Monday, March 11, 2013

Day 167- Moving Mountains

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a relationship to/towards responsibilities/tasks/chores/obligations- turning it into a separate entity which I think/believe/perceive I do not have access to the resources to possibly work through it/take care of it/move it- creating the experience of a giant boulder in my path, wherein I perceive myself as too small/incapable/inadequate to ever possibly move it.
When and as a task/responsibility/chore/obligation comes up in my world, and I see that I am beginning to mind-process it, I immediately stop, and I breathe I bring myself back to the reality of the situation by reminding myself  that a boulder in my path represents a physical impossibility, whereas, the vast majority of the obstacles (tasks/responsibilities/chores) I face on a daily basis are actually quite doable, and it is rare that I’m actually faced with a task/chore/responsibility that is a physical impossibility.

I would point out to myself that I used the word ‘obstacle’ interchangeably with the words task/chore/responsibility/obligation. This makes me question, what exactly do I perceive the task/chore/responsibility/obligation as getting in the way of? Tasks, chores obligations and responsibilities are a necessary part of everyday life- no matter what. So what is it that I feel I am being prevented from doing or being, by the requirement to perform/accomplish/move through tasks, chores and responsibilities?

In self-honesty, I can see that it is this absolute drifting state, where I would simply drift from one thing to the next, not really ever disciplining myself or dedicating or committing myself to any one thing- really just pursuing likes and avoiding dislikes, which I have already sorted out in These Blogs: 

Day 124- Pursuing Likes and Avoiding Dislikes Is Not Really Living

Day 130- The Pursuit of Happiness

I see now that I did/do not feel capable of walking the task/chore/responsibility/obligation through to the end. I would then avoid it for this reason, manifesting my own internal overwhelmingness towards responsibilities, tasks, obligations and chores, etc… by blowing them way out of proportion and then avoiding them. So what I see I can make a slight adjustment within the realization that occupying myself with avoiding tasks/chores/responsibilities and dealing with consequences actually creates much more work/obstacles/overwhelmingness than simply addressing them and walking through them step by step- Addressing the task/chore/responsibility/obligation, and seeing it through, actually takes the least amount of energy participation, and would generate the least amount of energetic reactions that I have thus far been accumulating and allowing to overpower me.

So the choice is actually quite simple, and the truth is quite clear to me now. I would have to be really very self-dishonest to fool myself into thinking/believing/perceiving that avoiding responsibilities/tasks/chores is in any way the ‘easy way out’.

So, from this point on, I will practice the practical application of, in the moment of facing a task, simply move into it without first creating relationships to/towards it which creates and manifest the experience of facing a giant boulder. Realizing that NOT taking responsibility in this case is how I place impossible boulders in my path, and so as easily as I have drifted in to ‘avoidance mode’, I can and will direct myself into ‘application mode’, where I calmly and gently push myself to walk right through the impossible boulder- as it was only ever smoke and mirrors created in my mind in the first place.

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