I am not All that Matters

 I (as consciousness) FORGIVE (as gifting myself release, understanding, letting go of the belief that this is who I am) MY- (as my personalities and characters) SELF (as my beingness innocence). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on my own points before fully considering the position and location of another, taking as many moments as is necessary to place myself in their shoes, to consider their life, their understanding, to see the best in them and then to walk my point in consideration of them, as I would like to be considered. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on a point without taking full self-responsibility , relying on others to do certain things or be certain ways or to be more prepared to ‘receive’ me and my points, as if everyone should understand me first in order that I may walk a point, within the justification and belief that I will be better, more able and more capable ‘only then’ to be able to give in return, thus receiving before giving, when in fact it is about giving first. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fixate on that which I want, that which I need, that which I desire, wherein I develop ‘tunnel vision’ and see only what want/need/desire as if I can only live, only be complete and fulfilled ‘then’/’when I have it’, not allowing myself to take a step back, to remember myself and Who I Am as complete and fulfilled as I am already, to really take a moment to assess if the want/need/desire is real, is practical, is best for myself and all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop, breathe, check and make sure my self-interest is considering all involved, and within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to drop, let go of, release myself from my self-interested points that consider only me, myself and I when I can see it is not best for all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse that I ‘need’ something/certain conditions/certain considerations/etc... in order to ‘be ok’ when I am in an energetic point, without applying self-honesty as to whether that something/certain conditions/certain considerations are best for me in the long term, best for others in my environment, or absolutely necessary – checking first to see if I can SUPPORT MYSELF FIRST within the principle of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become blinded by self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above the group. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do what is best for me at the expense of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself for the sake of others – abandoning myself within the belief that I am a ‘lost cause’ anyways, I cannot change but THEY can, THEY still have a chance, destroying myself as an ‘easy way out’ of self-responsibility and the tough work of self-change, thinking and believing that I am ‘doing good’ and ‘walking my process’ as a point of self-sacrifice, within and as self-righteousness, not seeing and realizing the abdication of self-responsibility, the self-defeat and the giving up inherent in such an action as self-sacrifice, like martyrdom, as Jesus has done, ‘hoping’ people/situations/problems and issues will ‘sort themselves out’, without first self-perfecting and then sticking around to see it all through, to walk with, to guide, to support as I have been supported, to be my BEST Self in order to walk with others as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a situation is ‘too much’ for me to handle, instead of seeing and realizing that it is only a lack of self-honesty and self-responsibility in establishing a strong ‘Who I Am’ that can cut through the emotional bodies to see a path forward in support of myself and others in my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing, to fear missing out, and to have that fear intoxicate me to not be able to see not only that which I am depriving others of, but also the consequences of my actions, which when born from fear, are not best for myself nor all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see my value, to not recognize my needs and express them, to put them on the table along with everyone else's needs in order that all needs may be addressed, which then creates purpose and direction as ‘the meeting of needs’ so that needs can be sorted so that all individuals involved can move forwards to the next ‘higher’ purpose and direction, rather than remaining stuck in the base most step of meeting basic needs. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘shut down’ and ‘draw blanks’ when I am confronted with a new point in someone else, where I think and believe I need to first understand everything of the point in all dimensions and have it explained to me with how it functions and examples- to where I experience it as though someone is speaking an altogether different language 

Take a Breath Before You Speak (2)

 

continued from Take a Breath Before You Speak

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to give myself a moment, to take a breath before I speak in order to consider if my words are Best For All or only best for self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words that are tainted and contaminated by self-interest instead of taking a moment to consider what is Best For All and using that moment to drop my self-interest, face myself and speak from a starting point of the principles I have committed myself to in thought, word and deed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backchat, internal conversation and voices in the head to come through and contaminate my words, so that the words I speak from this starting point cannot be trusted by myself, by others or by Life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT shut down my backchat, internal conversations and voices in the head in one moment, but instead accept and allow them to play out as if they are relevant and important or necessary to ‘figure things out’, when in fact I have seen, realized and understood that the only conclusion they ever come to is personal gain or avoidance of pain and discomfort. Within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words that seek gain or avoid pain and discomfort at the sake of what’s Best For All, within seeing and understanding that the gain and the pain is only of the ego in self-interest, instead of believing in myself, trusting myself that I am able and capable of standing for Life, for All and not just ‘me’ and ‘how I feel’ without considering the impact and outflows on others in my life and the greater whole.

I forgive myself that I have not stopped backchat, internal conversations and self-talk.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just be HERE, in the physical, with every moment being a new moment, where I speak and move and act based on what is Here in the moment.

Take a Breath before you speak…

Take a breath before you speak…

Take a breath before you speak.

I commit myself to take a breath before I speak.

I commit myself to slow down in my speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak due to fear of speaking tainted words, wherein I accept and allow fear to be my directive principle instead of Self being the directive principle in which I would instead take a breath, assess my words and decide from there whether or not it is relevant for me to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘not speaking’ is in any way a solution, instead of seeing and realizing that it is in fact a polarity and spiteful to myself as simply ‘doing the opposite of what I have been doing’ as if some form of punishment will rectify having ever spoken tainted words that created consequence in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live and develop discernment, trusting that I can discern between What is Best For All and only what is best for me.

I commit myself to push through the resistances of speaking what is best for all as I know when I speak these words I am committing myself to the words I speak out loud for others to hear wherein there is an accountability in place, a cross-reference where I close my back doors and stick to my commitment.

I commit myself to honour what is Best for All in the words I speak, wherein I am left fulfilled, trustworthy, and with integrity, with respect for myself, others and Life.

 

 

Earning the Right to Life Self-Forgiveness: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#SELFFORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stand equal, within myself, to the greater group, regardless of accomplishments, endeavours, time spent, money paid or any other factor except that I am simply Here, One and Equal, wherein I think/believe/perceive that I must push myself to prove myself over and over that I 'deserve' to be Here, that I have 'earned' my 'right' to be Here, that I must give up some part of myself as 'payment' so that I can be Here, not seeing, realizing and understanding that living in this way is system/survival - based living, which not only keeps me trapped in survival, affecting everything I do, but also keeps the current system of survival, of having to 'earn' one's right to Life, holding it in place inside myself because it is apparently the only way that I think/believe/perceive that I know how to live and function, without seeing that- that is not Life.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed my starting point to be that of simply, actually Being Here, living that equality within myself, and having everything else be an outflow of that stance and starting point.

Competing with Women Self-Forgiveness: micro blog from Desteni Universe

For most of my life I have existed in a competition for survival, with men and women, but mostly with other women - competing at work, over men, in social circles - and I have had enough. A world of competition and survival is NOT a world I want to leave for the children to come, but instead one where we work together as ONE humanity with the shared goals of doing What's Best for All, supporting SELF and each other, and lifting each other up instead of beating each other down.
Some layers in this programming I have noticed are:

Competition in Subtle Moments
Inferior/Superior Polarity
Fearing Equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as superiority and inferiority with others in my world, specifically women and from a starting point of fear of survival, where I see women as my competition whom I must be better than in order to find a mate, secure a job and survive, instead of uniting and supporting other woman as myself, and lifting others up with me as I support myself to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in competition with others, thus perpetuating a world of competition, power struggles, fighting, war, devastation and destruction, because at it's core, it all has the same programing of competition and survival, and I can no longer be a part and contribution to that, because I see/realize/understand that there is another way that can benefit everyone and not just some/the few/the winners.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear humility and equality because I have built my ego to feel greater than others from a starting point of inferiority, where I live In Fear of everything and everyone as I have spent my time building my EGO as me, instead of building mySELF, the substance of me, my actions in the physical, wherein the EGO has no ground to stand upon, and can crumble and fall with a hint of a wisp of energy, whereas a SELF that is REAL stands unwavering, unmoved, untouchable, Here, Physical, Equal, Fearless, Humble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear humility and equality because I perceive that it takes away my ability to be better than others, and that, without that ability, I will be left to face the truth of me, that within myself I feel inferior and less-than, and that I need to fight to prove and validate to everyone outside of myself that this is not the case, instead of embracing me, the reality of me in this moment - flaws and all, and rather than continuing to fight, taking the first steps towards letting go of all ideas about myself I held/hold in high esteem, and humbly and consistently returning to nothingness to build myself again, for real, Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to participate in the inferiority/superiority polarity because it gives me the option to think/believe/perceive that I am better than others and therefor I will survive, and for those moments when I do gives my ego the feeling of security and distracts me from the truth of my self-belief of inferiority, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that All are equal in this process of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang on to my insecurities by participating within and as ‘superiority’ because when I do, I feel positive energy within the experience that I am better, of value and worth, and experience myself as not needing to change, instead of actually changing in such a way where I develop a living expression of self-value and self-worth in thought, word and deed, wherein I can then become the living word ‘humility’ and realize the equality that is Here, and stop participating in the competition that stems from the ‘inferiority’/’superiority’ polarity.

Day 186- OCD: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 2

http://menopausebeforepuberty.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/self_reflection.jpg

I forgive myself for  not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that  the strength I feel  that comes in cycles is not necessarily something I actually directed myself to, but rather simply the upside of a cycle within which I would have experienced the down  side of the ‘low’ just before, with the rise being mostly only an inevitability for one that has not given up completely, thus making the disorder at times bearable enough to not have to really face changing or stopping for real.  ( Day 184- OCD: The False Victories)

When and as I see myself going into a positive energetic self-relationship as a result of the polarity opposite of having experienced a down or low, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-stability by breathing through and letting go of the experience, and settling into my physical body by adjusting myself to ensure I am supporting myself physically. I breathe until the reaction is gone, and move myself from the point of no reaction, only myself moving based on sound decision.

 I commit myself to pull myself down out of highs as self-support to prevent the consequence of the inevitable low that is the polarity opposite of the high, a polarity within which I cannot participate with/as the experience of one without the other, thus creating and perpetuating a vicious cycle of OCD.

I commit myself to remain self-honest when and as I see that I am having experiences within my process with CD, so as not to fool myself that any progress is going to come on its own. Self-growth, self-stability, the building of resolve, the strengthening of self-will, self-discipline, self-mastery, and all and every quality I strive for, will only ever be developed as a result of my direct and focused participation. None of these things work themselves out or simply ‘occur’ as a matter of chance or mere intention. If I feel strength, I will know right away whether that strength is who I am as a living word because I will be aware of exactly how I became that. If there is uncertainty regarding how the experience came about, then I know it can’t be trusted and will always be questionable.

I commit myself to face changing and stopping for real.

This blog is continued from:
Day 143- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face
Day 144- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 2)
Day 145- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 3)
Day 146- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 4

 Day 147- The Comfort and Security of OCD 

Day 185- Dermatillomania: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 1

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