Thursday, May 9, 2013

Day 185- Dermatillomania: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 1

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself slack and loosen my grip on the reigns in my life when and as I am on the upside of the cycle of OCD."

When and as I see that I am on the upside of a cyclical pattern within OCD I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by stopping myself within the reactions I develop towards the upside of a cycle or pattern. Meaning, the positive energetic relationships I would develop through projecting thoughts/ideas/perceptions and beliefs such as ‘how it will be from now on’, and ’how much better I will feel when I stop’, ‘how great it will be’, and ‘I will soon be cured’- all of this within and as a blind hope that somehow I had figured it all out and am experiencing the fruits of my labour, when in fact when I look at it in self-honesty I see there is still very little understanding on my part, and very little actual practical steps toward change.  This thus then indicating I am still resisting taking self-responsibility within and as this disorder, and would still rather prefer some form of miracle or outside force to ‘fix’ and ‘change me’ and do the work for me, however I know very well that this is not something I can depend on and thus, not worth spending any time waiting for. I know very well I’d only ever be waiting for myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within and as this disorder, by writing it out, creating practical steps, and pushing myself to live and apply the words and the scripts I write for myself.

I commit myself to stop feeding and perpetuating the relationships I have developed to and towards the upside of a vicious cycle, by stopping my reaction to/towards them, and instead reminding myself that I am taking self-responsibility for who I am within and as this disorder, thus I will not base myself on the false hope of something or some force outside of myself coming to cure me by some form of miracle.

I commit myself to stop developing positive relationship to/towards the upside of an OCD cycle because  I realize this causes me to fear to lose the positive feeling energy and thus prevents me from actually wanting to change for real.

I commit myself to change for real, by stopping the energetic relationships before they manifest into and as actions that collectively create this disorder.

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