Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 181- Divorce: The Fear of Not Being Missed (Self-Correction)

Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term relationship.

The following blog is directly related to: The Secrets of Divorce: Fear # 2, and Day 178- Divorce:Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding, and will be a re-scripting out of this fear and into self-equality:
Also continued from the self-correction of fear #2

Day 180- Divorce: Secret Fear #3

When and as I see that I am thinking about another and imagining them missing me, causing me to feel better or appeased, or thinking and imagining them not missing me, and creating/manifesting a hurt/lonely energetic experience within and as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-stability within the realization that basing my internal experience of myself, and my self-relationship on how I imagine  another  might  be feeling about me is really just me playing with my own emotions. In reality, I am not a mind reader, and I have no idea how others feel about me, and I have no idea how they would express it to/towards me, and I have no idea how I would actually react/carry myself if the situation came up. If there’s one thing that is certain, it is that the reality of the situation, were it to play out, would not play out as it does in my imagination, because if it did that would imply I am psychic, which I am certain I am not. Therefore, I will not place my internal experience of myself upon my mind wanderings and imaginations, because when I do I am simply abusing myself by making myself feel unwanted, cast aside, rejected, etc... probably more so than were the scenario of ‘someone not missing me’ to actually play out within my reality or awareness.  Instead, I bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical, and base my self-relationship and internal reality upon Who I Am, within thought, word and deed, as I direct myself through situations as they arise and as I am actually faced with them for real. 

I commit myself to direct myself within and as self-honesty by investigating the reactions I have to thoughts/fantasies/play-outs in my mind..

I commit myself to pull myself out of my mind wanderings and imaginings in order to stop manipulating myself with fantasy scenes and play-outs, and instead focus on what is actually happening in my reality, and on how I direct myself through actual reality play-outs.

I commit myself to stop manifesting ‘ups and downs’ by playing out various scenarios in my mind, and then react to them by feeling good/appeased or lonely/hurt.

I commit myself to direct myself within and as the stability of self-honesty when I face points in actual reality.

When and as I see that I am wanting/needing/desiring to believe I am missed by someone in order to feel important and special, stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that when I have stopped myself from missing people in the past, it was done by suppressing all the emotions/feeling relationships I had with them, and not facing/dealing with/working through it with them or within myself, thus devaluing them/myself by not giving the situation the time and attention it would require to reach a practical living understanding/solution. By giving the situation the time and attention to work through it properly, with care and understanding, I am treating the other person/myself/the situation as ‘important,' by treating it as I would treat myself as Life, in equality and oneness with the other as me/the situation as myself. But instead, within my past, I would ‘cut them off’ and avoid/suppress/ignore the situation, and not deal with it, and simply let it fester and then repeat the same mistakes. So now, when I think of someone ‘not missing me’, I project my past self/past behaviour on to the other and think/believe/perceive that I am being ‘cut off’/ignored/avoided/disregarded, as I have done to others at times throughout my life. Within this realization that I fear being treated the way I had treated others, I bring myself back to self-honesty by- 'till here no further'- directing myself through the relationships I create within and as self-responsibility, by facing and dealing with the feeling/emotion relationships I connect within relationships  within my life and world, until the relationships are cleared and my starting point is certain.

I commit myself to treat others as I would like to be treated, by taking self-responsibility within relationships, by directing myself within self-honesty, and by giving issues that time/attention/care they require to reach an equal and one understanding.

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