Day 62- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body

This is a continuation of my past blogs:

Day 57- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-57-am-i-but-reactive-child-in.html

Day 58- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-58-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 59- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-59-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 60- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 61- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped_24.html

Realizations to be lived:

I realize that when I am with a parental figure- specifically when I am trying to ‘help out’ in order to gain approval- that I participate within and as the ‘child’ character. This character I participate within and as requires constant approval and validation.

 I, as this ‘child’ character, have a heightened sensitivity to the minutest behaviour of parental figures, and tend to interpret all behaviour as if it were about me.

I realize that I, as the ‘child’ character, want/need/desire to be the centre of attention, in order to validate myself as this character.

As the ‘child’ character, I abdicate my self-responsibility to parental figures within the expectation that they exist solely to care for and nurture, and take responsibility for me.

Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 1 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice because it is tired and aloof, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic reaction and back into awareness within the realization that parental figures are actually my exact mirror, and I am only reacting to myself by projecting myself on to them within and as separation, instead of taking self-responsibility to take note of what it is that I see within them (specifically, that I am still a child within their presence, that I go into auto-pilot wherein I lack self-awareness and am not present Here with me, that I act from the starting point of characters instead of considering the actual reality of the situation, that I look to them to be my ‘saviour’ and be responsible for me, instead of applying myself to my utmost in order to be present and aware with me, and to support and empower me, and lastly, that I put myself last and place everyone else’s well-being before my own). 

When and as I see that I am reacting to the tone of a parental figure’s voice when it is tired and aloof, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back into self-direction by taking note of my reaction within the realization that I am participating in projection and separation. I direct myself to take note of what it is I am projecting so that I can take responsibility for it through writing it out, applying self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see that I am trying to ‘help out’ within and as the ‘child’ character I stop, and I breathe. I walk myself out of this character by changing my starting point from seeking/wanting/needing/desiring approval/validation to a starting point of simply taking self-responsibility and pulling my own weight as an equal..

Self-Corrective Script if Trigger-Point 2 is encountered again:

When and as I see that I am reacting to a parental figure when he/she is giving me instructions to complete tasks I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability, awareness and self-direction within the realization that within and through my participation within and as the ‘child’ character I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally those parental behaviours which I have judged as not validating or approving myself as an adult. I direct myself to breathe through the reaction and do the task the best way possible, whether that is the way I think to do it, or the way it is suggested to me. Thus I direct myself to listen to other’s suggestion as my equals, and use/apply the information if it is useful, or discard it if it is not- either way; I realize that no reaction is necessary to move through the situation.

When and as I see that I am reacting within and as anger, frustration and resent due to taking personally when a parental figure gives me instructions I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the behaviour has no deeper meaning for me to interpret, because I am not that ‘child’ character that thinks/believes/perceives everything is about me. I stop and delete the character of the ‘child’ from within and as me, because Who I Am as Life Here does not require validation and approval, because Who I Really Am is not a character, it is real no matter who or what approves/does not approve, or validates/does not validate it.

Day 61- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body (self-forgiveness statements continued)

This is a continuation of my past blogs:

Day 57- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-57-am-i-but-reactive-child-in.html

Day 58- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-58-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 59- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-59-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 60- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-60-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Herein I am continuing self-forgiveness statements on my reactions within a situation which I am tracing back through peeling back the layers within and through self-forgiveness so that I may understand and delete the character/pattern from within and as me- thus interacting with parental figures from a starting point of equality and oneness instead of from the parent-child dynamic.

Reaction D:  Anger. Thought: my creator/a parental figure should apply his/herself to the utmost to be present and aware with me, and do everything in his/her power to support me to empower myself and grow- yet this does not happen, because here I am- unsatisfied with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/perceive/believe a parental figure as something supernatural because that is what created me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect a parental figure to have everything figured out because as a child I believed adults knew everything, and instead of taking responsibility to get to know myself and assist and support myself to learn, experiment and explore, I waited to be told what to do and who and how to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to parental figures, wherein I expected them to run my life and tell me exactly what to do, instead of standing up and living me for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as anger towards the fact that no parental figure is perfect, nor a living example of perfection that is able to teach me how to live for real, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all are innocent within their ignorance (yet responsible for self-change).

Self-Forgiveness on Reaction E:

Reaction E: Anger, Thought: Parental figures put themselves last, after the child’s needs are met. However, I am no longer a child, and do not need anyone to sacrifice themselves for me. I interpret this behaviour as the parental figure not believing I am capable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger towards my self-projection wherein I am well aware of the fact that I put myself last and try/attempt to be responsible for everyone else before my own well-being because it is easier to put myself last and look at others than it is to actually look at myself and take responsibility for myself and change me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger reactions to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the importance of changing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself on to a parental figure instead of looking at the points within myself and changing them, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility on to a parental figure wherein I become angry when he/she accepts and allows him/herself to participate in abdication instead of seeing that I am doing the very same thing thus ensuring the repeating cycle of not taking responsibility within both myself and the parental figure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself last and placing being responsible for others above my own well-being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use placing myself last and taking responsibility for others as an excuse to not face and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses and distractions to not look at me and see the reality of myself in terms of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

To be continued...