Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 183- Picking My Skin to Escape My Reality




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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick my skin as a mechanism to avoid being here with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest discomfort/uneasiness/crawling sensation/irritability when and as I am present within myself or when I stop myself from picking or scratching at my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use skin-picking/scratching as a way to avoid facing myself in the moment, in presences and awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I can’t face myself and the way I feel inside head on, because it feels too uncomfortable, unpleasant, overwhelming and frightening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that the world around me is too overwhelming, chaotic  and out of control for me to exist within, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, to need, and to desire to have absolute control over my environment within the belief that it would change how I experience myself if I did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an ultimatum, wherein I try to control everything in my Life and world, and when that fails, I withdraw completely into the disorder as an absolute disconnecting and escape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that having absolute control over my environment is possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that all other human beings have it together and have complete control over their environments except me, and that there is some specific formula that I am missing that I could somehow find to ‘make it right’ and ‘be ok’ like everybody else seems to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsessively try to perfect everything and find every little flaw in a try and an attempt to find that ‘thing I am missing’ that would make it all right and all ‘okay’.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over myself and my physical body within an attempt to find every little flaw within the idea, perception and belief that if I didn’t have a certain blemish or bump or imperfection, I would be perfect and then things would be/feel ok, and I would be ok.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the way I feel within myself is a direct result of how I look or what is going on in my life and my world, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it has nothing to do with my physical body or events and play-outs in my life. It has everything to do with the way I feel about these things, or the feeling and emotional energetic relationships I develop to and towards them.

Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I am the one that actually determines and creates those relationships; therefore, I am the one that is responsible for them and empowered to change them.

Continued from:

To be continued…

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