Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day105- Helping Others: From Self-Interest to Actual Caring

Helpful Character, Imagination Dimension:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine projected scenarios of myself being ‘looked to for help,’ ‘thought of as helpful’. And thought of as’ very dependable and efficient’ by others, wherein I create the whole scene in my mind in order to energize and validate the ‘helpful’ character, in order to continue suppressing the ‘secret’ hidden fear that I will be exposed as ‘unhelpful’, ‘undependable’, ‘irresponsible’, and ‘inefficient’, instea of actually releasing those fear by changing the base behavior that cause them, which are putting things off, avoiding chores and accepting and allowing laziness or incomplete work as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine scenes of ‘me being helpful to others, and then having the other be grateful and in an improved situation because of me,’ wherein I have accepted and allowed such scenes to play out in my mind as if they were movies that I react to, movies which I direct and manipulate in order to manipulate my reactions to produce a positive feeling within me according to the character in my mind, which creates a negative emotion when reality doesn’t match up with the movie in my mind, creating instability, instead breathing myself out of my mind and into reality in order to practice stability.
Reaction Dimension:
“Feeling good inside, as if my worth had been proven”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the ‘helpful character’ with a ‘good’ or positive feeling because in playing out the character, I feel my worth has been proven, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that my worth does not need to be proven, as all are of equal worth as Life, and only the false characters we play require to have their worth be proven, as they have no real worth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become defensive when the help I offer as the ‘helpful’ character is not accepted by another, wherein I take it personally because I had stepped into character, but that character had not been validated, instead of having offered help/assistance/support from a starting point of actual care, one and equal to the other as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/manifest an ‘excited’ charge within and as me, when and as I see I will have the opportunity to ‘help out’, and within that to desire to be successful, because I know if that happens, that I will successfully validate the helpful character, successfully validate that character as me, and successfully continue to suppress my fear of being exposed as ‘unhelpful’, ‘undependable,’ ‘irresponsible’ and inefficient’.
Physical Reactions:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mself to lower my voice in a try/attempt to make it sound ‘more mature’ and speak within/as a directness in order to ‘seem’ ‘helpful’, ‘dependable’, ‘responsible’ and ‘efficient’, in order to convince another to accept my help, which would be manipulating my physical body to fit into the role of ‘helpful’ character, thus suppressing my natural/normal physical expression with ‘false’ movements that are not Who I Am’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to energize myself as my physical body when and as I see that I am going to go into or have the opportunity to go into the ‘helpful’ character, wherein I participate so thoroughly in making this character real/true/who I am that I bring it out of the mind and into physical reality through accepting/allowing myself to change my facial expression within ‘opening up my face’ by raising my eyebrows and smiling as if to say ‘trust me’, ‘let me help you’ from a starting point of self-interest of validating my character, with is in reality/actuality validating my own limitation and suppression.
Self commitments and self-corrective application statements to follow.

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