Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 62- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body


This is a continuation of my past blogs:




Day 60- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 61- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped_24.html
Realizations to be lived:

I realize that when I am with a parental figure- specifically when I am trying to ‘help out’ in order to gain approval- that I participate within and as the ‘child’ character. This character I participate within and as requires constant approval and validation.

 I, as this ‘child’ character, have a heightened sensitivity to the minutest behaviour of parental figures, and tend to interpret all behaviour as if it were about me.

I realize that I, as the ‘child’ character, want/need/desire to be the centre of attention, in order to validate myself as this character.

As the ‘child’ character, I abdicate my self-responsibility to parental figures within the expectation that they exist solely to care for and nurture, and take responsibility for me.

Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 1 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice because it is tired and aloof, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic reaction and back into awareness within the realization that parental figures are actually my exact mirror, and I am only reacting to myself by projecting myself on to them within and as separation, instead of taking self-responsibility to take note of what it is that I see within them (specifically, that I am still a child within their presence, that I go into auto-pilot wherein I lack self-awareness and am not present Here with me, that I act from the starting point of characters instead of considering the actual reality of the situation, that I look to them to be my ‘saviour’ and be responsible for me, instead of applying myself to my utmost in order to be present and aware with me, and to support and empower me, and lastly, that I put myself last and place everyone else’s well-being before my own). 

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice when it is tired and aloof, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back into self-direction by taking note of my reaction within the realization that I am participating in projection and separation. I direct myself to take note of what it is I am projecting so that I can take responsibility for it through writing it out, applying self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see that I am trying to ‘help out’ within and as the ‘child’ character I stop, and I breathe. I walk myself out of this character by changing my starting point from seeking/wanting/needing/desiring approval/validation to a starting point of simply taking self-responsibility and pulling my own weight as an equal..



Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 2 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to a parental figure when he/she is giving me instructions to complete tasks I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability, awareness and self-direction within the realization that within and through my participation within and as the ‘child’ character I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally those parental behaviours which I have judged as not validating or approving myself as an adult. I direct myself to breathe through the reaction and do the task the best way possible, whether that is the way I think to do it, or the way it is suggested to me. Thus I direct myself to listen to other’s suggestion as my equals, and use/apply the information if it is useful, or discard it if it is not- either way; I realize that no reaction is necessary to move through the situation.

When and as I see that I am reacting within and as anger, frustration and resent due to taking personally when a parental figure gives me instructions I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the behaviour has no deeper meaning for me to interpret, because I am not that ‘child’ character that thinks/believes/perceives everything is about me. I stop and delete the character of the ‘child’ from within and as me, because Who I Am as Life Here does not require validation and approval, because Who I Really Am is not a character, it is real no matter who or what approves/does not approve, or validates/does not validate it.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 61- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body (self-forgiveness statements continued)

This is a continuation of my past blogs:








Day 60- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html




Herein I am continuing self-forgiveness statements on my reactions within a situation which I am tracing back through peeling back the layers within and through self-forgiveness so that I may understand and delete the character/pattern from within and as me- thus interacting with parental figures from a starting point of equality and oneness instead of from the parent-child dynamic.






Reaction D:  Anger. Thought: my creator/a parental figure should apply his/herself to the utmost to be present and aware with me, and do everything in his/her power to support me to empower myself and grow- yet this does not happen, because here I am- unsatisfied with myself.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/perceive/believe a parental figure as something supernatural because that is what created me.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect a parental figure to have everything figured out because as a child I believed adults knew everything, and instead of taking responsibility to get to know myself and assist and support myself to learn, experiment and explore, I waited to be told what to do and who and how to be.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to parental figures, wherein I expected them to run my life and tell me exactly what to do, instead of standing up and living me for myself.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as anger towards the fact that no parental figure is perfect, nor a living example of perfection that is able to teach me how to live for real, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all are innocent within their ignorance (yet responsible for self-change).





Self-Forgiveness on Reaction E:


Reaction E: Anger, Thought: Parental figures put themselves last, after the child’s needs are met. However, I am no longer a child, and do not need anyone to sacrifice themselves for me. I interpret this behaviour as the parental figure not believing I am capable.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger towards my self-projection wherein I am well aware of the fact that I put myself last and try/attempt to be responsible for everyone else before my own well-being because it is easier to put myself last and look at others than it is to actually look at myself and take responsibility for myself and change me.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger reactions to exist within and as me.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of changing myself.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself on to a parental figure instead of looking at the points within myself and changing them, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility on to a parental figure wherein I become angry when he/she accepts and allows him/herself to participate in abdication instead of seeing that I am doing the very same thing thus ensuring the repeating cycle of not taking responsibility within both myself and the parental figure.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself last and placing being responsible for others above my own well-being.








I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use placing myself last and taking responsibility for others as an excuse to not face and change myself.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses and distractions to not look at me and see the reality of myself in terms of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

To be continued...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day 60- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body (self-forgiveness statements continued)


This is a continuation of my past blogs:

Herein I am continuing self-forgiveness statements on my reactions within a situation which I am tracing back through peeling back the layers within and through self-forgiveness so that I may understand and delete the character/pattern from within and as me- thus interacting with parental figures from a starting point of equality and oneness instead of from the parent-child dynamic.



Self-Forgiveness on Reaction C:

Reaction C:  Frustration. Thought: She’s trying to ‘help’ me complete a task by offering unneeded instructions with a lack of awareness, instead of actually assisting and supporting me in ways which consider the reality of the situation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my desire for self-change on to a parental figure.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as frustration when a parental figure acts based on a starting point of unawareness, instead of seeing, understanding and realizing that in reality, I am frustrated with myself for acting from a starting point of unawareness, wherein I do not assist and support myself in ways which consider the reality of my situation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a parental figure with projected self-judgement, for acting from a starting point of unawareness, wherein I see, realize and understand that I do the very same thing- such as giving instructions when they are obviously not needed, such as when I will say or do something unnecessary for the sake of ‘going through the motions,’ or ‘keeping up appearances,’ when I’m actually not focusing or really interested at all, but trying to pretend like I am for the sake of those around me, instead of stopping, taking some breaths and reigning myself in so that I am present and aware within my interactions.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with others while I’m in a mind possession, wherein I am completely in my mind and thus unfocused and unaware in actual physical reality, so while in self-interest I indulge in the energetic pursuits of the mind, I neglect physical reality and those within it who I am interacting with at the time, instead of stopping my internal experience and bringing myself back to awareness so that I can have an actual real interaction with another instead of wasting both of our time by being falsely present/interacting not as who I am, but within and as my mind, thus interacting self-dishonestly as a façade rather than directing myself within and through the interaction as who I am.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that when a parental figure gives me instructions on how to do something which I obviously already know how to do, that it is because he/she thinks I am capable of doing it, instead of realizing that he/she is going through his/her own process and is in his/her mind, so it’s not about me nor how he/she perceives me and my capabilities, but rather him/her going through something of his/her own, and trying to play the façade and go through the motions, as I have done- by reacting to this behaviour I am making the statement that it is real and I accept and allow it, thus I will continue to accept and allow it within me, therefore, I see, realize and understand that the only thing I can do in self-honesty is to breathe through the reactions/energy that may come up and walk through the situation without participating thus- being in it but not of it- so I can assist and support myself to not repeat this pattern within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret ‘help’ from a parental figure as a message/sign/indicator that he/she doesn’t think I can do it on my own/without help.

To be continued...

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Day 59- Am I But a Reactive Child Trapped Within A Woman's Body (self-forgiveness continued)

This is a continuation from my last two blogs. The first describes the situation, the second begins the self-forgiveness statements.

Self-Forgiveness on Reaction B:

Reaction B: Annoyance. Thought: He/She is on auto pilot- not even present with me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to/towards a parental figure when I perceive him/her to be on ‘autopilot’ because I take it personally when he/she behaves in this way because I assume it is about me: that he/she is behaving this way because of how he/she feels about me or how important I am.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based upon how I perceive a parental figure to feel about me and how important I am, as if he/she has the sole power over my value, worth and importance, instead of giving myself that power, and giving myself the value, worth and importance that is equal to and one with all that is Here.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I perceive a parental figure to be distracted.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the amount of attention a parental figure gives to me is equal to and indicative of my value, worth and/or importance.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-judgment on to parental figures when I perceive them to be on ‘autopilot’ wherein I perceive them to be occupied in the mind and not present Here with me, which is really me judging myself for my own lack of presence wherein I am not Here with myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within annoyance to my the self-judgement that I project on to and towards parental figures, instead of realizing that I am looking into a mirror reflection of myself, and taking that moment as an opportunity to see what I have accepted and allowed, in order that I may change it.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as annoyance to the thought that when a parental figure is on auto pilot and is not present with me it is personal and corresponds to my value, wherein I am apparently not valued enough to be Here with, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am not even yet able to be Here with myself, thus do not live my self-value as Life within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within annoyance when a parental figure reflects me back to myself, instead of taking responsibility for myself and directing myself to Here in every moment, operating wholly in every moment within presence and awareness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my value upon how a parental figure acts towards me, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become annoyed when he/she does not validate the characters that I have created and prefer, he/she rather validates the characters I no longer associate with and have thus supressed within myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as annoyance at the fact that my a parental figure’s tone of voice can trigger myself to become a character which I have judged, thus I end up judging myself when I exist within and as this character, which I think/believe/perceive I have no control over stepping into/out of, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application I can effectively delete this character from within and as me I order to eventually delete all my characters and walk Here as Life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the character of ‘poor, neglected child’ to exist within and as me- which I created and manifested because of and due to years of interpreting other’s behaviour from the starting point of taking it all personally. So instead of seeing/realizing/understanding the situation in this world and the enslavement of mankind by simply observing myself and seeing within myself how I am/was in fact enslaved, I perceived reality instead as my movie where I am the star character and everything is about me- thus when others did not treat me like the star I developed this character to avoid seeing/realizing/understanding myself and others and kept myself enslaved and limited to limitless characters of and as myself as the mind.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Day 58- Am I a but a Reactive Child Trapped in a Woman's Body (Self-Forgiveness)



This post is a continuation from yesterday's blog which describes the situation I reacted within. This reaction reflected me to myself, showing me the character of a 'child' that I have accepted and allowed myself to play, which limits and diminishes me, and stops me from growing and expanding as a human being. In yesterday's post I described the reactions I had to two trigger points. The reactions are my 'back chat' which is like the secret little voice in the head. This voice can be quite evil and vindictive, it can be self-defeating and manipulative, or it can inflate one's ego within delusions of granduer (click here to read about my own ersonal experience with back chat). Within exposing this voice and not believing it, but instead taking responsiblity for it by tracing it back to the roots from where it began, I stop it from influencing me in any way whatsoever. The absolute empowerment of taking control of this voice in the head, and taking back Self from the mind, is an endeavor I would highly recommend everyone take a go at- to see how far one can actually expand when one is no longer limiting oneself-- quite amazing.




Continuing from the last post, I begin herewith:

Self-forgiveness on the trigger points:



Self-Forgiveness on Trigger-Point 1: voice tonality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the tone of a parental figure’s voice, specifically when I perceive tiredness and aloofness within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the tone of a parental figure’s voice to act as a trigger point within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the trigger of/as the tone of a parental figure’s voice to exist within and as me, which triggers me to react within and as anger, frustration and resent..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the trigger point of the tone of a parental figure’s voice when I perceive ‘aloofness’ within it, which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as a trigger to generate the emotional energetic experiences of anger, frustration and resent within and as me.





Self-Forgiveness on Trigger-Point 2: The giving of instructions on/about a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when a parental figure  gives me instructions explaining how to do a task, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react even more intensely when the task is a simple one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the giving of instruction from a parental figure to act as a trigger point within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the trigger point of/as a parental figure giving me instructions to exist within and as me, which triggers me to react within and as anger, frustration and resent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the trigger point of a parental figure giving me instructions, which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize to generate the energetic experiences of anger, frustration and resent within and as me.



Self-forgiveness on the reactions:



Self-Forgiveness on Reaction A:

Reaction A:  Anger. Thought: She’s not paying attention to what she’s saying to me. If she were more aware of how she speaks to me/what she says to me she would realize that I am no longer a child in need of constant instruction.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react in anger, triggered by the tone of a parental figure’s voice, because I think/believe/perceive that he/she is not paying attention to me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when I think, believe and/or perceive that a parental figure is not paying attention to me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when I think, believe, and/or perceive that a parental figure is not paying attention to me because I think/believe that if they are not paying attention to me it means they do not care about me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a parental figure not caring about me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-care outside of myself, and into and as parental figures, wherein I look for it to be expressed by them towards me, instead of bringing it back to myself by actually practically living self-care, starting by paying attention to myself and my physical body, for example.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire  parental figures to care about me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire parental figures to be more aware of how they speak to me an what they say to me, instead of realizing that I am abdicating my self-responsibility to myself by expecting the way they listen and speak to me to change how I feel about myself.



I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be more aware of how I speak to myself and what I say to myself within and as my mind, as the voice in my head and myself as backchat, which affects who and how I am, wherein I have looked for others such as parental figures to be more aware of how they speak to me and what they say instead of me doing the very same thing with, as and for myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire parental figures to perceive me as an adult, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire them to show and demonstrate their perception of me as an adult and not a child by speaking to me as what I perceive to be how they would would speak to an adult.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require the validation of parental figures that I am not longer an irresponsible child that requires constant instruction.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an irresponsible child that requires constant instruction.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way where I did not move myself and thus essentially trained those whose care I was in to have to either do things for me or instruct me to do them, wherein I developed and anger, resentment and frustration with myself for not moving me, so that I now project that anger, frustration and resent on to others when and as I am reminded that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become an irresponsible being that does not move herself and requires instructions.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become an irresponsible being that does not move herself, but rather waits for specific instructions in order to start moving, or who waits for consequences before moving me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as laziness.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, frustrated and resentful towards myself for participating within and as laziness.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an irresponsible child in need of instruction because I have participated within and as the habit and pattern of laziness.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project on to parental figures the anger, resent and frustration I have experienced toward myself, when they treat me in a way that reflects my acceptances and allowances back to me, instead of taking responsibility for myself and the laziness and lack of self-movement by walking out of the patterns and habits I have thus far lived, and into and as self-movement and self-responsibility.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to/towards parental figures when they give me instructions, by taking it personally instead of considering their process and who and how they are and why and how they behave the way they do and the role I have played within it, and how I can now support myself and them within and through our interactions together.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that what parental figures say to me determines who and how I am.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and manifested a character for myself to play, wherein I act as the ‘frustrated child,’ being constantly held back and misunderstood by the parent- wherein, instead of standing up and taking responsibility for myself, my reactions and my behaviour, I instead ‘helplessly’ fall into this character as if it dictates me and as if I had no part in creating it, but am instead a slave to it/controlled by it.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a character that traps me into reactions of anger and frustration towards parental figures, and complaining about how they are and what they do to me, instead of standing up within and as myself in the presence of any and all parental figures in order that I may walk out of my character and into Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and continuously participated within a character of a young helpless child that is lost in the world and needs constant guidance because she cannot fend for herself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that over the years I have become self-sufficient and independent and this character is no longer relevant or valid nor was it ever necessary.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger at parental figures when they give me instruction because I have accepted and allowed such behaviour to send me into a character that is dependant and helpless and, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I do not have control over the characters I become within the belief that I am dependent upon them/helpless within them, instead of realizing that I am the creator of them and am equal to and one with them and thus have the power to stop and delete them from within and as me by stopping my participation within them and my acceptance and allowance of them.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the character as myself as a child in need of constant instruction because it was easier than standing up within myself, and taking responsibility for myself without anybody having to ask me or tell me to.

More to come...

For now, check out: Day 90 - Self Defeating Character -Paul Quessy
Desteni- www.desteni.org
Equal Money, Equal Life - www.equalmoney.org
Change starts from within, where nothing is stopping you but you.


 

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Day 57- Am I But a Reactive Child Trapped in a Woman's Body?


I was helping my mom clean up after dinner, and she was very tired. I wanted to be a help within what I was doing, as I saw she was observably tired. Within self-honesty, I saw I was looking for appreciation, so when my mom instead gave me some instructions, I reacted within myself. I felt very angry, but pushed it down and breathed, and followed her instructions, which were about how to put leftovers in a container. I find, even as a grown woman, I sometimes react as a child within myself when and as I am in the presence of parental figures. This is obviously ridiculous and not beneficial to me or anyone in any way whatsoever, so I am going to write out this experience to find the root cause, in order to uproot it from within and as myself, so that I can grow from new roots which I decide myself, instead of roots grounded in years of childish reactions, suppressions, self-programming, memories, emotions and feelings etc… Herein, I have discovered another character that I play, that of the ‘child.’ Within and as this character I am dependent, needy of validation and approval from parental figures, I am extremely sensitive to the behaviours of parental figures as I interpret them as always having to do with me- thus taking them personally as I interpret them this way and that, thus sending myself on a rollercoaster ride of reactions when and as I am in the presence of any such parental figures.



Keeping in mind- this has nothing to do with my actual mom/parents/people. My writing here is concerned only with the perception I have created over time, as I experienced myself as a child right through till this very moment. This perception is based on my own interpretation of behaviours situations and events, which, as will be revealed within the following writing, has nothing to do with the actual reality, and has only to do with what I have accepted and allowed within my own mind, which happened to be revealed to me in a simple situation with my mom, one that did not merit any type of reaction, but a reaction came up from within me- thus I know it is an illusion ithat has influenced me and it has to be investigated.


Identifying the trigger points:

Trigger-point 1: voice tonality

Trigger-point 2: giving of instructions on/about a task



Trigger-point 1: Voice tonality

The following reactions are self-projections, wherein I am projecting myself on to a parental figure instead of taking responsibility for myself in the moment. This will be elaborated upon in the next two posts. For now I reveal what it is I am projecting on to another being by writing out my back chat, in order that I may, in the next two posts, take it back to myself so that I can take responsibility for it and stop projecting- rather taking self-responsibility in each moment.


Reaction A:  Anger. Thought: The person is not paying attention to what they are saying to me. If he/she were more aware of how she/he speaks to me/what he/she says to me she/he would realize that I am no longer a child in need of constant instruction.

Reaction B: Annoyance. Thought: The person is on auto pilot- not present with me

Reaction C:  Frustration. Thought: The person is trying to ‘help’ me complete a task by offering unneeded instructions with a lack of awareness, instead of actually assisting and supporting me in ways which consider the reality of the situation.

Reaction D:  Anger. Thought: as my creator he/she should apply him-/herself to the utmost to be present and aware with me, and do everything in his/her power to support me to empower myself and grow.

Reaction E: Anger, Thought: The person sounds so sleepy, like he/she just wants to go to bed, yet feels he/she has to help me clean up, instead of taking care of him-/herself and going to bed, exerting his-/herself to instruct me, as if I can’t do it on my own. He/She is putting his-/herself last and placing being responsible for others else before his/her own wellbeing.


 

Trigger-point 2:  The giving of instructions on/about a task.


Reactions: 

Reaction F:  Anger: Thought: She always gives me instructions, which make me feel undermined as she makes the statement that she does not believe I can do it on my own.



Reaction G:  Anger: Thought: She doesn’t see my as an adult, my accomplishments and capabilities, she must see me as a child requiring instruction for even the smallest things.



Reaction H:  Resent: Thought: She does not appreciate what I’m trying to do for her in terms of helping out around the house, instead she feels as though I shouldn’t help and she should do everything and be responsible for everything.\

...
Self-forgiveness statements to follow in the next post...

Day 56- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter' -Self-Corrective Statements Continued

Each of these self-corrective and commitment statement is direclty related to each of the self-forgiveness statements made within this blog: Day 54- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter'?, and is the continuation of  Day 55- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter' -Self-Corrective Statements


When and as I see that I am desiring the experience of ‘moreness’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself within the consideration of myself as a whole, Here; One which does not require to be ‘more than’ within and as an energetic experience of the mind, but to simply return to breath, Here, within and as my physical body in the present moment, which is the only moment I have to move me and live me effectively from a starting point of oneness and equality, where no one is ‘more than’ another, and no experience within and as the mind is ‘more than’ what is actually physically Here.

I commit myself to walking through the experience of the desire for ‘moreness’ in order to live the realization that anything ‘more than’ what is actually, physically Here is nothing but an illusion that exists only in the mind.

I commit myself to ground myself within and as this physical reality, to walk myself out of the mind of illusions and I commit myself to be and become the living application of the realization that the pursuit of ‘moreness’ is actually diminishing myself as it takes me away from Here, thus taking me away from myself in order to engage in the pursuit of endless desires of the mind, fueled by energy derived from the physical, thus actually, literally consuming and diminishing myself into thin air.



When and as I see that I am going into/playing the role/character of ‘annoyed daughter’ in order to make me feel better about myself, specifically ‘mature’ and ‘responsible’ I stop, and I breathe. I take myself back from this act/illusion and ground myself Here within the realization that I am not these energetic pursuits of the mind, I am Here, and always have been- waiting for me to stop and realize.

I commit myself to stop my participation within and as the character of ‘annoyed daughter’ and to instead accept who I am without the desire to be more/be seen as more/see and define myself as more through playing characters that I believe are ‘more than' who I am Here.

I commit myself to self-change- to change those parts of me that I cannot accept because they are of ego and do not consider the Whole, equal and one, instead of abdicating my self-responsibility to do so through/as/within playing characters as a way to compensate for the ‘bad feelings’ and self-judgments I have manifested as a result of who/what/how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become over time- in this case specifically the character of ‘annoyed daughter’ which, because of how I have defined it, gives me the illusion of being ‘responsible’ and ‘mature,’- because over time I have defined myself as ‘irresponsible’ and ‘immature’ because I have, over time, not taken self-responsibility in every moment and not acted maturely (as in- having not directed myself to ‘mature’ and ‘evolve’ as a person, but to have rather sat back and accepted/allowed myself to be directed and dictated by the mind, thus remaining stagnant and idle instead of me moving me, deciding who/what/how I am and will be by being the self-directive principle of myself). Within this, I commit myself to take myself back from the energetic illusionary characters I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, by pulling them out one by one in order to see why/how I created them , so that I may delete them from within/as me, and start living Me for the first time, for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value perceiving myself as the ‘annoyed daughter’ who Is so responsible and mature rather than valuing what I actually am and what I am living, wherein, within this valuation I take care of who and what I am and that which I am actually living by writing it out, paying attention, being aware and taking responsibility for it.



When and as I see that I am valuing who I am as a character in any way whatsoever instead of valuing Who I Am as Life Here I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic possession by breathing through and out of the valuation of the character as if it is who I am by reminding myself that the only thing that is real about me is Who I Am Here as the physical- a physical body functioning within and as a physical world- anything beyond that is but a creation that has taken me away from taking the self-responsibility to create and value myself as Who I am as Life as the physical Here.

I commit myself to paying attention, being aware and taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I am living by writing it out, exposing and understanding it so that I may stop, self-forgive, delete and walkmy self-corrective application.

I commit myself to live the realization that the ‘annoyed daughter’ character is only make believe, it is not real nor has it ever been, that thus far I have believed it to be real and have lived according to it in moments, making it real to me by giving it my attention and energy.

I commit myself to stop acting from a starting point of trying to attain a ‘good/satisfied’ feeling through participating within and as the character of the ‘annoyed daughter’, which I believed defined me as ‘responsible’ and ‘mature’ to myself and others, and within this I commit myself to stop living a lie as a character as who I am and instead I commit myself to Livingas an actual being within and as this physical reality, participating and engaging fully present and aware, within and as the principle of doing what’sbest for all within the understanding that we are all one and equal, therefore what’s best for all is best for me.


When and as I see that I am reacting within and as annoyance in relation to my parents, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that I am only abusing myself and my parents by reacting within and as a character in order to manipulate myself into experiencing myself as ‘mature and responsible’- thus using them as secondary actors in my play where I am the main star- thus using them to validate my character that is the ideal that I desire to experience in the moment that I go into that character.

I commit myself to live and stand as a real being instead of living a lie and validating that lie through the manipulation and abuse of others, within the view that they are secondary actors of lesser value and I am the star because I have a perception of myself in my own mind that is seemingly more central and more important than all other beings in the world, simply because I am me.

I commit myself to stop valuing the self-perception of myself as superior in my own mind and I commit myself to instead live as an equal- valuing all as me one and equal.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Day 55- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter' - Self-Corrective Statements

This blog is a continuation of the explanation of the character I play out in my life of the 'annoyed daughter,' as well as self-forgiveness statements which reveal why and how I developed this character.

Continued from Day 54- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter'?

Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself going into the character of ‘annoyed daughter’ which is indicated to me by the red flags of finding myself annoyed by my parents, looking for inability, viewing them as old/aging and finding myself worried about their capabilities etc… I STOP and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence by breathing through the reactions and reminding myself that who I am is not a character, reacting within character such as the ‘annoyed daughter’ reacting within annoyance. Who I am is Here, breathing, self-responsible, living, dealing with the actual reality of the situation, and not with the issues and reactions of an illusionary character trying to believe or perceive herself to be a certain way.

I commit myself to breathing through my cast of characters instead of participating within and as them, thus living myself Here as breath instead of there as character.



When and as I see that I am acting out a character which I have defined as responsible and mature I stop, and I breather. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that all I ever can be is me Here, and as soon as I desire to be ‘more than’ what I am by acting it out instead of actually practically changing myself, I am only behaving self-dishoneslty thus creating myself as only a limited character of the mind, instead of a whole expansive being here in reality.

I commit myself to stop living the con of characters in order to CONvince myself that I am a certain way, such as responsible and mature, and to instead Live and create who I am in self-honesty, based upon the principles of equality and oneness.



When and as I see that I am manipulating myself by going into character in order to convince myself that I have changed, matured, become a responsible human being I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization of the importance of actually getting to know myself and who and what I am, and directing myself to be and become a mature and responsible human being, equal and one in FACT: in living application according to writing myself out and cross-referencing my writing with others who are willing to call me out if necessary, such as the Desteni community.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself in order to play-act that I am something that I am not yet, and to become and realize my full potential through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application until I am equal to and one with all that is Here.

When and as I see that I am altering myself to fit into a predefined character in order to create the perception that I think/believe/perceive I require to be acceptable/desirable by myself/others I stop, and I breathe, I walk myself out of the character and back to physical reality by reminding myself that who I Am Here is already enough, and that playing false roles actually diminishes myself further and creates self-dishonest relationships that do not support me, but rather support my mind/ego/separation.



When and as I see that I am existing within and as chracters instead of existing as self-expression in the moment I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that Who I Am Here can be grown and expanded while who I am as a character will only ever become more and more limited.

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