Day 199- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD (3)

I have writen these these self-committment statements to support myself to change how I learn. Learning has been a hostile and laborious process for me throughout school, which seeped over into my working life. I have been using the process of writing to de-program this perception I have held regarding learning and the learning process, and am re-scripting through words the way in which I would prefer myself to experience this process.This is related to OCD because I am dismantling trigger points that cause me to go into the disorder. One of these trigger points is being confronted/presented with a new concept I do not immediately understand. I am looking into why this triggers OCD within me, and have discovered so far that the learning process overwhelms me. I need to look into this further to figure out why and how this is, how I created this in the first place, and how I have morphed it over time into something completely different that the initial experience/memories.

 I am using my own self-realizations which I derive from writing self-forgiveness and self-corrective application statements in these blogs: Day 196- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD  and Day 199- Tracing the Source Patterns of OCD (pt 2), The following is based on this self-forgiveness, although more points opened up as I was writing, and I included them in the current self-corrective applications.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to understand everything immediately, in other words and furthermore:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that concepts are only understandable if I can understand them right away/immediately and without effort. Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘shut down’ within myself when and as I am confronted/presented with a concept that I do not yet understand, due to the belief that I will never understand accompanied by frustration, confusion and self-judgment.”

When and as I see that I am ‘shutting down’ within myself as a form of self-defeat when/as I am confronted/presented with a new concept which I do not initially understand, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to take a step back and stop my participation within/as these reactions in order that I may clear my mind and starting point, and to look at the concept with ‘fresh eyes’, meaning, from a changed starting point; from “I just don’t get it”, to “how does this actually work/how can this make sense” understanding that, within asking myself questions and looking at the concept for answers, I am essentially teaching myself the concept.

Wen and as I react within fear and self-judgment due to being confronted/presented with a new concept that I do not initially understand, and one which I can’t figure out on my own, I direct myself to utilize an resources available to me, such as documents, the internet, or individuals in my environment. I remind myself to remain present and to open my ears and my eyes to see and hear what is being explained to me, so that I don’t distract myself with thoughts/worries/beliefs/emotions that I might get it wrong or that I am being judged for not immediately knowing/understanding the concept. I see/realize/understand that this is my very own self-judgment that I am projecting on to others/my environment, causing me to feel like ‘shutting down’, when I can simply change my perception to create a learning environment that is open, accepting, supportive and enjoyable.
 

http://www.abe.org.uk/public/images/learn1.jpg

 

More to come...

Day 186- OCD: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 2

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I forgive myself for  not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that  the strength I feel  that comes in cycles is not necessarily something I actually directed myself to, but rather simply the upside of a cycle within which I would have experienced the down  side of the ‘low’ just before, with the rise being mostly only an inevitability for one that has not given up completely, thus making the disorder at times bearable enough to not have to really face changing or stopping for real.  ( Day 184- OCD: The False Victories)

When and as I see myself going into a positive energetic self-relationship as a result of the polarity opposite of having experienced a down or low, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-stability by breathing through and letting go of the experience, and settling into my physical body by adjusting myself to ensure I am supporting myself physically. I breathe until the reaction is gone, and move myself from the point of no reaction, only myself moving based on sound decision.

 I commit myself to pull myself down out of highs as self-support to prevent the consequence of the inevitable low that is the polarity opposite of the high, a polarity within which I cannot participate with/as the experience of one without the other, thus creating and perpetuating a vicious cycle of OCD.

I commit myself to remain self-honest when and as I see that I am having experiences within my process with CD, so as not to fool myself that any progress is going to come on its own. Self-growth, self-stability, the building of resolve, the strengthening of self-will, self-discipline, self-mastery, and all and every quality I strive for, will only ever be developed as a result of my direct and focused participation. None of these things work themselves out or simply ‘occur’ as a matter of chance or mere intention. If I feel strength, I will know right away whether that strength is who I am as a living word because I will be aware of exactly how I became that. If there is uncertainty regarding how the experience came about, then I know it can’t be trusted and will always be questionable.

I commit myself to face changing and stopping for real.

This blog is continued from:
Day 143- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face
Day 144- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 2)
Day 145- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 3)
Day 146- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 4

 Day 147- The Comfort and Security of OCD 

Day 185- Dermatillomania: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 1

To script yourself back into alignment with and as Life, learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and others. 

Day 185- Dermatillomania: Vicious Cycles to Practical Solutions 1

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself slack and loosen my grip on the reigns in my life when and as I am on the upside of the cycle of OCD."

When and as I see that I am on the upside of a cyclical pattern within OCD I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by stopping myself within the reactions I develop towards the upside of a cycle or pattern. Meaning, the positive energetic relationships I would develop through projecting thoughts/ideas/perceptions and beliefs such as ‘how it will be from now on’, and ’how much better I will feel when I stop’, ‘how great it will be’, and ‘I will soon be cured’- all of this within and as a blind hope that somehow I had figured it all out and am experiencing the fruits of my labour, when in fact when I look at it in self-honesty I see there is still very little understanding on my part, and very little actual practical steps toward change.  This thus then indicating I am still resisting taking self-responsibility within and as this disorder, and would still rather prefer some form of miracle or outside force to ‘fix’ and ‘change me’ and do the work for me, however I know very well that this is not something I can depend on and thus, not worth spending any time waiting for. I know very well I’d only ever be waiting for myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within and as this disorder, by writing it out, creating practical steps, and pushing myself to live and apply the words and the scripts I write for myself.

I commit myself to stop feeding and perpetuating the relationships I have developed to and towards the upside of a vicious cycle, by stopping my reaction to/towards them, and instead reminding myself that I am taking self-responsibility for who I am within and as this disorder, thus I will not base myself on the false hope of something or some force outside of myself coming to cure me by some form of miracle.

I commit myself to stop developing positive relationship to/towards the upside of an OCD cycle because  I realize this causes me to fear to lose the positive feeling energy and thus prevents me from actually wanting to change for real.

I commit myself to change for real, by stopping the energetic relationships before they manifest into and as actions that collectively create this disorder.

This blog is continued from:
Day 143- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face
Day 144- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 2)
Day 145- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 3)
Day 146- Dermatillomania: Staring the Beast in the Face (pt 4

 Day 147- The Comfort and Security of OCD

 Day 184- OCD: The False Victories

To script yourself back into alignment with and as Life, learn these self-supportive writing tools, visit: DIP LITE- a free course where you will learn to create a platform of self-support to be able to face yourself in forgiveness and acceptance, and recreate yourself through your own self-realization, in a way that honours and supports yourself to Live a Life that benefits yourself and others.