Day 52- Fear of Being Self-Honest Within my Interactions with Others
It is one thing to practice self-honesty within oneself, and another to live it outwardly within and through interactions with others. You never know how others will take it, and this unpredictability scares me a little bit within and as my mind. Looking at this point, I see a fear of the unknown, which is funny because I have identified the fear of the unknown within myself without realizing that the fear of how others will react is also the fear of the unknown within self. For example- if there’s conflict, will I stand? Will I remain self-honest or will I fall and compromise myself? Will I give in to reactions, or will I remain stable? So, I’m going to have a closer look at this fear so that I can walk within and as it and through it so that I have more of a handle on what it is and how it works.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions of others to and towards me as I walk my process towards self-honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear whether or not I will stand up in a given situation, within the anticipation that I may fall.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become influenced by my future projections/anticipations, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that the only way I can and will and am walking this point towards stability is by walking through it over and over until I stand no matter what, which involves walking within and through interactions with others within self-honesty in the moment, over and over and over until I stop wavering, stop compromising myself and stop falling bck into the mind of reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions etc…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself Here in the moment..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the investment of time that is required to develop self-trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire self-trust as an experience of self-trust, instead of living within and as self-trust as Who I Am in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by going into ego within interactions with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to know all the answers and fix the problem instead of taking it moment by moment and walking it through from beginning to end.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I will not stand within and as my interactions with others because I have, for so long, placed my power within and as others, instead of standing within and as my power as self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself based upon others.
I forgive myself for Not accepting and allowing myself to stand as self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love, and I see, realize and understand that in order to live myself as these things I must stand self-honestly and express myself self-honestly and fearlessly in each moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself due to my fears of how others may react to me if I am outwardly self-honest within and as my expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through self-suppression because of and due to the fear of how others mat react outwardly toward me.
I commit myself to develop myself within and as self-trust through constantly, consistently and diligently pushing myself to express myself fearlessly and self-honestly in each moment until I stand no matter what.
I commit myself to stand within and as self-acceptance and self-worth, within and through pushing myself constantly, consistently and diligently to assert myself to and towards my self-living, standing and breathing within and as presence and awareness and self-honesty in each moment, thus taking myself back from all the parts of me I have separated myself into and as.
I commit myself to walking this process, my process as myself, towards self-realization, despite my projected fears of what others may think.
When and as I see that I am going into self-suppression due to fear of others outward reactions to/towards me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness by grounding myself with and as breath, within the realization that nothing and no one can take away who or what I am. I realize that this fear of confrontation is just a character I play, an is not who I am as Life, but rather a belief developed over time, which is ont real.