This post is a continuation from yesterday's blog which describes the situation I reacted
within. This reaction reflected me to myself, showing me the character of a
'child' that I have accepted and allowed myself to play, which limits and
diminishes me, and stops me from growing and expanding as a human being. In yesterday's
post I described the reactions I had to two trigger points. The reactions are
my 'back
chat' which is like the secret little voice in the head. This voice can be
quite evil and vindictive, it can be self-defeating and manipulative, or it can
inflate one's ego within delusions of granduer (click here to read about my own ersonal experience with back chat). Within exposing this voice and
not believing it, but instead taking responsiblity for it by tracing it back to
the roots from where it began, I stop it from influencing me in any way
whatsoever. The absolute empowerment of taking control of this voice in the
head, and taking back Self from the mind, is an endeavor I would highly
recommend everyone take a go at- to see how far one
can actually expand when one is no longer limiting oneself-- quite amazing.
Continuing from the last post, I begin herewith:
Self-forgiveness on the trigger points:
Self-Forgiveness on Trigger-Point 1: voice
tonality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react
to the tone of a parental figure’s voice, specifically when I perceive
tiredness and aloofness within it.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the tone of a parental figure’s
voice to act as a trigger point within and as me.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the trigger of/as the tone of a
parental figure’s voice to exist within and as me, which triggers me to react within
and as anger, frustration and resent..
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the trigger
point of the tone of a parental figure’s voice when I perceive ‘aloofness’
within it, which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
use as a trigger to generate the emotional energetic experiences of anger,
frustration and resent within and as me.
Self-Forgiveness on Trigger-Point 2: The giving of instructions on/about a task.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when a parental
figure gives me instructions explaining
how to do a task, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to react even more intensely when the task is a simple one.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the giving of instruction from a
parental figure to act as a trigger point within and as me.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the trigger point of/as a
parental figure giving me instructions to exist within and as me, which
triggers me to react within and as anger, frustration and resent.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the
trigger point of a parental figure giving me instructions, which I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize to generate the
energetic experiences of anger, frustration and resent within and as me.
Self-forgiveness on the reactions:
Self-Forgiveness on Reaction A:
Reaction A: Anger. Thought: She’s not
paying attention to what she’s saying to me. If she were more aware of how she
speaks to me/what she says to me she would realize that I am no longer a child
in need of constant instruction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react in
anger, triggered by the tone of a parental figure’s voice, because I think/believe/perceive
that he/she is not paying attention to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react
in anger when I think, believe and/or perceive that a parental figure is not
paying attention to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react
in anger when I think, believe, and/or perceive that a parental figure is not
paying attention to me because I think/believe that if they are not paying attention
to me it means they do not care about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a
parental figure not caring about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place
my self-care outside of myself, and into and as parental figures, wherein I
look for it to be expressed by them towards me, instead of bringing it back to
myself by actually practically living self-care, starting by paying attention
to myself and my physical body, for example.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want/need/desire parental figures to
care about me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want/need/desire parental figures to be more aware of how they speak to me an
what they say to me, instead of realizing that I am abdicating my
self-responsibility to myself by expecting the way they listen and speak to me
to change how I feel about myself.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be
more aware of how I speak to myself and what I say to myself within and as my
mind, as the voice in my head and myself as backchat, which affects who and how
I am, wherein I have looked for others such as parental figures to be more
aware of how they speak to me and what they say instead of me doing the very
same thing with, as and for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want/need/desire parental figures to perceive me as an adult, and I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire them to show
and demonstrate their perception of me as an adult and not a child by speaking
to me as what I perceive to be how they would would speak to an adult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
require the validation of parental figures that I am not longer an
irresponsible child that requires constant instruction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define
myself as an irresponsible child that requires constant instruction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live
in such a way where I did not move myself and thus essentially trained those
whose care I was in to have to either do things for me or instruct me to do
them, wherein I developed and anger, resentment and frustration with myself for
not moving me, so that I now project that anger, frustration and resent on to
others when and as I am reminded that I accepted and allowed myself to be and
become an irresponsible being that does not move herself and requires
instructions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and
become an irresponsible being that does not move herself, but rather waits for
specific instructions in order to start moving, or who waits for consequences
before moving me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate within and as laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become
angry, frustrated and resentful towards myself for participating within and as
laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge
myself as an irresponsible child in need of instruction because I have
participated within and as the habit and pattern of laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
project on to parental figures the anger, resent and frustration I have
experienced toward myself, when they treat me in a way that reflects my
acceptances and allowances back to me, instead of taking responsibility for
myself and the laziness and lack of self-movement by walking out of the
patterns and habits I have thus far lived, and into and as self-movement and
self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react
to/towards parental figures when they give me instructions, by taking it
personally instead of considering their process and who and how they are and
why and how they behave the way they do and the role I have played within it,
and how I can now support myself and them within and through our interactions
together.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe/perceive that what parental figures say to me determines who and
how I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created
and manifested a character for myself to play, wherein I act as the ‘frustrated
child,’ being constantly held back and misunderstood by the parent- wherein,
instead of standing up and taking responsibility for myself, my reactions and
my behaviour, I instead ‘helplessly’ fall into this character as if it dictates
me and as if I had no part in creating it, but am instead a slave to it/controlled
by it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created
a character that traps me into reactions of anger and frustration towards parental
figures, and complaining about how they are and what they do to me, instead of standing
up within and as myself in the presence of any and all parental figures in
order that I may walk out of my character and into Life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created
and continuously participated within a character of a young helpless child that
is lost in the world and needs constant guidance because she cannot fend for
herself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that over the years I
have become self-sufficient and independent and this character is no longer
relevant or valid nor was it ever necessary.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in
anger at parental figures when they give me instruction because I have accepted
and allowed such behaviour to send me into a character that is dependant and
helpless and, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe/perceive that I do not have control over the characters I become
within the belief that I am dependent upon them/helpless within them, instead
of realizing that I am the creator of them and am equal to and one with them
and thus have the power to stop and delete them from within and as me by
stopping my participation within them and my acceptance and allowance of them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and
manifest the character as myself as a child in need of constant instruction
because it was easier than standing up within myself, and taking responsibility
for myself without anybody having to ask me or tell me to.
More to come...
For now, check out: Day 90 - Self Defeating Character -Paul Quessy
Day 91- "I Give Up" Character- Arvydas
Desteni- www.desteni.org
Equal Money, Equal Life - www.equalmoney.org
Change starts from within, where nothing is stopping you but you.
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