Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 109- Fully Committing to Studies

This blog contains the self-commitment and self-corrective application statements from the self-forgiveness I worked through in my last blog about not being able to concentrate within my studies.

These self-commitment and self-corrective application statements are very specifically tied to the self-forgiveness I did in my last blog. So, for context, please visit Day 107- Getting Out of the Work, and Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’ character by actually doing the work.

I commit myself to stop participating in the thought of there being a ‘whole big action-packed world’ ‘out there’, which I manifest right when I’m about to sit down and do work, within the realization that the world did not become all of a sudden more exciting now that I have decided to do work, but that I am creating illusions in my
mind and projecting them on to ‘the world’ in order to take myself away from actually applying myself, and bring me back into the mind of ‘getting out of the work’, because that way, I will always submit to my mind as I had created it, instead of me being able to simply make the decision that I am doing the work now, and then to just do it without reactions from the mind, as I should have created myself in the first place.

When and as I
see that I am being ‘pulled away’ from my work by my mind, I assert myself by saying NO, I will not follow that energetic pull, I breathe through the withdrawal experience that I know will come, I can take a little self-directed break, walk around, stretch, breathe, and then settle down within the directive decision of doing my work properly, the first time.

I commit myself to stop skimming through my readings, frantically searching for key words in an attempt to get ‘the answer’ as quickly as possible, and instead:

I commit myself to read through my reading strategically, slowly, with a firm understanding of the question, wherein I look for concepts and then expand upon them within my understanding.

When and as I see that I am skimming through a reading in such a way that I am only reading words, skimming through words looking for key words only without any real focus, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the pace of the physical by slowing myself down, re-reading the question, and then proceeding to do the reading with patience, awareness and effective breathing, making sure that if I’m not understanding the words, that I go back and re-read them in order to find my place and patiently develop and integrate an understanding that I am able to convey in my own words.

I commit myself to stop the
thoughts that push me away from applying myself in my studies, such as “this is so boring/slow/cumbersome/pointless”.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts that pull me away from my studies as they come up, such as “there is a whole action packed and fun world out there that I am missing out on”, by stopping my participation in and as them, by diligently taking a breath each time the though comes up, and reminding myself that I had made the directive decision to do my studies, so that is what I will myself to do in that moment.

When and as I see that thoughts are coming up which are pushing me or pulling me away from doing my studies, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the directive principle of me by reminding myself that so long as I can’t effectively move myself to do something as simple as study/read coursework, then I will be a literal slave to my
feelings, emotions, wants and desires. Thus I push myself to stand up within the energetic experience of being pushed and pulled away from my schoolwork- I stand as the diligence, the discipline, the patience and the commitment I endeavor to be and become the directive decision maker of my actions, thoughts, words and deeds.

I commit myself to stop my participation in the
polarity judgment of how I spend my time, such as work=bad/boring, not working=fun/good, and instead:

I commit myself to apply myself in whatever activity I choose to do, within and as simple, self-directed self-movement.
When and as I see that I am placing a
judgment on the work I am doing, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to directive principle by reminding myself that judgments only create unnecessary energetic relationships to that which I choose to do, and that those energetic relationships cause me to create and manifest resistances within and as me, to/towards the ‘work’ I am doing, and draw/attract me to do other things which I have judged as ‘not work’/’fun’.

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