Day 104- Being Helpful: From Self-Interest to Actual Caring

This is continued from Day 103-Defending Myself Against the World



I commit myself to check my starting point when I contribute to the group, in order to ensure that it is aligned with actual care and support, and not from a starting point of energy, wherein
I would be seeking an energetic charge from validating the ‘helpful’ character I have created to not face the reality of my beliefs about myself and who I really am, which are that I am 'unhelpful' (without the ability/resources to 'help out' in a significant way), that I am 'un-needed', thus, within the 'helpful' character I play I 'prove' to myself that this isn't true (intead of addressing the belief itself, thus actually accepting and allowing this belief to continue to exist within me, as me), and being 'un-wanted' (wherein, if people would accept my help, I would feel 'wanted'- but only as an experience/belief).



When and as I am offering to help someone out, I stop, and I breathe. I give myself a moment to adjust my starting point, from the self-interest of validating a character to a starting point of oneness and equality to those I am assisting/supporting. I do this by breathing until the energetic charge is gone, and reminding myself to move as me, one and equal to the group, and not as a character.



I commit myself to walk myself out of the direction of the mind and into physical reality by stopping my participation in thoughts as they come up, and by breathing through the positive and negative energetic reactions I experience 1) when I offer help (breathe through the positive reaction/polarity) 2) if/when my help is not accepted (breathe through the negative reaction/polarity).



When and as I am in the position where someone is turning down my offer of help, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am not defined in that moment as ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, ‘unwanted’ or anything at all, I am rather simply hearing the preference of the person. Which is really what I was asking in the first place.



I commit myself to end all self-definitions which would direct me or influence me in moments where I could validate them, and instead by the living definition of myself within/as my self-directed living actions.



When and as I see that I am being directed by the want/need/desire to validate a character, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by breathing through the energetic withdrawal from that character and grounding myself Here, in physical reality, and I wait till there is no movement before I continue my participation again.



I commit myself to uncover everything that I am hiding within myself underneath the characters that I play.



When and as I see that I am ‘helping out’ from a starting point of fearing being exposed as ‘unhelpful’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself by reminding myself that Who I Am is not a definition or a judgment, but rather a living, being, doing, from moment to moment and judged only in the end by myself as the consequences of my living, being actions in each and every moment.



I commit myself to check myself, in moment of lack of self-direction, and to take a breath and self-honestly assess my starting point, directing from there.



I commit myself to change not only my surface action, but also te root from which it stems.



I commit myself to dig up all the ‘roots’ as starting points that I had ‘planted’ in unawareness, wherein I commit to getting down to the root of my actions in writing, and re-scripting the root of my actions to be/become aligned with a consideration for the whole, as what’s best for all within the limitations of this physical reality.



When and as I see that my surface action are aligned with validating a character, which is self-suppression, I stop and I breathe. I take a moment to check my starting point in order that my actions may reflect an actual care and consideration for the whole and for others as me, by not participating in the thoughts and energies which would fuel my idea of myself, but to instead do the task with no movement within me, making sure from moment to moment that I don’t ‘drift off’ into thoughts, ideas, perception, and beliefs about myself and the actions I am taking.



When and as I see that I am feeding myself as the illusions in the mind of energy when someone is reacting to/towards me in gratefulness for any kind of help/assistance/support I had given, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability within the understanding that to participate in or pursue the positive feeling energy, that I am actually avoiding the underlying fear that my insecurities created by the belief that I am ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, or ‘unwanted’, will be exposed, and are thus being accepted and allowed to continue to exist within and as me. Therefore, I breathe through the want/desire to participate, and allow myself to move forward as the self-directive principle of me, in oneness and equality to myself, as a living action of care and support.

I commit myself to expose myself to myself in writing, either public or private, in order to fully understand the truth of me, in awareness and self-honesty, in order that I may ‘clean the slate’ and change. Start again, rescript a new human that considers all life in ever action.

I commit myself to stop chasing validation, as that is the living statement that Who I Am is Not Real, and I instead walk with myself until I validate myself in every moment and every step till my actions are aligned with my principles in every way possible.



I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that I want and need myself to be wholly present with me Here, contributing equally to my self-development and Living Here as an equal participant in Life.

Day 37 - Suppression

Day 37- Suppression

            I’m feeling quite ill tonight with what seems to be strep throat. I was given some perspective on this and it seems to be related to suppression, not speaking, not standing up for myself. When I look back on the past several weeks, I can see some instances when I could have stood up for myself more. When I look at why I don’t speak up/stand up for myself I see that I have this fear that, if I attempt to stand up for myself, but the other person doesn’t ‘submit’ or back down or listen to me, then I fall into the superiority/inferiority game where I end up submitting instead, and thus submitting myself instead of standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking/standing up for myself because I know that if it is no properly received, I will submit myself to the other.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand up for myself because I don’t want to hurt the other or make them submit, so instead I submit myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself through submitting myself for the sake of another, which takes place within a superiority/inferiority where I submit due to participation in inferiority, or superiority wherein I ‘do it for them, so as not to hurt them.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in superiority/inferiority games with other beings in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to another due to fear and inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to another within superiority, wherein I play the martyr and sacrifice myself for something outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself for another instead of realizing I am not doing either of us any good within self-sacrifice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself through not speaking up and not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking up and standing up for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I am confused and unclear in times where I am to stand up for myself, thus giving me the excuse to not stand 'because I don;t know where I stand.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for myself to not have to stand up.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see through the self-created fog that I manifest when I am feeling/being confronted.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see clearly when I am being confronted.


When and as I see myself in a situation where I should stand up for myself but instead desire to go into suppression I stop, and  i breathe. I bring myself back into awareness by reminding myself not to play polarity games of superiority/inferiority and right/wrong.

I commit myself to free myself from the prison of fear to eventually be able to speak for myself and stand up for myself no matter what.

I commit myself to overcome and transcend all fear that is within me.

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself.

Day 15- Anger Reactions

Today I reacted in anger when someone grew angry towards me, because I said something that the person was sensitive about. The person looked me right in the eyes and confronted me. I feared the confrontation, and instead of standing up from within that fear I grew angry. I projected this anger onto the person instead of taking self-responsibility for it by realizing that I am only angry at myself for not sticking up for myself due to fear of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak haphazardly, using many words without considering their consequences and impact upon those around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak words without considering whether or not I can stand by them eternally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a conversation because I found it funny, somewhat at the expense of another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger and project it on to another, using the excuse that THEY aren’t taking responsibility for their emotions/reactions and are projecting onto me, when I am in fact doing this very thing myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my emotions/feelings/reactions in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger towards another instead of realizing that I am only angry with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for fearing confrontation instead of standing up from within that fear and changing it.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand by the words I speak/speak words I can stand by.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation because I fear I won’t stand up for myself and will thus end up frustrated and disappointed in myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be or become frustrated and disappointed with myself when I don’t stand up for me, instead of facing myself in forgiveness, figuring out why I feel these things, rescripting myself and walking the change over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up for myself because of uncertainty, wherein I feel uncertain whether what I am standing up for and as is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to stand up to things/issues/situations in which I am standing up from within an energetic experience, wherein I am standing up in defense of my own ego/ideas/limitations/beliefs, instead of standing up as myself as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access all the memories I have of times I allowed others to use me/walk on me in moments where I did not stand up for me, wherein I become angry at myself instead of forgiving myself in order that I may never allow myself to go into inferiority again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act thoughtlessly, not without thought, but within too much thought, wherein I become distracted and ‘lost in thought’ when and as I act, so that if someone questions what I’ve done or why I’ve done something, it takes me a long time to remember why I did it, and in the time it takes me to remember I go into guilt and inferiority, just assuming that I’ve done something wrong, this creates a sense of self-victimization where I feel wrongly accused,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within inferiority and self-victimization which brings me into an energetic state within which I think/believe/perceive I am weak and I can’t stand up, instead of breathing through it within the realization that it is not real, only a self-created delusion that limits, diminishes and does not serve me.

I realize that when I speak words I cannot stand by, it’s like a form of self-sabotage which creates situations that I can get called out in, which sends me into all sorts of reactions such as anger, self-victimization and inferiority. I realize this is completely avoidable, and I commit myself to act within presence and awareness oneness and equality, in every moment.

I realize it is not necessary to stand up from within energetic experiences where I am feeling ‘defensive’ and standing up for and as my mind/ego/ideas, I commit myself to be self-honest in these situations.

I realize that when I act ‘thoughtlessly’ I will create a situation or guilt and inferiority for myself, I commit myself to bring myself back to awareness in these moments, wherein I bring myself back to awareness in order that  I may see what I’ve done so as not to repeat it.

I realize that the weakness of inferiority and self-victimization is not real, and I commit myself to stand up from within these energetic experiences until I have proven to me that they no longer exist within and as me.

When and as I see myself not standing up for me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by doing a self-check. I check to see if I am defending my mind/ego, to see if I have acted thoughtlessly or spoken words that I cannot stand by, I check to see if I am in inferiority or self-victimization and I stop my participation from within these patterns. I remind myself to remain self-honest and humble, so that I may either walk through my consequences without reaction, or stand up for myself as life.