Flying with a Baby

 

This is the third time  Celest and I have flown internationally. 

In my last post, I mentioned homeopathy and nursing as great supports, yet I didn't  mention the thing that had the biggest impact in how well Celest was able to manage herself throughout the experience.

Celest did have her moments of crying, but I was able to talk to her and explain everything that was happening, as well as prepare her for what to expect next. One row behind us, there was a baby slightly older than Celest who cried for hours. Her cries turned to shrieks, she became hysterical, and she was at points gasping for breath. I did all I could support, but the whole scene was quite heartbreaking when you can see the implications. 

The reality is that there was one missing ingredient for that child and her father. One that takes TIME to develop, and if it is not already in place when it is needed, then there is trauma where there didn't have to be. 

The missing ingredient is VOCABULARY. Vocabulary means understanding. It means communication. It means developing understanding and communication BEFORE it becomes emotionally charged or an emotionally charged experience. It means the interaction between parent and child is effective. Having an effective vocabulary stabilizes the situation instead of escalating it. Instead of tears and screaming and hysteria, you get words and then actions and a return to stability. 

I have placed a focus on vocabulary development with Celest, using Techno Tutor software and the vocabulary builder, and when I do this I see a noticeable difference in her integration of words. She was stringing together up to 5 word sentences already by the age of 16-17 months old. With this, I was able to prepare her for the airplane ride, and to show her what is happening in real-time, as we had been learning all the words around travel/changing locations and flying beforehand.  

I notice that when Celest sees she can communicate her needs, she calms right down and we move forward. It's when she doesn't have the words that she becomes frustrated, angry, cries, throws things and we can get trapped into an escalating cycle of frustration. It makes me wonder if the state we call "the terrible two's" actually exists, or if our babies are merely lacking vocabulary? They KNOW what they want and need, yet they can't express it. How frustrating that must be!

On the plane, the father kept asking his crying daughter to TELL him what's wrong, TELL him what she needs - but she had no words and simply continued crying. Soon enough, the father became frustrated and angry, and decided she was crying for no reason, now yelling at her to stop.

Can you imagine being a child with a need, a pain, a fear or who just wants to be held, and instead of having your simple need met, you get angrily yelled at to be quiet and stop asking? It is heartbreaking.

Children EXPECT us to understand them, which is why we have the responsibility to give them the tools so that we can. They EXPECT us to figure it out and solve the problem. It simply cannot be placed upon them to do so - yet it is commonplace for us adults to do just that - and the end result is trauma, however subtle or severe. 

Communication, through a well-developed vocabulary, changes everything with having a baby - imagine what it does throughout childhood and into the teenage years! It's like night and day for me right now with Celest, between where we have words and where we do not. 

When we have words, the experience is pure joy, because that is what Celest IS naturally. Where we don't have words is where struggles manifest. I make sure to place the foundations for words during those struggles, setting us up to succeed the next time around. 

Daily Osho Card Reading: TRAVELING - Day 16 of 21

“The tiny figure moving on the path through this beautiful landscape is not concerned about the goal. He or she knows that the journey is the goal, the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place. Each step on the path is important in itself. When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.”

The question I asked myself when pulling this card was: “How can I better define the process I am walking, through pain, intense emotion, and migraines?”

The support I derive from the card is a shift in focus: from concentrating on ‘stopping the migraines’, for example, to focusing more on the process I am walking to get there.

I have been doing daily writing and getting serious about looking at and changing my programed automatic behaviour. The prominent point has been about how I go about working, not specifically at a job, but an task, responsibility or obligation. It feels as though I have been going waaay to easy on myself, but that is because I had defined the above words within and as a ‘struggle’, ‘toil’ and ‘laborious’, instead of seeing that yes, there are challenges, but there is also fun, enjoyment and a state of ‘relaxed’ that I can bring into the mix. 

I felt as though if I wasn’t struggling, I wasn’t working. I did find that I do like a constant challenge, but what I needed to do was to change the way I face those challenges. Because with the way I have been operating, I was creating bigger resistances, losing the fun and enjoyment that is possible, and creating pain and discomfort in my body.

So, with this card, I can see that I can rather focus on the process, finding the points and correcting them in a more balanced way, giving myself the time to really integrate that correction instead of focusing on the end goal, continuously asking myself: “is it working?”. Because I can see that if I focus too much on a desired outcome, I will miss the process, the traveling and the journey, and that is really important stuff. Rather focus on the process, and take note of the results that do come, in order to see if they are what’s best.

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org