This blog is a continued from: Day 115- FullyCommitting to my Studies (pt7).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest an imaginary situation of me ‘zipping through my schoolwork with ease’ within and as me, as the result of not wanting to face the reality of the situation, which is that the schoolwork requires me to apply myself fully and over time, which seems slow and painful in the mind, because the mind is not used to working in ‘real time,’ or physical time, which is breath-by-breath, slow and steady, wherein, when and as I am faced with schoolwork, myself as my mind ‘zips’ through it, already imagining myself being done, instead of taking a breath, and actually doing it in real time, wherein I would do the assignment breath-by-breath and not create unnecessary relationships with it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by imagining tasks as easier and less time consuming than they really are, wherein working in physical time will then seem slow and painful, when in fact is ‘just is’, and the judgment placed upon it exists only In my mind, as a result/consequence of imagining that it would be fast and easy, which also exists only in my mind, thus the entire scenario is self-created, proving it can be uncreated through stopping my participation in the source, which is my imagination/mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an entire character around ‘getting out of the work’ I have to do, a character from which I imagine myself easily ‘zipping through the work’, making it harder for me to face the actual work due to added resistances/judgments/relationships with/to/towards the work, thus perpetuating the ‘get out of work’ character.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to align myself with the reality of the work I face, by taking into consideration the amount of time it will require, and the fact that it will require many steps, both forward and back, in order to complete any given assignment or any task in life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind of imagination instead of moving myself in physical reality in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about not just one assignment at a time, but rather imagine ALL the assignments, tests and quizzes I’ll have to eventually do, because I have pursued the energy that I derive from needlessly stressing myself out about school.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the energy I derive from imagining having to do an assignment, which creates a minor amount of stress within/as me, which I then increase by continuing to think of the assignments due in my other class, and then the tests and exams, until I am in a state of overwhelming-ness, stress and anxiety about school, which causes me to want to avoid it by getting out of the work because now the work seems like ‘too much’ to handle or cope with, thus manifesting the 'getting out of the work' character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to my schoolwork, instead of simply taking it one thing at a time and just doing it within the realization that the only way to get through it all is by taking it one thing at a time, thus there is absolutely no reason to imagine anything more than what’s actually Here beyond simply organizing myself within a schedule.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compress time in my head wherein I’ll have to face everything at once, which is direct self-sabotage in creating an ‘insurmountable wall of work’ that is/was a completely unnecessary experience, but one which keeps me from simply remaining Here, walking step by step through that which needs to get done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself from being Here, by creating energetic experiences within/as me through imagining scenarios/compressing time in my mind, taking me away from Here and pulling me up into my mind to deal with imaginary situations that don’t exist but that I make ‘real’ through participating within/as them by giving them attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the stress/anxiety/overwhelmingness I create by/through compressing time by bringing all future work/assignment here to face all at once, by reacting to it and completely losing myself in it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest stress/anxiety/overwhelmingness by imagining all of my work all at once, and then supressing these emotions by not looking at their source, but simply ‘living with’ a ‘ball’ of stress/anxiety/overwhelming-ness in my solar plexus, leading me to feel defeated and discouraged, not wanting to face my work, but never really understanding why, and instead of investigating it, I created the 'getting out of the work' character to avoid facing myself.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to investigate the source of my feeling/emotions and then cross-referencing them with physical reality space/time which would prove they are not valid and can’t be trusted.
Self-Correction to follow.
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