Your Secrets Keep You Sick (Your Lies Keep You Alive)

 

"No one gets through Life unscathed"  - this was a line channelled through me from my former business coach. Once he revealed to me he was a channel I insisted he channel for me in one of our coaching sessions. He agreed, and started typing, writing me out better than I had ever written myself out before. This line has always stuck with me, because I realized, if you are alive, you will experience abuse. You will experience betrayal, you will be scarred, wounded and hurt in some way. It reminds me of a passage in Shakespeare's soliloquy from Hamlet, describing how a great many would choose death over enduring the wrath that Life can deal, within the belief that anything is better than this earthly experience:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come"

If I am honest with myself I can see that ever since I was a child I have been a victim to life. By simply absorbing the "slings and arrows" and the "thousand natural shocks" that all flesh is heir to. By burying the hurts that happened 'to me' deep down, and holding the belief that I simply can not make it in this world. I am a victim. I am disempowered. I cannot do it. And in this way, it is like choosing death. Death without actually dying. Death as Not Living, as merely surviving until actual death comes. And along the way, with bits and spurts of empowerment, where I believed I could achieve something through my actions, when it did not turn out as I had planned, it would validate the apparent inadequacy and reconfirm the limiting self-beliefs. And it's still there. I can feel it in the fiber of my being, like a stubborn stoppage that needs to be proved wrong thousands upon thousands of times before I'd consider letting it go. It's like a safety net as a hesitation before each action, which becomes manipulation as a way to get what one wants and needs in Life, within the belief that this is the only way.

Although with Desteni, the tools and support from others, along with embracing the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" as Life's way of teaching, the "thousand natural shocks" as Life's way of shocking us out of our programming, so long as we are willing to accept it - I have learned that I do not need this anymore. That I can be direct and up front about what I want and need. I can go for it even if it means disrupting my reality and others within it, so long as there exists the agreement that they can also be direct and upfront about what they want and need. It takes some courage and balls, especially when you start exploring the outer boundaries of wants and needs, and finding that the quest for satisfaction can be insatiable, unquenchable, and you have to come to the realization that satisfaction comes as a decision of when enough is enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others within a perception and belief that it is necessary to do so in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my actions manipulatively within what I hold as a secret formula for survival, where each action must have some kind of future pay off that will come back to and benefit me, but instead of being open and honest with myself about the starting point of my actions, I delude myself with that false perception that the actions are altruistic and benevolent, knowing deep down that this is a lie I beLIEve is keeping me aLIEve, while I keep the reality of me a secret which is held within the self-delusion that nobody can know if I do not admit it, not even myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the transactional nature of the reality within which I exist, where I think and believe I have to live up to some form of absolute and unconditional altruism, judging anything transactional as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, ‘greedy’, ‘selfish’, ‘self-interested’ and ‘not best for all’, without seeing and realizing that such transactions can benefit everyone involved, and the transactional nature of this reality can be purified if it is done openly, honestly, in agreement and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into my own lies by thinking and believing only unconditional altruism is acceptable, while at the same time seeing and realizing that this is an impossible standard, but instead of getting real about truth and reality, I move into deception and lies, putting up an ‘altruistic front’, while in the background/secret mind knowing there is self-interest, there is expectation, there is payment due.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my actions and behaviours in order to try and attempt to manipulate my reality into ‘getting something in return for my efforts’, thus creating within me an expectation of a certain outcome from my world and reality where – if that outcome is not achieved, I feel abused by life, the world, reality and others within it, within the justification and excuse of ‘look at all and everything that I’ve done – now give me what’s mine, what I deserve” - all based on an idea or fantasy I had created of what my actions would bring or create in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, myself, life, existence and reality when I do not get what I believe is my ‘just reward’ for ‘what I have done’ to ‘deserve’ it when in fact the entire formula had been created in my mind alone, with an exact desired result, without considering others, who they are, the nature of existence, reality and life, and without considering Who I Am within those actions, but only looking at the actions themselves and the payback reward I hold as an expectation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and others or life for what happens ‘to me’ in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into resentment and anger about the things that happen in my life, thus accepting and allowing myself to become smaller and weaker, instead of learning from the things that happen in my life, and using them to become stronger, wiser, more understanding and thus – able to understand and support others as me – from victim to empowered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full self-responsibility for what happens to me in life, in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself about how I create my life, my reality and how what happens ‘to me’ is a direct result of who and how I have been and have lived, equal and one as input/output.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest about my input as me into my life/Life, so that I can then apply self-honesty and purify my input, thus purifying my output and the life I create for myself and others in awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself instead of being honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and then hide from my own self-judgment by creating a false perception of myself according to what I define as ‘good’, ‘acceptable’, ‘worthy’, acting only in ways I deem as ‘good’, ‘acceptable’ and ‘worthy’ as actions of self-manipulation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exhaust myself and kill myself in a try and attempt to be ‘perfect’, living the lie that I am ‘perfect’ as every action is judged and assessed as ‘perfect’ which should bring ‘perfection’ into my life as what I fantasize as what perfection and life ‘should be’ according to my desires, thinking and believing that this is what is holding in place my survival, “keeping me alive” as obtaining my desires, desired outcome as if energetic desires was life, and without them “I die”, not seeing and realizing that only myself as my ego fears ‘not obtaining my desires’ as energy to feed myself as my mind/ego to continue. Within this,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny reality, simplicity, and the physicality of Life and what one actually needs to live here and to Live Here, placing myself into ‘survival’ as my ego trying to survive, instead of living, simply, Here as physical needs, which includes living words of ‘trust’ – lived physically, ‘love’ – lived physically, ‘support’ - lived physically, ‘care’ - lived physically, and so on, identifying physical needs and finding ways to live them physically as acts of true care, for others as myself, as giving as I would like to receive.

Self-Care: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#ACTIONSHOT(S)

After over a week of intense PMS, OCD and ABCDEFG, I was getting to my wits end in terms of NOT really knowing or feeling equipped to support myself, feeling like nothing's working day after day as I was sinking deeper into physical and emotional discomfort and despair... except that in pushing myself, practicing actions of self care, basically going back to the basics of process in terms of also reaching out for support, talking, writing, breathing, getting my ass UP and OUT into nature, the sun, fresh air, despite wanting only to curl up into a little ball and sleep, avoid, distract (and yes, I did these things as well).... I learned a very valuable lesson.

Now, looking back at it from 'the other side', I can see that, although these things felt like they were being done 'in vain' AT THE TIME, I see now that each effort, each push, each action of self-care and self-support was in fact me taking a step, laying a brick, placing a tile in and as the foundation of self in order to create a SELF that can STAND no matter what.

In the photos that follow you'll see simple acts of pushing and self-care: me doing a face mask to soothe my irritated skin, cooking a proper breakfast as part of my 'healthy habit' challenge, getting out for a walk when I really wanted to stay in and watch movies all day, going to the POOL in my BATHING SUIT despite being bloated to twice my normal size!!! There are many more things I did that are not pictured here, like talking to my partner, writing, lots of breathing and moments alone with stretching, slowing down, speaking self-forgiveness, and directing tasks that were weighing down on me.

And it all felt like a meaningless struggle while doing it, as I kept going back to the inner turmoil, the despair. However, now that I am coming out on the other side, I see that what is developed through this kind of persistence, consistency and application, despite the experience at the time, is a self-trust, a discipline, a stand and a stance that shows me and let's me know (I show myself and let myself know) that even in my lowest, most confused, uncertain points, I will do my damndest, push my hardest, try everything to support myself and find solutions, and never, ever give up on me.

So, here's to self-care, self-love, self-movement and all the basics of self-forgiveness, self-correction, breathing and writing, as we each push through our ups and downs, our challenges and triumphs, in order to find ourselves and show ourselves what we are really made of and in fact capable of.

Here's to process and Desteni, Bernard Poolman, Susan Spies and the farmies for standing as the living, leading examples, and all destonians for doing the same so that no one ever has to walk alone.

Feeling grateful and grounding myself Here :). Thanks erbody for being Here!

Righteousness, Blame, Spite and Justification and how to See Through It

Have you ever had the experience of seeing a future potential or probable negative consequence, and pushing to change things in order to prevent it, only to have that push for change resisted and fought against? This can be a very frustrating and unbearable situation, where it is like watching a slow train wreck that you see is preventable, where after doing everything you possibly can to prevent it, you get to the point where you have to walk away and let it play out, removing yourself from the situation and hoping for the best.

This happened to me in a big way recently, where I, years ago, went through majorly ungraceful and blundering efforts to change a situation that I saw could lead down a very bad path. In the end, I ended up losing a life I had built due to the choice that I could not be a part of it anymore, and my presence there would be a statement of my acceptance and allowance, which I could not stand by.

Many years went by and no consequence came, and I was soon in the position of questioning how I see things and whether or not I was making too big of a deal about it. It had been, I would say, the most painful and difficult time in my life, and during that time, I had accumulated a lot of emotional baggage about this issue that I had been sitting with for a while.

Recently, I found out that all the consequences I had predicted had eventually played out in a big way, and a person had been brought through very unfortunate circumstances. Every now and again, over time, I would hear about the bad things happening, and I had an interesting internal experience deep within me, one that was positive, when by all accounts, I saw that I should only be supportive and caring. I brushed aside the bizarre positive experience and instead behaved in the way I saw was who and how I wanted to be. But when the most recent big blow in the person’s life occurred, I could no longer ignore this experience I was having, and decided to pull it out and examine it.

What I found within myself was the experience of righteousness, spite, blame and justification, where the words “I told you so” came up, along with the fact that I had perceived myself to have gone through hell and back and lost everything, where I took the consequence personally as if justice had been served. This pattern can be seen in humanity all over the world, for example in politics, where the population wants to see leaders hang from a noose, or one race wants to see the other race suffer because of injustices done unto them in the past. Where it then ‘feels good’ to see another suffer a fate you would never, ever want to experience for yourself.

So, the righteousness comes from me having seen, predicted and given unheeded warnings of the potential negative consequences, and then in the end having seen myself as ‘proven right’, and the spite, blame and justification came from me having felt I had suffered unfairly at the hands of another, and that they should now experience pain and upset too, so that they can learn the hard way that they should have listened to me.

In this situation, I must return to humility and bringing it back to myself, because I cannot claim to understand all the workings of life, as if it is so clean cut and planned out, even if it may seem that way. My responsibility is to myself, and to find the lesson that is in there for me, not to immediately seek and point out the lesson for the other, as that is their process to walk, and I have mine. Only once I clear myself of any reactions can I look at then supporting another through their own consequence.

We as humanity are not a species that has a proven record of the ability to learn from our mistakes, even when they are obvious and the lesson is right in font of us, we so much more often choose the ‘feel good’ way, or the path of emotional turmoil, the righteousness, the spite, the blame and the justification. Even though this is the path to further suffering and moving in the opposite direction of any kind of solution, it is still the more common path to take, and I am seeing now in my life why this is the case. I had so easily dismissed the subtle, underlying experience, and it was only by pulling it out of myself with awareness that I was able to see what I was actually in fact doing inside myself.

How we can support ourselves to end this cycle is by individually learning the tough lessons in our own lives, and forging another path on an individual level, because in the end, humanity is made of billions of individuals that are collectively living out and creating the overall outflows of what we call ‘human nature’.

How I was able to change my own way of living, reacting and seeing things is by placing myself in the shoes of the other, seeing past my own reactions and self-interest, and really looking at what it would be like to be them and to be in their place in that moment of consequence. What I saw was that it would be mostly difficult to deal with my immediate reality, and my focus would be more on day-to-day survival, healing, and researching how to support myself in my current position. To have someone come in, at this point in time, and say “see, I told you so!” from a starting point of righteousness, spite, blame and self-justification would only cause me to react more towards that person, and not so much see the lesson they are apparently trying to show me. Maybe I would see it if I were in a more healthy and stable position, but not so much from the point of being at my lowest low, where what would be more supportive would be for the person to do what they could to support me back to a place of stability first and foremost.

With this understanding, from where I stand currently, the righteousness, spite and justification melts away, and the reality of the situation becomes more clear. I can see beyond my self-interest and how to be of best support for the other. This doesn’t mean I know exactly what to say or do, but it does mean that, if and when moments present themselves, I will be there to support as I can, with a clear starting point, to not taint the interaction with my own baggage that I hadn’t dealt with yet.

Why We Wear Makeup and What it Says About Us

I have developed an allergic reaction to makeup, very strange.

Maite suggested I look into my relationship to makeup and take responsibility for it. I thought, ya, why not?

This blog will cover the reasons why makeup exists, why women wear makeup, what are the consequences of wearing makeup, and a redefinition of makeup to serve as a self-support.

I did a little research into the desteni material regarding makeup, why it exists and what it says about our relationship to ourselves/my relationship to myself.

I will place here what I learned along with my own additions as I sort out my personal relationship to makeup.

MAKEUP

Who are you making yourself up to be today?

I find when I apply makeup and look in the mirror and think: “hmmm, I look very pretty” I’m like YESSSSSS! Now I can be comfortable and confident around others! And it feels like these doors just open and so much of my expression comes through much more easily then if I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. In those instances I want to hide my face, don’t want people to look at me too closely because why?

Because I think they will judge me by thinking I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. So what’s so bad about that? Well, I think it means a man won’t want to be with me, then I will never get the opportunity to have a child, create a life with someone, I will end up alone, full of sadness and regret, and I will die a slow, sad and lonely death and no one will be there in my last moments.

Ok, lol! I have to laugh at myself right now. Also just in considering that it is my own critical eyes looking at me and judging me in these ways.

Furthermore, I feel like I will be viewed as less important, disregarded, people will not want to be around me and will actually be cruel towards me, I will be weak and helpless to do anything that brings enjoyment into my life.

This is triggering a memory of being bullied in school, where I was voted the ugliest girl in class, I lost all my friends and would walk around the school yard alone. I developed the belief that it was because of who I was and how I looked. It was really very few instances that had a dis-proportionate impact on who I was, and unfortunately, instead of embracing and accepting myself, I compromised myself by changing myself into ways I thought would be more acceptable.

I always held on to that idea that the way you look can cause a lonely and devastating life of ostracization and belittlement.  After having experienced these emotions: I changed, and the seeds were planted and grew to traits such as being a people pleaser, acting in ways that people will like me no matter what, and holding the all-encompassing fear that if I make the wrong move, people will turn on me in an instant.

Lets have a look at some information I found:

Makeup represents:

“The separation of yourself in the expression of yourself as who you are found in the starting point for the reason you wear makeup”

So basically, it is not makeup itself that is the problem, but rather the starting point for the reason WHY we wear it, and what that starting point/reason says about who we are in our self-relationship (or the relationship we have with ourselves).

Let’s look at some of those reasons:

Starting point for the reason to wear makeup

“To look prettier

To look younger

Look more beautiful

Look more presentable

Look more acceptable

To attract men-

Wanting to attract men because you don’t love yourself, don’t accept yourself, and are not grateful for yourself or your own self-expression, and so want/need/desire a man to do all these things for you.

To look better than other women

Not feeling pretty enough”

All of these reasons have reasons behind them, such as:

“No self-acceptance, no self-love

Comparison, self-judgment

Comparison to other women

Self-judgment from the perspective of not accepting or loving yourself.”

Some Self-forgiveness and I will add mine as well at the end.

“I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept myself, because the only way I will accept myself is if and when I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to love myself, and because I do not love myself, I will wear makeup to attract men to be in a relationship to be loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the construct and belief of having to be loved, instead of me loving myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup to look better and more presentable than other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and who I am, and because 

 I judge myself I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgment of me that exists within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself by wearing makeup because 

I do not accept myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider loving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not pretty enough and I am not beautiful enough and that I am required to wear makeup to fit in with society and all the other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup because of the models and actors and actresses that I see on T.V. that look so gorgeous and beautiful that I also want to look like them, so I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I look so ghastly and so ugly and so not acceptable that I have to wear makeup to be acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wear makeup to be noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup as an antennae for men, to say: “I am here”, “I am here”, “I am here”, “I have to have a relationship”, “I don’t accept myself”, “I don’t love myself”, “I can only accept and love myself when I am in a relationship”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in wearing makeup for reasons and purposes separate from me that is of the mind, I will actually become older much faster and much quicker.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept my human physical body and my skin as one with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my human physical body might actually be showing something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin, and that I am actually able to correct this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my physical body as me may express me as Who I Am within and as oneness and equality of and as Life.”

Now me:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that, when the way I look affects the way others treat me, act towards me or behave around me that it says something about me, my value, my worthiness, my acceptability, and my ability to be and experience ‘love’, and so I wear makeup to influence the way others treat me, act around me and behave, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it says more about the other person, their process, their self-relationship and their self-judgment that is being projected on to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others, not being valued by others, not being worthwhile to others, and not be loved by others, and so wear makeup out of fearing experiencing these emotions that I create within myself in a try and attempt to avoid feeling them instead of facing the core and reality of myself, and within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that value, acceptance, worth, acceptance and love comes only from people outside of me and can be manipulated within and through appearance and makeup, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it comes from self first, and is then shared with other as equals, as one, as I will share my self-worth, self-value, self-acceptance, self-love with others as I share myself as an example of what it means to create and live these words as self for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other women and compare myself to them in terms of appearance enhanced by makeup, instead of seeing through the makeup, through the skin-deep layers, and into the depths of the being that every woman is, equal to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the only way I can feel confident, open, comfortable and expressive is if I look better by wearing makeup, because it affects the way others treat me, thus making the statement that Who I Am depends upon how I am treated by others outside of myself, instead of grounding myself into myself, with clear self-understanding and self-direction within and as the starting point of my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceived that I am unlovable, that no one would ever love me, want to be with and create a life with me if they saw me for real, due to the fact that I had never loved myself for real, as I am, and so I hide the perceived flaws and imperfections internally, behind personalities and characters, and externally behind makeup, in order to attract someone that will love me FOR me, because I had never given nor developed self-love for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unacceptable, that no one would ever accept me as I am, and thus manipulate and contort myself into something and someone that I deem as more acceptable, including wearing makeup, so that others will accept me FOR me, as I had never created nor developed self-acceptance for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of makeup because I fear letting go of the feelings it gives me, feelings of the comfort of hiding, of confidence, expressiveness, high, better-than, etc…  as if those expressions were caused and created by makeup itself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the cause and creator of everything I experience and so I am the one that decides which expressions I live and experience myself as, and I do so based upon what is best for me as best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need and desire to wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having makeup to wear and fear having to be seen with a bare face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone because I think/believe/perceive the only way I will experience love and acceptance is within and through a relationship with another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can live self-love and elf-acceptance, becoming whole, independent and completely self-responsible for my self-experience and self-relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, lonely and full of regrets and remorse, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real regret and remorse comes from never having developed a whole and complete self, a fulfilling self-relationship, self-love and self-acceptance, with a focus on self-expansion and self-growth and walking a process towards realizing my utmost potential in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women, experience jealousy and envy towards beautiful and gorgeous women, within the thought, idea, perception or belief that their lives must be perfect, their self-experience must be only positive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that each one is in a process, and the shallowness of basing self on appearance is known best by those that have lived a life of beauty, become old and died and equal death as everybody else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of superiority/inferiority with other women based on who looks best, instead of realizing my equality and oneness with all beings here, starting first with self-equality and oneness.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought "I look pretty" when I wear makeup, and to connect that thought to a rush of positive energy, within the thought ,idea, perception or belief that I can now experience myself more positively, more comfortable, more confident and more expressive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these qualities exist in me already and are not dependent on how I look/looking better with makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment of others, as other looking at my face and thinking I look 'bad', 'blotchy. , 'old', and 'tired' - because it would confirm all my worst fears about myself and my appearance, which would the trigger me to fear not having the opportunity to have a relationship, a child, and a happy and fulfilling life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can create my life in such a way to open up these possibilities as I am, by first fulfilling and completing myself, creating a stable foundation of self, so that I can create and develop a life based on who I really am, and not a picture presentation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death, instead of focusing on really living fully while I am alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, instead of realizing I have always been alone, but I have always had myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and look at myself through the most critical eyes in the world, instea of developing myself and my expression and letting that shine through. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that perceived 'less-attractive' people are less important, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that so long as I deem others less-important,  I am neglecting to see the truth, which is that i deem myself as less-important and live in constant fear of facing that aspect of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to   think, believe and perceive that what I perceive as 'less-attractive' people should be disregarded, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in wearing makeup and hiding myself, I have disregarded myself as Who I Really am and the fears that exist within nme, and the self that I have the potential to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if others perceive me as less-attractive, they will be cruel towards me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that cruelness towards others is indicative of a personal self-relationship within them, and has nothing to do with me or Who I Am, but only that of them that I am representing of them in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear only experiencing negativity if I am not perceived as 'attractive', and then feeling helpless and weak if I am not, as an abdication of self-responsibility onto others by using them to create positive energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tohold on to the memory of being bullied in school, where I was deemed 'ugly', which I accepted and allowed to define myself and create my internal self-experience based on that self-definition, which caused me to believe that if one is attractive, one has a better and more positive life-experience, causing me to want to look better, wherein I would use makeup to do so and from that starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by hiding behind makeup, within the validation and justification of my fears and beliefs about being beautiful and being ugly, thus changing myself, manipulating myself, suppressing and hiding aspect of myself due to not accepting myself Here, As I Am.

Redefining makeup:

An extension of my self-expression, to get to know parts of me in order to bring them through into my life regardless of my physical appearance.

Clearing the starting point from fear and hiding to redefining and living words.

Words I can live that I learned through wearing makeup:

Confidence

Openness

Expressiveness
Comfort

Self-care

Self-love

Self-acceptance

Click here to watch the video The Design Of Makeup coming through the interdimensional portal, for truth and understanding about how we are designed.

For more support on how to develop self-love and self-care, click HERE.

For more support on developing self-acceptance, click HERE.


www.destni.org

 The Design of Makeup