Flying with a Baby

 

This is the third time  Celest and I have flown internationally. 

In my last post, I mentioned homeopathy and nursing as great supports, yet I didn't  mention the thing that had the biggest impact in how well Celest was able to manage herself throughout the experience.

Celest did have her moments of crying, but I was able to talk to her and explain everything that was happening, as well as prepare her for what to expect next. One row behind us, there was a baby slightly older than Celest who cried for hours. Her cries turned to shrieks, she became hysterical, and she was at points gasping for breath. I did all I could support, but the whole scene was quite heartbreaking when you can see the implications. 

The reality is that there was one missing ingredient for that child and her father. One that takes TIME to develop, and if it is not already in place when it is needed, then there is trauma where there didn't have to be. 

The missing ingredient is VOCABULARY. Vocabulary means understanding. It means communication. It means developing understanding and communication BEFORE it becomes emotionally charged or an emotionally charged experience. It means the interaction between parent and child is effective. Having an effective vocabulary stabilizes the situation instead of escalating it. Instead of tears and screaming and hysteria, you get words and then actions and a return to stability. 

I have placed a focus on vocabulary development with Celest, using Techno Tutor software and the vocabulary builder, and when I do this I see a noticeable difference in her integration of words. She was stringing together up to 5 word sentences already by the age of 16-17 months old. With this, I was able to prepare her for the airplane ride, and to show her what is happening in real-time, as we had been learning all the words around travel/changing locations and flying beforehand.  

I notice that when Celest sees she can communicate her needs, she calms right down and we move forward. It's when she doesn't have the words that she becomes frustrated, angry, cries, throws things and we can get trapped into an escalating cycle of frustration. It makes me wonder if the state we call "the terrible two's" actually exists, or if our babies are merely lacking vocabulary? They KNOW what they want and need, yet they can't express it. How frustrating that must be!

On the plane, the father kept asking his crying daughter to TELL him what's wrong, TELL him what she needs - but she had no words and simply continued crying. Soon enough, the father became frustrated and angry, and decided she was crying for no reason, now yelling at her to stop.

Can you imagine being a child with a need, a pain, a fear or who just wants to be held, and instead of having your simple need met, you get angrily yelled at to be quiet and stop asking? It is heartbreaking.

Children EXPECT us to understand them, which is why we have the responsibility to give them the tools so that we can. They EXPECT us to figure it out and solve the problem. It simply cannot be placed upon them to do so - yet it is commonplace for us adults to do just that - and the end result is trauma, however subtle or severe. 

Communication, through a well-developed vocabulary, changes everything with having a baby - imagine what it does throughout childhood and into the teenage years! It's like night and day for me right now with Celest, between where we have words and where we do not. 

When we have words, the experience is pure joy, because that is what Celest IS naturally. Where we don't have words is where struggles manifest. I make sure to place the foundations for words during those struggles, setting us up to succeed the next time around. 

First Trust; Never hold assumptions...

 

I was growing this spring onion in the window, and Celest was very interested in it. In Canada,  she used to pick the spring onions and chew on them, so I would break off pieces of this one for her or bring her close to look at it. I never let her hold the whole plant due to the assumption that she would make a huge mess and end up killing it. 

Finally, one day when she was very adamant, Gian suggested I just give it to her and see what happens. He reminded me not to hold an assumption or have any expectation of what Celest's behaviour might be. Rather give her a blank slate and allow her to show me what she will do. So I took the onion down and gave it to her. 

To my surprise, Celest played with the onion for hours! She was so gentle and would carry it around,  picking it up and putting it down, losing interest and then taking it up again, all with only a few broken sprigs. She was so careful with it, when I was certain she would dig out the soil and spread it over the room!

Its so easy to fall into the habit of functioning from assumption and expectation, thinking and believing we know what's going to happen based on past behaviour. But this can end up locking children into a past version of themselves without giving them the space to show us what they've learned or how they can so easily and quickly change. It is a cool reminder to regularily hold back all assumptions and expectations, and allow children to instead SHOW us who they are and what they will do.