Thursday, October 18, 2012

Day 102- Secret Self-Relationship- Disappointment- Self-Corrective Statements

This blog is continued from days
 93- My name is Kim,
94- My Name is Kim but Who Am I Really?
 99- My Name is Kim, but Who Am I Really? (Layout
Day 100- SecretSelf-Relationship
Day 101- Secret Self-Relationship: Disappointment
Day 102- Secret Self-Relationship: Disappointment- Backchat Dimension

When and as I
see that I am bracing myself within the expectation of self-disappointment upon hearing my name spoken in a disappointed tone, I stop, and I breathe. I relax my physical body and ground myself back Here within the understanding that anything that comes up or that can be said I can take self-responsibility for and direct because anything I have done in the past to disappoint myself was done in unawareness in that I did not understand who I was or that I had a choice, because I trusted my mind in those moments without realizing what I was creating within myself in terms of my relationship with myself.
I commit myself to stop trusting the mind of thoughts, feeling and emotions that are not grounded in reality, and to, from here on out, walk myself into the physical, by basing my actions and decisions on the physical testing ground where I am able to see if the outflows are acceptable or not.

When and as I see that I am going into suppression for
fear of having an emotional outburst in the form of tears of self-pity and self-victimization I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-acceptance and self-understanding by stopping my reaction with breath, and instead going into a self-looking, wherein I look and observe at anything and everything that comes up from what is spoken, and take the moment as a gift to self as I present myself with moment that I have held within me that require direction/forgiveness/letting go.
I commit myself to direct/forgive/let go of any and all past self-disappointment, within this:
I commit myself to change and direct my living so that I do not re-create the self-disappointing behaviour I have lived in the past.
When and as I see that I am suppressing the parts of me that I don’t want to face because it’s easier to suppress them, indicated by resistance, defensiveness, feeling ’hurt’, or wanting to cry, I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself as ‘that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be’ to flow forth, and I face these moments as who I am, within the understanding that Who I Am is determined (deter-mind) by Me, but I can only determine that if I know who I’ve been.
I commit myself to, in moments when ‘who I’ve been’ ‘come back to haunt me’ in the form of emotional resistances to face self, defensiveness from not wanting to reveal/change self, and wanting to cry from feeling victimized by self for lack of directive principle, or pitying self as if I wasn’t the one making the decisions, to really look at what is within me, in order that I may receive the information of who I’ve been, which thus then empowers me to change.
When and as I see myself in moments of choice, submitting to self-disappointment by choosing the option that is less-than who I am, within a ‘making peace’ with it and an ‘acceptance’ of it, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-directive principle by reminding myself that it is certainly NOT acceptable, nor is it peaceful. Maybe in the moment-yes, but in the long term, such acceptance and allowances create turmoil in my life later, wherein everything of ourselves is always right here with us, ready to emerge at any moment. Thus the choice remains, do we stop perpetuating the behavior, or do we re-enforce it. I choose to stop in order to create something altogether new.
When and as I see myself becoming defensive from hearing my name spoken in a disappointed tone, and then projecting that defensiveness as anger or irritation towards the speaker, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself in self-responsibility, within the understanding that the defensiveness is only defending my self-limitation and the secret self-relationship I have developed within it. I open myself up to receive whatever is going to be said to me, within the understanding that nothing that will be spoken can ‘hurt’ me, any more than I’ve hurt myself with a lack of consideration of the consequences. Thus, I accept and walk/breathe through the consequences within the understanding that I will eventually stop myself from doing the behavior in the first place.
I commit myself to become the living realization that the consequences of my actions will be faced, if not immediately, inevitably, eventually, thus I bring the consequences Here, and base my behavior on that which will create acceptable consequences.

No comments:

Post a Comment