Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Day 190- OCD at Work: How to Keep Your Job (pt. 2)

Within this blog series I am looking at the what, how, why, where and with whom do I participate and perpetuate the pattern of job-hoping, The pattern consists of beginning a job with high hopes, which slowly devolve into a resentful and spiteful relationship towards the job. Normally this is accompanied by a 'giving up' within the belief that the job is too difficult, too much, too stressful, not right for me, not fair, or not fulfilling. I realized that I am actually the creator of my own downfall within employment, and that I am entirely responsible for my experience of myself at work. This self-sabotage occurs in many small ways which build over time, which creates the experience I then seek to escape. I am forgiving the multi-dimensions of this pattern and scripting out practical steps I can take to change.

This blog is continued from:

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid facing my own weaknesses by focusing upon the weaknesses of others, and by focusing on correcting the mistakes of others without fully focusing on and becoming aware of the mistakes I can prevent, which are the mistakes I make, and the weaknesses I accept and allow to continue when left un-investigated.”

When and as I see myself feeling better about myself when I am looking through material and I notice errors or mistakes made by others, by participating in internal conversations with myself about how I would not have made the same or similar mistakes, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that I make mistakes as well, and it is largely due to the context of the situation at the time of the mistake, whether it is a large workload, an emotionally charged case, or any other outside elements influencing my work. I see, realize and understand that it is impossible to judge another because I would never fully understand the context of the situation they were in at any given time, not to mention the details of the day, their lives and upbringings that led them to handle a certain situation a certain way, the issues they may be dealing with at work or I their private lives, etc, etc… 

I commit myself to breathe through judgments about others which inflate my own ego and diminish the other to only what I know about them or what I am aware of, which is a very limited version of who they are.

I commit myself to work with the cases I am given, and to do the best job I am able, which includes un-biasedly and non-judgmentally correcting any errors I find, mentioning the error only if it would be supportive to all for it to be mentioned.

I commit myself to handle the work of others as I would like to have my work handled: with integrity and care.

I commit myself to continue practicing assessing and approaching my work within self-honesty in order to look at and focus on those areas that need improvement, and to test out different methods until I find the ones that work best.

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others avoiding themselves and their own weaknesses by focusing on and concentrating on my mistakes and weaknesses, a fear which I accept and allow by not looking at myself in self-honesty and actually changing/enhancing myself in the ways I require to be changed/enhanced in order to utilize every moment of breath to its fullest potential. But instead I would look to the mistakes and weaknesses of others, and then fear they would do the same to me.”

When and as I see that I am wasting time and avoiding taking self-responsibility by thinking about and judging and comparing myself to others, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-responsibility by not participating within these thoughts, judgments and comparisons, and simply letting them go, then directing myself to physically move through the next action that Is required to be taken.

I commit myself to continue to push myself through seeing tasks through without getting lost in the mind of thoughts, judgments and comparisons which create unnecessary reactions relationships towards the work, and which also cause me slow down, stall, procrastinate, and resist taking the next steps.

When and as I see that I am having fear-based and paranoid thoughts of my coworkers judging me and reacting to my mistakes I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-definition within the realization and understanding that I am only reflecting my self-judgment, but rather than facing it in self-honesty, I am projecting it on to others thus creating a self-definition based on the reflection of my own fears and paranoia.

I commit myself to look at the fears I have about what others may think about my mistakes in order to show myself where I am accepting and allowing myself to NOT direct myself effectively through learning from my mistakes.

I commit myself to not ever judge myself or my mistakes, but instead to learn from the mistake, and utilize it as an opportunity to hone my skills within the work I am involved in, because the self-judgment will always show me where I am not fully or effectively applying myself.

To be continued....
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