Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Day 112- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 4)

This blog follows from a short series of blogs in relation to being an effective student, and all the mind-created limitations I imposed upon myself that gets in the way, such as distractions, self-judgment, negative self-talk, fears, etc… Within the past few blogs I have been looking at the tendency I have to attempt to ‘get out of the work’ I have to do, which leads to feeling 'forced' to do the work, or skimming through it, not fully understanding, or poor work.

It would be so much easier if I would just sit down and do my assignment within presence and awareness, but instead I just go crazy trying to focus and concentrate. I have been looking into all the mind-created reasons for this, and once identified, I use the tool of self-forgiveness in order to release the points. Afterwards, I re-script myself to not repeat this self-limiting behavior using the tool of self-commitment and self-corrective application statements.
 Within reading the self-forgiveness statements out-loud, and hearing myself forgive myself for the ways in which I have made things so much more complicated for myself than it needs to be, there is an actual physical release, allowing ‘space’ for change.

Having studied my own mind in this way, and placing ‘on paper’ the ways in which I want to change, makes it possible to literally ‘take myself back’ from the control of my mind, and to give myself back control over my actions, so that my actions, as the ‘Who I Am’ in this world, match Who I would like To Be. This is definitely a practice, but it’s definitely worth it. I will include a link at the end of the blog to a free course in which anyone who wants to learn these tools of self-empowerment/self-change can do so, for free, with support from others. It's worth a look, and a try.

The following are the self-commitment and self-corrective application statements made from the self-forgiveness statements found within the blog: “Day 110- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 2)” in which I explore the ‘fear dimension’ that ‘causes’ me to always try to, consciously or subconsciously, get out of the work. (For the first part of this blog, go to “Day 111- FullyCommitting to my Studies (pt 3)”).

The entire series:

Day 106- I Just Go Crazy

and then: Days 110 & 111, see above.

I commit myself to stop bringing up all the negative memories I have experienced in relation to school, while ‘forgetting’ the ‘positive’ ones, wherein I actually manipulate the reality of my situation in school through skewing my assessment of myself and what kind of a student I am by always ‘bringing up’ and remembering the ‘bad stuff’, which destabilizes me and affects my confidence and creates unnecessary resistances within and as me.

When and as I see myself experiencing the familiar pangs of frustration/discouraged/impossibleness/exasperation, I stop, and I breathe. I take a moment to locate which memory I am using to create this experience within me/as me, in order that I may delete it and bring myself back to the present moment, which involves me, doing my homework/assignment, as Who I Am Here, where there is no need or benefit to bring up the past or ‘who I was’ then. I take a moment to breathe until the experience dissipates, and return to the work at hand.

I commit myself to do any and all work I am responsible for from a starting point of oneness and equality, meaning, where I make the decision to simply apply myself within the work, and to do the work to the best of my ability, without being ‘less than’ the work by judging myself as unable, and without being ‘less-than' myself by giving myself the ability to diminish myself to a point where I don’t even want to start the work, because I have already projected myself as ‘not good enough’ or ‘I won’t do well’ within/as self-judgment.

When and as I see that I am resisting doing my studies before I even open the book, due to judging myself as unable/not good enough/not smart enough, or because of judging the work as difficult/hard/boring etc… I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to simple self-movement by reminding myself that judgment is not at all necessary when taking on a task/starting or beginning a task, because my judgment can’t be trusted as it is based on skewed memories and a manipulated sense of self, thus the only way to truly find out how the work will be is to simply do it, and to direct myself within and through any obstacles, difficulties, detours or the bumps in the road I may experience along the way, within the understanding that these types of things are normal as assignments are not always just ‘smooth sailing’ and instant understanding. Thus, I allow myself to be/become the patience/diligence/dedication/discipline/commitment that I will myself to be in order to get through and accomplish the tasks I take on in my life, through always moving myself through the work no matter what.

I commit myself to not fear that which I have not looked at/understood yet, because I understand that ignorance creates fear.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will not understand the assignment, fearing that the teacher will judge me, fearing that I will do poor work, and fearing that I will fail before I have even looked at/started the assignment, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back down to reality by reminding myself that in fearing the assignment before having even looked at it, I am actually only fearing what my imagination has freely created, through my acceptance and allowance, as the ‘worst case scenario’ for what it will be like, thus allowing a certain amount of limitlessness within me for my fears to run rampant, because they do not have the physical boundaries of reality to reign them in. Within this, I see/realize/understand that when I simply stop this before it happens, and start my assignment without the interference of the mind, that I can then actually see the reality of the assignment, and the actual steps that I will require to take to get through it, which will always be do-able, as the assignments are specifically designed to be done, and to learn from.
To be continued...
(Here's the link to the free course where anyone can learn the tools of self-suppot through writing: DesteniIProcess LITE)

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