Monday, March 18, 2013

Day 169- Dermatillomania: The Fear of Being Ugly


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Continued from:

Day 168- OCD: Thoughts that Create my Own Prison



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick at my skin in order to make it perfect / within the belief that picking will make it perfect and pure and cleansed and free of blemishes like the movie stars on the Hollywood screens and in the magazines, and the flashy happy special people that are exalted above the average human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive from childhood fairy tales, societal influence and media, that beautiful people are more special and count more, are more worthy and deserve to be happy, while ugly people are bad, mean and ill-intentioned, and they deserve to be shown their place and be gotten rid of, so that beautiful people can continue to exist in bliss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I am ugly, like the ugly ones in the story books and the Disney movies, that I should be perceived as less-than, less-valued and not to be trusted, and thus cast aside and shunned by all because I had been born into such a role through having been born ugly. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I am born beautiful, I am exalted, I would deserve the respect, appreciation and admiration of all, simply for gracing the earth as my mere presence of beauty, living a life in abundance and bliss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly, within the idea, perception and belief that if I am ugly, I will not succeed, I will not be liked, I will be alone and cast aside, ostracized and valueless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be beautiful with perfect skin, within the thought/idea/perception/belief that that it is a basic necessity for success, for relevance, for value, acceptance, being liked, enjoying company and a mate, and living a life of value and joy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on, and to define myself based on the external reactions of society, individuals, cultures and organizations, media, etc… in order to indicate to me whether I am successful, acceptable, likeable, respected, relevant, allowed to experience enjoyment, based on appearance only, and how closely it happens to be aligned to the accepted type of beauty at that time, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to give myself these things by earning them through merit, within and as self-creation of and as a self that supports and honours myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ever separated myself as who and how I am based on who and how society, culture, upbringing, individuals, media etc… have defined me, or how I have perceived them to have defined me, based on the worldview I had created, and my understanding of my place within it, without ever having taken the self-responsibility to show and prove to myself, that I love and honour mySELF, no matter how my physical picture presentation looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged others, in having admired the beauty of others and having exalted them above myself, having wished to look like them and not look like myself, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself as paling in comparison to the beautiful, picking myself apart and trying to remove every flaw, within the though/idea/perception/belief that if only I were beautiful: my experience of myself would change

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as ugly, and believe my judgment so thoroughly that I would treat them differently within the thought/perception/idea/belief that they are experiencing all those things I fear, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as hideous and ugly because my self-experienced was more aligned with  that which I had believed, thought of and thus created that an ugly person should experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as my perceived ideal of an ugly person (ostracized, disliked, unsuccessful, etc…), because I had been called ugly, or because I had not been called beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus then strive to be beautiful, to study what it takes and what it means to be beautiful, and to manipulate and contort myself to fit this idea and ideal of beauty- all in an attempt to change my internal experience only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the responsibility for my internal experience, upon my external environment, which does not have my best interest at heart, and in which I do not have decision-making ability,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my perception of myself based on my perception of how I am being treated in my life and world, and based on the fact that I still did not feel accepted, liked, successful, adored, respected admired etc…. I concluded that I was not enough, not beautiful enough, not shiny enough, not special enough, and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously judge myself and created even more inner turmoil, friction and displeasure within and as me, thus perpetuating the entire cycle of self-rejection, self-hate, self-diminishment, and self-loathing to the point where, I would simply feel inadequate and unworthy within my environment and towards those around me.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand – how interesting it is that, I was attempting to and trying to through picking ‘make myself more beautiful’ within the starting-point Polarity of me experiencing myself as ‘ugly’; not seeing realizing and understanding that “who you are is what you create/manifest” and so with me picking in/as the starting point of/as ‘me as ugly’ – I was actually contributing MORE to/as confirming my starting-point of/as ‘me as ugly’ as I would actually in fact compromise my body MORE. 

To learn these self-supportive writing tools for yourself visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours you and supports yourself to Live a Life worth Living.  
 

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