I am not All that Matters

 I (as consciousness) FORGIVE (as gifting myself release, understanding, letting go of the belief that this is who I am) MY- (as my personalities and characters) SELF (as my beingness innocence). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on my own points before fully considering the position and location of another, taking as many moments as is necessary to place myself in their shoes, to consider their life, their understanding, to see the best in them and then to walk my point in consideration of them, as I would like to be considered. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move on a point without taking full self-responsibility , relying on others to do certain things or be certain ways or to be more prepared to ‘receive’ me and my points, as if everyone should understand me first in order that I may walk a point, within the justification and belief that I will be better, more able and more capable ‘only then’ to be able to give in return, thus receiving before giving, when in fact it is about giving first. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fixate on that which I want, that which I need, that which I desire, wherein I develop ‘tunnel vision’ and see only what want/need/desire as if I can only live, only be complete and fulfilled ‘then’/’when I have it’, not allowing myself to take a step back, to remember myself and Who I Am as complete and fulfilled as I am already, to really take a moment to assess if the want/need/desire is real, is practical, is best for myself and all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to stop, breathe, check and make sure my self-interest is considering all involved, and within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to drop, let go of, release myself from my self-interested points that consider only me, myself and I when I can see it is not best for all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse that I ‘need’ something/certain conditions/certain considerations/etc... in order to ‘be ok’ when I am in an energetic point, without applying self-honesty as to whether that something/certain conditions/certain considerations are best for me in the long term, best for others in my environment, or absolutely necessary – checking first to see if I can SUPPORT MYSELF FIRST within the principle of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become blinded by self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above the group. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do what is best for me at the expense of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself for the sake of others – abandoning myself within the belief that I am a ‘lost cause’ anyways, I cannot change but THEY can, THEY still have a chance, destroying myself as an ‘easy way out’ of self-responsibility and the tough work of self-change, thinking and believing that I am ‘doing good’ and ‘walking my process’ as a point of self-sacrifice, within and as self-righteousness, not seeing and realizing the abdication of self-responsibility, the self-defeat and the giving up inherent in such an action as self-sacrifice, like martyrdom, as Jesus has done, ‘hoping’ people/situations/problems and issues will ‘sort themselves out’, without first self-perfecting and then sticking around to see it all through, to walk with, to guide, to support as I have been supported, to be my BEST Self in order to walk with others as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a situation is ‘too much’ for me to handle, instead of seeing and realizing that it is only a lack of self-honesty and self-responsibility in establishing a strong ‘Who I Am’ that can cut through the emotional bodies to see a path forward in support of myself and others in my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing, to fear missing out, and to have that fear intoxicate me to not be able to see not only that which I am depriving others of, but also the consequences of my actions, which when born from fear, are not best for myself nor all involved. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see my value, to not recognize my needs and express them, to put them on the table along with everyone else's needs in order that all needs may be addressed, which then creates purpose and direction as ‘the meeting of needs’ so that needs can be sorted so that all individuals involved can move forwards to the next ‘higher’ purpose and direction, rather than remaining stuck in the base most step of meeting basic needs. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘shut down’ and ‘draw blanks’ when I am confronted with a new point in someone else, where I think and believe I need to first understand everything of the point in all dimensions and have it explained to me with how it functions and examples- to where I experience it as though someone is speaking an altogether different language 

Day 325 – The Promise of Justice

The world is not fair, life is not fair, there is no such thing as fairness nor a just reward. There is only equality, input and output, you get what you deserve, equal to what you have given, whether you know and understand it or not. You may only understand when you finally receive as you have given, whether it’s good or bad. Don’t lie to yourself, be honest with yourself, and see how you have created your life exactly as it is right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others as I would never want to be treated, in terms of my backchat, the thoughts I have, the judgments I make, and even if I don’t act on it, I see it and realize it is going on inside of me and accept and allow it through my participation in it without fully understanding how I created it through willful ignorance before fully understanding the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of directing or being direct, go into backchat and judgment about another’s points they are facing as it comes through in their behaviour, not seeing and realizing that I don’t fully understand their behaviour when I am not completely self- honest with myself and so cannot direct it, support it or direct myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a bitch to energy, instead of being a bitch that stands for Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know what I am capable of, yet refuse to live it, because I always want to be learning, learning instead of doing and being, choosing instead to be the perpetual student learning lessons for fear of stepping up and stepping out and being real, being me as I know I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ,Kim, refuse to take responsibility for what I see, out of fear of how others will react to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be the perfect system person that accommodates everyone, instead of acting on what I see is common sense instantly, and to be the motherfucker I know I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that motherfucker in me. I see and realize that it took a dog to attack my partner and pierce her leg, for me to see the motherfucker in me, the beast in me in how I can scream at someone, yell at and destroy them, yet I fear to be the same in basic daily points, and therefore I have accepted and allowed absolute consequence for me to stand up from, instead of seeing and realizing the point of prevention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to manipulate my reality, to care for me to the point where my reality shows no care and I become the only point that has to stand up to care, real care, and because of my manipulation to care I have caused the problem only to be cared for when I know I have had enough care, and I should instead LIVE REAL care for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist open self forgiveness with another, because I fear it exposing me and where I have hidden myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself within self-forgiveness as being a personal point and not an open point, and therefore I have resisted seeing myself with another/others openly through hiding myself within self forgiveness as being a personal ‘private’ point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have hidden my absolute power as seeing and understanding from others, and the gift I have to give openly without fear, through hiding and justifying why I cannot do self forgiveness openly, and expose myself to all Life. and within that have diminished myself to hide and always feel hidden to never have a voice, yet I see and realize the moment I can speak my self forgiveness openly for all to see, my voice becomes equal and one, open and for all to see, with no fear, because I know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a motherfucker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a bitch and a motherfucker.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be a bitch and a motherfucker for what the fuck is best for all, seeing each individual point that will flourish within speaking and exposing what is here as who I am because I know myself, and I want to honour myself.

Day 262 - Can You Face the Sadness (part 2)

This blog is in response to: Can You Face the Sadness

Self-Forgiveness Standing as the Owner of Abusive Animal Industries

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create facilities where animals are abused in order to obtain profit and personal gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself so much so from life, the reality of life on this earth, and other life forms, that I can blind myself to their pain and suffering, and distract, amuse, preoccupy, obsess about, enjoy, worry and stress about money, financial gain, personal wealth, security, self-interest and power as a way to continuously not see, avoid and ignore what it is I am creating for others to endure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my acceptance, allowance, enabling and direct creation and participation in the abuse of other life forms, by telling myself that I am doing it for money, for security, to provide for my family, to create jobs, to contribute to the economy, for my country, to feed people, or for any other reason, justification or excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that because it is not happening directly to me, because I cannot feel it and do not have to look at it, that the abuse I am creating, enabling, accepting and allowing is not affecting me, when in fact it is, either directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that this is just the way the world is, and I do not have the power to change it, so I might as well profit from it like everybody else is, instead of stopping my participation in the current accepted and allowed systems of abuse, and focusing instead on solutions that work for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think an believe that solutions that are best for all are impossible, because I refuse to look or to see beyond the current reality, and refuse to challenge myself and my way of looking and seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR challenging myself and my way of looking and seeing, because I know that if I do, and if I see solutions, I will then have to apparently give up or ‘lose’ my wealth, my security, my profit, the security I am creating for my family, my power, my prestige, and everything I have worked so hard for and gained through my participation in this industry, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in creating solutions that are best for all, all will benefit, and that includes myself, my family and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and what I look at when it comes to survival in this world, where I think only of myself, my family and those directly in my life, wherein I will do whatever it takes no matter the cost to others, myself or future generations, using the justification, validation and excuse that it is a dog-eat-dog world that exist within and as the principle of ‘survival of the fittest’, and I will make sure that I survive at all costs, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding how this current reality was created in the first place, and how, within and through my participation in such thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the actions that come from them, that I am directly and indirectly continuing to create reality in this way, wherein I will be leaving a more insecure reality for my children and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through not seeing the relationship between how I am creating reality and then reacting in fear to that creation, create a repeating cycle that feeds and amplifies itself, wherein our reality will become more and more insecure, as I try and attempt to more and more secure myself and my family, by being and becoming more and more ruthless, which in turn creates a more a more ruthless reality that I am leaving for my children’s children – whom I cannot protect nor secure in the dog-eat-dog world of survival that I am currently contributing to and creating every day. 

Within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of stopping my participation in the endless cycles of fear in my mind, actually go mad, become obsessed and possessed by gaining and getting more and more security as more money and more power, in an endless fight to secure myself and my family in a battle to protect them from this world and reality which can never be won, but instead of grounding myself and seeing the common sense, I instead fear, fight, control, manipulate and abuse to appease my fear, my madness, my obsession and my possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour money above life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my self interest above all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my life-style, my comfort zones, my wants/needs/desires and my way of life above all of Life that is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive there is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I cannot be or become a seed or an agent of change in my current life situation and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting down those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that animals do not feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that an animals suffering is in any way less painful than my suffering or the suffering of my loved ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself torture and abuse parts of myself for the personal ‘gain’ of my desired experience.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my connectedness and interconnectedness with all of life and everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my responsibility and self-responsibility in my own life and in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility to my shareholders above my self-responsibility and my responsibility to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place man-made laws above doing what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive that the only way to change is to break laws which would compromise me and so I will not do it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that laws are man-made and thus changeable, and I can be one voice of change, one seed that grows, one point of influence to stand as an example for others for a transformation and change in man-made laws, to be and become laws that honour, cherish, respect and love all of life here within the current limitations of our shared physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laws that do not honour cherish, respect and show demonstrable, provable love towards all life.

The Factory worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically abuse animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that animals are less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my anger out on animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger, frustration and the abuse that has been done unto me by an abusive system on to the animals at my workplace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my power, physical force and position of power and superiority to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me because they are forced to take it, and so I can see the suffering play out that I am experiencing within myself, because I have become so disempowered within myself to be able to cope with the position I have been placed within, except to take it out on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bigger and more powerful when I abuse another, because I have not seen, realized or understood how small, insignificant and disempowered I actually feel within myself, and due to that lack of self-awareness, I try and attempt to make myself feel better within and through physically playing out acts in which I am apparently proving my power and superiority, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am actually, within myself, confirming the powerlessness and inferiority I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create victims in my life, because I have victimized myself within myself due to my life, the circumstances I was born into, and the systems of abuse within which I exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self-victimization and disempowerment, continue, create and perpetuate the systems of abuse that we are all to varying degrees subject to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch abuse take place around me with a blind eye instead of taking a stand within myself or without, because I fear physical harm or losing my financial security as my paycheck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse at my work place because I fear losing my financial support and thus the financial security of myself and my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that just because working in an abusive facility is my only viable option to create a life for myself my family, that I am disempowered within myself and can only turn a blind eye and internalize my reactions, instead of taking a stand and finding some way, somehow to do something about it within my means, even if it is something small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize my reactions from my abusive workplace, and supress the resentment, the anger, the hatred, the guilt, the sorrow, the pain and the remorse, and carry it around with me where it then comes out in unexpected, uncontrolled moments towards myself or others in my world and environment, my husband/wife, my children, my family, my coworkers or others in my world.

The Consumer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ignorant to the realities of the food industry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume the flesh of life without absolute gratitude, appreciation, respect, honour and love, but instead eat it within and as anger, fear of weight gain, ignorance, distractedness and robotic detachment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I stop eating meat I will make a difference in the lives of the animals that continue to suffer, without addressing the entire system of inequality that causes the industry to exist and be supported in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating meat is evil, and that I am not evil because I do not eat meat, when in fact meat can be raised and consumed in a way that honours life, and given that some require to eat meat due to body make-up/genetics/finances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that vegetarianism/veganism is the answer, when in fact an entire network of systems of abuse must be addressed, which is not addressed when we only look to the one dimension of stopping eating meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that veganism/vegetarianism does not abuse life, when in fact the chemicals and bee-keeping styles required to produce much more than enough for all, end up abusing other lifeforms  as we over-produce food for profit and gain, and that not everyone can support a buy-local, organic diet due to the systems of inequality that exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am doing something to make a difference by stopping eating meat, when the corruption that exists everywhere also exist in the large organic and humane-foods industries, because it is existent in human nature, which includes my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop eating meat, instead of looking within myself at Who I Am and how I approach issues and global problems that must be addressed holistically, which includes equal attention to my own human nature and what I create in my daily participation in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create friction, division, spite, blame, hatred and resentment by pushing and promoting my view, my opinion and my way of solving the problem, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the characteristics of human nature that I am playing out in my life that actually contributes to the perpetuation of this system that creates suffering in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and judge factory farmed meat as disgusting, when in fact it is not about the animal or the meat, but what the human has done to the animal and meat, wherein the meat is the direct product of that human intervention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy the cheaper, factory farmed meat when I can in fact afford to support local, humanely raised meat, not to clear my conscience, but to, in awareness, support one part of the solution with eyes wide open to the entire issue, which is existence-wide in terms of our collective human nature of abuse, acceptance and allowance, and seeing my self-responsibility in my own life to explore my own human nature to see where and how I am contributing in my life, my reality, my private moments to myself, within myself, and my interaction with others in my world, to the systems we as humanity have collectively created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to save money out of fear of lack and survival, and in so doing, turning a blind eye to the products I buy, where they come from and why.

For All:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to animal abuse all the industries of animal consumption and utilization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am somehow not responsible for the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow abuse due to my own fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim I am too ignorant, too small, too insignificant, too powerless to be able to take responsibility for my contribution to the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-interest, desire for money, fear of survival and fear of loss above the principle of honouring all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that animals are less important, less significant, inferior, less aware or less alive, when in fact my existence depends upon the existence of animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am more manly, more tough, superior, more macho, stronger, more powerful and better-than if I consume lots of meat, turning meat or food consumption into ego instead of simply nourishing my body, giving my physical flesh and organs what they need, and doing so in humility and gratitude and consideration of what was sacrificed so that I can live another day.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as there are poor people, people in need of money as jobs to survive and a heavy profit-motive – that there will be cheap meat in the form of mass-produced factory farms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that humanity must first support all humans before/as we stop many of the industries we currently require to survive due to a system of survival where life is not free, but paid for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supporting others in case others abuse this system of support, without seeing, realizing and understanding that until we sort out our human nature, all systems will be abused, but is it worth denying All? Denying those that would make the best of the support, just to apparently ‘punish’ the abusers, when in fact in doing so we are punishing everyone, even the wealthy that also live in fear of ever ending up like those whose backs and corpses we walk upon.