Within this blog I am picking up where I left off in my post: ‘Day 168- What Happens to Marriages?’ wherein I discuss the number one fear I’ve faced within divorce/separation. I am moving systematically through the fears I am facing within leaving a long-term relationship.
For reference, also read: Day176- The Secrets of Divorce: Rebounding
The following blog is directly related to: The Secrets of Divorce: Fear # 2, and Day 178- Divorce:Avoiding Self-Destructive Rebounding, and will be a re-scripting out of this fear and into self-equality:
Fear # 2: What if I Do Not Find Another Before It’s Too Late?
“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I NEED a mate in this life.”
When and as I see that I feel that I NEED a partner/mate in this life, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization that yes, I would prefer a partner/mate In this life, but I will not allow the fear of incompleteness, unfulfilled, fear of being alone, or the fear of ‘not finding another’, be the force that directs me towards a partner. Rather, I will give the issue attention when I am ready, but until then, my focus is on myself and becoming comfortable with ‘aloneness’ and comfortable with myself, and exploring and releasing the fears that drive me, which my writing does quite effectively, until I am directing MYSELF into a partnership- because basing any of my actions on fear is making the statement that I am just that: I am this fear or I am that fear, and thus this is what I base my actions upon; No, I am not fear, I am me, and I base my actions upon what is best for me; and within this I need to get to know myself and who I am beyond these fears, wants, ‘needs’ and desires; Who I Am within ‘alone-ness’, within self-intimacy and within my own skin.
I commit myself to focus on myself in self-intimacy, in alone-ness, and within my own skin until I am comfortable and certain of my starting point for seeking a partner/mate.
I commit myself to accept and allow nothing less than self-direction to be the force that directs me into a partnership.
“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the point of life is to gain a mate and ‘be loved,’ and ‘be happy’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can be my own point of life, completing myself, wherein sharing myself would become something unconditional, without wanting, needing or desiring some experience or fulfillment from another, which is an impossible condition that no one can live up to or give another, if they are not willing to give it to themselves first.”
When and as I see that I am creating the goal of ‘finding someone to love me’ to fill the responsibility for the ways in which I have not yet loved/accepted myself, within the belief that this would make me happy, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-love and self-acceptance by reminding myself that seeking a point outside myself to fulfill something within myself, will be a constant pursuit with no end; whereas entering into a partnership from a starting point of self-honesty, self-equality and self-direction, would lead to a partnership that pushed me to use the self-reflection of another to become more than I thought I could be if left to my own devices.
To be continued…
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