Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Day 129- Programming Myself to Succeed

This is a continuation from yesterday's blog "Organic Robot Programmed to Fail"
Within this blog I am exploring and investigating the concept of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ as a way of living, which so many of us do, but mostly to our own detriment (continued from this series: Blog Series- Becoming an Effective Student ). This topic was brought up in relation to the difficulties I experience while studying, wherein I have realized that over time, I have basically programmed myself, through a system of likes and dislikes, to want to give up and fail (easy way out= like), instead of fully commiting, applying myself and doing my best (difficult way= dislike). I have seen that this is not set in stone, likes and dislikes are choices, programmed over time through reptition of thoughts/words/deeds, mostly done in unawareness. Thankfully, this can be re-done, over time, in awareness, AS awareness, to actual real-time living Here.
how to become life
Herein, I continue "de-programming" by writing self-forgiveness and deriving self-corrective statements and self-commitments therefrom, essentially, exposing myself to myself, in order that I may know what, where, when, why and  how to change:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that life is about pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is only self-interest in that. There is no principle of equality and oneness within each individual pursuing their ‘likes’ and avoiding their ‘dislikes’,there is no consideration for the effect one’s life is having upon another within this, there is only the consequence of the world we see today: each man for himself, pursue moneyand indulgence, and avoid sufferingand poverty.

I commit myself to learn through practice, self-introspection, and actual practical application, what it is/ how to be a human being that is capable of seeing past the self-interest of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ to the bigger picture of the whole, where each one is an equal participant, and each action has an outflow/consequence on the rest, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, because it is the seemingly insignificant that make up the ‘bigger picture’ as Life and each one’s participation within it makes up the participation of humanity within/as this organism called earth.
I commit myself to function free from the ‘default mode’ of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’, in order that I may function based on decisions made in awareness, thus creating myself in awareness so that I am aware of the results that I am creating as myself in order to make sure those results are aligned with my best interest/the best interest of all.
When and as I see that I am mindlessly pursuing ‘likes’ or avoiding ‘dislikes’, signified by undirected behavior where my decision making ability is essentially ‘turned off’, wherein- my actions are automatic/looking for escape/preoccupying myself/’killing time’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization that there is only self-interest in this behavior, and the ‘self’ that is having its interests served is not ME as Life, but rather the experience of myself as internal energetic experiences within/as the mind as endless cycles/habits/patterns that lead nowhere but to slow and eventual degradation of myself, my physical, and my potential. I take a step towards becoming the living realization of self-direction by pulling myself out of the automation of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ and focus on my breath until there is no more movement, wherein I can step in as Myself, and take direction, and direct myself to let go of the want/need/desire to pursue ‘likes’ and avoid ‘dislikes’ and instead focus on whatever it is I should be doing, rather than what I simply ‘want’ to be doing, because I ‘like’ doing it, or rather than avoid doing it, simply because I have judged it as something that I ‘dislike’, because, as I have already brought through to realization, my ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ do not serve me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ lacks any kind of
process of self-understanding, nor does it involve the understanding that sorting out problems and taking responsibility is something most all people will not ‘like’ doing, within themselves or the world. Therefore, when we live to only experience our ‘likes’, we condemn ourselves and generations to come to a world deprived of any real life or living, only a world of war as each fights for their own lives/likes.
I commit myself to thoroughly understanding myself and what makes me tick, including the causes for my ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, in order that I may not be directed by some unknown part of me such as a hidden fear/belief/desire that would direct me in moments of unawareness- creating results as consequences that would not be aligned with my best interest and therefore seem like they were not created by myself, when in fact I am responsible for everything I experience within me, which is why common sense would dictate I become aware of every part of me- so that I can take that responsibility and not be victimized- but rather empowered by taking self-responsibility.
I commit myself to push myself to do the things that I have programmed myself not to like, such as being diligent, disciplined, aware and self-responsible, because I have judged them and defined them as being ‘work’ and ‘hard’ and therefore I have ‘disliked’ them, thus I commit myself to walk through my judgment of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ and create a path aligned with the principles of oneness and equality with/within myself and all that’s Here
When and as I see that I don’t understand why I ‘m doing a certain thing or acting or feeling a certain way yet I am being directed by pursuing a ‘like’ or avoiding a ‘dislike’, I stop, and I breathe. I take a moment to consider what it is I could be feeding or avoiding, and I stop. I bring myself back to self-direction and I give myself the opportunity to identify and face exactly the point I am avoiding, or withdraw from the point I am feeding.
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I will continue to write out self-commitments and self-corrective applications in my next blog.