Thursday, April 30, 2020

Why Do I Accept a System of Crime?

Because I accept and allow the fact that I have more than others, and I know that this is unfair. I realize that what I have and my position in the world is a result of living in a system of inequality, where I out of sheer luck, ended up being born into the group called the ‘haves’, where I spent my life not challenging this because I was born into it and accepted it as simply ‘the way things are’.
Because of and due to my acceptance and allowance of a system of inequality, I have accepted and allowed that abject poverty, starvation, survival, lack and innumerable forms of suffering are ok to exist. 

Within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear these atrocities, and so fear that lack, starvation, poverty and innumerable forms of suffering may occur to me - a fear which keeps me in my place and in line and paralyzed from speaking up or disrupting the system and my place within it.

Because I accept and allow self-interest, where I am fully human and deserving, and where ‘criminals’ exist only as a picture in my mind and so I do not have to consider them as fully human, equals in Life, where they exist as figments of my imagination.

Because I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to consumerism, possessed by possessions because I have accepted and allowed ‘what I have’ to determine ‘how I feel’ in terms of things like survival, security, self-image, self-worth etc… and within this have accepted and allowed a fear of loss, fear of losing myself, my things, my money, and so want to protect it, hoard it, keep others out and away, even when I know there is no system of support for them to go to.

Because I have separated myself from others with the thought that ‘it is happening to them’ and not me, and feeling relieved.

Because I’ve abdicated responsibility to governments, police and other systems to ‘take care of crime’, where if it is not happening directly to me, I don’t have to look at it.

Because I accept and allow myself to judge myself, and then punish myself in my mind, thus accepting and allowing a system of judgment/punishment within, and so as a result, equally accepting and allowing it without.

Because I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the ‘me versus them’ game, where ‘I am good’ because I do not ‘commit crime’ (as defined by the system), and ‘they are bad’ because they ‘commit crime’ (as defined by the system), instead of seeing and realizing that I AM them, seeing ‘them’ as reflections of those parts of me I have suppressed, not faced, and showing me the crimes of our combined acceptances and allowances in this world.

Because I have accepted and allowed jealousy, greed, envy and spite within and as me, where I want what others have, and where I’ve accepted and allowed disempowerment within myself and in relation to the world systems of money, jobs and consumerism, thinking and believing I am powerless to better myself and my life, and so I will instead take from others, acting within spite of others because they have what I want and so I spite them, make them less, and take what they have despite the fact that  would not want this to happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and hope that ‘crime does not happen to me’, sitting in fear of crime, holding my breath in a way, while I accept and allow crime to exist without questioning why or what can be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to a system of absolute inequality unquestioningly, where my mind exists in a small box of what is acceptable and allowable, where I never dared to peek outside that box and ask questions, or opened my mindset enough to consider that there can be another way, that solutions and change are possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of inequality, abject poverty, starvation, lack, survival and innumerable forms of suffering to exist within the thought that “it is ok so long as it is not happening to me” and that “I am ok to just sit here and fear it” instead of taking a stand within myself that this is not an acceptable way to live life on this earth and that I will not allow the acceptance of this within me and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and fear the atrocities of the world, fearing lack, starvation, poverty and innumerable forms of suffering, fearing that they may occur to me, a fear which keeps me in place and in line, which paralyzes me from speaking up or disrupting the order of things for fear of losing my privileged place within it, where I don’t dare go there, not even in my mind, not even opening up the possibility of another way in my mind, showing I have been mind-controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest, where I, in my mind, am fully human and so deserving, whereas those I perceive to be ‘criminals’ or ‘victims of crime’ exist only as a picture, a figment of my imagination and so I do not have to consider them as fully human, equals in Life, and can drop them from my mind as easily as I can drop or change a picture in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become addicted to consumerism, possessed by my possessions, where I have accepted and allowed ‘what I have’ to determine ‘who I am’ and ‘how I feel’ in terms of and in relation to things like survival, security, self-image and self-worth etc… where within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss, fear losing myself, to fear losing my things, to fear losing my money, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself, my things and my stuff, to keep others ‘out’ and ‘away’, even though I know very well there is no system of support in place for them, for those less fortunate to turn to as the world turns away and we collectively turned our backs on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others, and react in ‘relief’ when I see that bad things are happening to them, and not me, even though if I were in their position, I would want someone to consider me, to support me, to help me out till I get on my feet, and within this, I forgive myself that I have not done unto others as I would like have done unto me, but have instead closed myself off, closed my mind as consideration, closed all the doors and locked myself into my castle of fear – much like how it play out on earth is how I exist in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to the government, police, and other systems, for them to take care of the ‘crime problem’, the ‘crime problem’ that we have all collectively accepted and allowed, but when we do not have to deal with it directly, we do not have to look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to governments, where they can use my power to fuel their own corruption, or be burdened by my power, where they truly want to do something about the situation but simply cannot take it on alone without the participation of the masses, and so they get the life sucked out of them, as I sit in fear in my apparent comfort and security of ‘having enough to survive’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to the police to please ‘take care of crime’, where they risk their lives and kill others due to this entire system that we have collectively allowed, where ‘criminals versus police’ creates a life of fear, misery, stress, anxiety, death and insecurity for the individuals directly involved and their families, where they confront reality more directly for all of us, and so we herald the police as heroes because they are standing in a position we do not want to stand in, see, look at or know about, so we honour them and give them medals, punish and judge the others for a sense of justice being done, when in fact we are actually honouring the system, justifying the system, keeping the system in place, and the front-line place keepers for not rocking the boat, because then we all know we would have to look, have to confront it, within ourselves and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of ‘crime and punishment’ to exist within and as me, where I constantly judge myself in my mind, and constantly punish myself and beat myself up in my  mind, so that when I see judgment and punishment happening outside of me and in the world, I think ‘yes, I am not the only one, others must also suffer, be judged and punished like me’, and so feel a bit better when I see judgments being made and apparent ‘justice’ taking place as punishment, instead of stopping judging, coming to an understanding, and changing the circumstances that cause the problems in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the ’me’ versus ‘them’  game, where I judge myself as ‘good’ because I apparently do not commit ‘crime’ (as defined by the system), and ‘they are bad’ because they commit ‘crime’ (as define by the system), instead of seeing and realizing that I AM ‘them’, and seeing and realizing ‘them’ as reflections of me and those parts of myself within me that I have suppressed, not faced, where ‘they’ (us/we) are simply showing ‘us’ (ourselves collectively) the result and consequences of our collective acceptances and allowances in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed greed, jealousy, envy and spite to exist within and as me, wanting what others have, and instead of empowering myself to make the best life for myself and everyone else – where everyone can have what they want and need, instead go into disempowerment within myself and in relation to the world systems of money, jobs, consumerism etc… thinking and believing I am powerless, and so I would consider taking from others, acting within spite towards others because they have what I want and I can’t otherwise get it, in this, diminishing them in my mind conveniently so that taking from them does not seem so bad, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not want this to be done unto me, instead of living the statement and principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, where I would rather have us all working on a system of support, to support each one in their lives and livelihoods.

I commit myself to break down my walls of fear, to let Life in and let myself out into the world and reality, where I commit myself to dedicate myself to a process of change, to assist and support anyone who decides to do the same, and receive assistance and support when I need it, to change in thought, word and deed to an actual creator that contributes to the creation of a world that's Best for All.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Trusting Life in the Face of Uncertainty: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Today I supported myself by listening to most of the recordings relating to 'uncertainty' by the reptilians, because that is where I saw it was most difficult for me to stand as the living word that I am currently practicing, which is TRUST: Self-Trust/Trust in Life/Trusting Process.

When things are uncertain, I tend to want to move myself towards certainty, knowing, security and so my pre-programming becomes very tempting. I could also relate to the explanation of the 'doubt chamber', and had actually already located that area in my body as the 'problem' area, feeling that "something is there", but not knowing what.

The recording provided practical applications for how to live self-trust in these moments, where instead of seeking validation/invalidation from outside self from a starting point of self-doubt, you can instead use self-validation simply by aligning your starting point when making a decision or walking into something new (breeding grounds for uncertainty).

Aligning your starting point to SELF changes everything and leaves no room for self-doubt, except for as a reference of where you might have missed a dimension that simply needs to be further investigated.

Trusting Life and Self as Life also come in, and all in all the recordings give one the blueprints for how to live many dimensions of Trust, empowering one not to fall to the mind/pre-programming in the face of uncertainty.


Path of the Initiate - Reptilians - Part 380

"What is the difference between taking the initiative and being influenced to make a specific decision? How is your change still being initiated by consequences in your life?
Why are you not taking the initiative to change yourself?
What influences the path you will walk during the day?
Why are you walking this path without a map?"

Inner-Strength: What's Real? micro-blog from Desteni Universe

In my journey to redefining 'strength' I am learning about the ILLUSION of inner-strength (as apposed to REAL inner-strength) something I know all too well.

This is when I use my 'strength' to suppress what I am experiencing in moments, remaining completely stoic on the outside while internally I am actually emotional.

A recent example is when I was looking at some pictures, and I happened upon a picture of some dogs I've had to say goodbye to this last year, and it hit me all over again that they were now gone. In the moment I was struck with a deep sadness and wanted to cry, but instead I breathed and 'swallowed it' in a way, because there were others around. In so doing, I exerted my 'strength' to control my physical and to hold in my emotional reaction that was there in the moment.

At night, right before I go to sleep, I often do a 'scan' of my body/inner Self to see if there are any loose ends that need to be directed. That night, I found the pocket of emotion from having seen the dogs and suppressed the sadness. So I went into it and cried it out, being sure not to feed the sadness with any additional emotions, but just an unconditional letting go so that I was clear before going to sleep.

The recording explained that, if left unchecked, these emotions remain inside, creating pressure, strain, stress on the body, which builds over time and leads to emotional outbursts or physical illness/disease later on, sometimes years down the line.

So, even though we think we are being strong in the moment of 'keeping our composure', the reality is that in the long run, we loose more 'composure'/'control' over ourselves/bodies through outbursts or illness and disease.

For me, this has over the years contributed to migraines and psoriasis. Showing me the inner-strength I thought I had when it comes to keeping it together - is in fact suppression.

My solution apart from revisiting the emotion later, is to simply unconditionally let it out. Or, if that is not appropriate, can at least talk about it, define it, describe it, write it out or speak sf when I have a more appropriate moment later.

The recording leaves off with the practical application of being able to even identify these moments where we tend to immediately suppress, because it can very easily go unnoticed. So it's point of 'Man, Know Thyself'. We really need to be seeing this stuff we're doing to and within ourselves, and direct it/take it back in order to become empowered and not compromise our physical bodies or relationships with others in our world's.

Here's the recording, have a listen, enjoy!

Inner-Strength: What's Real? - Atlanteans - Part 324

Living in Abundance or Living in Lack?: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

I finally found a rug that Ghost can shed all over and it won't make a difference!
Today's action shot is about lack, and how I have created it throughout my life through things like 'saving money', 'living frugally' and other such budget-oriented terminology.

I have wanted a fake bear skin rug for years now. I liked the idea of stepping out of bed in the mornings and on to the softest surface, and having that be the first physical experience of the day.
But I never got one because it wasn't necessary, was not an essential element required to survive, was a complete and total luxury with no real purpose except enjoyment.

Then the other day I was in a store looking for mats for Ghost, and I happened upon these heart-shaped fur rugs for 20$, and as I ran my fingers through it I fell in love!

I have lived, over the years, in an absolute state of lack. It started in my childhood where my parents went through some tough times, and there often wasn't any extra to get the luxuries, and sometimes not even the necessities.

Being a child, I didn't understand why there wasn't enough. Both my parents worked, and there was nothing I could do to change the situation, so I just accepted it as 'that's just the way things are'.
Into my adult years I lived with this lack - the idea that there's not enough and there's not going to be enough no matter if I'm working or not - it is an endless rat race just to keep up.
ok, so this may be somewhat true - but the EXPERIENCE of lack is not necessary, and sometimes, from time to time I've done things to kind of 'jolt' myself out of that mindset. This involves living within one's budget, but from time to time, doing or buying something for pure enjoyment only.

This supports to create the experience of 'having enough', of abundance, of knowing that one's needs have and will be met, of getting what you need, instead of making a habit of sacrificing, cutting corners, and preparing for lack.
It is not necessary to do this, but it does support so long as it's done in awareness, with aligning one's starting point, doing it deliberately and not going Into the energy of consumerism which is what becomes addictive over time.
So now I have this awesome rug, which receives me every morning, which Ghost loves to sleep on, which is completely impractical in Panama lol! But which I absolutely enjoy every time I see it or step on it.
My moral here is for those that have lived like I have lived: like Spartans, where every penny is treated like it's the last one and abject poverty is seemingly just around the corner - remember that it can be overwhelmingly a mindset before it is an actual reality, a reality that may never actually manifest!
My advice would be to manage your money, but from time to time do something exactly how you want to do it, just as a reminder of what it could be like to live in a world of support where all needs are met, that abundance that is here but not yet realized, and that expression of self-care that you WILL provide for yourself in this world, because that is what you would want for others and for the world as a whole.

The Miser in Me: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Holding On

The Miser in Me

"This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort.
This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to parts of myself due to fear of judgment and reactions because of feeling that I am doing something wrong, being wrong, breaking some rules because I have not yet stood as the self-authority within myself to express and be and not fall to my mind when I have thoughts like "that is really stupid and dumb/not normal/not cool/that shows I am being influenced/that shows I am attempting to manipulate/that shows I am trying to be someone or something that I am not/ that shows weakness/lacking clarity/haven't cleared my starting point" etc... questioning what I am doing/saying/how I am being to the extent where it becomes impossible to just do and be as a learning, an expressing, a seeing, or an unfolding.

I commit myself to, when and as I am about to do or say something but am held back by a thought or an emotional experience, to take a breath and a moment to assert myself, my 'why', and continue to do the thing so that I can see me, show me to, as and for myself.

I commit myself to continue to create my self-agreement, where I decide in awareness what I will accept and allow within and towards myself and what not.

Gravity: A Beautiful Coward's Song: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Looking at John Mayer's song 'Gravity', a song that strikes deep, yearning, mourning and soulful chords in me, bringing it back to self to see what exactly this song accesses on deeper levels.

I like the use of the word 'gravity' in the song because of its dual meaning. On the one hand, it is the "force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the earth", while on the other hand it also refers to the "serious or critical nature" of an issue, like the gravity of the situation we are collectively facing here on earth, for example.

Now, it is not uncommon for people to not want to face the gravity of the situation on earth, or the grave situations in their own lives, like in the song, where John Mayer sings "Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me" and "Just keep me where the light is" is like wanting to turn a blind eye from the grave, serious and critical things that require our attention, focus and intervention, while also wanting to only experience the 'positive' things in life, where the "light is".

For me, this song has me looking back on my life to all of the grave situations Ive faced, the deaths, the heartbreaks, the losses, the hurts, the struggles, the falls, the shames - and with the feel and tone of the song, I want to look at it as if life has been a constant beating down, as if some outside force is coming in and doing this unto me...

"Gravity is working against me, And gravity wants to bring me down".

...and then the song is like a pleading to stop, like saying 'please just stop and leave me alone and let me experience the light'.

It's interesting because in looking at this point I had a re-listen to the gravity recordings from EQAFE, where gravity itself explains its role in the creation and manifestation process, where we, each and every one of us, are in fact the creators of our own lives, realities and experiences, and the force of gravity in multi-dimensions has played a role in this self-creation process through the compression and layering of physical reality and the realities of each one of us.

Now, since the opening of the portal and the changes in existence, gravity is actually working WITH our beingness potentials, and supporting us through this manifestation process, where everything that happens to us, the good, the bad and the ugly, is all specific and is Here to assist and support us to shape, form, mold and create ourselves into and as our utmost potential selves, so long as we work WITH events, situations and play-outs in our lives moment-to-moment, breath by breath - which the only way it can be done.

So, it's in a way funny and ironic that John Mayor sings;

"Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down"

When in fact, all gravity is asking of us is to work WITH it, to work WITH reality and everything that comes up and happens in our lives, in our minds and in our bodies, so that we can actually use our creative force to create, form and shape that potential that is here in terms of having all the ingredients as the words, the expressions, the forgiveness and changes we are capable of - all of it here at our fingertips.

So it's also quite ironic when he says:

"Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away",

When in fact it is revealed in the recording that we know exactly what makes us (as it is US making/creating ourselves), and the 'throwing it all away" is the simple act of not taking self-responsibility for our own creation by blaming it on an outside force as if it is being done 'unto' us and thus apparently not within our own self-directive principle to direct.

My takeaways here are thus to embrace gravity, as it grounds me to this earth, and to face the grave part of myself, not flee to the light, but to delve into the gravity of the situations I have created and "dream of ways" to change them in terms of finding solutions to the problems and walking them through step by step, day by day. And to also look back on my life, and instead of focusing on all the hardships and difficulties, to focus on those parts of myself that I cultivated and accessed in order to get through them, to rise to the occasion, and to overcome them to the point that I am still here today, still walking, still pushing and still never, ever giving up.

From EQAFE - Gravity: The Origins of Gravity - Earth, Nature, and Weather:

"What if gravity was a force that not only existed in our three dimensional world, but also in levels of reality that we have not considered?
We know that gravity is a force that compresses and holds things together - but how far exactly does this force go and how have previous civilizations in history used this knowledge?"
Part Two

"Are you understanding the gravity of the situation?
That is a term we hear when we need to get clear about an issue and our responsibility within it. But what does that practically mean?
What role does gravity have to play in each moment of our lives, and how can we best use this understanding when facing challenges?"

Gravity Live in L.A.

Do Good and Bad People Have a Different Afterlife Waiting?: micro-blog from Desteni Universe


Ever since I have been learning about corruption in government and its horrific consequences on people, the abhorrent abuse of children and animals that goes on in the world, the atrocity of wars... I have to admit, I have felt the things described in this recording.

That righteous vengeance that says those responsible should pay for what they've done, should suffer as much as they made others suffer, FEEL the very same pain they inflicted so that they will learn, and never again repeat the same.

Now imagine that I somehow get the power to dish out such consequences upon them, the very same pain and suffering they caused to others... does it make it okay because I think and believe that MY reasons for doing so are right and just? Or does it rather make me one and equal to that which I condemned?

In this recording you'll hear about some of the multitude of factors that causes someone to become a 'bad person' - the worst kind of person that creates pain, suffering and destruction in the lives of others, and what they face at death. About how one must look existentially at the bigger picture of why we become who we become, and how our death processes are unique, individual and deeply personal, not to be compared to one another - much like our processes in life.

This recording, like many others, emphasizes the importance of focusing on self and one's own life process and living, which seems like the most difficult point, yet it is the only way to really be effective.


Do Good and Bad People Have a Different Afterlife Waiting?