to the naked eye. On the surface, I have been a very independent
woman, having worked in careers, supported others financially, travelled across
the world by myself, thrived after a divorce, aced my way through university
later in life – everything I could have defined as ‘independent’ and ‘fulfilled’,
I had done it. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">But what I didn’t see until I really dropped the idea of ‘relationship’,
was that even while I was alone and feeling independent, unstoppable, empowered:
I still caried with me the faith, the belief that one day, I would get my
perfect relationship. It was as though one is floating on clouds of hope,
keeping one elevated just above the reality of self. The belief that, I am
alone right now, but will not be forever. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will not ever really have to peak under this
cloud to see what I have become over the years. I will not have to admit I have
been avoiding my fears while busy contorting myself into things that I am not
in order to secure relationships; placing the ‘eventual perfect relationship’
as my starting point, essentially disregarding myself and not exploring Who I
Am, but rather, who must I be to get into heaven?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">“<i>You can either be a person who is a coward, afraid, ready
to submit, surrender, a person who has himself no dignity, no respect for his
own being – or you can be fearless.”</i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">…needless to say, I have not been entirely fearless. Not at
all.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">So, what happened as I stripped away the comfort, security,
the exalted nature I held of the idea of relationships? I sank deeply into the
reality of me – that which I feared - into the void that was there which I had
never filled for myself, the parts of me I had abandoned and neglected,
thinking and believing it was someone else’s job to tend to. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">My demons came out as I tried to escape the reality of me, looking
for someone, something to blame, to make it better, feeling as though this had
all been done ‘unto’ me by some hand other than my own. I faced the aloneness
that existed within me – that utterly alone feeling that drives one to God… or
in my case to dance clubs and bars, dating sites and lovely fantasies. That
emptiness that comes up from time to time, that motivates you to pray to
something outside yourself, or in my case to look my best and go out into the
world as an eligible individual, looking to meet her ‘other half’.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Relationship had become my god, my religion with which I
covered up my fear of being alone, the emptiness I felt when things that should
be enjoyed were not able to be enjoyed, or pain and sorrow seemed too painful
to bear by myself. So, yes, it looks entirely different. But if you break it
down and look at how we use it, any idea, belief, or construct can be used as
one uses a religion or belief in God. It’s only when the fact of the matter
(the truth of the Self in the Flesh) is realized and known that one can open
one’s eyes to be able to see through the veil of religion, and it’s only through
actually DOING it, LIVING it for real that the truth can be fully exposed. The
truth of Self exposed to Self– there is no one else involved here. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Interestingly, what I had discovered through walking an Agreement,
and a very unique one at that, was that the personal hell I discovered inside
myself, the one I had buried, hid and feared, was entirely emotional (not a
real, physical hell, not real pain) – because the reality of the situation was
that I was not in fact alone – I was in an agreement. All the physical supports
and structures are here. Everything I could ask for is Here – just not the
participation in the emotions, feeling, conflict, drama, love, attachment,
manipulations, control and everything else we do to keep a hold of another
person, instead of just standing unconditionally there, Here with them no
matter what. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Within this, I can emphasize and relate to those who begin to
question or even give up on their gods, and how that can be a painful process. I
can also now understand how people can be and become so devout, unwavering,
defensive and protective of their religions and their gods. I understand how it
is all based in fears – a unique array specifically designed by and for the
individual. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">Within this, I can admit that I have been devout. I have
exalted something outside myself above myself and then submitted to it. I have
been a coward in the face of life, and ran away afraid, surrendering my
personal power to another, and built a false power on top of a faulty
foundation, compromising my dignity, my self-respect for my own being, in
believing I required another to do or be something <i>for </i>me.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">I only slowly realized what Osho meant when he said:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><i><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">“If the fear comes up, you have to face it; it is in no way
going to help you to cover it with the idea of god”.</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%;">So now I am busy facing my lifetime of fears, using the tools
of self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitments. Relationship systems
and constructs had been programmed quite deeply into me by me, by my
upbringing, by my culture and my family, by media and television and social circles.
Questioning and letting go of something at this level involves shaking
foundational parts of self, as self was created on top of this belief system as
if it were fact, unmovable, unchangeable. It has, at times, felt like the
entirety of me is being shaken, where it feels like there is nothing left of
self to hold on to. Yet with breath and breathing, forgiveness and self-change,
I have seen that there is always something of me to come back to. And until I
am back Here completely, unwaveringly, unshakably, in the physical – I walk,
breath by breath, step by step, re-creating myself as I go. Falling, getting
up, repeating mistakes, facing the pain and the fear, realizing what is real
and what is not. Realizing so much about the mind and how it functions – seeing
more and more through the veils based on one point that extends into many other
points, moving back to the title of the book that started of the blog, and rediscovering
the <i>Magic of Self-Respect.</i></span></p>
<p> </p>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0