Day 202- What Your Excuses are Telling You

I recently sat in on an Eqafe interview and an interesting thing happened. I wasn’t feeling tired before the interview began, but as I was listening I had to fight to stay awake. At one point I was even dreaming with my eyes open. What this indicates is that I was hearing information that my mind did NOT want to hear or accept, like a self-preservation/defense mechanism. Which is interesting because that was the topic of the interview.

The interview was discussing the tendency we have to justify, excuse or limit ourselves to remain a certain way or in a certain personality or habit. For example, I had been facing the point of being shy in a group. I always accepted this as a part of me or of my personality that was unchangeable, and I would  justify remaining this way by telling myself that certain experiences I had had in my life had formed me and now this is how I am. The memories of being bullied or embarrassed in front of a group would come back to haunt me and create a fear or resistance, so in the same or similar situations I would withdraw within myself and want to become invisible, trying to avoid having this memory replay.

So what is happening here is that the mind is using memories to defend this original self-definition or belief, in order to keep up the ‘shyness’ personality and all the reactions that go with that. This is instead of the common sense approach of the person having an experience, learning from it and changing through letting it go and trying something new.

In this, we can see that nothing of us is set in stone, everything is changeable, and we can learn, grow and evolve. But we use excuses based on past memories to justify why we can’t change, and how impossible it is to grow, learn and evolve. This is an important realization, because next time I see myself saying: “I’m this way because…..” or “I can’t do that because…”, I know these are red flags showing me that I am at a moment of opportunity, where I can simply bypass the justifications and excuses, and walk into a new situation with a ‘blank slate’, to really experience what I am in fact capable of.

 

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Day 45- A Lump in my Breast Part 2

These are self-corrective statements and self-commitments which are tools that I can use to practically guide myself in the moment when I experience the fears/anxieties etc... that I mentioned in my last post wherein I applied self-forgiveness statements to the experience of finding a mass in my breast and the subsequent doctor's visit.

When and as I see that I am pitying myself because of and due to the lump I found in my breast I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that that regardless of what happens, Who I am is constant and consistent within every Here moment as I breathe in every moment, regardless of what happens, and no matter the outcome, this will not change, until I die- which is inevitable, so no matter what, I live and apply me in every moment that I Live Here.

I commit myself to eradicate self-pity from within and as me, because self-pity Is disempowering and is an energetic experience that is not Life and is not who I am.

I commit myself to take my power back from the internal energetic experience of self-pity and instead apply myself Here, as self-directive standing/walking.

When and as I see that I am seeking pity from others in order to validate my own self-pity, I stop, and I breathe. I realize that self-pity is a justification and excuse to give up on myself and feel sorry for myself, making the statement that I am incapable, thus I am giving my power away instead of pushing myself in every moment to breathe, to practice self-honesty, to self-correct and to walk my process.

I commit myself to standing absolute within self-honesty, and within this I commit myself to stop using my environment and manipulating others in my environment as a means to circumvent self-honesty in order to not have to face me.

I commit myself to face myself within self-forgiveness no matter what I have accepted and allowed within myself, because I commit myself to walk the process of taking absolute self-responsibility for/of mysef.

When and as I see that I am growing angry at others due to and because of the way they are behaving or not behaving to/towards me I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within bringing the anger back to self- and realizing that I am only angry at myself, because in wanting them to behave in certain ways- I am wanting them to change the way I experience myself. I am wanting/needing/desiring them to make me feel safe, secure, loved, cared about etc… which only indicates that I’m not doing/being/giving these things to myself already.

I accept and allow myself to be safe and secure within myself, knowing nothing and nobody can harm/take away who I am but me.

I accept and allow myself to love and care for myself unconditionally.

I commit myself to creating  self-stability within and as myself that I can depend on, and I commit myself to walk the process to/towards self-love, self-care, self-nurturing and self-acceptance.

When and as I see that I am occupying my mind with future-based fears/fears in reaction to future projection (such as health), I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the present moment by reminding myself that it is the only moment that exists. I allow myself to breathe through the fears as a stand in the present moment and ground myself until the fears crumble away into nothingness, which they will, because they are not real. I realize that participating in such thought is abusive to me and causes me harm and thus I stop this pattern within me as it does not serve me.

I commit myself to stopping my participation in future projections and future-based fears in order that I may live in the present, Here, with and as everything and everyone else, equal and one.

Day 37 - Suppression

Day 37- Suppression

            I’m feeling quite ill tonight with what seems to be strep throat. I was given some perspective on this and it seems to be related to suppression, not speaking, not standing up for myself. When I look back on the past several weeks, I can see some instances when I could have stood up for myself more. When I look at why I don’t speak up/stand up for myself I see that I have this fear that, if I attempt to stand up for myself, but the other person doesn’t ‘submit’ or back down or listen to me, then I fall into the superiority/inferiority game where I end up submitting instead, and thus submitting myself instead of standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking/standing up for myself because I know that if it is no properly received, I will submit myself to the other.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand up for myself because I don’t want to hurt the other or make them submit, so instead I submit myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself through submitting myself for the sake of another, which takes place within a superiority/inferiority where I submit due to participation in inferiority, or superiority wherein I ‘do it for them, so as not to hurt them.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in superiority/inferiority games with other beings in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to another due to fear and inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to another within superiority, wherein I play the martyr and sacrifice myself for something outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself for another instead of realizing I am not doing either of us any good within self-sacrifice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself through not speaking up and not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear speaking up and standing up for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I am confused and unclear in times where I am to stand up for myself, thus giving me the excuse to not stand 'because I don;t know where I stand.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for myself to not have to stand up.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see through the self-created fog that I manifest when I am feeling/being confronted.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see clearly when I am being confronted.


When and as I see myself in a situation where I should stand up for myself but instead desire to go into suppression I stop, and  i breathe. I bring myself back into awareness by reminding myself not to play polarity games of superiority/inferiority and right/wrong.

I commit myself to free myself from the prison of fear to eventually be able to speak for myself and stand up for myself no matter what.

I commit myself to overcome and transcend all fear that is within me.

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself.