This blog series I am in the midst of writing has been
quite a trip. I can’t believe the effect it is having on me in terms of my
ability to do my studies and focus myself to effectively do the work. Before I
would become distracted and frustrated to the point of not being able to do the
work, and I would constantly hand in work that I knew was sub-par. Every time
I would receive a grade I knew within myself that I could have done better. It
had been very discouraging and created a lot of self-judgment within me.
Recently I had decided to really take on this point of not being able to focus within my studies, and it’s amazing to have seen the effects of this in ‘real time’. I have just now finished an assignment that I completed before writing this blog, and I have submitted it feeling satisfied that I understood the material and handed in a well done piece of work.
I have experienced this point of satisfaction
several times now throughout my course, as I slowly reform my old habits into
new, constructive habits. It’s a really good feeling because when I push myself
to apply myself in this way, by following my own instructions that I had
written for myself in these blogs, I am totally relieved of the stress and
anticipation I used to experience when I would hand in my work feeling like I
had not done my best, or feeling like I didn’t even know how to do my best.
Last week, I handed in an assignment that I had worked
hard on, and I did not get a great mark because I had misunderstood
something. But when I received the mark, although I was a little disappointed,
it was still okay, because I knew I had given it my all. Sure, I made a
mistake, but this week I made extra certain that I understood everything, and
so I learned, I became more diligent. Whereas before when I was a student (before
I started applying the Desteni tools in
my life), I would have received a bad mark and it would have been crushing,
because it would have reconfirmed everything I thought
about myself, such as ‘I am not smart’, ‘I knew I couldn’t do it’, and so on,
which leads to cycles of discouragement and giving up and not wanting to try or
apply myself at all, and thus not being able to focus (among MANY other
reasons, as is demonstrated throughout this blog series).
As I apply these tools, which are essentially writing
tools which create a platform of self-support from which I can support myself
to change, I find I am developing a new sense of ‘self’ within myself. Taking a
moment every day to identify exactly what is going on in my busy mind as I
study, and then really looking at it/analysing it/deconstructing it... I mean,
even just taking that time pulls me out of my mind
and into physical reality- which is exactly what I want to learn to do as I
study- so, even in just the ‘act’ of writing I am practising a necessary
component of the skills and qualities I want to be and become. So, in addition
to this, the CONTENT of the writing is specific to what I experience when and
as I study.
What I experience is: as I am studying/doing homework/doing
an assignment, I am not alone, but rather have a new sense of self occupying my
space. I realize I have a long way to go, but what I see is this disciplinarian
within me, keeping me on track and catching me when I get distracted. It
‘catches’ me and gives me one little moment, maybe it’s a split second, I’m not
sure, but it gives me a moment to make a choice: I can either continue with the
distraction/frustration/discouragement/uncomfortabitlity, OR, I can take a breathe
and decide to let it go and instead apply myself within my work.
At the beginning, I would just begin to NOTICE I was
becoming distracted, later on, I would start to see that I had a choice. Soon I would
start to make the choice, but I would still choose to continue being distracted.
However, as I continue to write
out my experiences, as well as experience the consequences
of choosing the distraction (consequences as: feeling regret, getting mediocre marks, getting
down on myself, etc…), I am giving myself more reason to choose to instead
apply myself, which is what is in fact happening.
So in that split second of having
that choice, I’ll experience a strong desire to continue being distracted and
avoid the work, but I’ll have this ‘knowing’ that it’s not going to be okay
later if I do so, and that if I choose to instead apply myself, that I will be satisfied
with myself instead of discouraged/disappointed/frustrated. Additionally,
I will not worry about what grade I’ll get. If it’s bad, then I’ll simply
change my approach, if it’s good, then it’s like “Yes, I did that”. This way I
avoid the stress and anticipation of waiting for my marks, hoping I
passed. This way, as I am more consistently applying this and receiving good
grades, I have begun to actually enjoy the work and enjoy the challenge.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I’m climbing a
mountain sometimes when it comes to getting through tough assignments, I still
put it off at times till later, and I still become distracted as I work. But
now I can see a change within me, and I can see that as I continue, I am
building a stronger platform, a stronger sense of self and a greater ability to
make the right choices in those moments as opportunities that I have learned to
provide for myself. This is why I strongly recommend that everyone try the new free
course called Desteni I Process lite
to begin to learn the life skills to undo the damage we have all done to
ourselves, and re-create a new self that is actually supportive to ourselves in
every way.
Here
I am applying these skills within school, but they are skills that will
inevitably support me throughout many endeavours. I can already see myself
applying these specific skills that I have been writing out in my past few
blogs, in other areas of my life, such as in a job interview, wherein I was
extremely focused and aware, recalling things easily, and I did a placement test
with confidence because I was not distracted by my nerves or the people around
me. I also applied them at a meeting at the bank, where I was given a lot of
information which I was able to retain and ask questions about,
instead of just nodding my head ‘yes’ and telling myself I will read about it
later (and then never do).
I mean, even down to the basics of directing myself to
continuously apply for jobs and not give up or get discouraged. And to decide
to work towards getting a better job instead of putting up with something less
than ideal simply because I feel it’s all I can get, or not wanting to continue
the very humbling process of job hunting. And even just going to the bank in
order to talk with someone to set up my finances the way I want it to work for
me, as I direct my life and my world to support me- even simply showing up to
the appointments on time and navigating an unfamiliar city to get to them has
been something I’ve had to work on. This may sound
like small stuff to some, but those who can relate to any of this will
understand how big and all-consuming these things can be. Life is in the little
details, as the details are what accumulate to make up Life…
It really is about Life skills, and not
necessarily specific to school, but very effective tools wherever they are
applied. So this is my update, and I recommend everyone learn these tools as
they are unlike any other as you will see if you read the Journey to Life
blogs: there has never been anything like this published before, nor made
available for free. So, to empower yourself, visit: DestniIProcessLite.
To read more Journey to Life blogs visit: 7 YearsJourney to Life on the forum.
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:
Next blog I will begin with the ‘imagination’ dimension of the ‘getting out of the work’ character that has been plaguing me long enough. For context go here: Day 107- Getting Out of the Work
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