Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 182- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction Cont'd)

Within this blog I am moving through the fear I face within not being in a relationship. I have, for more than half of my life, been in a committed relationship. Now that I find myself alone, I see that I had not developed many aspects of myself that I require to be able to handle myself/life and functioning as a self-responsible and self-sufficient human being in the world and in my life. Before and as I move on, I first have to clear the fears of being alone, so that I can release myself and my decisions from the starting point of fear, and re-script myself to base myself and my decisions upon that which is best, which is stable, which works, which is practical, which is beneficial.



This blog is continued from:

Day 181- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction)


Herein, I am changing the script of ‘Who I Am’ from fear-based to self-directive. I am basing each set of self-corrective statements and self-commitments on the truths I revealed to/about myself in Day 180- Divorce: Secret Fear #3.

When and as I see that I am preoccupying myself with secret wants/needs/desires of a man/relationship to fulfill my every want/need/desire, to give me the ‘perfect life’, the ‘make’ me feel ‘important’, ‘special’, and ‘better-than’ how I normally feel, or how I perceive others feel ,I STOP, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-equality by reminding myself that only I can give myself the gift of life. Only I can stand up and change myself and that about me which is causing me to feel imperfect, un-fulfilled, and ‘less-than’. Only I can treat myself as important enough to take the time and put in the effort to do so. Nobody else can because each must do it for themselves, and hoping a man/relationship will do it for me is like hoping for a savior to come and save me from myself.

I commit myself to treat myself as important and loved by giving myself the time and attention to better myself, and to make the most of this one life I have, to reach for my potential, and to correct that about myself which is destructive or does not benefit me.

When an as I see that I am creating a positive energetic relationship to the thought of someone missing me and being sad for having lost me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty within the realization that within my commitment to support myself as an equal being/participant Here, I thus then choose to support others as me as one and equal, and could not then support another to miss me, as they would only be missing themselves, and I would only be basing my positive reaction on my own mind interpretation of another's experience, instead of supporting myself and the other to realize ourselves as capable of fulfilling ourselves and being ourselves instead of constantly looking for ourselves in others.

I commit myself to be and substantiate myself based on the mere fact that I am here and am of equal value and worth, instead of using the reactions of others to define myself by, nor by which to determine how I feel as an experience of myself.

To be continued…



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To script yourself back into alignment with and as Life, learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and those around you.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 181- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction)



Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term relationship.

The following blog is directly related to: The Secrets of Divorce: Fear # 2, and Day 178- Divorce:Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding, and will be a re-scripting out of this fear and into self-equality:
Also continued from the self-correction of fear #2

Day 180- Divorce: Secret Fear #3

When and as I see that I am thinking about another and imagining them missing me, causing me to feel better or appeased, or thinking and imagining them not missing me, and creating/manifesting a hurt/lonely energetic experience within and as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-stability within the realization that basing my internal experience of myself, and my self-relationship on how I imagine  another  might  be feeling about me is really just me playing with my own emotions. In reality, I am not a mind reader, and I have no idea how others feel about me, and I have no idea how they would express it to/towards me, and I have no idea how I would actually react/carry myself if the situation came up. If there’s one thing that is certain, it is that the reality of the situation, were it to play out, would not play out as it does in my imagination, because if it did that would imply I am psychic, which I am certain I am not. Therefore, I will not place my internal experience of myself upon my mind wanderings and imaginations, because when I do I am simply abusing myself by making myself feel unwanted, cast aside, rejected, etc... probably more so than were the scenario of ‘someone not missing me’ to actually play out within my reality or awareness.  Instead, I bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical, and base my self-relationship and internal reality upon Who I Am, within thought, word and deed, as I direct myself through situations as they arise and as I am actually faced with them for real. 

I commit myself to direct myself within and as self-honesty by investigating the reactions I have to thoughts/fantasies/play-outs in my mind..

I commit myself to pull myself out of my mind wanderings and imaginings in order to stop manipulating myself with fantasy scenes and play-outs, and instead focus on what is actually happening in my reality, and on how I direct myself through actual reality play-outs.

I commit myself to stop manifesting ‘ups and downs’ by playing out various scenarios in my mind, and then react to them by feeling good/appeased or lonely/hurt.

I commit myself to direct myself within and as the stability of self-honesty when I face points in actual reality.

When and as I see that I am wanting/needing/desiring to believe I am missed by someone in order to feel important and special, stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that when I have stopped myself from missing people in the past, it was done by suppressing all the emotions/feeling relationships I had with them, and not facing/dealing with/working through it with them or within myself, thus devaluing them/myself by not giving the situation the time and attention it would require to reach a practical living understanding/solution. By giving the situation the time and attention to work through it properly, with care and understanding, I am treating the other person/myself/the situation as ‘important,' by treating it as I would treat myself as Life, in equality and oneness with the other as me/the situation as myself. But instead, within my past, I would ‘cut them off’ and avoid/suppress/ignore the situation, and not deal with it, and simply let it fester and then repeat the same mistakes. So now, when I think of someone ‘not missing me’, I project my past self/past behaviour on to the other and think/believe/perceive that I am being ‘cut off’/ignored/avoided/disregarded, as I have done to others at times throughout my life. Within this realization that I fear being treated the way I had treated others, I bring myself back to self-honesty by- 'till here no further'- directing myself through the relationships I create within and as self-responsibility, by facing and dealing with the feeling/emotion relationships I connect within relationships  within my life and world, until the relationships are cleared and my starting point is certain.

I commit myself to treat others as I would like to be treated, by taking self-responsibility within relationships, by directing myself within self-honesty, and by giving issues that time/attention/care they require to reach an equal and one understanding.



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To learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and those around you.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Day 180- Divorce: Secret Fear #3





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Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term relationship.

The following blog is directly related to: The Secrets of Divorce: Fear # 2, and Day 178- Divorce:Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding, and will be a re-scripting out of this fear and into self-equality:
Also continued from the self-correction of fear #2

Day179- Divorce: From Rebound to Un-Bound

 Fear #3:

The I fear I won’t be missed.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I won’t be missed by those with whom I part, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be missed by those with whom I part.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire those whose lives I leave to miss me and think about me, because it makes me feel like I was important, loved and special/better-than according to at least one person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be made to feel important, loved and special by another, instead of actually treating myself as important and loved by giving myself the time and attention to better myself, and to make the most of this one life I have, to reach for my potential, and to correct that about myself which is destructive or does not benefit me. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to feel special, when all are equal wherein, if some were to be special it would imply the necessity of others being unspecial, which is yet another way to justify inequality and to preoccupy self within and as self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel better about myself by feeling more valued the more someone misses me, which in essence would mean someone else’s emotional pain would make me feel better about myself, which is obviously not acceptable because it implies that if the other person were stable and not falling into emotional reactions, then I would feel worse about myself.
To be continued…

To script yourself back into alignment with and as Life, learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and those around you.