Day 262 - Can You Face the Sadness (part 2)

This blog is in response to: Can You Face the Sadness

Self-Forgiveness Standing as the Owner of Abusive Animal Industries

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create facilities where animals are abused in order to obtain profit and personal gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself so much so from life, the reality of life on this earth, and other life forms, that I can blind myself to their pain and suffering, and distract, amuse, preoccupy, obsess about, enjoy, worry and stress about money, financial gain, personal wealth, security, self-interest and power as a way to continuously not see, avoid and ignore what it is I am creating for others to endure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my acceptance, allowance, enabling and direct creation and participation in the abuse of other life forms, by telling myself that I am doing it for money, for security, to provide for my family, to create jobs, to contribute to the economy, for my country, to feed people, or for any other reason, justification or excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that because it is not happening directly to me, because I cannot feel it and do not have to look at it, that the abuse I am creating, enabling, accepting and allowing is not affecting me, when in fact it is, either directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that this is just the way the world is, and I do not have the power to change it, so I might as well profit from it like everybody else is, instead of stopping my participation in the current accepted and allowed systems of abuse, and focusing instead on solutions that work for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think an believe that solutions that are best for all are impossible, because I refuse to look or to see beyond the current reality, and refuse to challenge myself and my way of looking and seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR challenging myself and my way of looking and seeing, because I know that if I do, and if I see solutions, I will then have to apparently give up or ‘lose’ my wealth, my security, my profit, the security I am creating for my family, my power, my prestige, and everything I have worked so hard for and gained through my participation in this industry, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in creating solutions that are best for all, all will benefit, and that includes myself, my family and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and what I look at when it comes to survival in this world, where I think only of myself, my family and those directly in my life, wherein I will do whatever it takes no matter the cost to others, myself or future generations, using the justification, validation and excuse that it is a dog-eat-dog world that exist within and as the principle of ‘survival of the fittest’, and I will make sure that I survive at all costs, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding how this current reality was created in the first place, and how, within and through my participation in such thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the actions that come from them, that I am directly and indirectly continuing to create reality in this way, wherein I will be leaving a more insecure reality for my children and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through not seeing the relationship between how I am creating reality and then reacting in fear to that creation, create a repeating cycle that feeds and amplifies itself, wherein our reality will become more and more insecure, as I try and attempt to more and more secure myself and my family, by being and becoming more and more ruthless, which in turn creates a more a more ruthless reality that I am leaving for my children’s children – whom I cannot protect nor secure in the dog-eat-dog world of survival that I am currently contributing to and creating every day. 

Within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of stopping my participation in the endless cycles of fear in my mind, actually go mad, become obsessed and possessed by gaining and getting more and more security as more money and more power, in an endless fight to secure myself and my family in a battle to protect them from this world and reality which can never be won, but instead of grounding myself and seeing the common sense, I instead fear, fight, control, manipulate and abuse to appease my fear, my madness, my obsession and my possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour money above life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my self interest above all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my life-style, my comfort zones, my wants/needs/desires and my way of life above all of Life that is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive there is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I cannot be or become a seed or an agent of change in my current life situation and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting down those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that animals do not feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that an animals suffering is in any way less painful than my suffering or the suffering of my loved ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself torture and abuse parts of myself for the personal ‘gain’ of my desired experience.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my connectedness and interconnectedness with all of life and everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my responsibility and self-responsibility in my own life and in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility to my shareholders above my self-responsibility and my responsibility to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place man-made laws above doing what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive that the only way to change is to break laws which would compromise me and so I will not do it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that laws are man-made and thus changeable, and I can be one voice of change, one seed that grows, one point of influence to stand as an example for others for a transformation and change in man-made laws, to be and become laws that honour, cherish, respect and love all of life here within the current limitations of our shared physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laws that do not honour cherish, respect and show demonstrable, provable love towards all life.

The Factory worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically abuse animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that animals are less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my anger out on animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger, frustration and the abuse that has been done unto me by an abusive system on to the animals at my workplace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my power, physical force and position of power and superiority to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me because they are forced to take it, and so I can see the suffering play out that I am experiencing within myself, because I have become so disempowered within myself to be able to cope with the position I have been placed within, except to take it out on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bigger and more powerful when I abuse another, because I have not seen, realized or understood how small, insignificant and disempowered I actually feel within myself, and due to that lack of self-awareness, I try and attempt to make myself feel better within and through physically playing out acts in which I am apparently proving my power and superiority, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am actually, within myself, confirming the powerlessness and inferiority I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create victims in my life, because I have victimized myself within myself due to my life, the circumstances I was born into, and the systems of abuse within which I exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self-victimization and disempowerment, continue, create and perpetuate the systems of abuse that we are all to varying degrees subject to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch abuse take place around me with a blind eye instead of taking a stand within myself or without, because I fear physical harm or losing my financial security as my paycheck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse at my work place because I fear losing my financial support and thus the financial security of myself and my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that just because working in an abusive facility is my only viable option to create a life for myself my family, that I am disempowered within myself and can only turn a blind eye and internalize my reactions, instead of taking a stand and finding some way, somehow to do something about it within my means, even if it is something small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize my reactions from my abusive workplace, and supress the resentment, the anger, the hatred, the guilt, the sorrow, the pain and the remorse, and carry it around with me where it then comes out in unexpected, uncontrolled moments towards myself or others in my world and environment, my husband/wife, my children, my family, my coworkers or others in my world.

The Consumer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ignorant to the realities of the food industry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume the flesh of life without absolute gratitude, appreciation, respect, honour and love, but instead eat it within and as anger, fear of weight gain, ignorance, distractedness and robotic detachment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I stop eating meat I will make a difference in the lives of the animals that continue to suffer, without addressing the entire system of inequality that causes the industry to exist and be supported in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating meat is evil, and that I am not evil because I do not eat meat, when in fact meat can be raised and consumed in a way that honours life, and given that some require to eat meat due to body make-up/genetics/finances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that vegetarianism/veganism is the answer, when in fact an entire network of systems of abuse must be addressed, which is not addressed when we only look to the one dimension of stopping eating meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that veganism/vegetarianism does not abuse life, when in fact the chemicals and bee-keeping styles required to produce much more than enough for all, end up abusing other lifeforms  as we over-produce food for profit and gain, and that not everyone can support a buy-local, organic diet due to the systems of inequality that exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am doing something to make a difference by stopping eating meat, when the corruption that exists everywhere also exist in the large organic and humane-foods industries, because it is existent in human nature, which includes my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop eating meat, instead of looking within myself at Who I Am and how I approach issues and global problems that must be addressed holistically, which includes equal attention to my own human nature and what I create in my daily participation in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create friction, division, spite, blame, hatred and resentment by pushing and promoting my view, my opinion and my way of solving the problem, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the characteristics of human nature that I am playing out in my life that actually contributes to the perpetuation of this system that creates suffering in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and judge factory farmed meat as disgusting, when in fact it is not about the animal or the meat, but what the human has done to the animal and meat, wherein the meat is the direct product of that human intervention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy the cheaper, factory farmed meat when I can in fact afford to support local, humanely raised meat, not to clear my conscience, but to, in awareness, support one part of the solution with eyes wide open to the entire issue, which is existence-wide in terms of our collective human nature of abuse, acceptance and allowance, and seeing my self-responsibility in my own life to explore my own human nature to see where and how I am contributing in my life, my reality, my private moments to myself, within myself, and my interaction with others in my world, to the systems we as humanity have collectively created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to save money out of fear of lack and survival, and in so doing, turning a blind eye to the products I buy, where they come from and why.

For All:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to animal abuse all the industries of animal consumption and utilization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am somehow not responsible for the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow abuse due to my own fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim I am too ignorant, too small, too insignificant, too powerless to be able to take responsibility for my contribution to the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-interest, desire for money, fear of survival and fear of loss above the principle of honouring all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that animals are less important, less significant, inferior, less aware or less alive, when in fact my existence depends upon the existence of animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am more manly, more tough, superior, more macho, stronger, more powerful and better-than if I consume lots of meat, turning meat or food consumption into ego instead of simply nourishing my body, giving my physical flesh and organs what they need, and doing so in humility and gratitude and consideration of what was sacrificed so that I can live another day.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as there are poor people, people in need of money as jobs to survive and a heavy profit-motive – that there will be cheap meat in the form of mass-produced factory farms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that humanity must first support all humans before/as we stop many of the industries we currently require to survive due to a system of survival where life is not free, but paid for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supporting others in case others abuse this system of support, without seeing, realizing and understanding that until we sort out our human nature, all systems will be abused, but is it worth denying All? Denying those that would make the best of the support, just to apparently ‘punish’ the abusers, when in fact in doing so we are punishing everyone, even the wealthy that also live in fear of ever ending up like those whose backs and corpses we walk upon.

Day 248 - Changing the World with Earth Haven

This is what it looks like to change the world with the Earth Haven pilot project for sustainable living. It is not glamorous, there is no fanfare. It is dirty and it is hard work, literally moving the earth as we move rocks and soil. Quietly working day by day as we build from the ground up.
I am satisfied with my work here today - I have raked half of the gravel and my body is feeling it!




The project I am currently working on is the creation of an enclosed fruit tree forest. It is enclosed to protect it from being ravished by nature without using harmful chemicals.



We already have two more forests which are outdoors and available to all animals and insects. We planted those first because the animals and insects are in greater need, due to the destruction of their habitat and food-sources caused by farming for human consumption only.
We are in the process of rehabilitating this land to invite Life back into it, creating a space to show what the Living Environment can do when it is supported instead of exploited.
Today's work involved raking hundreds of pounds of gravel into piles to be removed and later replaced by the 'Back to Eden' planting method which we have already tested out elsewhere. Afterwards, fruit trees will be planted and maintained and, in addition to our other two forests, should provide more than enough fruit for the many people that will come to work, live, learn and grow.

Our current location is South Africa, where we are surrounded by informal settlements inhabited by people that cannot afford the basics, such as fresh fruit and a balanced diet. We intend to provide much more than that, and we are already on our way.



It feels really good to get out and be physical, especially knowing that what I am doing will assist and support so many people to come, and people that we will reach out to where they live.

After having worked in an office for years, I am loving the transition from staplers and file folders to steel rakes and wheelbarrows! I even took my first selfie with a rake, and got a blister on my hands from hours of raking, enjoying every moment of experiencing the feeling of the tools on my skin without gloves.

If you would like to co-create this project with us, visit www.patreon.com/earthhaven.

Day 240: Why I Joined Earth Haven

I have found, throughout all of my 36 years of life, that there is very little that is actually ‘real’ in this world, and this ranges from people, to products, to organizations and beyond. If it exists within the current profit-based system, then it has usually sold out somewhere to allow for the continuation of a bottom line. And that disappointing moment of realization I get when I see the bigger picture, see beyond the presented image and in to the truth of a thing, is a moment I was getting tired of constantly experiencing. And this is where Earth Haven comes in.

The more I learned about Earth Haven and the principles on which it is founded, the more my ears perked up! The founder, Gian Robberts, would see right through the surface dimensions of many of the solutions offered today, and cut to the meat and bone of whether it is truly considering the whole. He could always find that compromise for the bottom line, that one or two things that discredits the entire solution by making it unsustainable. I liked this, but I mostly liked the fact that he didn’t stop there, he kept looking until he found a solution that he could use, a real solution, and he would implement that.

What I also noticed and like about Earth Haven, is that it leaves no stone unturned, so to speak, when it comes to who or what Earth Haven supports.  Earth Haven takes into consideration not only sustainable food growing methods, but also supporting the land and animals around the gardens. Not only that, the people are taken into consideration as well, not just feeding people, but educating and empowering people. There is often something that is overlooked when an organization pushes for a cause – whether it be the people and the personal self-change that is required to make a real difference, or the insects, soil and animals that are not directly related to food-production, but rather either disregarded or considered ‘pests’ that are invading our space and our land. Earth Haven considers and provides for all of these things, a truly holistic approach, which is really the only way it can be!

We can’t be at war with a certain ‘destructive’ insect when in fact it has every right to be here and exist as we do, based on the principle of honouring ALL life. If we did that, we would not be functioning from a starting point of principle, and we would only be another disappointment. Instead, we work WITH everything that is here, and so our eco-tunnel, growing methods, what we plant and where – is all done in awareness of what is present in the environment and how we can work with it.

Earth Haven has also hacked the problem of conditional funding. This is where funders make a list of conditions to which organizations must adhere to in order to receive the funding. Oftentimes organizations will bend their own rules and disregard certain principles in order to receive the funding they need. Earth Haven has hacked this problem through crowd funding and slow and steady growth. There is constant pressure due to the vastness of our vision and the sheer amount of work that must be done, but there is no rushing. We do what we can with what we have and no more. We do not create a situation where we are at the mercy of funders, because we will not compromise for money.

I lastly wanted to mention the part of the Earth Haven vision that involves spreading, acting like a heart pumping resources and education out into the world. Many organizations become too insulated, isolated and separated from the whole. Earth Haven is founded on the point of sharing openly and expanding to include anyone and everyone that is willing to move with us. It is important to move within and as principle, which is what I am currently busy learning more and more, but where there is a will, there is a way to work together in honouring and supporting all life equally.

This is just to list a few reasons why I saw Earth Haven as the organization I wanted to work with. I followed, shared and supported online for a long time. Then, I took a look at my life and asked myself if this was what I really wanted? I decided that ‘no’, I wanted more. I wanted to be directly involved, and I saw that I was willing to give up many of my life’s luxuries in order to be able to do so. It is more important for me to push for solutions in this world in it’s current state, than it was for me to build a life of comfort and security. It took me 4 years to get my life in order, to a place where I could leave it comfortably, leaving no unfinished business, and with enough to support myself while I am here.

Will I one day regret this? I highly doubt it. Working with Earth Haven is the most fulfilling work I have ever done, and I intend to see it through because if you ever get the chance to visit here, you will see a place that is exploding with potential! And this potential is being brought through into the creation process and becoming real, tangible solutions, but as we all know, the creation process takes time, and cannot be rushed.

I truly believe Earth Haven is going to be big, and is going to be great. And this is not simply an ungrounded belief based in desire, but a belief in myself, in Gian, and in everybody that is pushing this project, because I know we will do whatever it takes to move one of the first and only REAL projects of change in this world, and we will see the fruition and the realization of Earth Haven’s potential, as it will represent all of our living potential.

Thank you.

Become a patron: www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Get to know us: https://www.facebook.com/EarthHavenMission/