This blog is about a history of not being able to hold onto a job for a long period of time. The pattern consists of beginning a job with high hopes, which slowly devolve into a resentful and spiteful relationship towards the job. Normally this is accompanied by a 'giving up' within the belief that the job is too difficult, too much, too stressful,not right, not fair, or not fulfilling.
Within this blog series I am looking at the what, how, why, where and whith whom do I participate and perpetuate this pattern. I am forgiving the mufti-dimensions of this pattern and scripting out practical steps I can take to change. This blog is continued from:
“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much upon my strengths, exalting myself within the belief that only I can do it right/properly/best, instead of working as part of a team, all the while, knowing within myself that I too have weaknesses which, if left unchecked, will come out and create a problem that will reflect poorly on me.”
When and as I see myself using memories and thoughts to generate a positive energy within myself, connected to images and play-outs within which I have defined myself as having done a good job, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-improvement by reminding myself that distracting myself within my own ego while not tending to those areas that I am having difficulty with is preventing myself from actually growing and improving within my work- thus creating the experience of doing a good job only, instead of actually learning how to do every part of the job well.
I see, realize and understand that these thoughts and memories, images and play-outs that create a positive energetic experience within and as me are but distractions triggered mostly in moment where I find myself struggling with an aspect of the job. Instead of fully looking at and facing that aspect of the job that I am struggling with, in order to determine and script practical steps to walk through the issue, I would automatically go into day-dreams and fantasies, making myself feel better instead of taking a breath and facing myself. Within this pattern, I would constantly continue to struggle with specific points within employment, never finding a way to deal with them, thus then accepting and allowing them to perpetuate, creating insecurity and a lack of confidence in my work.
I commit myself to humbly address the issues I face at work, and the points I have difficulty with, and I commit myself to look at them and script out practical methods with which to deal with them.
To be continued....
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