Taking a Stand in Saying "NO": micro-blog from Desteni Universe

This week’s word I have been working with is ‘NO’. When it comes to saying ‘No’, I find my ‘people pleaser’ programming gets triggered. My process of coming to a ‘no’ in any given situation would be one where I would look first and foremost to what concessions I can make, where I can find or make the time and what compromises I can offer, where the end result would usually be a ‘Yes’, where it should have been a ‘No’/’No, not now’/’No, maybe later’.

In working with animals and with children, I have been placed in a position where I either re-define and live a proper ‘No’, or I get pushed around, feeling abused within unclear boundaries – because children and animals will take a mile when you’ve only offered an inch, testing your stand at every opportunity.

My re-defining and living of the word ‘No’ has been closely linked to my process of self-authority, and this week I would like to focus on the internal ‘No’ – that stand that I see I can take with myself and my mind, specifically when energies come up that tend to shake me, possess me and influence the entirety of Who and How I am.

In taking the stand and the certainty I am developing with my external environment, I now see I can apply it within myself too!

The important thing I have realized is that there is a difference between a ‘No’ that suppresses,
ignores and pushes the energy back down into myself (not good), and then there is the ‘No’ where I bring the energy up within me, really feel it, define it, embrace it as a part of myself, and then I take that stand and that stance and say ‘NO’ within myself – stating that I will not accept and allow this
energy to take me over in moments, that I chose instead to be Here and Breathe.

In a way, both telling myself ‘No’, and at the same time, hearing a ‘No’ from me – all within the understanding that this is NOT how I will accept and allow myself to be, that things are going to be changing now, that there is a part of me that is now being told to step down, and another part that will step up.

And even in voicing that word ‘No’ within myself, I am showing myself that the part of me that will step up, will in fact do so, is capable of doing so, is Here, ready and able to take that stand – because the process of developing that ‘No’ was in fact a process, it was strengthened and developed, walked through understanding, testing, trial and error and into a living. And now, being armed with that ‘No’, I can say the most difficult ‘No’ of all – the one I must say to myself, over and over until I change.

Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath

I am going to be exploring the meanings of these words: “Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath”. I am doing so because, at the moment, they are only words to me, and not a living reality that I understand and practically apply in my life. This is important because practical application of these words is required.

First I will have a look at the dictionary definition of both ‘assertive’ and ‘steadfast’:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.

 

When I look at these words, I see that I have a reaction towards words such as ‘aggressive’, ‘bold’, ‘demands’ and ‘dogmatic’- which are words that, when I face them in others I would be ‘put off’ due to judgments I have made about them. I would judge them as ‘abrasive’, ‘annoying’, even ‘rude’. I see that in the past I would NOT want to be in a conversation with someone who possessed these traits, and I would in fact have the tendency to avoid them. So now to look at Why this is so:

The reaction I ‘m having towards these words is that, if I were in conversation with someone that possessed the qualities they describe, I would feel ‘less-than’, I would feel like I were talking to a wall, I would feel frustrated and angry because I judge myself as ‘not assertive’, and I would feel like the other person was ‘more valid’ simply because they were more assertive. I also see the fear of not being able to stand up to an assertive person, which makes me feel angry and resentful towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with a negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘assertive’ as bad/negative/wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the internal experience of ‘less-than’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive with the internal experience of ‘less-than’ thus creating a relationship to the word ‘assertive’ in separation of myself, because in doing this, I will never in fact GIVE myself the opportunity to BE assertive MYSELF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from the word ‘abrasive’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’ in separation of myself.

Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive, and to be abrasive, for example when I am standing up within myself and not accepting/allowing abuse from another. In this type of situation I wouldn’t want my relationship to the word be such that I would avoid standing up for myself for fear of the very same judgment I have placed on the word itself. Instead, I would give myself the opportunity to be/become the living word, as me, in moments where such a being/becoming is required. Where no judgment is necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ to ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from ‘talking to a wall’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’ in separation of myself.
I will not separate myself from assertiveness through creating the ‘walls’ I perceive others to become, and which I myself become. Instead I take down my walls of separation brick by brick through equal communication, understanding and self-honesty, so that eventually no walls exist between human beings and we realize we are all simply Here, coming from the same source and going to the same place. The walls we have built are walls built in self-interest due to fear and survival, because we live in a world of fear and survival, where we are pitted against each other, wherein the ‘other’s’ loss is our ‘gain’, and we must protect ‘our gain’ from those that have less; when in fact there is no real gain, we are all only ever losing, and the ones losing the most are our children and the generations to come.

I will continue to purify the word assertive, and then redefine it in blogs to come.