Within this blog series I am looking
at the what, how, why, where and with whom do I participate and perpetuate the
pattern of job-hoping, The pattern consists of beginning a job with high hopes, which slowly
devolve into a resentful and spiteful relationship towards the job. Normally
this is accompanied by a 'giving up' within the belief that the job is too
difficult, too much, too stressful, not right for me, not fair, or not fulfilling. I realized that I am actually
the creator of my own downfall within employment, and that I am
entirely responsible for my experience of myself at work. This self-sabotage occurs in many
small ways which build over time, which creates the experience I then seek to
escape. I am forgiving the multi-dimensions of this pattern and scripting out
practical steps I can take to change.
http://comerecommended.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/gossiping.jpg
This blog is continued from:
“I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to avoid facing my own weaknesses by focusing upon the
weaknesses of others, and by focusing on correcting the mistakes of others
without fully focusing on and becoming aware of the mistakes I can prevent,
which are the mistakes I make, and the weaknesses I accept and allow to
continue when left un-investigated.”
When and as I see myself feeling better about myself when I
am looking through material and I notice errors or mistakes made by others, by
participating in internal conversations with myself about how I would not have
made the same or similar mistakes, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back
to self-honesty by reminding myself that I make mistakes as well, and it is
largely due to the context of the situation at the time of the mistake, whether
it is a large workload, an emotionally charged case, or any other outside
elements influencing my work. I see, realize and understand that it is
impossible to judge another because I would never fully understand the context
of the situation they were in at any given time, not to mention the details of
the day, their lives and upbringings that led them to handle a certain
situation a certain way, the issues they may be dealing with at work or I their
private lives, etc, etc…
I commit myself to breathe through judgments about others
which inflate my own ego and diminish the other to only what I know about them
or what I am aware of, which is a very limited version of who they are.
I commit myself to work with the cases I am given, and to do
the best job I am able, which includes un-biasedly and non-judgmentally
correcting any errors I find, mentioning the error only if it would be supportive
to all for it to be mentioned.
I commit myself to handle the work of others as I would like
to have my work handled: with integrity and care.
I commit myself to continue practicing assessing and
approaching my work within self-honesty in order to look at and focus on those
areas that need improvement, and to test out different methods until I find the
ones that work best.
“I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to fear others avoiding themselves and their own weaknesses by
focusing on and concentrating on my mistakes and weaknesses, a fear which I
accept and allow by not looking at myself in self-honesty and actually
changing/enhancing myself in the ways I require to be changed/enhanced in order
to utilize every moment of breath to its fullest potential. But instead I would
look to the mistakes and weaknesses of others, and then fear they would do the
same to me.”
When and as I see that I am wasting time and avoiding taking
self-responsibility by thinking about and judging and comparing myself to
others, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-responsibility by not
participating within these thoughts, judgments and comparisons, and simply
letting them go, then directing myself to physically move through the next
action that Is required to be taken.
I commit myself to continue to push myself through seeing
tasks through without getting lost in the mind of thoughts, judgments and
comparisons which create unnecessary reactions relationships towards the work,
and which also cause me slow down, stall, procrastinate, and resist taking the
next steps.
When and as I see that I am having fear-based and paranoid
thoughts of my coworkers judging me and reacting to my mistakes I stop, and I
breathe. I bring myself back to self-definition within the realization and
understanding that I am only reflecting my self-judgment, but rather than
facing it in self-honesty, I am projecting it on to others thus creating a
self-definition based on the reflection of my own fears and paranoia.
I commit myself to look at the fears I have about what others
may think about my mistakes in order to show myself where I am accepting and
allowing myself to NOT direct myself effectively through learning from my
mistakes.
I commit myself to not ever judge myself or my mistakes, but
instead to learn from the mistake, and utilize it as an opportunity to hone my
skills within the work I am involved in, because the self-judgment will always
show me where I am not fully or effectively applying myself.
To be continued....
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