Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 178- Divorce: Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding


Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term relationship.

Fear # 2: What if I Do Not Find Another Before It’s Too Late? 


The following blog is directly related to: The Secrets of Divorce: Fear # 2,

and will be a re-scripting out of this fear and into self-equality:

When and as I see that I am fearing not finding another partner ‘before it’s too late,’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-fulfillment by reminding myself that I had created a value system based entirely upon judgment/physical appearance/youthfulness/attractiveness/looks/beauty, with no basis in much of substance, therefor my value system is based on a foundation that does not last, and that does include a point of ‘too-lateness’, but when I cross-reference this with reality I see that people find partners at any age, I am surrounded by this reality at present. So I bring myself back to self-fulfillment within the understanding that I build myself for me, and every time I preoccupy myself with the fears of not finding a partner, or fantasies of the perfect partner, are moments where I am giving myself away and diminishing myself to focusing on what I fear, on what I want, what I need, what I desire, instead of focusing on Who I Am and what I have given myself already, what can be enhanced and what should change- thus rendering myself more complete and thus more prepared to enter an equal partnership, rather than diminishing myself to an incompleteness, only seeking self-fulfillment from another.

I commit myself to live breath by breath for me, with a focus on self- fulfillment, so that I can share myself as a fulfilled being with another, instead of seeking another for self-fulfillment only.

I commit myself to stop my addiction to the repeating thoughts of fears and desires in terms of my future partnerships, and instead focus on remaining present, making the most of the present so that when the time comes, I will have prepared myself.

When and as I see that I am fearing some undefined yet ‘specific’ time in my life where it is all of a sudden ‘too late’ to find another partner, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honouring within the realization that I can spend my whole life fearing this unidentifiable time, or I can let it go, and walk towards living in presence and awareness, paying attention and detail to my physical needs and sorting out my own mind, instead of living in fear and frantically trying to control this undefined and unspecifiable moment that may never even happen at all.

I commit myself to let go of the fears that there will be a time when it is ‘too late’ for me, and replace them with the timelessness of the present moment, which is wasted when I spend it fearing about the future.

I commit myself to stop terrorizing myself with thoughts of loneliness, aloneness and abndonement, and instead remind myself that I determine my own degree of isolation and aloneness by pushing myself to share myself and Who I Am with those that are willing to stand with me.

When and as I see that I am placing value on my youth/youthfulness as my value to receive a partner, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-value within the realization that I am of value for the mere fact that I am alive, and I determine that value by how I am able to honour myself despite how another/others may feel about me. I Decide; and I Decide to honour myself as Life.

 I commit myself to stop creating fear and anxiety within me with thoughts that as I age it will be ‘too late’ and I will be lonely/alone forever- never fulfilled, never complete, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these are MY responsibility, and creating terror within me by thinking/believing/perceiving it is the responsibility of someone else, something outside myself is pointless and self-destructive in moments when I could be building me, and fulfilling/completing myself.

I commit myself to let go of the thoughts, ideas, perceptions and beliefs that my ability to have men desire me determines my value and worth as a human being, because I see, realize and understand that this creates fear, anxiety and terror within me, and devalues me in every way, and I commit myself to step up and be there for myself, to love and cherish myself  unconditionally, to never again expose myself to the fear, anxiety and terror I create when I make this someone else’s responsibility.

When and as I see that I am placing value on something other than Who I Am in thought, word and deed, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that any/every time I value a thought/idea/belief/image of myself, I am actually devaluing my actual self, by making the statement that ‘who I am is not good enough, and instead of changing/enhancing myself, I will value only certain ideas/pictures/parts of myself that I deem worthy, and ignore the rest’. I bring myself back to self-acceptance by looking at the entirety of myself, in self-acceptance, and seeing, realizing and understanding what needs to change, and how I am going to change it.

I commit myself to stop taking the ‘easy road’ of valuing a piecemeal version of me, and creating an idea of who I am instead of really looking at myself in self-honesty/self-acceptance, and living the change I choose to be.

The self-correction will continue in my next blog…

To script yourself back into alignment with and as Life, learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and those around you.

1 comment:

  1. One way or another, never let yourself get caught in distress. Divorce process can be very overwhelming; however, it’s all part of the journey. The best thing that you can do is to stay strong, not only for yourself, but for the children as well, if you have any. Make them your inspiration to move on, so you guys can start a new chapter in your lives together.

    Ken Phillips