This blog series I am in the midst of writing has been quite a trip. I can’t believe the effect it is having on me in terms of my ability to do my studies and focus myself to effectively do the work. Before I would become distracted and frustrated to the point of not being able to do the work, and I would constantly hand in work that I knew was sub-par. Every time I would receive a grade I knew within myself that I could have done better. It had been very discouraging and created a lot of self-judgment within me.
Recently I had decided to really take on this point of not being able to focus within my studies, and it’s amazing to have seen the effects of this in ‘real time’. I have just now finished an assignment that I completed before writing this blog, and I have submitted it feeling satisfied that I understood the material and handed in a well done piece of work.
I have experienced this point of satisfaction several times now throughout my course, as I slowly reform my old habits into new, constructive habits. It’s a really good feeling because when I push myself to apply myself in this way, by following my own instructions that I had written for myself in these blogs, I am totally relieved of the stress and anticipation I used to experience when I would hand in my work feeling like I had not done my best, or feeling like I didn’t even know how to do my best.
Last week, I handed in an assignment that I had worked hard on, and I did not get a great mark because I had misunderstood something. But when I received the mark, although I was a little disappointed, it was still okay, because I knew I had given it my all. Sure, I made a mistake, but this week I made extra certain that I understood everything, and so I learned, I became more diligent. Whereas before when I was a student (before I started applying the Desteni tools in my life), I would have received a bad mark and it would have been crushing, because it would have reconfirmed everything I thought about myself, such as ‘I am not smart’, ‘I knew I couldn’t do it’, and so on, which leads to cycles of discouragement and giving up and not wanting to try or apply myself at all, and thus not being able to focus (among MANY other reasons, as is demonstrated throughout this blog series).
As I apply these tools, which are essentially writing tools which create a platform of self-support from which I can support myself to change, I find I am developing a new sense of ‘self’ within myself. Taking a moment every day to identify exactly what is going on in my busy mind as I study, and then really looking at it/analysing it/deconstructing it... I mean, even just taking that time pulls me out of my mind and into physical reality- which is exactly what I want to learn to do as I study- so, even in just the ‘act’ of writing I am practising a necessary component of the skills and qualities I want to be and become. So, in addition to this, the CONTENT of the writing is specific to what I experience when and as I study.
What I experience is: as I am studying/doing homework/doing an assignment, I am not alone, but rather have a new sense of self occupying my space. I realize I have a long way to go, but what I see is this disciplinarian within me, keeping me on track and catching me when I get distracted. It ‘catches’ me and gives me one little moment, maybe it’s a split second, I’m not sure, but it gives me a moment to make a choice: I can either continue with the distraction/frustration/discouragement/uncomfortabitlity, OR, I can take a breathe and decide to let it go and instead apply myself within my work.
At the beginning, I would just begin to NOTICE I was becoming distracted, later on, I would start to see that I had a choice. Soon I would start to make the choice, but I would still choose to continue being distracted. However, as I continue to write out my experiences, as well as experience the consequences of choosing the distraction (consequences as: feeling regret, getting mediocre marks, getting down on myself, etc…), I am giving myself more reason to choose to instead apply myself, which is what is in fact happening.
So in that split second of having that choice, I’ll experience a strong desire to continue being distracted and avoid the work, but I’ll have this ‘knowing’ that it’s not going to be okay later if I do so, and that if I choose to instead apply myself, that I will be satisfied with myself instead of discouraged/disappointed/frustrated. Additionally, I will not worry about what grade I’ll get. If it’s bad, then I’ll simply change my approach, if it’s good, then it’s like “Yes, I did that”. This way I avoid the stress and anticipation of waiting for my marks, hoping I passed. This way, as I am more consistently applying this and receiving good grades, I have begun to actually enjoy the work and enjoy the challenge.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I’m climbing a mountain sometimes when it comes to getting through tough assignments, I still put it off at times till later, and I still become distracted as I work. But now I can see a change within me, and I can see that as I continue, I am building a stronger platform, a stronger sense of self and a greater ability to make the right choices in those moments as opportunities that I have learned to provide for myself. This is why I strongly recommend that everyone try the new free course called Desteni I Process lite to begin to learn the life skills to undo the damage we have all done to ourselves, and re-create a new self that is actually supportive to ourselves in every way.
Here I am applying these skills within school, but they are skills that will inevitably support me throughout many endeavours. I can already see myself applying these specific skills that I have been writing out in my past few blogs, in other areas of my life, such as in a job interview, wherein I was extremely focused and aware, recalling things easily, and I did a placement test with confidence because I was not distracted by my nerves or the people around me. I also applied them at a meeting at the bank, where I was given a lot of information which I was able to retain and ask questions about, instead of just nodding my head ‘yes’ and telling myself I will read about it later (and then never do).
I mean, even down to the basics of directing myself to continuously apply for jobs and not give up or get discouraged. And to decide to work towards getting a better job instead of putting up with something less than ideal simply because I feel it’s all I can get, or not wanting to continue the very humbling process of job hunting. And even just going to the bank in order to talk with someone to set up my finances the way I want it to work for me, as I direct my life and my world to support me- even simply showing up to the appointments on time and navigating an unfamiliar city to get to them has been something I’ve had to work on. This may sound like small stuff to some, but those who can relate to any of this will understand how big and all-consuming these things can be. Life is in the little details, as the details are what accumulate to make up Life…
It really is about Life skills, and not necessarily specific to school, but very effective tools wherever they are applied. So this is my update, and I recommend everyone learn these tools as they are unlike any other as you will see if you read the Journey to Life blogs: there has never been anything like this published before, nor made available for free. So, to empower yourself, visit: DestniIProcessLite.
To read more Journey to Life blogs visit: 7 YearsJourney to Life on the forum.
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:
Next blog I will begin with the ‘imagination’ dimension of the ‘getting out of the work’ character that has been plaguing me long enough. For context go here: Day 107- Getting Out of the Work