Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 182- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction Cont'd)

Within this blog I am moving through the fear I face within not being in a relationship. I have, for more than half of my life, been in a committed relationship. Now that I find myself alone, I see that I had not developed many aspects of myself that I require to be able to handle myself/life and functioning as a self-responsible and self-sufficient human being in the world and in my life. Before and as I move on, I first have to clear the fears of being alone, so that I can release myself and my decisions from the starting point of fear, and re-script myself to base myself and my decisions upon that which is best, which is stable, which works, which is practical, which is beneficial.

This blog is continued from:

Day 181- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction)

Herein, I am changing the script of ‘Who I Am’ from fear-based to self-directive. I am basing each set of self-corrective statements and self-commitments on the truths I revealed to/about myself in Day 180- Divorce: Secret Fear #3.

When and as I see that I am preoccupying myself with secret wants/needs/desires of a man/relationship to fulfill my every want/need/desire, to give me the ‘perfect life’, the ‘make’ me feel ‘important’, ‘special’, and ‘better-than’ how I normally feel, or how I perceive others feel ,I STOP, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-equality by reminding myself that only I can give myself the gift of life. Only I can stand up and change myself and that about me which is causing me to feel imperfect, un-fulfilled, and ‘less-than’. Only I can treat myself as important enough to take the time and put in the effort to do so. Nobody else can because each must do it for themselves, and hoping a man/relationship will do it for me is like hoping for a savior to come and save me from myself.

I commit myself to treat myself as important and loved by giving myself the time and attention to better myself, and to make the most of this one life I have, to reach for my potential, and to correct that about myself which is destructive or does not benefit me.

When an as I see that I am creating a positive energetic relationship to the thought of someone missing me and being sad for having lost me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty within the realization that within my commitment to support myself as an equal being/participant Here, I thus then choose to support others as me as one and equal, and could not then support another to miss me, as they would only be missing themselves, and I would only be basing my positive reaction on my own mind interpretation of another's experience, instead of supporting myself and the other to realize ourselves as capable of fulfilling ourselves and being ourselves instead of constantly looking for ourselves in others.

I commit myself to be and substantiate myself based on the mere fact that I am here and am of equal value and worth, instead of using the reactions of others to define myself by, nor by which to determine how I feel as an experience of myself.

To be continued…


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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for enlightening us through your informative writings. Divorce is, indeed, a difficult journey for a family. Both party, the husband and wife, needs serious guidance to properly settle it. Nobody wants divorce to happen in their life, but at some point, it will still come. It will be helpful for people involved in divorce to join support groups. This is to, at least, make you feel that you are not alone.

    Jermaine Gardner @ The Divorce and Family Offices