This is continued from Day 103-Defending Myself Against the World
I commit myself to check my starting point when I contribute to the group, in order to ensure that it is aligned with actual care and support, and not from a starting point of energy, wherein
I would be seeking an energetic charge from validating the ‘helpful’ character I have created to not face the reality of my beliefs about myself and who I really am, which are that I am 'unhelpful' (without the ability/resources to 'help out' in a significant way), that I am 'un-needed', thus, within the 'helpful' character I play I 'prove' to myself that this isn't true (intead of addressing the belief itself, thus actually accepting and allowing this belief to continue to exist within me, as me), and being 'un-wanted' (wherein, if people would accept my help, I would feel 'wanted'- but only as an experience/belief).
When and as I am offering to help someone out, I stop, and I breathe. I give myself a moment to adjust my starting point, from the self-interest of validating a character to a starting point of oneness and equality to those I am assisting/supporting. I do this by breathing until the energetic charge is gone, and reminding myself to move as me, one and equal to the group, and not as a character.
I commit myself to walk myself out of the direction of the mind and into physical reality by stopping my participation in thoughts as they come up, and by breathing through the positive and negative energetic reactions I experience 1) when I offer help (breathe through the positive reaction/polarity) 2) if/when my help is not accepted (breathe through the negative reaction/polarity).
When and as I am in the position where someone is turning down my offer of help, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am not defined in that moment as ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, ‘unwanted’ or anything at all, I am rather simply hearing the preference of the person. Which is really what I was asking in the first place.
I commit myself to end all self-definitions which would direct me or influence me in moments where I could validate them, and instead by the living definition of myself within/as my self-directed living actions.
When and as I see that I am being directed by the want/need/desire to validate a character, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by breathing through the energetic withdrawal from that character and grounding myself Here, in physical reality, and I wait till there is no movement before I continue my participation again.
I commit myself to uncover everything that I am hiding within myself underneath the characters that I play.
When and as I see that I am ‘helping out’ from a starting point of fearing being exposed as ‘unhelpful’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself by reminding myself that Who I Am is not a definition or a judgment, but rather a living, being, doing, from moment to moment and judged only in the end by myself as the consequences of my living, being actions in each and every moment.
I commit myself to check myself, in moment of lack of self-direction, and to take a breath and self-honestly assess my starting point, directing from there.
I commit myself to change not only my surface action, but also te root from which it stems.
I commit myself to dig up all the ‘roots’ as starting points that I had ‘planted’ in unawareness, wherein I commit to getting down to the root of my actions in writing, and re-scripting the root of my actions to be/become aligned with a consideration for the whole, as what’s best for all within the limitations of this physical reality.
When and as I see that my surface action are aligned with validating a character, which is self-suppression, I stop and I breathe. I take a moment to check my starting point in order that my actions may reflect an actual care and consideration for the whole and for others as me, by not participating in the thoughts and energies which would fuel my idea of myself, but to instead do the task with no movement within me, making sure from moment to moment that I don’t ‘drift off’ into thoughts, ideas, perception, and beliefs about myself and the actions I am taking.
When and as I see that I am feeding myself as the illusions in the mind of energy when someone is reacting to/towards me in gratefulness for any kind of help/assistance/support I had given, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability within the understanding that to participate in or pursue the positive feeling energy, that I am actually avoiding the underlying fear that my insecurities created by the belief that I am ‘unhelpful’, ‘unneeded’, or ‘unwanted’, will be exposed, and are thus being accepted and allowed to continue to exist within and as me. Therefore, I breathe through the want/desire to participate, and allow myself to move forward as the self-directive principle of me, in oneness and equality to myself, as a living action of care and support.
I commit myself to expose myself to myself in writing, either public or private, in order to fully understand the truth of me, in awareness and self-honesty, in order that I may ‘clean the slate’ and change. Start again, rescript a new human that considers all life in ever action.
I commit myself to stop chasing validation, as that is the living statement that Who I Am is Not Real, and I instead walk with myself until I validate myself in every moment and every step till my actions are aligned with my principles in every way possible.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that I want and need myself to be wholly present with me Here, contributing equally to my self-development and Living Here as an equal participant in Life.