I am not All that Matters

 I (as consciousness) FORGIVE (as gifting myself release, understanding, letting go of the belief that this is who I am) MY- (as my personalities and characters) SELF (as my beingness innocence). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on my own points before fully considering the position and location of another, taking as many moments as is necessary to place myself in their shoes, to consider their life, their understanding, to see the best in them and then to walk my point in consideration of them, as I would like to be considered. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on a point without taking full self-responsibility , relying on others to do certain things or be certain ways or to be more prepared to ‘receive’ me and my points, as if everyone should understand me first in order that I may walk a point, within the justification and belief that I will be better, more able and more capable ‘only then’ to be able to give in return, thus receiving before giving, when in fact it is about giving first. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fixate on that which I want, that which I need, that which I desire, wherein I develop ‘tunnel vision’ and see only what want/need/desire as if I can only live, only be complete and fulfilled ‘then’/’when I have it’, not allowing myself to take a step back, to remember myself and Who I Am as complete and fulfilled as I am already, to really take a moment to assess if the want/need/desire is real, is practical, is best for myself and all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop, breathe, check and make sure my self-interest is considering all involved, and within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to drop, let go of, release myself from my self-interested points that consider only me, myself and I when I can see it is not best for all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse that I ‘need’ something/certain conditions/certain considerations/etc... in order to ‘be ok’ when I am in an energetic point, without applying self-honesty as to whether that something/certain conditions/certain considerations are best for me in the long term, best for others in my environment, or absolutely necessary – checking first to see if I can SUPPORT MYSELF FIRST within the principle of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become blinded by self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above the group. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do what is best for me at the expense of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself for the sake of others – abandoning myself within the belief that I am a ‘lost cause’ anyways, I cannot change but THEY can, THEY still have a chance, destroying myself as an ‘easy way out’ of self-responsibility and the tough work of self-change, thinking and believing that I am ‘doing good’ and ‘walking my process’ as a point of self-sacrifice, within and as self-righteousness, not seeing and realizing the abdication of self-responsibility, the self-defeat and the giving up inherent in such an action as self-sacrifice, like martyrdom, as Jesus has done, ‘hoping’ people/situations/problems and issues will ‘sort themselves out’, without first self-perfecting and then sticking around to see it all through, to walk with, to guide, to support as I have been supported, to be my BEST Self in order to walk with others as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a situation is ‘too much’ for me to handle, instead of seeing and realizing that it is only a lack of self-honesty and self-responsibility in establishing a strong ‘Who I Am’ that can cut through the emotional bodies to see a path forward in support of myself and others in my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing, to fear missing out, and to have that fear intoxicate me to not be able to see not only that which I am depriving others of, but also the consequences of my actions, which when born from fear, are not best for myself nor all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see my value, to not recognize my needs and express them, to put them on the table along with everyone else's needs in order that all needs may be addressed, which then creates purpose and direction as ‘the meeting of needs’ so that needs can be sorted so that all individuals involved can move forwards to the next ‘higher’ purpose and direction, rather than remaining stuck in the base most step of meeting basic needs. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘shut down’ and ‘draw blanks’ when I am confronted with a new point in someone else, where I think and believe I need to first understand everything of the point in all dimensions and have it explained to me with how it functions and examples- to where I experience it as though someone is speaking an altogether different language 

Look Inside to Self for Guidance

“Look inside to Self for guidance” follows “be silent always – take a breath before you speak”.  Please read the following blogs for context:

Be Silent Always (When is Silence Real?) 

Be Silent Always (2)

 Take a Breath Before You Speak 

Take a Breath Before You Speak (2) 

 

When you look inside to SELF for guidance, which ‘Self’ are you looking to? The self-interested self, or the Self that stands within responsibility, that stands within principle, within integrity, within respect, the one that stands as what is Best for All?

Can you stand as the Tree of Life that gives unconditionally, expecting nothing in return?

Can you stand as responsibility, taking SELF-responsibility and taking responsibility for your environment as an extension of yourself?  Responsibility leaves no time for self-interest.

Can you give as you would like to receive, without first receiving?

It is vitally important to first learn how to be silent always – because as soon as your mind becomes busy, you are already in self-interest. Within this, you cannot trust yourSELF to guide you, because you are living as a ‘self’ that is out for its own gain. This means that anything that comes from this self will be a manipulation, seeking profits and avoiding losses. Seeking positive experience and avoiding negative experience. Within this, self disregards everything in one’s reality as ‘self’ becomes the center of the universe, not seeing and realizing the consequence one is creating, or, seeing it and not really caring, being ‘ok’ with the consequence, so long as it is happening to another (not remembering we are One, and we are Equal, so creating consequence in the life of another is at the same time creating your own consequence, either directly and immediately, or indirectly and/or over time).

When you take a breath before you speak, you have a moment to clear yourself, to be self-honest, to see through your own manipulation and consider the Whole. You have a moment to bring in CARE, CONSIDERATION, RESPECT and REGARD for not only yourself, but for everyone your words might affect. You have this timeless moment to look to Self for Guidance. Your best Self. You Self that Stands as what is Best for All.

In this, there is at first an inner battle that takes place, as we have been taught through the education system, the money system and social systems to look out for ourselves, ensure our own survival at the sake of others, to be the one that climbs the ladder of success to provide for self and one’s own. There is very little consideration for ‘the other’, ‘them’, they are seen as the competition, and their diminishment is your gain. See how we live this out in our own minds in the small ways in our lives, how we do not see my success as your success, your happiness as my happiness. We have very much separated ourselves into ‘us’ vs ‘them’, ‘me’ vs ‘you’. This is so well-known that it is cliché, but have we ever really taken a look at how in actually live the correction?

Within this battle of the selves, when looking inside to one’s Best Self for guidance, what I have found is that in the beginning, when choosing the path of Best for All there is an immense fear. This fear is an indicator that one is in fact functioning according to principles, possibly for the first time. This is functioning without feeling, emoting or experiencing. The fear comes like a firewall as in one’s words and actions one is deliberately giving up self-interest, which has been linked to survival. One is deliberately NOT feeding one’s ego, which has been linked to survival. One is deliberately giving up ‘experience’ as personal wants and desires (see this blog for context: You Cannot Both Experience Life and Live Life), which has been linked to living and being alive.

However, everything that is being given up is based in survival and experience, instead of in Life, Living and Real Fulfillment in the physical, which is a slow, breath-by-breath creational process rooted in actual action taken over time. We have been living in fear and survival for so long now, that anything that does not align with this feels like it is going against our best interest, our living and our survival – and the feeling is strong, as it is in our programming, in our neuro-pathways, it is in our DNA – and changing this involves a deep and profound change that will challenge you on these levels of existence that have gone untouched for far too long. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-interest as my guide in what I do, how I think and what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that feelings and emotions must guide me in order to ensure my survival and my enjoyment in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue gain as my guide, where my thoughts, words and deeds are being guided by my wants and desires that benefit only me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link feelings and emotions to survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ego to survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link experience to living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I NEED to experience something in order to live, to feel alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted a self I had built and created in self-interest, in unawareness, without consideration, honour, respect and regard for others, for the Whole, for the bigger picture and the long term.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to the direct link between living from a starting point of self-interest and the consequence I have seen in my life, not linking the two, but instead trusting in hope for some change or solution to present itself, instead of BEING the solution and the change for and as myself and so others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the importance of a clear starting point within and without, clearing the inner and the outer as Who I Am within myself and Who I Am in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to others for guidance, trusting them, and copying without discernment which means I have not taken complete self-responsibility, which can then lead to blame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use others as examples only, where I take the best of them and then look inside myself for how I can live those words as me, in my way within and as my expression, where only I can be my guide in the decisions and choices I make, the words I choose to speak and the actions I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking inside Self for guidance due to the self-responsibility this entails, where my mistakes and fuckups are my own, the consequences I may create are my own, where there is no backdoor of blame, where actual learning must be applied, lived and patterned into the deepest levels of myself, which is a process of patience, repetition, trust and time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to guide myself towards actions that honour what is Best for All, but have instead fallen to fear and not wanting to give up my self-interest, looking for short-term gains as experience and not looking at the long-term creational process that involves the betterment of everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear over Life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that trusting Life is an active and not a passive process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that trusting Life involves letting go of the old while birthing the new, and that this process can be painful from both angles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want proof as ‘receiving’ before I give, believing within this that my giving is of no consequence, is unappreciated, is empty, instead of seeing and realizing the self-fulfillment I create when I give as an expression of myself, where the giving is at the same time receiving as I give to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain both physical and emotional, to fear fear, and to fear death, instead of seeing and realizing that at this point these things are an inevitability to be faced, that they can be faced as they are not greater than Who I am as my expression, as Life, and so I decide to face them as a creational process or a destructive and diminishing process.

I commit myself to let go of the self as self-interest as fear, feelings, emotions and personal gain as my guide.

I commit myself to look inside mySELF for guidance, to the Self that stands, that knows, that sees what is Best for All and what is not.

 

 

 

 

Day 255 - A Balancing Session with Leila

It had been over a month since I had been experiencing increasing pressure, anxiety, irritation and agitation in my body. I felt fearful in mundane moments, and my mind was racing most of the time. 

By the time I got on to Leila’s table I felt like I was ready to explode and that I just couldn’t take it anymore, nothing I had been doing was working to resolve my physical and emotional state of feeling overwhelmed, just barely keeping it together.

I lay on the table as Leila began testing, and as I lay there all I could do was focus on my breathing to calm myself. As Leila began working with my physical body and also discussing the important points with me, I could feel my body begin to let go and relax.

What opened up was words that I had not been effectively living, people in my life that were standing as examples for what to do and what not to do, as well as an unconditional gift from myself to myself, where I offered myself access through a reminder to myself of a time in my life where I was at peace, full of passion and wonderment.

My balancing session did not end there however, as I went to sleep right afterwards and had the most incredible post-balance dream of hatching a turtle from an egg. Leila suggested I look into the dream symbology, and when I did, I received another answer from using the symbology of the turtle: Slowing down and walking a detailed process properly, instead of rushing through it, became the solution as the way in which I could walk my correction, from rushing and pressuring myself, to slowing down and reconnecting with myself and my environment. I was able to re-access, re-create and re-define that peace, passion and wonderment in my life in ways that suite me now, with where I am at currently in my life process.

Even though the session was weeks ago, the effects of it are still with me as I have been continuing to apply what I learned. My self-experience has changed drastically; my mind is quieter, and I focus more on myself and what is right in front of me. Additionally, and as a result of this, I have become more productive and more creative, taking up projects I had given up on not so long ago due to how I had been feeling then compared to how I am doing now.

Now I am doing great! I feel as though I have surmounted a giant hurdle that had been keeping me stuck, cycling over and over in the same point. I am so incredibly grateful to Leila and what she is able to do, the support I have received from her is invaluable, not forgetting of course, it takes SELF to apply the correction!

You can check out the EQAFE recording that opens up the point of giving ourselves unconditional gifts here:

Not Accepting the Deserved Gifts of Self

Description:

"When a gift from life arrives for you, would you be ready to accept it?
Sometimes we may see and realize something about ourselves, but will still hesitate to embrace it, or get stuck in feelings of unworthiness. In this interview, we discover how we can get in the way of our own growth, and what we can do to begin embracing instead of rejecting those moments of realization that invite us to become something we lost touch with, or something we’ve never been before."

To listen to the EQAFE recordings that supported me, check out:

The Consciousness of the Turtle - Part 1

"How do Turtles see human beings when accessing their awareness on a multi-dimensional level in this physical reality?
How does the Turtle focus on the application of ‘slowing down into your being’ to be able to ‘recognise and direct’ your Mind?
What is the difference between moving into a ‘slowing down into your being’ and moving in your Mind?
How can you practise slowing down and what difference will it make in your process of understanding your Mind?"

The Consciousness of the Turtle - Part 2

"Why is there a ‘time difference’ in the ‘pace’ with which your Mind / Consciousness moves and the pace with which your beingness and body move?
How can you exist in two different time zones in one body?
How does the difference of this pace affect your living experience in your body and in this world?
Why is it important to align your awareness / beingness with the pace of your being-body relationship?


The Consciousness of the Turtle - Part 3

"What challenge does the turtle present to you within the statement “moving slower, yet within that moving faster”?
How will understanding and applying this challenge in everyday life support you to be able to direct your daily thoughts, emotions and feelings more effectively?
Why will it take practice and discipline to move within the space and pace of your physical body rather than the rush of consciousness energy?"

The Secret to Why We Want to Change But Never Do - EQAFE Review

I recently sat in on an EQAFE recording where a being was discussing why lifetime after lifetime did they never change. Here is the description:

“Of all the times we have given up or decided that we weren’t able to change, how many of those were due to one key element that had been missing? How much more of ourselves and each other might we begin to realize when we discover the missing link between our intent to change and the actual change itself?”

The point that stood out for me most in this recording was the point of having an idea of what you want to do, be or become (like start a new habit or routine, develop discipline, complete a project or make something), but for some reason, never really taking a constructive step towards attaining or completing it.

I could very much relate to being in that position of being able to see SO CLEARLY in my mind what I wanted to create in terms of a long-term and consistent project, but I seemed to be struggling and falling with it time and time again. As this was/is happening, I would feel bad about it and get down on myself, judging myself just like I used to do when in school and being late on projects or when something wouldn’t turn out like I had imagined.

I would have backchat like “well, I guess that’s just the way I am… Kim: the undependable one.” And comparing myself to others that could get things done very well and efficiently, thinking there was some piece I was missing that made be unable to function like others. In the end, there was a piece missing, but it is not some personality flaw or default/defective part of me, but rather a learning process that had not yet been walked.

When I know exactly how to do something and then don’t do it, then it is more a point of procrastination and avoidance kicking in. But then there are the things I want to do and can see the end result, and that I am TRYING to do it, but find myself hitting up against perceived insurmountable obstacles and falling flat. And this is where I was given the missing piece from the being that spoke in the recording.

In these moments, when I would hit an obstacle, instead of seeing clearly what I would have to do next/going through the learning process to figure out what to do next, I would be distracted by the judgments which would make me feel the obstacle was even bigger that it actually was, and would make me seem even more unable to overcome it, and I would fall to the judgements, essentially manifesting them and making them real.

What the being shared was that, in these moments, the problem is actually that it is something that I had never done before, never developed the steps and in some cases, even the vocabulary to verbalize within myself how I could go about framing the problem in a way where I could see it properly! I would be in a kind of ‘blank’ state where I would feel lost and directionless, and then of course start feeling bad and down and low about it.

So, what I did was, I reached out for support. I sat down with several individuals in different moments and I explained what was going on, and where and why I was having difficulty. I received practical support in the form of some very simple instructions that hit me like “YES, of course! I can’t believe I didn’t see that!”

And it was that easy…. Well for now at least. Now I know how I can move forward and take a step, and I have made progress toward it, albeit shaky and uncertain, as it is always more challenging to know something than it is to do it, especially for the first time!

The recording is in two parts and can be downloaded here:

I want to Change... But Never Do - Reincarnation & the Afterlife

The Secret to Why We Want to Change But Never Do - Reincarnation& the Afterlife