Self-Care: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#ACTIONSHOT(S)

After over a week of intense PMS, OCD and ABCDEFG, I was getting to my wits end in terms of NOT really knowing or feeling equipped to support myself, feeling like nothing's working day after day as I was sinking deeper into physical and emotional discomfort and despair... except that in pushing myself, practicing actions of self care, basically going back to the basics of process in terms of also reaching out for support, talking, writing, breathing, getting my ass UP and OUT into nature, the sun, fresh air, despite wanting only to curl up into a little ball and sleep, avoid, distract (and yes, I did these things as well).... I learned a very valuable lesson.

Now, looking back at it from 'the other side', I can see that, although these things felt like they were being done 'in vain' AT THE TIME, I see now that each effort, each push, each action of self-care and self-support was in fact me taking a step, laying a brick, placing a tile in and as the foundation of self in order to create a SELF that can STAND no matter what.

In the photos that follow you'll see simple acts of pushing and self-care: me doing a face mask to soothe my irritated skin, cooking a proper breakfast as part of my 'healthy habit' challenge, getting out for a walk when I really wanted to stay in and watch movies all day, going to the POOL in my BATHING SUIT despite being bloated to twice my normal size!!! There are many more things I did that are not pictured here, like talking to my partner, writing, lots of breathing and moments alone with stretching, slowing down, speaking self-forgiveness, and directing tasks that were weighing down on me.

And it all felt like a meaningless struggle while doing it, as I kept going back to the inner turmoil, the despair. However, now that I am coming out on the other side, I see that what is developed through this kind of persistence, consistency and application, despite the experience at the time, is a self-trust, a discipline, a stand and a stance that shows me and let's me know (I show myself and let myself know) that even in my lowest, most confused, uncertain points, I will do my damndest, push my hardest, try everything to support myself and find solutions, and never, ever give up on me.

So, here's to self-care, self-love, self-movement and all the basics of self-forgiveness, self-correction, breathing and writing, as we each push through our ups and downs, our challenges and triumphs, in order to find ourselves and show ourselves what we are really made of and in fact capable of.

Here's to process and Desteni, Bernard Poolman, Susan Spies and the farmies for standing as the living, leading examples, and all destonians for doing the same so that no one ever has to walk alone.

Feeling grateful and grounding myself Here :). Thanks erbody for being Here!

Why We Wear Makeup and What it Says About Us

I have developed an allergic reaction to makeup, very strange.

Maite suggested I look into my relationship to makeup and take responsibility for it. I thought, ya, why not?

This blog will cover the reasons why makeup exists, why women wear makeup, what are the consequences of wearing makeup, and a redefinition of makeup to serve as a self-support.

I did a little research into the desteni material regarding makeup, why it exists and what it says about our relationship to ourselves/my relationship to myself.

I will place here what I learned along with my own additions as I sort out my personal relationship to makeup.

MAKEUP

Who are you making yourself up to be today?

I find when I apply makeup and look in the mirror and think: “hmmm, I look very pretty” I’m like YESSSSSS! Now I can be comfortable and confident around others! And it feels like these doors just open and so much of my expression comes through much more easily then if I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. In those instances I want to hide my face, don’t want people to look at me too closely because why?

Because I think they will judge me by thinking I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. So what’s so bad about that? Well, I think it means a man won’t want to be with me, then I will never get the opportunity to have a child, create a life with someone, I will end up alone, full of sadness and regret, and I will die a slow, sad and lonely death and no one will be there in my last moments.

Ok, lol! I have to laugh at myself right now. Also just in considering that it is my own critical eyes looking at me and judging me in these ways.

Furthermore, I feel like I will be viewed as less important, disregarded, people will not want to be around me and will actually be cruel towards me, I will be weak and helpless to do anything that brings enjoyment into my life.

This is triggering a memory of being bullied in school, where I was voted the ugliest girl in class, I lost all my friends and would walk around the school yard alone. I developed the belief that it was because of who I was and how I looked. It was really very few instances that had a dis-proportionate impact on who I was, and unfortunately, instead of embracing and accepting myself, I compromised myself by changing myself into ways I thought would be more acceptable.

I always held on to that idea that the way you look can cause a lonely and devastating life of ostracization and belittlement.  After having experienced these emotions: I changed, and the seeds were planted and grew to traits such as being a people pleaser, acting in ways that people will like me no matter what, and holding the all-encompassing fear that if I make the wrong move, people will turn on me in an instant.

Lets have a look at some information I found:

Makeup represents:

“The separation of yourself in the expression of yourself as who you are found in the starting point for the reason you wear makeup”

So basically, it is not makeup itself that is the problem, but rather the starting point for the reason WHY we wear it, and what that starting point/reason says about who we are in our self-relationship (or the relationship we have with ourselves).

Let’s look at some of those reasons:

Starting point for the reason to wear makeup

“To look prettier

To look younger

Look more beautiful

Look more presentable

Look more acceptable

To attract men-

Wanting to attract men because you don’t love yourself, don’t accept yourself, and are not grateful for yourself or your own self-expression, and so want/need/desire a man to do all these things for you.

To look better than other women

Not feeling pretty enough”

All of these reasons have reasons behind them, such as:

“No self-acceptance, no self-love

Comparison, self-judgment

Comparison to other women

Self-judgment from the perspective of not accepting or loving yourself.”

Some Self-forgiveness and I will add mine as well at the end.

“I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept myself, because the only way I will accept myself is if and when I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to love myself, and because I do not love myself, I will wear makeup to attract men to be in a relationship to be loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the construct and belief of having to be loved, instead of me loving myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup to look better and more presentable than other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and who I am, and because 

 I judge myself I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgment of me that exists within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself by wearing makeup because 

I do not accept myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider loving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not pretty enough and I am not beautiful enough and that I am required to wear makeup to fit in with society and all the other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup because of the models and actors and actresses that I see on T.V. that look so gorgeous and beautiful that I also want to look like them, so I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I look so ghastly and so ugly and so not acceptable that I have to wear makeup to be acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wear makeup to be noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup as an antennae for men, to say: “I am here”, “I am here”, “I am here”, “I have to have a relationship”, “I don’t accept myself”, “I don’t love myself”, “I can only accept and love myself when I am in a relationship”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in wearing makeup for reasons and purposes separate from me that is of the mind, I will actually become older much faster and much quicker.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept my human physical body and my skin as one with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my human physical body might actually be showing something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin, and that I am actually able to correct this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my physical body as me may express me as Who I Am within and as oneness and equality of and as Life.”

Now me:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that, when the way I look affects the way others treat me, act towards me or behave around me that it says something about me, my value, my worthiness, my acceptability, and my ability to be and experience ‘love’, and so I wear makeup to influence the way others treat me, act around me and behave, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it says more about the other person, their process, their self-relationship and their self-judgment that is being projected on to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others, not being valued by others, not being worthwhile to others, and not be loved by others, and so wear makeup out of fearing experiencing these emotions that I create within myself in a try and attempt to avoid feeling them instead of facing the core and reality of myself, and within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that value, acceptance, worth, acceptance and love comes only from people outside of me and can be manipulated within and through appearance and makeup, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it comes from self first, and is then shared with other as equals, as one, as I will share my self-worth, self-value, self-acceptance, self-love with others as I share myself as an example of what it means to create and live these words as self for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other women and compare myself to them in terms of appearance enhanced by makeup, instead of seeing through the makeup, through the skin-deep layers, and into the depths of the being that every woman is, equal to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the only way I can feel confident, open, comfortable and expressive is if I look better by wearing makeup, because it affects the way others treat me, thus making the statement that Who I Am depends upon how I am treated by others outside of myself, instead of grounding myself into myself, with clear self-understanding and self-direction within and as the starting point of my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceived that I am unlovable, that no one would ever love me, want to be with and create a life with me if they saw me for real, due to the fact that I had never loved myself for real, as I am, and so I hide the perceived flaws and imperfections internally, behind personalities and characters, and externally behind makeup, in order to attract someone that will love me FOR me, because I had never given nor developed self-love for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unacceptable, that no one would ever accept me as I am, and thus manipulate and contort myself into something and someone that I deem as more acceptable, including wearing makeup, so that others will accept me FOR me, as I had never created nor developed self-acceptance for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of makeup because I fear letting go of the feelings it gives me, feelings of the comfort of hiding, of confidence, expressiveness, high, better-than, etc…  as if those expressions were caused and created by makeup itself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the cause and creator of everything I experience and so I am the one that decides which expressions I live and experience myself as, and I do so based upon what is best for me as best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need and desire to wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having makeup to wear and fear having to be seen with a bare face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone because I think/believe/perceive the only way I will experience love and acceptance is within and through a relationship with another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can live self-love and elf-acceptance, becoming whole, independent and completely self-responsible for my self-experience and self-relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, lonely and full of regrets and remorse, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real regret and remorse comes from never having developed a whole and complete self, a fulfilling self-relationship, self-love and self-acceptance, with a focus on self-expansion and self-growth and walking a process towards realizing my utmost potential in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women, experience jealousy and envy towards beautiful and gorgeous women, within the thought, idea, perception or belief that their lives must be perfect, their self-experience must be only positive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that each one is in a process, and the shallowness of basing self on appearance is known best by those that have lived a life of beauty, become old and died and equal death as everybody else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of superiority/inferiority with other women based on who looks best, instead of realizing my equality and oneness with all beings here, starting first with self-equality and oneness.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought "I look pretty" when I wear makeup, and to connect that thought to a rush of positive energy, within the thought ,idea, perception or belief that I can now experience myself more positively, more comfortable, more confident and more expressive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these qualities exist in me already and are not dependent on how I look/looking better with makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment of others, as other looking at my face and thinking I look 'bad', 'blotchy. , 'old', and 'tired' - because it would confirm all my worst fears about myself and my appearance, which would the trigger me to fear not having the opportunity to have a relationship, a child, and a happy and fulfilling life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can create my life in such a way to open up these possibilities as I am, by first fulfilling and completing myself, creating a stable foundation of self, so that I can create and develop a life based on who I really am, and not a picture presentation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death, instead of focusing on really living fully while I am alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, instead of realizing I have always been alone, but I have always had myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and look at myself through the most critical eyes in the world, instea of developing myself and my expression and letting that shine through. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that perceived 'less-attractive' people are less important, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that so long as I deem others less-important,  I am neglecting to see the truth, which is that i deem myself as less-important and live in constant fear of facing that aspect of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to   think, believe and perceive that what I perceive as 'less-attractive' people should be disregarded, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in wearing makeup and hiding myself, I have disregarded myself as Who I Really am and the fears that exist within nme, and the self that I have the potential to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if others perceive me as less-attractive, they will be cruel towards me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that cruelness towards others is indicative of a personal self-relationship within them, and has nothing to do with me or Who I Am, but only that of them that I am representing of them in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear only experiencing negativity if I am not perceived as 'attractive', and then feeling helpless and weak if I am not, as an abdication of self-responsibility onto others by using them to create positive energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tohold on to the memory of being bullied in school, where I was deemed 'ugly', which I accepted and allowed to define myself and create my internal self-experience based on that self-definition, which caused me to believe that if one is attractive, one has a better and more positive life-experience, causing me to want to look better, wherein I would use makeup to do so and from that starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by hiding behind makeup, within the validation and justification of my fears and beliefs about being beautiful and being ugly, thus changing myself, manipulating myself, suppressing and hiding aspect of myself due to not accepting myself Here, As I Am.

Redefining makeup:

An extension of my self-expression, to get to know parts of me in order to bring them through into my life regardless of my physical appearance.

Clearing the starting point from fear and hiding to redefining and living words.

Words I can live that I learned through wearing makeup:

Confidence

Openness

Expressiveness
Comfort

Self-care

Self-love

Self-acceptance

Click here to watch the video The Design Of Makeup coming through the interdimensional portal, for truth and understanding about how we are designed.

For more support on how to develop self-love and self-care, click HERE.

For more support on developing self-acceptance, click HERE.


www.destni.org

 The Design of Makeup

Day 88- Going Down the Rabbit's Hole or Still Looking at the Mirror? (pt. 2)

This is a continuation of Day 87- Going Down the Rabbits Holeor Still Looking at the Mirror?

“The main realizations I had within and through writing these statements is that I have the tendency to project and imagine ‘big things’ and ‘big plans’ for myself, in the mind where the entire play out can be played out in seconds, wherein there is an instant gratification and feelings of accomplishment experienced within me. However, the ‘downfall’ and consequential outflow of this are that I become discouraged and defeated when I go to bring those plans into action in the real world, the physical world outside of my mind, the reality we all share, otherwise known as Here. These feelings lead to ‘stagnation’ and ‘stuckness’ within which I am not as effective within what I do, because in a way, I feel as though I have already failed. This then leads to the experience of being overwhelmed with the amount of actual steps it will take to accomplish that which I want to accomplish, and then I experience anxiety as a ‘falling behind’ because in my mind, I am already way ahead of myself.

It takes time, dedication, commitment and patience to get things done in the physical reality, and these are the things I am mapping myself out to become. I see, realize and understand that I can only work from Here, and that there is a difference between making a plan or long term goals, and fantasizing about what it will be like ‘then’, when everything is done and where, in my mind, everything was easy and successful.”

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to escape and avoid Here by trying to do everything and get it all done so that I can be ‘there,’ in the future where things are done and everything is in order, and where I’ve projected that I will experience myself differently ‘then’.

I commit myself to stop projecting about who and how I will be later, and which situation I will be in later, instead of focusing on now and my actions and behaviours now that will create me as who and how I want to be, by being it now.

I commit myself to do what needs to be done daily, instead of existing within and as the belief that one day, it will all be done. I see and realize that my organs function in every moment until I die, and that I too apply myself as Who I Am in every moment till my time is up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take one thing at a time, and bring it Here, and focus on it with all my presence and awareness, and direct the one thing I have chosen to focus on to the best of my ability, while always making sure I am self-honest about what exactly my ability is.

I commit myself to take one thing at a time, to bring it Here and focus on it with all my presence and awareness, and to direct it to the best of my ability, always remembering to question my ability, to push the limits of my ability to see exactly what it is I am capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that wants/needs/desires ‘forward motion’ as a polarity with myself as lazy, motionless, stagnant and unmotivated.

I commit myself to work on finding balance in my Life, with some time dedicated to rest, relaxation and enjoyment, but not too much, and some time dedicated to responsibilities, but not too much.

I commit myself to practice and perfect self-care, throughand as developing self-esteem and self-worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to participate within and as the ‘forward motion’ character because I have defined it as ‘successful’, within the belief that that is how successful people operate, and if I were just like that, I would be successful too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire success instead of focusing on actually being successful in my practical application of myself in my life and world.

I commit myself to allow myself to be successful, to embrace and become one with success instead of seeing/perceiving it as something ‘out there’ that happens to other people who have the answers that I think/believe I will never find.

I commit myself to be and become a success within myself, within self-mastery of myself in my entirety, so that what I think is what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to participate within and as the ‘forward motion’ character because I admire others that this character is trying to emulate as an experience,  and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire others to admire me when I am ‘moving forward’ and ‘getting things done,’ so that I may ‘have’ the experience, instead of realizing that an ‘experience’ is nothing but an energetic momentary rush within me, while the actual creating myself successfully just ‘is ,’ as it simply becomes Who I Am.

I commit myself to base my actions in self-honesty and doing what’s best for myself as all as one as equal in actuality, instead of playing around with images, perceptions and judgment as who I am as an experience of myself. I realize and understand that it is sometimes necessary to ‘go into character’ to present myself in a certain way at, for example, a job, wherein there are certain social and company rules that must be abided by. I commit myself to understand the social and company rules In my workplace, to understand who I am in relation to them, and to abide by them without compromising or influencing myself as Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base success on an internal experience, instead of the actual measurable outcome of my actions.

I commit myself to stop chasing ideas, perceptions and beliefs, and to instead ground myself in reality Here, and take actual actions towards that which I have set as my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unsuccessful, lazy, unmotivated and stagnant.

I commit myself to stop fearing that which I have complete ability to control and direct, by slowly but surely teaching myself how to control and direct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest for myself that which I fear, specifically here where I overwhelm myself where I reach points where I feel ‘stuck’ and unable to move myself to simple tasks.

I commit myself to stop the patterns of self-defeat which create many unnecessary consequences, by giving myself back my power in order to move and direct me out of the habits and patterns I have come to depend on to keep me in line, to prioritize my self-interest and to stay lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unnecessary mountains for me to climb, because of and due to not remaining Here, in breath, and instead going into my mind, creatingresistances, backchat, beliefs and thoughts and internal experiences such as stress and anxiety about small things that could easily be done.

I commit myself to live  equal and one to that which I create, because I am equal to and one with it In Fact.  Thus,

I commit myself to change my creations of and as me, and to knock down the mountains of the mind by simply taking it step by step, bringing it Here, equal to me, so that I can manage it as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to experience events all the time to indicate that I am moving forward, instead of moving me Here to pave the way for myself y taking one step at a time and doing it well.

I commit myself to stop abdicating my self-responsibility to things and events outside of me, and to take complete self-responsibility for myself in every moment by applying myself within, through and between events in my life, no matter what the event is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about and conjure up big plans for myself, without considering the time,patience and actual work it will require to get it done.

I commit myself to bring myself out of my mind and into reality, where big plans involve actual real commitment, dedication and effort, instead of imagining about obtaining the big results thus only creating energetic emotional experiences within and as me, which will only lead to feelings of defeat when I try to accomplish these things in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect/want/desire instant gratification and immediate results.

I commit myself to remember the pace at which the physical moves and to stop rushing ahead in my mind, creating a whole reality before I even take the first step, but to instead take my first steps Here, the only place where it is possible to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive instant gratification and immediate results are possible.

I commit myself to let go of the McWorld of the mind, and enter into the real world, where change takes time and actions have consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that movement in the physical takes time.

I commit myself to be the patience, dedication, commitment and discipline that I am, and to develop myself as these qualities, in order to move with the physical world which is the real reality we all share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from Here with curiosity and entertainment and fruitless pursuits of the mind that always bring me back to the exact same pattern of procrastination, overwhelmed and anxious.

I commit myself to stop feeding the energetic experience I achieve when fulfilling my curiosities and to instead direct myself to occupy my time not with gossip, entertainment and distraction, but with actual actions and self-directed learning while working towards a living understanding of myself, my world and reality.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my process by repeating patterns and habits that I know lead to nowhere and timeloops.

I commit myself to take the necessary steps  to replace self-sabotage with self-care, self-nurturing and self-creation.