Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 118- Learning How To Learn

This blog is a continuation from: Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)  wherein I worked through the fact that my participation in thoughts as ‘imaginings’ about school assignments I have to do (or any work/asks in life) actually sets me up to struggle needlessly through them. Here I am ‘re-training’ myself in a way, to simply move through the work/assignments/tasks as the actual reality of them, and not the version of them that I had crated in my mind. I had spent the majority of my school career in a state of either overwhelming-ness/anxiety, or avoidance/procrastination, instead of remaining stable and working through it step by step to the best of my ability.

The following are self-commitments and self-corrective statements that relate to the
 commit myself to stop my addiction to the stress/panic/anxious energy I derive from thinking about up-coming assignments, tests and projects, by stopping myself from following the thoughts that leads from one stress to the next to the next, creating an insurmountable wall of work that I would never be able to do if it were the reality of the situation, however, it is not the reality of the situation, it is a complete self/mind-created wall created by compressing time in my mind to bring all the work I have to do here to daunt me.
When and as I see that I am creating stress/anxiety within myself by/through thinking about future assignments I have to do, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability by simply stopping my participation in the thought by breathing through it within the realization that I am either busy working on the assignment, or I am not working on the assignment, and if I am not working on the assignment, there is then no need to be thinking/stressing about the assignment/future assignments/all assignments I have yet to do. I see, realize and understand that the stress, overwhelming-ness and anxiety I create will only serve to diminish me and my ability to perform well during tests/studying/working on assignments.

I commit myself to eradicate myself of the ‘getting out of the work’ character, by stopping creating the work in my mind as something bigger than it is, within/through creating an energetic experience out of it, which I then react to within wanting to ‘get out of the work’, when I can instead stop the entire patterns from the beginning.

When and as I see that I am triggering the ‘getting out of the work’ character through starting to imagine all the work I have to do thus making it seem ‘big and impossible’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-directed movement in the physical through breath by reminding myself that I can choose to stop the entire pattern
play-out by stopping my participation within/as these first thoughts that trigger the entire cascade of thoughts. I see, realize and understand that it is unnecessary to even ‘go there’, and that when I do ‘go there’, it is a form of self-sabotage that keeps me from moving myself Here.

I commit myself to organizing myself within a schedule that works for me, by leaving myself enough
time to work/study, and to actually apply myself within that given time, to do the best that I am able to do, within the understanding that I am continuously able to improve myself.

When and as I see that I am needlessly thinking about my schoolwork, and imagining it here all at once thus creating a sense of overwhelming-ness and stress within/as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that I can only do one thing at a time, till it’s done, and I move myself to set a schedule wherein I set time a side to work, an within that time I do the work, and at other times I do not think/imagine scenarios about the work, within the realization that that is only self-sabotage and that is unacceptable because it only serves to limit/diminish/sabotage me.

I commit myself to bring myself back here, constantly, continuously and diligently until it is
Who I Am, by remaining vigilant about what exactly is going on in my mind, so that I do not let my mind ‘get away with it’ in unawareness. In this:

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for my thoughts, so that they are not directing me, until I am able to direct myself as an aware
choice in every moment.

When and as I catch myself as my mind creating experiences within/as me in unawareness, such as imagining about all my schoolwork thus creating anxiety and overwhelming-ness, I stop, and I breathe. I patiently bring myself back Here in breath and move myself as a self-directed choice to either do some work or do that which my environment requires of me in that given moment.

I commit myself to stop making that which goes on in my mind ‘real’ by participating within/as it and giving it my attention, and instead I commit myself to only deal with actual reality, not imaginary scenarios of insurmountable walls of work that don’t even exist in reality.

When and as I see that I am making anxiety and overwhelming-ness about school real by participating within/as it, giving it my attention and reacting to it, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality within the realization that that which is real is Here, tangible and doable, as it plays out over space-time and only accumulates when I participate within/as avoidance and procrastination, both of which are in my
control to not participate within and as throughout my day. I see, realize and understand that it is possible to accumulate a lot of work, but it’s not necessary to stress about it if I haven’t done that- and even if I have, it’s still not necessary to react to it, but rather to simply work through it as I am able, walking through the consequences of procrastination/avoidance, and reminding myself not to repeat such patterns when/as the situation arises again.

I commit myself to wake up from the delusion that it is possible to ‘lose myself’ in the stress/anxiety I create, within the realization that I have the power to, at any moment, take a breath and bring myself back here, where the delusion would fall away in an instant, because I Am Here and have only ever been Here, proving the delusion was not and is never real.

When and as I see that I have created the experience of being ‘lost’ within anxiety/overwhelming-ness, I stop, and I take a breath to bring myself back Here, within the realization that such a delusional belief is an
abdication of self-responsibility because it is making the statement that my mind is bigger/more complicated than Me, when in fact I am the creator of everything that goes on in my mind. I see, realize and understand that I am creating in every moment, and that if I am not present and aware I will create experiences that I do not understand, and thus it will seem like I am ‘lost’ within them. However, with self-investigation through writing, and through practising being present and aware in every moment, I am able to undo this experience, and to teach myself through understanding, how to NOT create it again.

To be continued…

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