From the Mouths of Babes

I made some delicious sesame encrusted salmon with a teriyaki glaze, served over a bed of arugula and with a side of sautéed red pepper and white rice. It was soooo good! 🤤 As I was dishing it up, Cesar studied it for a moment and plainly told me, word for word, that the meal does not tempt him at all and he finds it entirely unattractive. He carefully reiterated - as Cesar often does to ensure complete understanding - that there is not one element on that plate that he would want to put in his mouth.  

Normally, an adult might find this rude or cheeky for a child to be so blunt. We might call it 'unappreciative' or 'insulting'. Yet I could not help but break out into laughter, because I understand Cesar and where he is coming from. 

We have told Cesar in the past that he must be honest with us about what he likes and dislikes in terms of food. There have been times where he would claim to be full after having not eaten, only because he saw how much effort went into the cooking process, and he didn't want to say he didn't like it. We explained to him that if he does this, we will continue to cook the same meals assuming he likes it, and then end up wasting food. In order to not waste food like this, we ask him to not only tell us if he likes it or not, but what exactly it is that he does or doesn't like, so that we can make adjustments. 

So, when Cesar was studying my dish, I knew that instead of disregarding the whole thing at first glance because it looked 'weird' or 'gross'to him, he was meticulously checking each element to see if there was anything he could eat, before giving his answer. This is not rude nor unappreciative, it is being honest. This is actually quite thoughtful. 

When I was a child, there were many times when I would force foods down my throat when eating at friend's houses so as not to offend anybody. The adults would see this as 'having good manners' and being 'well raised', when in fact it is teaching children to act in misalignment with their honesty in order to appease the emotions and expectations of adults. 

I would rather have a child be honest, know themselves and stand up for what they want and don't want to put in their bodies, because this applies to many more important boundaries later on in life. If we teach our children to bend to the will of others merely for the sake of appearances, then we are creating weak-willed children that will accept and allow abuse unto themselves if it means it won't upset someone, and we do this in so many ways. 

Rather use meal-times as an exercise in self-understanding and the courage to be honest about what you know about yourself. There will be times when a child will not have the option to choose what is served to them, due to things like the cost of food, or time, or something else - but this can also be explained and understood on a practical level instead of in the context of pretense and