This blog is continued from days 93- My name isKim, 94- My Name is Kim but Who Am I Really? , 99- My Name is Kim, but Who AmI Really? (Layout), and:
Day 100- Secret Self-Relationship- And that is the suprise, that is what is behind the reactions we experience to our names being spoken in different tonalities, it is the exposure to none but ourelves, what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves, that no one else knows but us. We can be whoever we want in secret, so what does who we are in secret say about who we Really are?
Whatsoever is a secret now will be revealed eventually- might as well expose self to self in self-forgiveness so as not to have to face much nastiness later on.
Self-corrective statements (how I will change) for the self-forgiveness within yesterday's blog: Day 100- Secret Self-Relationship:
When and as I hear my name in a disappointed tone, I stop, and I breathe. I stop the thought of someone staring me in the eyes, about to tell me something I’ve done horribl wrong, the thought of being in a waiting room, nervous, fearful and anxious, and the thought of a teacher’s face, looking at me from across the room. I bring myself back Here by reminding myself that these thoughts are not by my directive choice, but are popping up as if automatically, as I have programmed them into my memory, in order to keep me in fear and to remained enslaved to the automaticity of the mind, instead of being the directive principle of the mind.
When and as I create and manifest the experience of ‘having done something horribly wrong’ when I hear my name called in a disappointed tone, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-directive principle by letting go of the emotional energy with breath, within the understanding that anything I’ve done horribly wrong, I will take responsibility for and direct until it is corrected.
When and as I see that the disappointment I hold in relation to my self-relationship, wherein, in private moment, I had done things that were less than Who I Am- when and as that comes up when I hear my name spoken in a disappointed tone, I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that I am forgiven because I did not understand at the time what I was doing, but now that I see, realize and understand how the mind works in this way, I commit myself to, in private moments, not let myself down by being less than Who I Am, because I see, realize and understand that it will always ‘come back to haunt me’, by directing me as self-disappointment and fear of exposure in moments when I’m least expecting it.
Within this, I commit myself to push myself to walk through tasks and assignment that I’ve judged as hard, by taking them bit by bit, and asking for assistance when needed.
I commit myself to become one and equal to the tasks I do, wherein I stop judging them as ‘easy’ or ‘hard’, but instead walk through them and apply myself more or less as needed, without any additional judgment, ideas, self-definitions or beliefs.
When and as I see that I am facing a moment of challenge/opportunity where I see I can either push through or give up, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization and understanding that if I do not push through, I will inevitably face the same situation again later, wherein it will be harder, because not only will I have to face the challenge, but I will also have to face the fact that I had previously given up. I push myself to strengthen and grow by pushing myself through moments of wanting to give up, within the understanding that there really is no alternative.
When and as I see myself reacting to my name as if the reaction had been ‘done unto me’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-aware self-responsibility by looking at what the reaction is, and tracing it back to the point within my relationship to myself that I fear being exposed.
I commit myself to clear the relationship I have formed with myself, through self-investigation and self-forgiveness, within this:
I commit myself to re-create a relationship with myself that is self-honest and self-responsible wherein I always consider and act according to the principles of oneness and equality, and doing what’s best for all, as myself, as life.
When and as I see myself fearing self-exposure and waiting instead for ‘forced’ exposure, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by looking at the point within and as self-forgiveness; I simply forgive, understand, and script my self-change.
When and as I see myself waiting in fear and anticipation to be exposed, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that no matter what is exposed, I will forgive, direct and correct it. I remind myself that only I am capable and responsible for doing this, thus no one outside of me has the power to ‘make’ me feel a certain way. I am responsible for MY mind.
I commit myself to expose myself to myself in every moment possible, until, over time, I have cleared my self-relationship through self-forgiveness and self-change.
When and as I see myself reacting to my name being called in a certain specific tone triggering reactions within me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am reacting to myself, which is separation from myself, so I embrace the reactions as one with me, I stop them as me, and I change them to breath- as myself as breath.