First Trust; Never hold assumptions...

 

I was growing this spring onion in the window, and Celest was very interested in it. In Canada,  she used to pick the spring onions and chew on them, so I would break off pieces of this one for her or bring her close to look at it. I never let her hold the whole plant due to the assumption that she would make a huge mess and end up killing it. 

Finally, one day when she was very adamant, Gian suggested I just give it to her and see what happens. He reminded me not to hold an assumption or have any expectation of what Celest's behaviour might be. Rather give her a blank slate and allow her to show me what she will do. So I took the onion down and gave it to her. 

To my surprise, Celest played with the onion for hours! She was so gentle and would carry it around,  picking it up and putting it down, losing interest and then taking it up again, all with only a few broken sprigs. She was so careful with it, when I was certain she would dig out the soil and spread it over the room!

Its so easy to fall into the habit of functioning from assumption and expectation, thinking and believing we know what's going to happen based on past behaviour. But this can end up locking children into a past version of themselves without giving them the space to show us what they've learned or how they can so easily and quickly change. It is a cool reminder to regularily hold back all assumptions and expectations, and allow children to instead SHOW us who they are and what they will do.

Trusting Life in the Face of Uncertainty: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Today I supported myself by listening to most of the recordings relating to 'uncertainty' by the reptilians, because that is where I saw it was most difficult for me to stand as the living word that I am currently practicing, which is TRUST: Self-Trust/Trust in Life/Trusting Process.

When things are uncertain, I tend to want to move myself towards certainty, knowing, security and so my pre-programming becomes very tempting. I could also relate to the explanation of the 'doubt chamber', and had actually already located that area in my body as the 'problem' area, feeling that "something is there", but not knowing what.

The recording provided practical applications for how to live self-trust in these moments, where instead of seeking validation/invalidation from outside self from a starting point of self-doubt, you can instead use self-validation simply by aligning your starting point when making a decision or walking into something new (breeding grounds for uncertainty).

Aligning your starting point to SELF changes everything and leaves no room for self-doubt, except for as a reference of where you might have missed a dimension that simply needs to be further investigated.

Trusting Life and Self as Life also come in, and all in all the recordings give one the blueprints for how to live many dimensions of Trust, empowering one not to fall to the mind/pre-programming in the face of uncertainty.

Enjoy!

Path of the Initiate - Reptilians - Part 380

"What is the difference between taking the initiative and being influenced to make a specific decision? How is your change still being initiated by consequences in your life?
Why are you not taking the initiative to change yourself?
What influences the path you will walk during the day?
Why are you walking this path without a map?"

Osho Card Reading of the Day: 'THE MISER' - Day 11 of 21

The issue I am looking for support on today is the feeling of 'rushed' I create within myself. Sometimes I wake up in the experience, while at other times, like today, I can feel it slowly creeping up within me until I can feel it within my entire body.

I took that sensation and held it within me as I drew my card today, and this is the card I drew:

THE MISER

Card Description:

"This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring."

What I can take from this card and it's description is the concept of wanting to have something, and in an attempt to get it or create it, we end up gathering and accumulating something that causes the complete opposite effect of what we were intending.

My understanding here it that it is not about chasing something or 'getting' the thing we are seeking, but rather becoming it and integrating it as a part of Who We Are. So what am I attempting to 'get' or 'gain'?

For me, this is but one more element or dimension to the 'work' point I have been walking for several weeks now. I have opened up the 'avoidance' point, the 'time' point, the 'distraction' point, the 'confronting obstacles' point, the 'rage' point and the 'laziness point' (in a video you can see HERE). All of these points acting like threads that have created one gigantic knot within me, which can only be undone by following one thread at a time. Now I will be looking at the 'rushed' point within the context of THE MISER.

So, to answer my question, what I am seeking to gain or get is a sense of satisfaction that I have done enough, accomplished enough this day. This feeling comes from having completed many things or tasks, and having complete them well. This, in and of itself, is not a problem or issue if I endeavor to work similar to how nature functions slow and steady, never a rush, yet never wasting a moment.

I have been practicing this point of letting go of time, and instead giving myself the time to do things properly. It seemed counter-intuitive at the time, only to realize that I actually get more done when I let go of that time-pressure. The other internal experience I am having trouble letting go of is the 'rushed' feeling, where I feel I need to hang on to that in order to keep myself in line and move myself. It is as if I do not trust myself to let it go, for fear that I will just sit around all day an do nothing.

The thing is that the 'rushed' experience is uncomfortable, but I hang on to it like the miser, thinking and believing that without it, I will not get what I want. But, like the miser in the card, I realize that holding on to the experience is like  self-sabotage, because within holding on to it and experiencing that constant internal discomfort and my body's reaction to it (soreness, stiffness, lethargy), I find myself escaping in moments throughout the day, where i need to rest and take time off to settle myself.

Now, this too is not 'bad' or detrimental in and of itself, but it is the starting point within which I am doing it that needs to change. Instead of it being an escape from the internal experience I am creating, I can do it from a starting point of creating a balance in my day. Taking a moment to be with myself, re-connect with myself and my body instead of escaping myself and my body and spending that moment in distraction in my mind. It is all about the starting point.

So today, despite all my resistances and the fears coming up within me, I will practice a 'letting go'. In order to kick start this letting go by clearly identifying how I am actually creating it, i will use the tool of self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an internal energetic experience of 'rushed' within and as me by thinking about some of the bigger, more involved and time-consuming tasks I have on my agenda, and then imagining myself not getting it done or doing it poorly.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to live the self-trust that I can and will get the task done, because I have done it so many times before already, and I know very well I can do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don't get it done exactly perfectly and exactly on time, that I will feel terrible, because in the past I had accepted and allowed such reactions and have held on to them like a miser, thinking I will bring them up again if it happens again, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can let that pattern go, and create a new way of being where, if I mess up the task or it is late, I am instead gentle with myself, take the lesson and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that i have also in the past been gentle with myself upon my errors, taken the lesson and moved on, where I have changed the way I do things based on these lessons, proving to myself that I can learn and improve, but due to the miser within me, I still stubbornly hold on to the 'negative' and 'bad' experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed subtle undertones of 'rushed' or 'rushing' by not living in awareness of what I am subconsciously creating, not taking my actually reality into consideration, but rather clinging on to the past and therefore re-creating it here, in the present moment, which is actually a brand new fresh moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taint and sabotage my present moment by clinging on to experiences of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my learning and self-development by re-hashing and clinging to the accumulated possessions of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of feeling 'rushed', within the idea, thought, perception or belief that if i do not feel this way, I will not move, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I will in fact move better, more efficiently, and create myself more in the moment if I simply allow the moment to be what it is, and move myself within it.

When and as I see that I am going into that 'rushed', 'rushing' experience, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence by reminding myself  that I can trust myself to get it done, and there is no punishment waiting for me if I don't, I drop the feeling of rushed, and simply move, knowing that there is no punishment waiting for me at the end, and my goal is only to discover my best potential.

I commit myself let go and move in moments of accumulating 'rush'.

I commit myself to give myself a moment to breathe and slow down when and as I accept and allow myself to exist within and as 'rushed'.

Correction to live today: Curious.

Why? Because I have always had a curiosity within me where I find a fascination within things. This curiosity comes about when I am relaxed and fully engaged in the thing. I would like to take this curiosity and apply it towards myself and my process.

Cure-I-A-City

I cure my city.

My city being, the highways and by-ways, the inner building and bricks I have used to create myself which was not done in awareness or to my best benefit, where it feels like manyy different parts rushing in different directions, which creates a dis-ease within me. The 'Cure' to this dis-ease is within entering into this city and having a good look around, exploring each business, each individual building and all the personalities that populate this city, understand them and how they work, and offer a solution so that they instead begin to wok as one toward attaining my utmost potential.

How I will live this word today will be to observe myself within how I work and discover what comes up within me, but not to judge it, react to it or go into it, rather just observe it with an objective curiosity, see whether it is what is best, and if not, to then find a solution for it.

This is how I turn an internal city of many parts going this way and that, bustling and rushing each to their own end, causing me to want to go into a million different directions, creating dis-ease within me, and finding a 'cure' by creating a city of equality, where each piece has the same goal of working together to create the best whole.

198 - Gossip Girl vs Self-Supportive Communicator

My life has changed rather drastically over the past few months, and all the change has unearthed some subconscious and underlying fears that I have been living with for quite some time. A point came up recently where I have been sharing myself, wherein I would discuss situations and events in my life with another/others in an attempt to gain comfort from these fears that were coming up. I have realized that the best and most effective advice comes from cutting through my own bullshit, facing my fears by stepping up and taking responsibility for them, and sharing with myself, through writing, the support that is most difficult to hear.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discuss and reveal the details of certain specific aspects of my life in order to create a positive energetic experience about them with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take actions to create a positive energetic experience about events in my life in order to make my life/my ego seem ‘greater-than’ what they in fact actually are, instead of focusing on the reality of the events or situations, and within humility, focusing on Who I Am within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek and crave the energy I am able to create within and as ‘gossiping’ about myself and my life with another, thus creating unintended/undesirable/unnecessary consequences, which are like chain reactions that involve more beings than only myself, instead of directing the events according to the principles I have learned, understood, and committed to..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the way I feel about an event/situation/circumstance determines whether I am directing myself ‘correctly’ or ‘incorrectly’, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that the only matter of importance is Who I Am within the events/situations/circumstances, whether or not I am aligning myself according to principles, including honouring and supporting myself,  and what and how I am building myself as a being of integrity within what I say and do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility  for directing the events/situations/circumstances of my life, and to, within not taking self-responsibility, fail to create a blueprint for myself to properly deal with the points and parts of myself I am faced with, and within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this lack of a blueprint as an excuse to look to others for direction and advice, and to use the energetic ‘bond’ or ‘closeness’ as a comfort to make myself feel ‘better’, ‘safer’ and ‘not alone’, when the reality is that I am alone in the position of taking self-responsibility and deciding Who and How I Am and how I will direct my life and world.

When and as I see that I am looking to  create energy with another about events/situations/circumstances that require to be directed in my life, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by breathing through the fear of taking self-responsibility, and I look to my own common sense and principles to show myself the best way to handle and direct myself.

When and as I see that I am using gossip as a way to feed the experience of myself, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-realization by reminding myself that when I only focus on how I feel, I neglect to take into consideration the multi-dimensional  reality of any situation, thus limiting my ability to truly give myself the gift of actual learning/growing/moving/directing.

I commit myself to face myself as myself, without the crutch of energy as gossip, and I commit myself to differentiate between energy-creating communication and self-supportive sharing.

I commit myself to breathe through my reactions and write them out for myself, and speak about them only when I am clear within myself.

Day 140- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath (pt 4)

In this blog, I will be purifying and then redefining the word ‘Steadfastness’, in my previous three posts ( read them here: 1, 2, 3), I have done so with the word ‘assertiveness’. I am doing this so that I remove my relationship to the word, the relationship I have created with/towards the word, within which I would seek to experience the word as an experience, rather than actually living the word in my daily breath to breath application of myself as Who I Am.
For example, if I have connected a positive connotation to the word ‘steadfastness’, then I would chase that positive feeling in an attempt to be steadfast, when steadfastness, by its very definition, implies a dutiful consistency regardless of one’s emotional or feeling state. So could I call myself steadfast if I only lived steadfastness in bits and spurts when I was feeling ‘positive,’ ‘motivated,’ or ‘up to it’, wherein, as soon as I fall into a slump of some sort I fall back to old habits? No, obviously not. That is not a living word; that is rather an internal experience based on energy, labeled by a word, which is thus then subject to energy with no consistency, and which can therefore not be trusted. In order for ‘steadfast’ to become a living word as me, it is necessary to learn how to live the word practically. It is necessary to practice being consistent through all the ups and downs I may experience as I stabilize myself, in order to prove to myself that I Am Steadfastness, consistently, until I can trust myself as ‘steadfastness' in each breath, as breath.
First I will write self-forgiveness statements to expose and debunk the definition I currently hold of the word steadfast, so that I can redefine it from a clear starting point, in a practical way that I can actually apply in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfast’ with a positive charge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘steadfastness’ as good/positive/right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ by charging the word ‘steadfastness’ with a positive charge, and judging the word ‘steadfastness’ as good/right/positive in separation of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfastness’ with the image of an older ‘successful’ male.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the image of an older, successful male.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the image of an older, ‘successful’ male, by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the image of an older ‘successful’ male, in separation of myself.
Obviously, as a woman, I can never be an ‘older, successful male’. However, it is my relationship to the image in my mind, as that which it represents to me, that I am not allowing myself to be, by separating myself from it by creating an image of it in my mind, as if only ‘older, successful males’ are able to embody the word ‘steadfastness’- thus never actually accepting and allowing myself to fully live the word myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word steadfast to the word ‘sturdy’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘sturdy;.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘sturdy’ by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘sturdy’ in separation of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfastness’ with the word ‘strong’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘strong’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘strong’, by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘strong’ in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word steadfast with the word consistent,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word steadfast within the word consistent,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘consistent’ by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘consistent’ in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfast’ to the image of a big tree..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfast’ within the image of a big tree.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfast’ and from a big tree, by defining the word ‘steadfast’ within the image of a big tree in separation f myself.

Dictionary definition:
Resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering: "steadfast loyalty".
Sounding out the word::
inSTEAD of FASTNESS
New Definition:
Moving with the physical, resolutely and dutifully firm and unwavering breath by breath self-movement with and as the physical. Not becoming swept away by the racing mind, not participating in the energetic forces that occupy one and pull one into the mad rush, the daily rush; the daily race that is the human race; the rat race.
Remaining Here, present and aware, consistently and steadily, bringing self back Here every time, no matter what. Letting go of the want/need/desire to get ‘there’ and to be ‘there’ instead of slowing down to the nearly standstill eternity of Here.