Day 217: My Stay at the Desteni Farm - The People

The People

The people here at the Desteni farm are simply awesome. Everyone here is walking their personal process of self-change, so each one is checking themselves, questioning and investigating their reactions, taking points back to self first, and then speaking or discussing an issue if necessary.  This makes for what I can only describe as a clear, calm and open atmosphere between people, from my experience. This makes for an awesome environment for self-reflection, because it becomes clearer that I am alone within myself, completely responsible for the creation of Who I Am and for sorting out my own consequences from past living, decisions and paly-outs in my life. I am alone within myself, but I am very much in a group here, walking as individuals, together in support.

            Each person here has a unique expression that creates a really nice diversity for discussion. Each has their own interests that they are focusing on, whether it be programming, baking, music, building, gardening, parenting, sports and more. There are families, couples and single people, so it is quite a mix. This variety of expression is the result of people getting to know themselves on deep and intimate levels, where they are expanding their interest, work and hobbies through experimentation, testing and looking at Who They Are within everything they do. And each person here is committed to writing and sharing their process of what they face in their lives within whatever they are currently busy with.

            With the writing, it’s cool to see what points people are facing internally, and then to watch them in their work or play to see how they are living their words. Because I have been walking my own process, I know what it takes to live the words you speak, and it is not so easy! So, when I see people here with the focus and dedication to truly live and stand as examples of what it means to live in a way that is best for all, equal and one, I know the work they put in to get there and it is inspiring to me, where I want to push myself to do the work for me as well. I also see the work that is being put in to support others out in the world, on the web, through courses and social media platforms, which is how I found out about this place and the tools of support. So I see the value and necessity to share, to give as I have received, and to build and create myself into someone that can equally share and support.

With the diversity and openness here, conversations often go back to points one is facing or has faced. Hearing all the different perspectives has given me incredible insights into myself, where points open up for me and I can see ways that I have been living that have been limiting or diminishing me. Not only that, but I am often supported, either directly or indirectly through others, to identify certain specific moments or events in my life, or patterns of behaviour that I can now write out in my own blog in order to sort out within myself. This supports not only myself to change, but anyone that is facing similar points to me can also read about my journey. In this way, others can have the same experience that I am having here, where sharing, relating and telling our stories can open up so much for each other, thus quantifying our processes of change. This is for anyone that understands that any real change that is going to happen in this world is going to start with change on an individual level.

            I also thoroughly enjoy meeting the other visitors that are coming from all over the world to spend some time here. I get to hear about their lives and what they do back home, we discuss challenges we’ve faced and successes we’ve had. Each person that comes here brings something unique, and in many ways, I am also getting to know myself better through the interactions I am having with them. One visitor that came with her children from the Netherlands, is working towards becoming a Life Alignment Specialist. She needed case

studies to complete her course and certification process. I’m pretty sure almost everyone here volunteered to do a session with her. I certainly did! The experience was amazing and I dug real deep into mind points that were contributing to a skin condition I have. I have since been writing out the points, as well as using supplements and creams to support my body, and in a short time I have begun to see results in the form of the skin clearing up, becoming calmer and less irritated and inflamed (I have seen doctors who have only prescribed steroids, which work temporarily, but is not a long-term solution for me, so I’m experimenting with a more wholistic approach).

            Another visitor, Garb from the US, has been amazing to observe. Her discipline to push herself to fill every day and live it fully while she is here is truly impressive. She is used to working long hours in an office back home, so here she has been challenging herself with more physical work, bringing her out of her mind and more into the physical, connecting to the earth and soil she has been working with. I have been learning from her how to develop this consistency and discipline, as it is something I have struggled with in the past.

We discussed these topics and more while we planted climbing plants that will eventually produce berries for the local birds to eat. Check out Garb's travel journal HERE. 

          Discussion and asking questions is cool and very supportive, but the thing that has the most impact on me personally has been to simply watch her live, again, standing as an example and the proof that I too can develop myself to become whatever I decide, so long as I apply myself (and within the practical limitations of physical reality, of course).

          


            

          For me, as someone that started off exceptionally shy and introverted, it has been very exciting to come out and express myself Here. I have been working on this point for years, but the difference is that back home, at work for example, there is so much extra ‘noise’ to deal with, in the form of gossip, ulterior motives, judgments and reactions. In that environment, we are to work as a team, yet in competition with each other in the face of job cuts or promotions. In this competitive environment, I found it exceptionally difficult to remain stable within myself, and was usually on the brink of ‘survival mode’, where keeping my job and keeping my boss happy were number one on my mind. I could express myself, but always had to make sure I was presenting myself in accordance with company values. Sometimes I found that company values conflicted with my own, and voicing myself had in the past caused some negative consequences for me in my career. Here, however, when I express myself and come out of my shell, I can just be me and express my principles of cooperation, equality and oneness.The difference is that I am now doing it to discover myself, Who I Am and what I am capable of, and not thinking about who I need to impress, or
staying on anyone’s ‘good side’.

          






          I will continue to share about my experiences at the Desteni Farm in blogs to come, so stay tuned, there will be more to come! But for now, please enjoy this video from the farm:

Cesar Discovers Video Camera

Day 60- Am I but a Reactive Child Trapped Within a Woman's Body (self-forgiveness statements continued)

This is a continuation of my past blogs:

Day 57- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-57-am-i-but-reactive-child-in.html

Day 58- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-58-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Day 59- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-59-am-i-but-reactive-child-trapped.html

Herein I am continuing self-forgiveness statements on my reactions within a situation which I am tracing back through peeling back the layers within and through self-forgiveness so that I may understand and delete the character/pattern from within and as me- thus interacting with parental figures from a starting point of equality and oneness instead of from the parent-child dynamic.

Self-Forgiveness on Reaction C:

Reaction C:  Frustration. Thought: She’s trying to ‘help’ me complete a task by offering unneeded instructions with a lack of awareness, instead of actually assisting and supporting me in ways which consider the reality of the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my desire for self-change on to a parental figure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within and as frustration when a parental figure acts based on a starting point of unawareness, instead of seeing, understanding and realizing that in reality, I am frustrated with myself for acting from a starting point of unawareness, wherein I do not assist and support myself in ways which consider the reality of my situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a parental figure with projected self-judgement, for acting from a starting point of unawareness, wherein I see, realize and understand that I do the very same thing- such as giving instructions when they are obviously not needed, such as when I will say or do something unnecessary for the sake of ‘going through the motions,’ or ‘keeping up appearances,’ when I’m actually not focusing or really interested at all, but trying to pretend like I am for the sake of those around me, instead of stopping, taking some breaths and reigning myself in so that I am present and aware within my interactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with others while I’m in a mind possession, wherein I am completely in my mind and thus unfocused and unaware in actual physical reality, so while in self-interest I indulge in the energetic pursuits of the mind, I neglect physical reality and those within it who I am interacting with at the time, instead of stopping my internal experience and bringing myself back to awareness so that I can have an actual real interaction with another instead of wasting both of our time by being falsely present/interacting not as who I am, but within and as my mind, thus interacting self-dishonestly as a façade rather than directing myself within and through the interaction as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that when a parental figure gives me instructions on how to do something which I obviously already know how to do, that it is because he/she thinks I am capable of doing it, instead of realizing that he/she is going through his/her own process and is in his/her mind, so it’s not about me nor how he/she perceives me and my capabilities, but rather him/her going through something of his/her own, and trying to play the façade and go through the motions, as I have done- by reacting to this behaviour I am making the statement that it is real and I accept and allow it, thus I will continue to accept and allow it within me, therefore, I see, realize and understand that the only thing I can do in self-honesty is to breathe through the reactions/energy that may come up and walk through the situation without participating thus- being in it but not of it- so I can assist and support myself to not repeat this pattern within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to interpret ‘help’ from a parental figure as a message/sign/indicator that he/she doesn’t think I can do it on my own/without help.

To be continued...

Day 53- All I Exist as is a cast of Characters

It’s cool because this realization that all we all are and have ever been is a cast of characters playing out the script we have written for ourselves in our own Hollywood movie where we are the star has really strung together a lot of self-forgiveness I have already realized within myself. It answers questions like, why do we act/react one way in one environment surrounded by certain specific people, and then another way in another environment? Why do we fear doing something for the first time? Because we have no memories to script ourselves with in order to know which character to be. Why do we fear to call others out on their bullshit? Because they might turn around and call us out on ours, because in reality, each is only wearing the mask of the character that they are in that moment, and each validates, accepts and allows all others to keep their characters in an unspoken agreement that we all participate in. And these characters seem so real that we actually become them as we believe them to be who we are.

When I look at this baby I know, I see that she does not have any characters- she is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I look at a 3 year old that I’m close to, and I see her designing her characters- based on the reactions and feedback she receives from those around her- what behaviour gets her attention, which actions give her approval, what makes her feel good, where can she exert control, etc… And then I look at a 5 year old who I’ve watched grow up, and I see already formed characters where the same pattern repeats itself every time- to the point where the parents/family learn how to cope with his characters and end up manipulating the environment to avoid the troublesome ones and encourage the good/likeable ones, the ones that make US feel good too. Within observing these children, I can see how I created my cast of characters over time. The fact that we don’t remember scripting/designing/creating the characters we play can give the impression that they weren’t scripted, designed or created at all- but are rather who we really are- however- it is apparent that they are in fact nothing but characters and acting and thus- not real. If each one of us were to stand up as who we really are as Life, we for sure would not put up with all the bullshit we do today- from ourselves and from others.

So, the only thing to do now is to call out all the characters, pull them out and expose them in order to be able to forgive them and let them go so that we can find out what is behind them. What human potential has been limited and suppressed for so long due to the limitations we have imposed upon ourselves through playing mere characters and role instead of living, breathing and expressing us as who we really are- one and equal to everything and all that is here. From here on out, my journey to Life will involve calling out the characters I have designed and played out for myself, because they are limited and limiting and I will not accept or allow myself to exist as anything less than who I am.

For more context on how we have existed and created ourselves as nothing more than charaters on a stage, chaeck out these other blogs:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-stepping-out-of-character.html?m=1

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/looking-for-more-of-myself-day-78.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-44-character-game.html

http://rozelledelangeblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-22-me-as-main-character-within.html

http://journey-of-lindsay.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-kill-buddha-hes-just-character.html

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-life-as-character-overview-day-79.html

http://spiritualjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-45-characters-i-allow-as-self.html

http://malingunilla.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-im-nothing-but-character.html