Self-Care: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#ACTIONSHOT(S)

After over a week of intense PMS, OCD and ABCDEFG, I was getting to my wits end in terms of NOT really knowing or feeling equipped to support myself, feeling like nothing's working day after day as I was sinking deeper into physical and emotional discomfort and despair... except that in pushing myself, practicing actions of self care, basically going back to the basics of process in terms of also reaching out for support, talking, writing, breathing, getting my ass UP and OUT into nature, the sun, fresh air, despite wanting only to curl up into a little ball and sleep, avoid, distract (and yes, I did these things as well).... I learned a very valuable lesson.

Now, looking back at it from 'the other side', I can see that, although these things felt like they were being done 'in vain' AT THE TIME, I see now that each effort, each push, each action of self-care and self-support was in fact me taking a step, laying a brick, placing a tile in and as the foundation of self in order to create a SELF that can STAND no matter what.

In the photos that follow you'll see simple acts of pushing and self-care: me doing a face mask to soothe my irritated skin, cooking a proper breakfast as part of my 'healthy habit' challenge, getting out for a walk when I really wanted to stay in and watch movies all day, going to the POOL in my BATHING SUIT despite being bloated to twice my normal size!!! There are many more things I did that are not pictured here, like talking to my partner, writing, lots of breathing and moments alone with stretching, slowing down, speaking self-forgiveness, and directing tasks that were weighing down on me.

And it all felt like a meaningless struggle while doing it, as I kept going back to the inner turmoil, the despair. However, now that I am coming out on the other side, I see that what is developed through this kind of persistence, consistency and application, despite the experience at the time, is a self-trust, a discipline, a stand and a stance that shows me and let's me know (I show myself and let myself know) that even in my lowest, most confused, uncertain points, I will do my damndest, push my hardest, try everything to support myself and find solutions, and never, ever give up on me.

So, here's to self-care, self-love, self-movement and all the basics of self-forgiveness, self-correction, breathing and writing, as we each push through our ups and downs, our challenges and triumphs, in order to find ourselves and show ourselves what we are really made of and in fact capable of.

Here's to process and Desteni, Bernard Poolman, Susan Spies and the farmies for standing as the living, leading examples, and all destonians for doing the same so that no one ever has to walk alone.

Feeling grateful and grounding myself Here :). Thanks erbody for being Here!

Osho Card reading of the Day - Day 15 of 21: TOTALITY

"These three women are high in the air, playful and free, yet alert and interdependent. In a trapeze act, nobody can afford to be a little bit "absent" even for a split second. And it is this quality of total attentiveness to the moment at hand that is represented here.
We may feel there are too many things to do at once, but get bogged down in trying to do a bit here, a bit there, instead of taking one task at a time and getting on with it. Or perhaps we think our task is "boring" because we've forgotten that it's not what you do but how you do it that matters.
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that you do."

The question I held within me while pulling this card involves the emotional experience I woke up into yesterday. I managed to direct my day despite the experience, yet it was persistent and came back at night, right as I was getting ready for sleep. I reminded myself not to engage with it, just to feel it. I saw the temptation of thinking and connecting the experience to thoughts and wonderings, but I simply felt it and let it be.

When I woke up today, it came back, and I realized this was premenstrual syndrome activating within me. This is where I become very aware of my emotional body and feel it quite extensively for about a week. This emotional body is always there, but it is placed in the forefront of my awareness during this time. I used to see this as a curse, but I have changed my perspective to look at it as a blessing, as I get to see, examine and direct these experiences directly during this time.

So, my question was: "How can I best support myself when dealing with an intense emotional experience over a period of time" (rather than in fleeting moments)?

I am able to derive much support from this card, because I see that if I remain vigilant, alert and attentive, I can direct the experience throughout the entire week. I simply need to take what I did last night, and apply in in every moment. I am familiar with this 'alertness' or 'attentiveness', I can recall living this word when driving in a snow storm or during a busy and pressing time at work. What I need to do now is expand myself as this word, into my moment-to-moment living.

To support myself, i will create a structure for the day, meaning, I will decide a couple of tasks to do to define and organize my time, and to give myself chunks of time to work with to break up the day into sections. This way, I will know very clearly what is the task at hand, so that when it becomes difficult, I can remind myself where my focus and attention should be, and I will move myself according to my plan (remaining flexible, of course),  and not go into the wallowing experience that can throw me off track in a moment of 'absentness'.

Within this, a focus on breath and movement is crucial, as well as going easy on myself and even finding some enjoyment within what I am doing.

Daily writing has been an unbelievable support, because the points I have uncovered and began walking this past two weeks will play a big role in the self-support I will be able to live for myself. I am so grateful for the tools of writing and corrective application, as it not only prevents unpleasant consequences in my life, but also assists and supports me to enjoy myself more in my daily life.

I will walk my correction today and report back any findings, obstacles or triumphs.

 Thanks for reading!

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org


 

Day 13- Secret Thoughts From My Evil Mind

          One of the most empowering things I have learned through studying DIP is the fact that nothing we feel is a result of anybody else’s doing but our own, and nothing we judge has anything to do with whom we are judging, rather, it has very much to do with what we are avoiding in ourselves. These realizations saved me today as I walked a shaky path of overwhelming reactions.

It is my time of the month, so to speak, so I’m emotional, angry, insecure, crabby, and all those fun things. It still catches me off guard sometimes when I get like this, but then I realize ‘oh ya, it’s just my period.’ However, one’s menstrual cycle does not magically manifest insecurity, resentment, anger and all those things. They are already existent within, and for me, it is a monthly occurrence that they tend to once in a while, knock me off my feet.

Today I went into these kinds of reactions, wherein at one point all I could do was close my eyes and breathe until I calmed me down. I couldn’t speak self-forgiveness out loud because I was in the car with someone and they would probably think I was crazy. But I have, in moments, spoken self-forgiveness out loud during a reaction and it was amazing the way I could literally pull myself up and out of the reaction and back into full control of myself and my day.

Anyways, I will write out the main point from today, which was backchat, so that I may get a grip.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have secret mind thoughts about another being in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my true self to emerge in sneaky and secretive ways in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repeat patterns of abuse wherein I blame another for my own lack of self-responsibility and inability to face myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use blame towards another for me not being able to do what I want, when I see, realize and understand that the point is fear of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what another may think about me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect my own self-judgment off of other beings in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another instead of looking at myself and what I’m not facing within me, because the only judgment is self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel resentful towards another being because I have used blame for things that I am responsible for but abdicated to that person, thus giving my power away to him/her and then resenting him/her for it, instead of taking responsibility for myself and taking my power back.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as resentment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe blame is real, implying that someone else can have an actual influence in my internal experience of myself, instead of realizing it’s all me, and instead of taking the actions I need to take in order to deal with and face my true self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge another’s appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on the picture presentation of other beings instead of valuing them for who they are as life, equal and one with me and with all that’s here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become insecure around another because of the self-judgment I exist within and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear placing everything and all of me on the line in every moment, due to fear and fear of judgment, and then blaming and resenting another for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become enslaved by fear and fear of judgment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself in every moment.

When and as I see that I am participating in secret mind thoughts about another, I immediately STOP, and breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that backchat is an act of abdication of self-responsibility and is therefore abusive and diminishing to myself and the other. I take note of that which I am backchatting about so that I may look for where it is in myself in order to write it out and forgive it.