Within this blog I am digging deeper into the self-diminishment caused by the pursuit of happiness. This blog is continued from "Day 129- Programming Myself to Succeed", and "Organic Robot Programmed to Fail". In order to reveal the source of what drives me to pursue happiness, I am writing self-forgiveness statements and then deriving self-commitments and self-corrective applications therefrom, to both understand this 'force' and also to change it to that which is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to manipulate
and con myself that ‘what I want’ and what will ‘make me happy’ is being able
to fuck off and ‘do whatever’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding
that what I really want is a world where all life is supported, including me,
and this involves me first supporting myself in every way, to prove to myself
that such support is in fact possible, and then to do it, so that I become a
living expression of it, wherein I can support others as myself, which is
unconditionally.
I commit myself to let go of the pursuit of personal happiness and in exchange for the pursuit of practical solutions that will create a world that supports all life, such as the proposition of an Equal Money System which would be the first step in doing so.
I commit myself to let go of the pursuit of personal happiness and in exchange for the pursuit of practical solutions that will create a world that supports all life, such as the proposition of an Equal Money System which would be the first step in doing so.
I commit myself to support myself in every way, I order that I may be/become
the proof that such support is in fact possible.
I commit myself to support others as myself unconditionally.
When and as I see that I am manipulating and conning myself by pursuing the energetic internal experience of ‘happiness’- as if ‘happiness’ carried with it any kind of integrity, as if ‘happiness’ was something other than self-interest without any regard for the rest of life, and as if ‘happiness’ wasn’t something manufactured and sold to us as a seemingly attainable standard of life, juuuuust outside of reach. I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back down to reality within the understanding that although I experience enjoyment- of my environment, with others, with animals, etc… I understand that happiness is not valid, as it is complete and blind disregard for the reality we all exist within, where if I were to claim happiness, it would be done in the face of children sold for sex, human being starving, and most of life struggling/suffering in some way. I understand that happiness will be a valid pursuit once practical solutions have been implemented and all are provided for equally, and until then, ‘happiness’ actually borders in sheer evil, as it denies the reality of those whose reality needs to be addressed the most, and places self’s internal experience as more important than addressing/considering/taking care of the more vulnerable life-forms that are in dire need of support.
I commit myself to support others as myself unconditionally.
When and as I see that I am manipulating and conning myself by pursuing the energetic internal experience of ‘happiness’- as if ‘happiness’ carried with it any kind of integrity, as if ‘happiness’ was something other than self-interest without any regard for the rest of life, and as if ‘happiness’ wasn’t something manufactured and sold to us as a seemingly attainable standard of life, juuuuust outside of reach. I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back down to reality within the understanding that although I experience enjoyment- of my environment, with others, with animals, etc… I understand that happiness is not valid, as it is complete and blind disregard for the reality we all exist within, where if I were to claim happiness, it would be done in the face of children sold for sex, human being starving, and most of life struggling/suffering in some way. I understand that happiness will be a valid pursuit once practical solutions have been implemented and all are provided for equally, and until then, ‘happiness’ actually borders in sheer evil, as it denies the reality of those whose reality needs to be addressed the most, and places self’s internal experience as more important than addressing/considering/taking care of the more vulnerable life-forms that are in dire need of support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and
understand that supporting myself will involve letting go of many habits that I
like and make me 'happy', but which do not support me, and
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to go through the withdrawal from these habits/patterns that I have lived with and become so accustomed to and comfortable with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to go through the withdrawal from these habits/patterns that I have lived with and become so accustomed to and comfortable with.
I commit myself to stopping my habits in order that I may face those parts of myself that I am suppressing and denying through preoccupying myself instead with habits and 'happiness' as distractions from the reality of who/how/what I am/have been/have become.
I commit myself to letting go of the false 'happy-go-lucky' self that I have thus far accepted and allowed myself to exist as, in order to become an actual real individual that is aware of exactly what is going on within self, and the world, in order that I may align myself with self-change and global change to that which is best for all.
I commit myself to see/realize and understand that the withdrawal I will go through when/as I pull myself out of my habits/'happiness' is something that I can in fact walk through and direct myself through and ‘survive’, and I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the those parts of me the fear ‘not surviving’ are the parts that will in fact end.
When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing habits to be who I am, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that walking out of habits is necessary, and that the experience that I go through each time I stop is not enjoyable, but is necessary and is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself. I walk myself through to self-direction within the understanding that I have walked myself through the withdrawal many times already, but unless I do it EVERY time, I will have to continue experiencing the cycle of participation/withdrawal, which causes MUCH unnecessary friction in my life/experience.
Happiness is not real, it is an internal energetic experience super-imposed on top of what is actually real/Here. Reality is being denied for the illlusion.
Entire series: Blog Series
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I will continue to write out self-commitments and self-corrective
applications in my next blog.
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