Day 62- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body

This is a continuation of my past blogs:

Day 57- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-57-am-i-but-reactive-child-in.html

Day 58- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-58-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 59- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-59-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 60- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 61- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped_24.html

Realizations to be lived:

I realize that when I am with a parental figure- specifically when I am trying to ‘help out’ in order to gain approval- that I participate within and as the ‘child’ character. This character I participate within and as requires constant approval and validation.

 I, as this ‘child’ character, have a heightened sensitivity to the minutest behaviour of parental figures, and tend to interpret all behaviour as if it were about me.

I realize that I, as the ‘child’ character, want/need/desire to be the centre of attention, in order to validate myself as this character.

As the ‘child’ character, I abdicate my self-responsibility to parental figures within the expectation that they exist solely to care for and nurture, and take responsibility for me.

Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 1 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice because it is tired and aloof, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic reaction and back into awareness within the realization that parental figures are actually my exact mirror, and I am only reacting to myself by projecting myself on to them within and as separation, instead of taking self-responsibility to take note of what it is that I see within them (specifically, that I am still a child within their presence, that I go into auto-pilot wherein I lack self-awareness and am not present Here with me, that I act from the starting point of characters instead of considering the actual reality of the situation, that I look to them to be my ‘saviour’ and be responsible for me, instead of applying myself to my utmost in order to be present and aware with me, and to support and empower me, and lastly, that I put myself last and place everyone else’s well-being before my own). 

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice when it is tired and aloof, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back into self-direction by taking note of my reaction within the realization that I am participating in projection and separation. I direct myself to take note of what it is I am projecting so that I can take responsibility for it through writing it out, applying self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see that I am trying to ‘help out’ within and as the ‘child’ character I stop, and I breathe. I walk myself out of this character by changing my starting point from seeking/wanting/needing/desiring approval/validation to a starting point of simply taking self-responsibility and pulling my own weight as an equal..

Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 2 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to a parental figure when he/she is giving me instructions to complete tasks I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability, awareness and self-direction within the realization that within and through my participation within and as the ‘child’ character I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally those parental behaviours which I have judged as not validating or approving myself as an adult. I direct myself to breathe through the reaction and do the task the best way possible, whether that is the way I think to do it, or the way it is suggested to me. Thus I direct myself to listen to other’s suggestion as my equals, and use/apply the information if it is useful, or discard it if it is not- either way; I realize that no reaction is necessary to move through the situation.

When and as I see that I am reacting within and as anger, frustration and resent due to taking personally when a parental figure gives me instructions I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the behaviour has no deeper meaning for me to interpret, because I am not that ‘child’ character that thinks/believes/perceives everything is about me. I stop and delete the character of the ‘child’ from within and as me, because Who I Am as Life Here does not require validation and approval, because Who I Really Am is not a character, it is real no matter who or what approves/does not approve, or validates/does not validate it.