Living in a Pretty Painting

 

What is a pretty painting but paint on a canvas? Brush strokes of colour that gives it more perceived value than what is here as simply a canvas and some paint. It is a pretty picture that we would like to see and like to experience, whereas the canvas underneath is just that – a canvas. It is blank, plain, we might call it boring, and maybe find it lacking.

On our life’s canvas, we also like to paint pictures, in words, in beliefs, ideas and perceptions. We do this mostly because the canvas of our lives and ourselves is either not so nice, or we perceive it as ‘not enough’, plain, lacking, boring. We want more, we want something different than what it actually is in fact, and we want something better than what we have.

And so, we plaster colours over our canvas, and we eventually believe the painting is what is really Here as us and as our lives. We fail to see through our own creation to the reality of ourselves, so when something challenges our painting, we become hostile and defensive: “I must DEFEND myself as my painting, my beliefs about who and how I am, and how my life is!”. We begin to live our lives protecting the paintings we have created in our minds. We avoid the situations or people that show us our raw canvas, and are drawn towards those that highlight the paintings we want to see.

We judge ourselves extensively, we criticize ourselves, compare ourselves to others, and then seek out people that stand as those points for us: that of self-acceptance, those we can manipulate, the people that make us ‘feel better’ so we can keep pretending everything is alright, that we still live in a ‘pretty picture’. Or we think we are great, something special, superior to what we are, and will avoid and fight people that point out our shortcomings or challenge our perceived authority.

Time and time again, reality will show us what is really Here as our canvas. We will even go into anxiety, fearing the next exposure, walking through Life on eggshells so as not to disrupt our painting. We scurry around like frantic artists, touching up the chips and cracks, those fissures in the paint where reality breaks through.  

What if we took this concept of painting our canvas, which is essentially self-creation, and actually looked at what is Here instead of covering up what is Here? If you are insecure, for example, instead of covering up the uncomfortable experience through seeking out security and validation, or hiding and avoidance and preferring instead a ‘pretty picture’, why not really look into that insecurity? Investigate it, look at the ‘raw canvas’ of what is really here as you, find out where did it come from, where did it start, and how can I build myself into confidence instead?

Now you are working with reality. Now your brush strokes become strokes of self-expression, they become real, and your painting is no longer a fraud or a front, but a living expression walking the earth. Walking the earth in such a way where you are truly working with your REAL Self as what is here. Your fixes and touch-ups are actual behavioural corrections that benefit you, where the outflow of your changes creates both yourself and your world as something better than it was – something that has meaning, purpose, honour, respect and regard for yourself in full awareness, and so towards others as you.

Now you can start to look beyond your ‘painting’ because it has become real, and requires less maintenance and touch ups. Now you live in Real Time, and your small world of fear and anxiety of exposure becomes more vast. All the energy it took to keep up the ‘pretty picture’ is now free to focus on more important issues: Now we can start looking at the painting we have super-imposed over all of reality, and start bursting the bigger bubbles and facing that instead. Now we can start working with the earth.

“and through that fissure where you left us, reality broke through, green of real green, real sunshine, real forests” – Rainer Maria Rilke 'Death Experienced'

Let us not wait for reality to burst our bubbles for us through consequence, but instead act in prevention. We can have a look now at Who We Really Are, or we can accept and allow Who We Really Are to become diminished and face that later, in sadness, sorrow and regret, only when we are forced to look, because the 'pretty picture' can only hold so long. Reality stands; pictures fade. Stand with and as Reality, don't fade away to nothing over time.

"Your Flowers Will Come" - The story of a flower

The process that was highlighted was that of the stem of this flower - how it is more gnarly, bent, with stumps and bumps - not a smooth and flawless stem like some flowers have.

As it grows, the flower knows it is a flower, and that eventually it will blossom into the more colorful and expressive part of itself, but this knowing can be used as a double-edged sword:

On the one hand, there is the trust and comfort of knowing that one day it will be a flower, it's full potential of what it is able to be and express, because it can see and feel itself within itself.

But instead of being patient and gentle with itself in this act of self-creation - each time there would be a movement - it would go into an expectation of flowering before it was time - wanting to already 'be there' and 'be that' - but because of this focus on an expectation and then reality not matching that, there would instead be a self-judgment of not standing, not 'being there yet' - and it would become an attack on itself.

So instead of the movement being fully supportive and 'smooth', it would turn into somewhat of a trauma, a disappointment, a let-down, as if it had been let down by life, by itself and what 'should be' here.

In not realizing the necessity of the movements, with their pain and where they are sometimes seemingly incomprehensible, a stump would form where it would have been a leaf if it were to have been accepted and walked as a support, growth, strengthening and empowerment - where it would have become a support as a leaf as a solar panel to feed the eventual flower, which was not yet Here and so could not be seen, but only trusted.

There is an addictive nature to the negative, the pain, the disappointment and the self-punishment. So sometimes a 'smooth' process is walked and a leaf properly formed that would act as that support for the eventual flower, but sometimes the flower would fall back into the pattern, and create another stump, like a scar or damage.

When it blossomed and looked back at the process it walked and saw what it had been doing, what the support actually was in the movements, how it 'could have' been different, it was able to forgive itself completely, let go of the 'negative' values it had placed on the movements that became stumps, bumps and knots, and accepted itself exactly how it was.

The gnarly stem, it's life path, despite the trauma and the scars, did not stop or prevent the blossoming of the flower when it came time to blossom because of the forgiveness it was able to gift itself.

So, in the end the flower stands, in full knowing that it could have been different, but also in complete acceptance of the process it walked - because it is done, it cannot be changed. The one thing it was able to stand by was knowing Who/What It Was.

For us, as humans - some of us have a more traumatic life path, either imposed upon us, self-created, or a bit of both. So long as we do not forget our potential, our stand and our knowing of Who We Are in this Life, our flowers will come. So long as we are able to derive the support from the pain, the trauma and the movements in our lives, instead of being overcome and lost in them, our flowers will come.

Our Life Paths may leave us with scars, our traumas and the environments we are born into with the people, the genetics, the available resources, may limit the potential of what 'could have been', but there is always our potential of Who We Are within this environment we are born into.

One thing we can change through this reflection of the flower is to take that stand sooner rather than having to repeat the pain and 'life lessons' over and over. Instead of putting time, expectation and energy into the traumas, to rather learn from them and divert the growth into our potential, or as support for our eventual blossoming - actually changing Who We Are within and how we process life events, will determine our potential and what we are able to become.

Find your potential, see your potential, and never forget your potential. Stick to that path in trust and know: Your flowers will come.