Day 266 - "Blessed are Those who have not seen and yet have Believed.”

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:24-29 ESV) 

 

I never met Bernard Poolman, I never saw the things he could do or felt his presence next to me, I never spoke to him in the flesh, feeling his sound and having that direct experience of his words, yet I choose to be Destonian. I tried the tools and began the process of learning how to live the principles even before I had seen them in action directly in my own life,  I had only the testimony of others and my own living actions to show me if what I suspected was true, if what I was open to being possible and what resonated with me on deep levels was actionable and effective, and that common sense was in fact key despite being brought up in a world that functions in opposition to it.

When the apostle Thomas was told that Jesus had risen from the dead after three days, he could not believe, would not believe until he saw it himself, in the flesh. And only then, when Jesus appeared to him and he could touch his wounds and feel his body would he believe that it was real. And here I wonder, why was it about one man, one body, instead of being about the message itself that Thomas had learned, lived and understood for three years prior. Why did he need proof through the miracle of one man when the message itself was the answer. Why did the evidence have to come from an external source in separation of himself in order to be believed, when the message of forgiveness, of ‘doing unto others’ and ‘love thy neighbour’ need only common sense to confirm and living application to prove.

Bernard never wanted followers, worshippers or believers, he rather wanted self-honest, individuals capable of critical thought and who learn to trust themselves. He wanted us to live the message and prove ourselves to SELF. Having evidence and proof in the form of miracles or super-natural phenomena poses a bit of a problem, as it plays on our desire to worship things outside ourselves, to function based on externalized belief only, separating ourselves from any ability to be Christlike (the living word) and leaving us instead to be Christian (knowledge and information without practical application), followers, bowing down to something apparently greater than ourselves, confusing that abdication of responsibility with humility.

Desteni is not Christianity, but there are parallels in the principles of what it means and what is required to change in each man and in this world. It is not about making it to some apparent ‘heaven ‘ only after death, but to create heaven on earth, the  heaven that is Here but not yet realized - from the hell that is our current reality – to take responsibility for the creation of this reality, to understand the parts of ourselves that allowed reality to come to be this way, and to change those ugly things we see into things that are actually beneficial, within forgiveness and not judgment.

I personally am one that believed even though I had not seen. I believed because it made sense, and I continue to believe because I have proven it to myself over ten years, I believe because of cross-referenceable feedback from my environment and reality over time, and I believed before I met the portal in the flesh, observed and interacted with her over an extended period of time, because it did not matter who or what the source is or was, it is the words, the tools, the principles and the message that matters, and from here there is only confirmation, or correction, re-alignment when and as necessary, never judging  as good or bad, but rather seeing what’s here and directing it based on the principle of doing what’s Best For All in Oneness and Equality, it is a learning process, a physical application, and not a blind faith to recite or look to others to believe in.

I did not believe based on a starting point of worshipping another, placing another above myself, looking only to the deeds and abilities of someone else other than me. I believed because I knew I was capable of so much more, because I did not place any limitation on my own potential, but chose instead to push and see for myself what my potential is, only to realize that every time I thought I found my limits, I was capable of more. And in the process of being open to believing at first, and then trying and testing it out for myself in my own life, did I develop the self-trust through seeing, realizing, understanding and applying, and as I stand now, it feels as though this process is only starting, and starts again every day. The proof is in and as Self, in living application. actionable correction with follow through, in feedback, in cross-reference.... the proof is in the pudding, as they say.

I am a changed being, and continue to change as I breath by breath live my application in the physical and work with physical reality over time. My life and living is and will be the living proof and my testimony to others that the Desteni message is Here, is real, and is the most effective way to change self, and so change the world. The potential is Here to create a world that is Best for All. Will we realize that potential, or will we choose the path of  blind faith, non-action, bowing down and consequence forevermore?

Osho Card Reading of the Day: 'THE MISER' - Day 11 of 21

The issue I am looking for support on today is the feeling of 'rushed' I create within myself. Sometimes I wake up in the experience, while at other times, like today, I can feel it slowly creeping up within me until I can feel it within my entire body.

I took that sensation and held it within me as I drew my card today, and this is the card I drew:

THE MISER

Card Description:

"This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring."

What I can take from this card and it's description is the concept of wanting to have something, and in an attempt to get it or create it, we end up gathering and accumulating something that causes the complete opposite effect of what we were intending.

My understanding here it that it is not about chasing something or 'getting' the thing we are seeking, but rather becoming it and integrating it as a part of Who We Are. So what am I attempting to 'get' or 'gain'?

For me, this is but one more element or dimension to the 'work' point I have been walking for several weeks now. I have opened up the 'avoidance' point, the 'time' point, the 'distraction' point, the 'confronting obstacles' point, the 'rage' point and the 'laziness point' (in a video you can see HERE). All of these points acting like threads that have created one gigantic knot within me, which can only be undone by following one thread at a time. Now I will be looking at the 'rushed' point within the context of THE MISER.

So, to answer my question, what I am seeking to gain or get is a sense of satisfaction that I have done enough, accomplished enough this day. This feeling comes from having completed many things or tasks, and having complete them well. This, in and of itself, is not a problem or issue if I endeavor to work similar to how nature functions slow and steady, never a rush, yet never wasting a moment.

I have been practicing this point of letting go of time, and instead giving myself the time to do things properly. It seemed counter-intuitive at the time, only to realize that I actually get more done when I let go of that time-pressure. The other internal experience I am having trouble letting go of is the 'rushed' feeling, where I feel I need to hang on to that in order to keep myself in line and move myself. It is as if I do not trust myself to let it go, for fear that I will just sit around all day an do nothing.

The thing is that the 'rushed' experience is uncomfortable, but I hang on to it like the miser, thinking and believing that without it, I will not get what I want. But, like the miser in the card, I realize that holding on to the experience is like  self-sabotage, because within holding on to it and experiencing that constant internal discomfort and my body's reaction to it (soreness, stiffness, lethargy), I find myself escaping in moments throughout the day, where i need to rest and take time off to settle myself.

Now, this too is not 'bad' or detrimental in and of itself, but it is the starting point within which I am doing it that needs to change. Instead of it being an escape from the internal experience I am creating, I can do it from a starting point of creating a balance in my day. Taking a moment to be with myself, re-connect with myself and my body instead of escaping myself and my body and spending that moment in distraction in my mind. It is all about the starting point.

So today, despite all my resistances and the fears coming up within me, I will practice a 'letting go'. In order to kick start this letting go by clearly identifying how I am actually creating it, i will use the tool of self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an internal energetic experience of 'rushed' within and as me by thinking about some of the bigger, more involved and time-consuming tasks I have on my agenda, and then imagining myself not getting it done or doing it poorly.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to live the self-trust that I can and will get the task done, because I have done it so many times before already, and I know very well I can do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don't get it done exactly perfectly and exactly on time, that I will feel terrible, because in the past I had accepted and allowed such reactions and have held on to them like a miser, thinking I will bring them up again if it happens again, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can let that pattern go, and create a new way of being where, if I mess up the task or it is late, I am instead gentle with myself, take the lesson and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that i have also in the past been gentle with myself upon my errors, taken the lesson and moved on, where I have changed the way I do things based on these lessons, proving to myself that I can learn and improve, but due to the miser within me, I still stubbornly hold on to the 'negative' and 'bad' experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed subtle undertones of 'rushed' or 'rushing' by not living in awareness of what I am subconsciously creating, not taking my actually reality into consideration, but rather clinging on to the past and therefore re-creating it here, in the present moment, which is actually a brand new fresh moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taint and sabotage my present moment by clinging on to experiences of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my learning and self-development by re-hashing and clinging to the accumulated possessions of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of feeling 'rushed', within the idea, thought, perception or belief that if i do not feel this way, I will not move, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I will in fact move better, more efficiently, and create myself more in the moment if I simply allow the moment to be what it is, and move myself within it.

When and as I see that I am going into that 'rushed', 'rushing' experience, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence by reminding myself  that I can trust myself to get it done, and there is no punishment waiting for me if I don't, I drop the feeling of rushed, and simply move, knowing that there is no punishment waiting for me at the end, and my goal is only to discover my best potential.

I commit myself let go and move in moments of accumulating 'rush'.

I commit myself to give myself a moment to breathe and slow down when and as I accept and allow myself to exist within and as 'rushed'.

Correction to live today: Curious.

Why? Because I have always had a curiosity within me where I find a fascination within things. This curiosity comes about when I am relaxed and fully engaged in the thing. I would like to take this curiosity and apply it towards myself and my process.

Cure-I-A-City

I cure my city.

My city being, the highways and by-ways, the inner building and bricks I have used to create myself which was not done in awareness or to my best benefit, where it feels like manyy different parts rushing in different directions, which creates a dis-ease within me. The 'Cure' to this dis-ease is within entering into this city and having a good look around, exploring each business, each individual building and all the personalities that populate this city, understand them and how they work, and offer a solution so that they instead begin to wok as one toward attaining my utmost potential.

How I will live this word today will be to observe myself within how I work and discover what comes up within me, but not to judge it, react to it or go into it, rather just observe it with an objective curiosity, see whether it is what is best, and if not, to then find a solution for it.

This is how I turn an internal city of many parts going this way and that, bustling and rushing each to their own end, causing me to want to go into a million different directions, creating dis-ease within me, and finding a 'cure' by creating a city of equality, where each piece has the same goal of working together to create the best whole.

Day 104- Being Helpful: From Self-Interest to Actual Caring

This is continued from Day 103-Defending Myself Against the World



I commit myself to check my starting point when I contribute to the group, in order to ensure that it is aligned with actual care and support, and not from a starting point of energy, wherein
I would be seeking an energetic charge from validating the ‘helpful’ character I have created to not face the reality of my beliefs about myself and who I really am, which are that I am 'unhelpful' (without the ability/resources to 'help out' in a significant way), that I am 'un-needed', thus, within the 'helpful' character I play I 'prove' to myself that this isn't true (intead of addressing the belief itself, thus actually accepting and allowing this belief to continue to exist within me, as me), and being 'un-wanted' (wherein, if people would accept my help, I would feel 'wanted'- but only as an experience/belief).



When and as I am offering to help someone out, I stop, and I breathe. I give myself a moment to adjust my starting point, from the self-interest of validating a character to a starting point of oneness and equality to those I am assisting/supporting. I do this by breathing until the energetic charge is gone, and reminding myself to move as me, one and equal to the group, and not as a character.



I commit myself to walk myself out of the direction of the mind and into physical reality by stopping my participation in thoughts as they come up, and by breathing through the positive and negative energetic reactions I experience 1) when I offer help (breathe through the positive reaction/polarity) 2) if/when my help is not accepted (breathe through the negative reaction/polarity).



When and as I am in the position where someone is turning down my offer of help, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am not defined in that moment as ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, ‘unwanted’ or anything at all, I am rather simply hearing the preference of the person. Which is really what I was asking in the first place.



I commit myself to end all self-definitions which would direct me or influence me in moments where I could validate them, and instead by the living definition of myself within/as my self-directed living actions.



When and as I see that I am being directed by the want/need/desire to validate a character, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by breathing through the energetic withdrawal from that character and grounding myself Here, in physical reality, and I wait till there is no movement before I continue my participation again.



I commit myself to uncover everything that I am hiding within myself underneath the characters that I play.



When and as I see that I am ‘helping out’ from a starting point of fearing being exposed as ‘unhelpful’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself by reminding myself that Who I Am is not a definition or a judgment, but rather a living, being, doing, from moment to moment and judged only in the end by myself as the consequences of my living, being actions in each and every moment.



I commit myself to check myself, in moment of lack of self-direction, and to take a breath and self-honestly assess my starting point, directing from there.



I commit myself to change not only my surface action, but also te root from which it stems.



I commit myself to dig up all the ‘roots’ as starting points that I had ‘planted’ in unawareness, wherein I commit to getting down to the root of my actions in writing, and re-scripting the root of my actions to be/become aligned with a consideration for the whole, as what’s best for all within the limitations of this physical reality.



When and as I see that my surface action are aligned with validating a character, which is self-suppression, I stop and I breathe. I take a moment to check my starting point in order that my actions may reflect an actual care and consideration for the whole and for others as me, by not participating in the thoughts and energies which would fuel my idea of myself, but to instead do the task with no movement within me, making sure from moment to moment that I don’t ‘drift off’ into thoughts, ideas, perception, and beliefs about myself and the actions I am taking.



When and as I see that I am feeding myself as the illusions in the mind of energy when someone is reacting to/towards me in gratefulness for any kind of help/assistance/support I had given, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability within the understanding that to participate in or pursue the positive feeling energy, that I am actually avoiding the underlying fear that my insecurities created by the belief that I am ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, or ‘unwanted’, will be exposed, and are thus being accepted and allowed to continue to exist within and as me. Therefore, I breathe through the want/desire to participate, and allow myself to move forward as the self-directive principle of me, in oneness and equality to myself, as a living action of care and support.

I commit myself to expose myself to myself in writing, either public or private, in order to fully understand the truth of me, in awareness and self-honesty, in order that I may ‘clean the slate’ and change. Start again, rescript a new human that considers all life in ever action.

I commit myself to stop chasing validation, as that is the living statement that Who I Am is Not Real, and I instead walk with myself until I validate myself in every moment and every step till my actions are aligned with my principles in every way possible.



I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that I want and need myself to be wholly present with me Here, contributing equally to my self-development and Living Here as an equal participant in Life.