This blog contains the self-commitment and self-corrective application
statements from the
self-forgiveness
I worked through in my last blog about not being able to concentrate within my
studies.
Thus, this blog is a statement of that which I am willing to commit to, and the
ways in which I will
change
my behavior (practical application of myself in my world), which will extend
beyond school and into every day life, which is an accumulation of actions.
Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that I am the directive principle of
Who I Am within each action
in my life, because the end result of me is an outflow of who I have been
within each action.
Each one has the ability to make a decision in every action, I choose to do
what’s best for all, which is not really a choice. I choose to be a living,
breathing
being that is present and aware, and not a distracted and entertained consumer
consuming zombie that does not take all life into consideration in each action.
But in order to walk myself out of this mind-state, I have to, step by step,
release myself from the ways in which I have
abdicated
myself to my mind. One of these ways is not applying myself to things that I’ve
judged
as ‘difficult’, such as school, wherein I literally could not apply myself to
focus.
This would probably be called ADD now, however, I intend to discipline myself
within focusing, by/through walking myself back into my mind in order to see
how I created the distractions that occur in my own mind, as energies,
resistances and uncomfortabilities. I have come a long way since starting this
process, and the two years I have already spent on this point, on and off over
the months. I realize that it took me many many years to develop this point
within myself, thus it will take a process to undo it. I realize there are no
quick fixes or easy outs, and that it’s just a matter of undoing the
programming I myself have done. Self-forgiveness releases this very
effectively, and allows for the re-scripting of self, wherein, one becomes
free
to move oneself as Who One Is moment to moment, and not limited by any ‘state of
mind’.
These self-commitment and self-corrective application statements are very
specifically tied to the self-forgiveness I did in my last blog. So, for
context, please visit
Day 107- Getting Out of the Work.
I commit myself to let go of the past memories where I struggled and failed in
school, and release myself from the energetic experiences I have created within
myself in relation to them.
I commit myself to begin building myself as Who I would like To Be from a clean
slate, as I daily clean my slate in order to not carry around the cumbersome
burden of a past filled with
judgments and
self-definitions which, in believing them to be real, have limited me in
innumerable ways.
I commit myself to slowing down my mind with
self-awareness
developed through daily writing, in order that I may SEE the
thoughts
that seem to ‘pop’ into my head without any intention of my own, thoughts which
trigger
chain
reactions which build into energies that cause the task at hand to seem like so
much more than it actually is, which is simply reading,
understanding,
synthesizing, and regurgitating- as is the way it works in the current
schooling system, unfortunately.
When and as I see a though arise in relation to past memories of struggling at
school due to
feeling
constantly ‘lost’, I stop, and I breathe. I make the directive decision to
ground myself back
Here
by stopping my participation of the thought and deleting it in one moment by
not paying attention to it, and instead bringing my focus back to the work in
front t of me, which I am NOT lost within, and which I can easily navigate so
long as I read the material and focus.
I commit myself to base my self-assessments on the current reality of myself,
and not upon past memories and self-definitions which I had created and carried
around as survival techniques and self-manipulation to not apply myself and to
not remain fully present and aware within that which I do.
I commit myself to stop the old patterns and habits I had
accepted and allowed
myself to exist within and as, because I see, realize and understand that it is
not rational to continue my participation within and as them, as they only
serve to limit and diminish me, and that I cannot accept or allow to continue.
When and asI see that I am about to start a project from the starting point of
getting through it as quickly as possible, within and as the ‘getting out of
work’ character, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to Here within and
as functioning within physical time, breath by breath, and give myself as much
time as I may need to do the work properly, within reason. I remind myself that
physical breath-by-breath application will seem slow and even unbearable at
times, but I move myself as the living realization that there is no other way,
so to thus then slow down, take a breath, take it easy, breathe and continue
from Here.
I commit myself to stop validating the characters I have created and existed
as, by stopping my participation in the validating process of acknowledging and
paying attention to the thoughts related to past experiences of ‘getting out of
the work’, and instead focusing on the work in front of me breath by breath,
and
changing
my starting point as my approach to the work, from wanting to get it all done
as fast as possible, to actually making the directive decision to do it
properly, so as to remove the basis platform of this character, thus not
leaving it with any leg to stand on,
allowing
it to fall, and to then replace it with Who I Am Here as the directive of
myself as breath.
I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’ character,
by stopping re-living it over and over, by changing my behavior as per the
above self-commitment, from the point of realization, as the realization that
this character is limiting and diminishing me, making me less than who I am.
When and as I see that I am participating in the ‘getting out of work’
character by looking at my work and only
seeing
millions of words on a page, creating this experience of blankness within me
because I don’t yet understand them, as I have not yet read them, I stop, and I
breathe. I bring myself back to physical time by looking at the first paragraph
ONLY, reading it through, breathing, and allowing myself to take a moment to
absorb what it is saying, from words on a page, to information in my head, to
understanding, and then on to the next paragraph.
Within this, I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’
character by actually doing the work.
To be continued...
