Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath

I am going to be exploring the meanings of these words: “Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath”. I am doing so because, at the moment, they are only words to me, and not a living reality that I understand and practically apply in my life. This is important because practical application of these words is required.

First I will have a look at the dictionary definition of both ‘assertive’ and ‘steadfast’:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.

 

When I look at these words, I see that I have a reaction towards words such as ‘aggressive’, ‘bold’, ‘demands’ and ‘dogmatic’- which are words that, when I face them in others I would be ‘put off’ due to judgments I have made about them. I would judge them as ‘abrasive’, ‘annoying’, even ‘rude’. I see that in the past I would NOT want to be in a conversation with someone who possessed these traits, and I would in fact have the tendency to avoid them. So now to look at Why this is so:

The reaction I ‘m having towards these words is that, if I were in conversation with someone that possessed the qualities they describe, I would feel ‘less-than’, I would feel like I were talking to a wall, I would feel frustrated and angry because I judge myself as ‘not assertive’, and I would feel like the other person was ‘more valid’ simply because they were more assertive. I also see the fear of not being able to stand up to an assertive person, which makes me feel angry and resentful towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with a negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘assertive’ as bad/negative/wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the internal experience of ‘less-than’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive with the internal experience of ‘less-than’ thus creating a relationship to the word ‘assertive’ in separation of myself, because in doing this, I will never in fact GIVE myself the opportunity to BE assertive MYSELF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from the word ‘abrasive’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’ in separation of myself.

Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive, and to be abrasive, for example when I am standing up within myself and not accepting/allowing abuse from another. In this type of situation I wouldn’t want my relationship to the word be such that I would avoid standing up for myself for fear of the very same judgment I have placed on the word itself. Instead, I would give myself the opportunity to be/become the living word, as me, in moments where such a being/becoming is required. Where no judgment is necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ to ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from ‘talking to a wall’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’ in separation of myself.
I will not separate myself from assertiveness through creating the ‘walls’ I perceive others to become, and which I myself become. Instead I take down my walls of separation brick by brick through equal communication, understanding and self-honesty, so that eventually no walls exist between human beings and we realize we are all simply Here, coming from the same source and going to the same place. The walls we have built are walls built in self-interest due to fear and survival, because we live in a world of fear and survival, where we are pitted against each other, wherein the ‘other’s’ loss is our ‘gain’, and we must protect ‘our gain’ from those that have less; when in fact there is no real gain, we are all only ever losing, and the ones losing the most are our children and the generations to come.

I will continue to purify the word assertive, and then redefine it in blogs to come.