Today
I went from a terrified person with learning-disorder, to an inquisitive,
expressive learner that defies expectations by living one simple word.
As
promised, a recap on the challenge of living the word 'terrified', which I do
quite naturally and well, to living the word 'observe', defined as to
'OBjectively SERVE' myself. The reason for this is that today I had to face one
of my greatest fears: performing in front of a group as I am actively learning.
This is the
conclusion of my previous post:
I Live to
serve
The
act of learning had become a hostile experience during my schooling years from a young
age. The competition and the positive or negative re-enforcement never really
worked for me. So when I had to train for a new job today, I woke up feeling
terrified at how it might play out.
Interesting how the mind works - expecting the worst, bringing up the most energetically charged memories, making it not only likely, but probable that if left unchecked, the same or similar experience will re-play.
When
I went into the training room today I remembered to breathe and follow my
instructions to remain objective. My nerves kept coming up into my chest, which
felt tight and at times it was hard to breathe. But I continuously reminded
myself to relax my shoulders and focus on understanding the information
presented, and objectively observe what was going on inside of me.
How did I
remain objective and what did I observe:
As
the energy would come up I began just looking at it, defining it in words and
letting it go, then bringing myself back to the room, the people, the
information.
Secondly,
in moments where I didn't comprehend, instead of keeping quite and hoping to
catch up eventually due to fear of judgment, I confidently asked questions, not
fearing that the information might have already been covered or that the
question might sound 'stupid'. "Stupid' is a judgment, and I had promised
myself to remain objective with myself.
Thirdly,
when it came time to try out the application ourselves (in font of everyone on
the projector), I immediately volunteered to go first. I expressed myself
openly to the group, explaining that it felt awkward and slow to do something
brand new, but that I knew I would pick it up in no time! This helped me to remain
humble, being open about my learning process and not trying to hide it due to
feeling vulnerable.
There is so
much strength to be found within and as humility and vulnerability.
The
cool thing is that, as I was processing in front of the group, feeling more
comfortable than I ever have been, rather than terrified and self-judgmental,
some of my natural curiosity and inquisitiveness was able to come through.
Within this, I began asking questions about certain functions I was interested
in knowing more about, asking if I could try trying different things out
instead of just doing only what was being asked of me.
In
doing this, I found a risk element that had not previously been identified in
all the years the program had been around. The trainers that had flown in from
Chicago were amazed and organized for a meeting to figure out a way to mitigate
that risk.
There
will be no praise or accolades here, as the whole thing played out in a very
matter-of-fact kind of way. But for me, when I was able to truly appreciate
what happened today, where I saw the living proof that I had gone from an
aloof, detached, terrified introverted slow-learner, to someone that could keep
up, experiment and investigate beyond what was expected of me, I felt like I
had conquered moving mountains!
Within
this, I saw my curiosity and fascination with how things work come out from
some deep forgotten place within me, to the forefront where I actually enjoyed
just being me.
There
is very little in life that is as profoundly rewarding an conquering ones
fears, feeling comfort within self, and showing myself the living proof that I
really can be the author of my own script.
I watched these videos for understanding myself and learning how to support me in these types of situations:
Captain, Crew, and Ship
"What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?
In this video Sunette shares the directiveness, focus, and responsibility of being the captain of your own ship and how that relates to the relationship we often have with our lives, where we sometimes let the waves and currents take us without direction.
If you found value in this video and would like to give back to Desteni, support our online store with more supportive material www.eqafe.com or sign up for the Desteni I Process where you will be shown how to live the principles and tools developed by Desteni here www."
The Nature of Fear
What is it about fear that can make it so overwhelming?
What is the effect of fear energy on your mind, being and body?
How can you support yourself to change your experience in relation to fear so that you can stand as the directive principle regardless of the energy experience?
The interview that Sunette refers to is from the Fears & Phobias series on EQAFE: https://eqafe.com/p/retribution-fears-phobias
Self & Living has merged with its sister store, www.eqafe.com - check it out for more!
I watched these videos for understanding myself and learning how to support me in these types of situations:
Captain, Crew, and Ship
"What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?
In this video Sunette shares the directiveness, focus, and responsibility of being the captain of your own ship and how that relates to the relationship we often have with our lives, where we sometimes let the waves and currents take us without direction.
If you found value in this video and would like to give back to Desteni, support our online store with more supportive material www.eqafe.com or sign up for the Desteni I Process where you will be shown how to live the principles and tools developed by Desteni here www."
The Nature of Fear
What is it about fear that can make it so overwhelming?
What is the effect of fear energy on your mind, being and body?
How can you support yourself to change your experience in relation to fear so that you can stand as the directive principle regardless of the energy experience?
The interview that Sunette refers to is from the Fears & Phobias series on EQAFE: https://eqafe.com/p/retribution-fears-phobias
Self & Living has merged with its sister store, www.eqafe.com - check it out for more!
